OVERHEARING THE GAY "BUZZ" IN THE LOCKER ROOM: Would you comment?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 04, 2015 4:01 PM GMT
    I belong to the Greater Wichita YMCA facilities, which are some of the best in the country. However the East YMCA is one of the older ones (built in 1996) and the men's locker room is kind of a quirky maze (unlike the huge spacious layouts of the new facilities). Easy to overhear comments made by others
    just on the other side of the wall.

    Last week, that is what happened with me after coming out of the shower, I stopped to dry off and overheard two gay guys I know that frequent the gym.
    I nod to them, suspected they might be gay, nice looking and definitely in there as much as I.

    What I didn't realize is how they view others who work out in the facility. They clearly thought they were in the locker room alone as they carried on about this member and that, talking about how tacky those members looked and what a "fat ass" this person was and how they viewed the training staff (which wasn't very positively). I wasn't really trying to listen, but overheard the discussion. I did think it interesting to hear about what they would like to do with one certain member who they find attractive (I almost laughed out loud) I thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else.

    Instead I stopped myself. It was their opinions (which they are entitled to). No reason to cause friction with these two guys, although my reaction is to be a little less friendly in the future. Interesting what you learn about others when you catch them "with their clothes off" so to speak, revealing what they are really about. What would you do?
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    Jan 04, 2015 4:05 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said... thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else...
    you might consider what you type; the possessive here is tacky.

    just seems catty of you
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    Jan 04, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    I would ignore it. Live and let live.
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    Jan 04, 2015 5:11 PM GMT
    Maybe they forgot they weren't on the internet.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 04, 2015 5:17 PM GMT
    Ya, ignore it and forget about it. You're not the locker room PC police. I hear things all the time that make me wonder about the intelligence level of people but unless it has a homophobic component to it, and a major one at that, then I just stay focused on my life, not theirs. You might of said something like "Guys, you know anyone in the locker room can hear you, don't you?" but probably I'd have just marked it up in my brain as negative information about these two guys.
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    Jan 04, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidMaybe they forgot they weren't on the internet.

    Not according to their 'Insta'...

    1st: not all nice looking men that are in the gym as much as Handsome are gay--icon_lol.gif can't even...
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    Jan 04, 2015 5:26 PM GMT
    I would've let it go, unless of course they were personally insulting me behind my back...
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 04, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    Hndsmkansan happens to be one of the least catty people on RJ. He probably was just annoyed that these tacky guys were making disparaging comments about everyone at HIS gym. (Everyone refers to their gym as THEIR gym. That's English for ya.) He didn't even say anything to them. He just told us about the situation after the fact. Why are people being so condescending and judgmental towards him over it?
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    Jan 04, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    both parties; the couple down talking and the gym member eavesdropping should be more discrete.

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    Jan 04, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    HndsmKansan said... thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else...
    you might consider what you type; the possessive here is tacky.

    just seems catty of you

    +
    HottJoe saidHndsmkansan happens to be one of the least catty people on RJ. He probably was just annoyed that these tacky guys were making disparaging comments about everyone at HIS gym. (Everyone refers to their gym as THEIR gym. That's English for ya.) He didn't even say anything to them. He just told us about the situation after the fact. Why are people being so condescending and judgmental towards him over it?

    =
    Neither of you know for certain. It depends on what was meant by "our".

    It could have been inclusive if "our" meant the gym belonging to both the complainant and the gossipers.

    Or it could have been relaying the exclusivity of catty thinking if "our" meant "mine" and those who think like me (ie me being the complainant).

    The OP would have to elaborate upon what motivated his thinking, those direct thoughts or elsewise leading to them, to verify/deny either version or derive some other as yet undiscovered mystery of thought, speech and locker room interaction.
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    Jan 04, 2015 11:07 PM GMT
    Sounds entertaining enough. I would have just listened to be honest. Guys chat enough about girls, it's just more unwise (and thus more entertaining) if the victim might be able to hear.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 04, 2015 11:51 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    HndsmKansan said... thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else...
    you might consider what you type; the possessive here is tacky.

    just seems catty of you


    Don't think I was "catty" or tacky, either one, thanks.
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    Jan 05, 2015 12:26 AM GMT
    If you nodded to them, and were still nearby I don't see how they thought they were alone.

    They may have known you were the only guy in there....and Gay. So they were being "theatrical"? Over the top to see if you WOULD laugh. Next time you see them, ask what they really think about "Bob"!

    They will either be embarrassed, or they will know that you know, and that you know they know LOL.

    Nothing tacky or catty.

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    Jan 05, 2015 12:37 AM GMT
    I would ignore it. I just assume that everyone at the gym has an opinion about everyone else.
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    Jan 05, 2015 12:50 AM GMT
    Next time you see a friend in there you can tell him very loudly about those 2 queens and what you overheard.

    Or you could just check them off your list of potential whatevers and move on.
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    Jan 05, 2015 9:27 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYa, ignore it and forget about it. You're not the locker room PC police. I hear things all the time that make me wonder about the intelligence level of people but unless it has a homophobic component to it, and a major one at that, then I just stay focused on my life, not theirs. You might of said something like "Guys, you know anyone in the locker room can hear you, don't you?" but probably I'd have just marked it up in my brain as negative information about these two guys.


    "locker room PC police"

    Maybe then the penis patrol and pecker checker?
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    Jan 05, 2015 9:30 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI belong to the Greater Wichita YMCA facilities, which are some of the best in the country. However the East YMCA is one of the older ones (built in 1996) and the men's locker room is kind of a quirky maze (unlike the huge spacious layouts of the new facilities). Easy to overhear comments made by others
    just on the other side of the wall.

    Last week, that is what happened with me after coming out of the shower, I stopped to dry off and overheard two gay guys I know that frequent the gym.
    I nod to them, suspected they might be gay, nice looking and definitely in there as much as I.

    What I didn't realize is how they view others who work out in the facility. They clearly thought they were in the locker room alone as they carried on about this member and that, talking about how tacky those members looked and what a "fat ass" this person was and how they viewed the training staff (which wasn't very positively). I wasn't really trying to listen, but overheard the discussion. I did think it interesting to hear about what they would like to do with one certain member who they find attractive (I almost laughed out loud) I thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else.

    Instead I stopped myself. It was their opinions (which they are entitled to). No reason to cause friction with these two guys, although my reaction is to be a little less friendly in the future. Interesting what you learn about others when you catch them "with their clothes off" so to speak, revealing what they are really about. What would you do?


    "I thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else."

    Beats popping up.
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    Jan 05, 2015 9:32 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    pellaz said
    HndsmKansan said... thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else...
    you might consider what you type; the possessive here is tacky.

    just seems catty of you


    Don't think I was "catty" or tacky, either one, thanks.


    I don't think you were either. Just reporting 'gay' gym behavior. The one thing I don't miss much about LA.
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    Jan 05, 2015 11:31 PM GMT
    It is not your place to correct, educate, or put anyone in their place unless they are confronting you directly.

    I would have let my presence be known and that I heard what was said. I would have gotten dressed and then casually walked past them and said something to the effect: "I didn't know you guys felt that way. Good night."
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Jan 06, 2015 1:26 AM GMT
    pellaz said
    HndsmKansan said... thought about popping out and telling them that if they didn't like our gym, to go somewhere else...
    you might consider what you type; the possessive here is tacky.

    just seems catty of you

    I don't agree. I think the opposite - and I probably would have done exactly that - called their catty asses out. I consider my gym and CrossFit too to be a place that I am part of and contribute to productively - so 'our' meaning me and everyone else who is a member being responsible for the environment as a whole. Yeah, I'd call the bitches out and would definitely say OUR gym too, meaning they should be more appreciative and responsible.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 06, 2015 3:01 AM GMT
    The way they talked could be overheard by any non-gays who were present. By how they were talking, they projected a very negative image of gay persons. It might be reasonable to point that out to them and that by projecting a negative image of gay persons they could be creating a problem for others.

    I know it's not fair, but those of us who are members of a minority group should, out of consideration for others in the group, make a reasonable effort to avoid projecting a negative image and should make a reasonable effort to project a positive image.
  • peterstrong

    Posts: 989

    Jan 06, 2015 3:14 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan is describing the exact kind of gay guys that turn me off entirely, i find them repugnant - ones that i would not care to date if there was no one else left on earth.

    I hope this thread becomes a sort of warning, esp. to younger gay guys to think about the sort of person they want to be known as, in our shared world icon_idea.gif



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    Jan 06, 2015 3:52 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIt is not your place to correct, educate, or put anyone in their place unless they are confronting you directly.


    This. I'm big on manners and having class though I have to hold myself back and let things go that just aren't worth correcting or educating people who are rude or do similar things or worse in NYC (there's thousands of them so it's impossible anyway). Plus, I'm always afraid the person I'm talking smack about is going to walk in or is unknowingly right behind me so I curb it.

    But it's not my place or job to correct adult children unless they're verbally insulting me or someone else directly. Let karma or someone else teach them a lesson icon_wink.gif

    peterstrong said HndsmKansan is describing the exact kind of gay guys that turn me off entirely, i find them repugnant - ones that i would not care to date if there was no one else left on earth.


    Agree 100%
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    Jan 06, 2015 5:00 AM GMT
    FRE0 saidThe way they talked could be overheard by any non-gays who were present. By how they were talking, they projected a very negative image of gay persons. It might be reasonable to point that out to them and that by projecting a negative image of gay persons they could be creating a problem for others.

    I know it's not fair, but those of us who are members of a minority group should, out of consideration for others in the group, make a reasonable effort to avoid projecting a negative image and should make a reasonable effort to project a positive image.


    That's so dumb. Would you say the same about blacks who speak incorrectly with ghetto slang? Would it be reasonable to judge all blacks as ignorant and uneducated because some decide to play up the ghetto culture? Of course not! Well, the same holds true of judging all gays based on a small sample of just two. The problem doesn't lie with the group but the person unfairly judging the entire group based on the behavior of a few.
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    Jan 06, 2015 6:06 AM GMT
    I'm sorry you had to see this. Most people have this side. We are often just lucky enough not to see it.

    I personally wouldn't have said anything unless it was about me or a friend or aquaintance who was there and heard too.

    However, just cause they are being asses doesnt mean i would treat them any differently. I'd just keep my distance and smile.