Longevity vs. Quality

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 12:26 PM GMT
    Five 10yr relationships vs. Ten 5yr relationships vs. One 50yr relationship. Which would you prefer? Are the short-lived but intense and enlightening relationships less valuable than ones running the smoother, longer course?

    Let's envision our relationships as a 10-scale, 10 being the beginning, when it's at its best, and 0 being a complete loss of affection, respect, and love for our partner. Why do so many of us allow it to drop below a 5, ever? If you're with someone for 10 years, and you lose a point each year, why did you stick around for the last 5? Jaded? Oblivious to the degradation? Wouldn't you both be happier having left things at the 5 and spent the next 5 years back up at 10 with someone else? Do we "tough it out" because "that's what couples do if they're in love", regardless of the depreciation each of you feels within the relationship? How much depreciation do you allow before it's not worth it? Can we recognize an unhealthy relationship before it reaches extremes, or are we conditioned to think that this is the "work/effort" part of it all? Is life too short for one love when there are so many forms to experience?

    If my lifestyle choices (career,where I live, health, interests, etc.) change and I'm no longer compatible with my partner, should it be seen as a negative thing to end it amicably and start the next chapter?

    I believe there is a fine line between sacrifice and compromise. The latter is imperative, the former needs to be gauged cautiously to avoid losing one's self. If this is happening in your relationship, do both him and yourself a favor and release eachother. Neither of you deserves to spend your days unappreciated at your full value.

    Maybe these are things I contemplate because I'm young, and still have the perception that I can choose not to "settle". Perhaps once I'm 30/40/50 (whichever age is now perceived as the gay deathicon_rolleyes.gif ) I'll feel differently.

    What do you guys think? When is it (not) worth it? When is giving up/ending a relationship (im)mature?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2015 6:01 PM GMT
    first off marriage or at least a long term relationship your over thinking this, too negative. the worst case is after about 7years 50% of the relationships have ended. The positive side is 50% still exist.
    -the divorce rate has gone down since the 1970's. Maybe the great recession or just people are dating longer (>3years).
    -gay marriages have been more stable than expected.

    gay death; especially with gay men my age, they hold onto the Peter Pan concept and never mature. Yes; avoid the gay death at all costs and never pay off the visa card debt.

    as a couple it is possible to have faster stronger personal growth than with just your self. You might consider more personal risk if you know someone has your back. For example; you start that small business of your dreams because you know your husband has the day job covered.

    your relationship should be just as important as the relationship your mother and father had or have. Marriage equality becoming the law of the land will change somehow change the thinking of gay men. The opinions of those gay men even 25years old now will differ to those just coming out.

    what is the difference having several 5year relationships in which you say/do the same broken things. Like reading an employment resume and see someone change jobs every few years, compared to some one that lasted through a few layoffs and bad management.



  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jan 07, 2015 3:22 AM GMT
    ..am I collecting life insurance policies on them...or just breaking up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2015 5:11 AM GMT
    As someone who hasn't dated anyone for much longer than a year, these 5 and 10 year scenarios are almost abstract. Theoretically though, if I haven't dumped a guy after even 5 years, I'll be making every effort to ensure that the quality of the relationship never drops below 7.5 icon_cool.gif