Etiquette

  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jan 10, 2015 4:26 PM GMT
    I don't know if this topic has come up in a previous tread so I apologize if it has.

    My standard practice is to always hold the door for the person behind me. Man or woman, older or younger - it makes no difference. But that's all I do, simply hold the door for them to get to the door. While entering the building, I enter first and then hold the door for the next person until they have their hand on the door to hold it for themselves. By that time, I've gone ahead of them into the building. I don't see the reasoning behind the idea where you let the person go ahead of you all the way. If it's something like a Post Office or a bank where there will be a line, why should I have to let the person who actually got to the building after I did, go ahead of me all the way? The only exception of course is if that person happens to be some hottie who I wouldn't mind standing behind in line. icon_wink.gif Any thoughts?
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    Jan 10, 2015 4:32 PM GMT
    Thats ALL you do? I open the door for women or kids (car or public places like a mall door), help old ladies get off the bus (give them the hand), hand coat to date and at the end of dinner I pay the bill icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 11, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    David3K saidThats ALL you do? I open the door for women or kids (car or public places like a mall door), help old ladies get off the bus (give them the hand), hand coat to date and at the end of dinner I pay the bill icon_cool.gif


    ^+1! Nice to see that there a few gentlemen still around!
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    Jan 11, 2015 5:38 PM GMT
    While chivalry is dead. Its really appealing when someone shows some etiquette.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jan 11, 2015 5:41 PM GMT
    Yeah same here. I feel like stuff like these are usually rooted in you since childhood. So actions like holding the door, or letting ladies enter first become second nature.
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    Jan 11, 2015 7:31 PM GMT
    Not only do I hold the door open but as you pass through I tip my hat and bow with leg extended and bending deep at the waist in reverential respect.

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    Jan 11, 2015 7:37 PM GMT
    jeep334 said...

    I don't see the reasoning behind the idea where you let the person go ahead of you all the way.

    ...


    There may be many reasons why one would let the person go ahead.

    1. They are in a wheelchair, are handicapped, on crutches, etc.

    2. They are elderly and the door may be very heavy.

    3. They are pushing a stroller.

    4. They are carrying a large package or their arms are full.

    5. It's a formal occasion and the lady is wearing a large ball gown.

    6. They have a nice derriere and you'd like to get a better look at it as they walk ahead.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jan 11, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    jeep334 said...

    I don't see the reasoning behind the idea where you let the person go ahead of you all the way.

    ...


    There may be many reasons why one would let the person go ahead.

    1. They are in a wheelchair, are handicapped, on crutches, etc.

    2. They are elderly and the door may be very heavy.

    3. They are pushing a stroller.

    4. They are carrying a large package or their arms are full.

    5. It's a formal occasion and the lady is wearing a large ball gown.

    6. They have a nice derriere and you'd like to get a better look at it as they walk ahead.


    Lots of good points, particularly #s 1, 2 and especially 6. Most assuredly #6. But those are all exceptions to the rule. There are few times that I can imagine where I wouldn't want to extend the courtesy of simply being a nice guy. Still an individual choice depending on the individual circumstances.
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    Jan 11, 2015 8:12 PM GMT
    I was taught that if you and another person approach a door, you always hold it open for the other person. Its just good manners. I hate it when people just let it close on you..
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    Jan 11, 2015 8:44 PM GMT
    OP, did you have a woman complain that you should have held the door open and let her enter first?

    Several years ago I was reading a newspaper article about the decline of etiquette and the first half or so was sort of generalized but then the writer specifically mentioned a situation where some guy didn't hold the door open for them. "Hmm," I said to myself and went back up to the top and looked at the author; yup, a woman. That was the only specific example she gave where something had happened to her; I got the impression that she wrote the whole piece just because of that one incident.

    What I find especially irksome about it is that where I worked there were often people entering the building at the same time and the women were the least likely to hold the door when it was a man behind them (not to let him enter before her, just hold it open behind them like you described).
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    Jan 11, 2015 9:22 PM GMT
    hairyandym saidI was taught that if you and another person approach a door, you always hold it open for the other person. Its just good manners. I hate it when people just let it close on you..


    Depends on which way the door opens. If the door opens towards me I hold the door as the person walks through. If the door opens in their direction they should hold the door as I pass through unless the person on the other side is not capable of holding the door (handicapped, elderly, holding packages, etc). In that case I would push the door open and walk through first then continue to hold the door as the other passed through.

    My pet peeve is the idiots who try to enter into an elevator at the same time people are trying to exit it.
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    Jan 11, 2015 9:29 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidOP, did you have a woman complain that you should have held the door open and let her enter first?

    Several years ago I was reading a newspaper article about the decline of etiquette and the first half or so was sort of generalized but then the writer specifically mentioned a situation where some guy didn't hold the door open for them. "Hmm," I said to myself and went back up to the top and looked at the author; yup, a woman. That was the only specific example she gave where something had happened to her; I got the impression that she wrote the whole piece just because of that one incident.

    What I find especially irksome about it is that where I worked there were often people entering the building at the same time and the women were the least likely to hold the door when it was a man behind them (not to let him enter before her, just hold it open behind them like you described).


    Once in an office building I noticed a man and woman walking towards the elevator I had just entered, so I held the door open so they could get in. The woman thanked me and turned to the man with her and something to the effect that Southerners still had manners. The man responded to the effect that I had ulterior motives for being so mannerly to which I coldly stared at him and said, "Yes, I do have an ulterior motive. I hope that one day if the shoe was on the other foot you would extend the same courtesy to me."

    Good manners and proper etiquette make living and interacting with each other more pleasant or at least tolerable.
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    Jan 11, 2015 11:05 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Lumpyoatmeal saidOP, did you have a woman complain that you should have held the door open and let her enter first?

    Several years ago I was reading a newspaper article about the decline of etiquette and the first half or so was sort of generalized but then the writer specifically mentioned a situation where some guy didn't hold the door open for them. "Hmm," I said to myself and went back up to the top and looked at the author; yup, a woman. That was the only specific example she gave where something had happened to her; I got the impression that she wrote the whole piece just because of that one incident.

    What I find especially irksome about it is that where I worked there were often people entering the building at the same time and the women were the least likely to hold the door when it was a man behind them (not to let him enter before her, just hold it open behind them like you described).


    Once in an office building I noticed a man and woman walking towards the elevator I had just entered, so I held the door open so they could get in. The woman thanked me and turned to the man with her and something to the effect that Southerners still had manners. The man responded to the effect that I had ulterior motives for being so mannerly to which I coldly stared at him and said, "Yes, I do have an ulterior motive. I hope that one day if the shoe was on the other foot you would extend the same courtesy to me."

    Good manners and proper etiquette make living and interacting with each other more pleasant or at least tolerable.


    Excellent riposte. Courtesy and good manners have a way of outing bad ones, making it easier to determine whom to befriend and whom to avoid.
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    Jan 11, 2015 11:15 PM GMT
    I only open and hold on to the door so that it doesn't slam into the person behind me. I'm not gonna stand there and wait while they pass through. The key is to keep moving while you hold the door. That sends a hint to the other person that they should catch the door before I let go. And if they're texting on their phone, I make sure to let the door slam into them. icon_lol.gif
  • jeep334

    Posts: 409

    Jan 12, 2015 2:48 AM GMT
    These are all good responses. The real purpose behind following good etiquette is simply being thoughtful to your neighbor. Who is your neighbor? We are all neighbors, one to each other. Gay or straight or transgender has no bearing, race and cultural differences have no bearing as we are all neighbors in the global society to which we belong. I'm thinking American here, in this discussion, where we are all considered equal (which of course is still a work in progress).

    My original question came because of an on-going discussion I have had with an older brother. He considers me holding the door long enough to allow the person behind me entrance only and yet still allowing me to move ahead, is rude and boorish. My take on it is that everyone needs to have ownership for their actions, no matter how simple or how grand the action. ie: You need to get in the building? You should be prepared to open the door, precluding there is no reason that would hinder you from doing so. If someone helps in any little part, then that person is being gracious. Further, even more than gracious to go steps beyond such as to help the elderly lady off the bus. There should be no guaranteed give-aways, even as simple as having a door held for someone without extraordinary circumstances. Conversely, unless there is some extraordinary circumstance not to do so, it is a helpful act to always be a good neighbor. But remember, your good acts do not guarantee good acts in return. It is hopeful, as Undercoverman suggested, but not a guarantee.

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    Jan 12, 2015 6:47 AM GMT
    jeep334 saidI don't know if this topic has come up in a previous tread so I apologize if it has.

    My standard practice is to always hold the door for the person behind me. Man or woman, older or younger - it makes no difference. But that's all I do, simply hold the door for them to get to the door. While entering the building, I enter first and then hold the door for the next person until they have their hand on the door to hold it for themselves. By that time, I've gone ahead of them into the building. I don't see the reasoning behind the idea where you let the person go ahead of you all the way. If it's something like a Post Office or a bank where there will be a line, why should I have to let the person who actually got to the building after I did, go ahead of me all the way? The only exception of course is if that person happens to be some hottie who I wouldn't mind standing behind in line. icon_wink.gif Any thoughts?


    You mentioned -"Standard Practice" - but what if your frame of reference is incorrect or you were taught incorrectly the foundation of etiquette then your assumption practice comes into play. In this country and because of many cultures differ on what is and unfortunately many parents are not teaching this any more as foundation of what etiquette is and should be we many times getting it wrong. Our best bet is to educate ourselves -

    Letitia Baldrige's New Manners for New Times - A complete Guide of Etiquette is a prime example of not only answering your question above, but many aspects of social etiquette in public or social gatherings.

    Who is Letitia Baldrige -

    Letitia Baldrige is universally recognized as the country's leading authority on executive, domestic, and social manners. She began writing on manners and protocol during her diplomatic service in 1949, and she has been hailed on the cover of Time magazine as "America's leading arbiter of manners." Originally published in 1989, her Complete Guide to New Manners has now been thoroughly revised and updated to incorporate the changing social conventions and enormous technological advances of the past fifteen years.