Games that men play... What would you say or do? Advice wanted..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 4:34 AM GMT
    I never thought I would ever post on of these, but a very good friend of my is in a bit of a quandary...

    My friend has been chatting with a guy he met on OK Cupid. The guy is 59 years old and a clinical psychologist by trade. Both live in NYC.

    They both agreed to meet at Columbus Circle on Sunday at 7PM (or so my friend thought). My friend waited from 7-7:45PM. At 7:15 when the guy had still not shown he called me and asked me how long he should stick around. I told him 15 mins is long enough and that he should leave. As I stated, he did not leave after 15 mins but did send the guy several emails asking if he was going to show. The guy didn't respond and he didn't show. My friend eventually left.

    When my friend reached home, he got several messages from the guy around stating that he had been waiting for him and why didn't he (my friend) show? My friend said that he told him he also waited for him for 45 mins at Columbus Circle as agreed and during the wait he emailed him several times asking him if he was going to show or not.
    The guy responded that he didn't receive any messages between 7-7:45PM from my friend and that he was waiting for him at Lincoln Center. My friend asked him why he didn't call. The guy responded that he didn't want to call because my friend had told him that his partner had access to his phone. He then confirmed that he had just received the emails that my friend sent. My friend couldn't call him because he didn't have his number

    HERE'S THE KICKER

    My friend does not have a partner as he is single
    My friend never spoke on the phone with him.
    My friend never therefore told him about a partner having access to his phone
    Clearly the guy has his men mixed up.
    The guy has asked my friend to give him a call ( I think at this time, the psychologist still had no idea which guy he was talking to)

    Now my friend has asked me what to do. I have told that I do not see what calling him will do; That he should simply send him a message stating that he (the psychologist) doesn't have the type of characteristics that he (my friend) is looking for in a man and leave it at that.
    My friend wants to instead tell him off stating that as a psychologist he should be ashamed of himself for enabling a guy to cheat and screw around on his partner... and that he's a piece of shit yada yada yada

    I'm not a person to get all bent out of shape and allow such negativity into my life, so I told him that I don't see the point; that by telling him he doesn't have the characteristics that he seeks he is telling him off.

    What would you say or do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 4:40 AM GMT
    Your friend is 59 years old and has never dealt with a flakey hook-up before? icon_eek.gif

    The mistaken identity angle is fun. Your friend should sit down and write a steamy novella based on this opening hook.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Jan 06, 2015 5:07 AM GMT
    Some common sense and basic experience go a very long way here.

    Never agree to meet anyone with whom you have not spoken on the phone for at least several minutes. If a guy won't share his phone number, drop him right away.

    Never wait for anyone more than 15 minutes. If they are late, and are not calling to reschedule, and make other arrangements, you are getting the message loud and clear.

    Never be desperate as in waiting for 45 min. for someone who is not going to show up anyway. Desperation has never helped anyone...

    SC
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    Jan 06, 2015 11:46 AM GMT
    In my opinion it'd be a little odd to go off on the guy about being the other man while being a psycholigist, etc etc. Psychologist or not, being the other man is never ok. lol But I do agree that he should just tell the guy he's not interested anymore. If the guy prys about the reasons why, then he can go ahead and tell him the whole truth and leave it at that. lol
  • Dazza73

    Posts: 23

    Jan 06, 2015 11:47 AM GMT
    That's the game ! Seriously and if you meet turns out to be a drag , as in not a queen ( not reality ) it's a site for ppl to chat maybe hookup when you see the fine print , well that's another story !
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    Jan 06, 2015 1:17 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidYour friend is 59 years old and has never dealt with a flakey hook-up before? icon_eek.gif

    The mistaken identity angle is fun. Your friend should sit down and write a steamy novella based on this opening hook.


    No, my friend is 43 this year. The psychologist that he was supposed to meet is the one who is 59. As far as I am aware, my friend doesn't do hook-ups. It was supposed to be a first meet for drinks situation.
    I don't think I said there was going to be a hook-up did I?

    I do agree that the mistaken identity is comical and it is all I can do not to laugh.
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    Jan 06, 2015 1:20 PM GMT
    D_chu saidIn my opinion it'd be a little odd to go off on the guy about being the other man while being a psycholigist, etc etc. Psychologist or not, being the other man is never ok. lol But I do agree that he should just tell the guy he's not interested anymore. If the guy prys about the reasons why, then he can go ahead and tell him the whole truth and leave it at that. lol


    I don't understand what you are saying:

    The psychologist that my friend was supposed to meet is supposed to be single
    My friend is single
    While my friend was waiting for the psychologist, the psychologist had arranged a meeting with a different guy who has a partner.

    Both the psychologist and my friend were stood up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 1:22 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidSome common sense and basic experience go a very long way here.

    Never agree to meet anyone with whom you have not spoken on the phone for at least several minutes. If a guy won't share his phone number, drop him right away.

    Never wait for anyone more than 15 minutes. If they are late, and are not calling to reschedule, and make other arrangements, you are getting the message loud and clear.

    Never be desperate as in waiting for 45 min. for someone who is not going to show up anyway. Desperation has never helped anyone...

    SC


    Thanks for your input. I did tell him to leave after 15 mins. I guess some people react differently when they are in the situation.
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    Jan 06, 2015 3:40 PM GMT
    I wouldn't have given him a second thought and went about living my life as if I'd never had met him.
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    Jan 06, 2015 3:54 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidI wouldn't have given him a second thought and went about living my life as if I'd never had met him.


    Thanks. Agreed.That's sort of what I'm suggesting as well.
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    Jan 06, 2015 5:55 PM GMT
    I had a similar blind date malfunction once, with someone I'd met from Connexion - I think it was. We chatted several times and exchanged descriptions, photos, etc. Finally set up a date to meet at a restaurant. I'm there on time - and you guessed it - he never showed up. I phoned him - no answer. I waited 20 minutes & split. Later I got this e-mail from the idiot saying he was there at the restaurant after all. He said he got there early and watched me go in. He said I walked right past his car. He said when he saw me, he realized I looked exactly as I had described myself, but he admitted he had lied and sent false photos. He was in truth, a fat ass. He finished by saying he knew I'd be pissed, so instead of meeting me and admitting he'd lied, he just left the parking lot - leaving me standing there waiting around for him. Funny - the experiences we live through.
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    Jan 06, 2015 7:39 PM GMT
    I have found Ok Cupid problematic for gay dating. It's not set up for it and because of that it attracts less than desirable guys. It's the only gay app that I have not be able to use to my advantage. Tell your friend to use another app.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 06, 2015 7:54 PM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidSome common sense and basic experience go a very long way here.

    Never agree to meet anyone with whom you have not spoken on the phone for at least several minutes. If a guy won't share his phone number, drop him right away.

    Never wait for anyone more than 15 minutes. If they are late, and are not calling to reschedule, and make other arrangements, you are getting the message loud and clear.

    Never be desperate as in waiting for 45 min. for someone who is not going to show up anyway. Desperation has never helped anyone...

    SC

    I love how you have a zero tolerance no-trust policy -- unless you've talked on the phone for several minutes.icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 06, 2015 7:55 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI have found Ok Cupid problematic for gay dating. It's not set up for it and because of that it attracts less than desirable guys. It's the only gay app that I have not be able to use to my advantage. Tell your friend to use another app.


    Thank you, I will do.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 06, 2015 8:01 PM GMT

    Sounds to me like all of this is your friend's situation to deal with and that you should have other things to worry about.
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    Jan 06, 2015 8:05 PM GMT
    LJay said
    Sounds to me like all of this is your friend's situation to deal with and that you should have other things to worry about.


    Thank you for your contribution.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 06, 2015 11:27 PM GMT
    He just wants to vent. But this is comical.
    You should let him vent to you over drinks. It will be fun. Set it up to where he has to drink if he uses a certain word you come up with when he's venting.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Jan 06, 2015 11:27 PM GMT
    I think you gave your friend good advice. If this was his first time or if he was a little too 'into' the stranger without having met him, perhaps you could take him (your friend) out for a drink and a good laugh about the whole thing to help put it into perspective.
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    Jan 07, 2015 12:03 AM GMT
    That happened to me with a guy I befriended on RJ of all places. When I was finally in his city he did a no-show and later claimed to miss me by a couple of minutes. I actually arrived much sooner than he expected so I knew he was not being entirely up front.

    Besides, if you say you will meet someone at a certain place and time it's only appropriate etiquette to advise of delays. Failure to do so reveals at best rudeness and at worst a fake.

    Your friend should do what I did - block the person.
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    Jan 07, 2015 1:15 AM GMT
    coolarmydude saidHe just wants to vent. But this is comical.
    You should let him vent to you over drinks. It will be fun. Set it up to where he has to drink if he uses a certain word you come up with when he's venting.


    I do find it comical. I look forward to the day when we can both laugh about it. To be honest, when my friend told me about it I had a good laugh (after putting my phone on mute of course) icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 07, 2015 1:17 AM GMT
    YVRguy saidThat happened to me with a guy I befriended on RJ of all places. When I was finally in his city he did a no-show and later claimed to miss me by a couple of minutes. I actually arrived much sooner than he expected so I knew he was not being entirely up front.

    Besides, if you say you will meet someone at a certain place and time it's only appropriate etiquette to advise of delays. Failure to do so reveals at best rudeness and at worst a fake.

    Your friend should do what I did - block the person.


    Good idea about the blocking. I suspect though that the psychologist is probably embarrassed now based upon the message my friend sent to him. So I don't think there will be further contact.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2015 1:19 AM GMT
    drypin saidI think you gave your friend good advice. If this was his first time or if he was a little too 'into' the stranger without having met him, perhaps you could take him (your friend) out for a drink and a good laugh about the whole thing to help put it into perspective.


    I'm meeting up with him in the city tomorrow (Wednesday) after work. I'll see how upset he still is about the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2015 1:20 AM GMT
    coolarmydude saidHe just wants to vent. But this is comical.
    You should let him vent to you over drinks. It will be fun. Set it up to where he has to drink if he uses a certain word you come up with when he's venting.


    That's a brilliant idea too. Thanks much icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 07, 2015 1:21 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI had a similar blind date malfunction once, with someone I'd met from Connexion - I think it was. We chatted several times and exchanged descriptions, photos, etc. Finally set up a date to meet at a restaurant. I'm there on time - and you guessed it - he never showed up. I phoned him - no answer. I waited 20 minutes & split. I get this e-mail from the idiot saying he was there at the restaurant after all. He said he got there early and watched me go in. He said I walked right past his car. He said when he saw me, he realized I looked exactly as I described myself, but he admitted he had lied and sent false photos. He was in truth, a fat ass. He finished by saying he knew I'd be pissed, so instead of meeting me and admitting he'd lied, he just left the parking lot - leaving me standing there waiting around for him. Funny - the experiences we live through.


    OY! I guess the experiences either make us or break us. Such experiences appear to be a rite of passage... I've never had any such thing happen to me... And thankfully.
  • Tig3r

    Posts: 139

    Jan 07, 2015 1:42 AM GMT
    This indeed is hilarious.

    Sorry for your friend but you would think a 59 year old Psychologist would be a bit more mature, but I guess not. Yet you had the hammer on the nail, the longest I have ever waited for someone was 15 minutes then I got in my car and left. I did not try to contact him, or message him. In my opinion I deserve an apology not an explanation.

    Yet has anyone ever had the situation where you're having a great conversation with a guy, plan for a date, both of you are excited, but then they never respond again? I was talking to this guy and we had chatted for about a week (even spoke over the phone), we decided that we should meet up for breakfast, since I was new to the area I asked if he could find a local place and he said "Sure! I'll text you the details in a bit" He did not text me back, I asked him if he maybe wanted to reschedule, no response. I contacted him 2 months later and he was really mean, like a totally different person. icon_cry.gif