What is wrong with me lol?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2015 10:06 PM GMT
    So, I'm new. I've browsed for a long time, though. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else has had a problem like I'm currently having. It requires a little bit of context first though. I just turned 24 today, and am not new to dating or relationships though at this point I feel like a fucking child. Anyway.

    So, I'm currently seeing/dating/talking to a guy that I've always had a huge crush on. I'm extremely attracted to petite, feminine guys and he fits everything I want physically which honestly is hard to find for some reason. We've kinda talked off and on online for like 4 years (yeah I know). We just met in person last weekend. Hit it off really well. Hung out the next night and had amazing sex, he stayed the night and everything seemed like it was going in the right direction.

    However, we went to a get together/party at his friends house Monday night. We were only supposed to stay for a little bit and then come back to my place, but he ended up getting shitfaced - and proceeded to scream and yell at me (saying things like you disgust me and I never want to see you again) for like 45 minutes till I just left him there and went home, devastated.

    I got home and sent him a long facebook message about how I'm willing to forgive him for that as long as it doesn't happen again (I know, first mistake). He called me the next day and we had a short conversation, saying that he wouldn't do it again. We made plans to hang out later that night after I got off work, but he apparently fell asleep until like 12AM, at which point I was too tired to drive 35 minutes to pick him up and bring him back to my place.

    Since I first met him like 5 days ago, my life has went from being in order to a breakdown. I've got a lot going on - masters program, baseball, a job and a lot of other things that need to be taken care of that I'm totally neglecting. I don't care though. He's got a lot of drawbacks - doesn't have a car or a phone or a job because he got a DUI and still trying to get out from under that, has an abusive family, all things that I cannot really relate to at all. I want to help him with all of these things but I'm poor also and can't.

    He's also a club scene kid and I hate that kind of thing. However, when we're together it feels so right to me that it's overpowering how illogical everything is. I feel so attached already and now I understand how it feels, it sucks (generally it's been the other way around for me). I want to tell him how I feel, but it's way too soon and I already feel like I'm pushing to hard at times. But all I have is this constant anxiety about when he'll reply or if our plans are still on.

    I feel like I'm 15 again and I've forgotten how to date. Granted I've been totally single for 2 years after a very long relationship so I haven't done it in quite a while but still. I generally go through my life being a very unemotional person, but I can't handle all the feels. Holy fuck. halp
  • Kovyn

    Posts: 117

    Jan 10, 2015 10:49 PM GMT
    Sounds like you need to vent more than you need help. Prioritize your life and adjust accordingly. Tbh, Masters degree > relationships.
  • Hjalmar

    Posts: 97

    Jan 11, 2015 12:53 AM GMT
    Well, you said it yourself. Don´t you see why....he is a club kid, that´s why! For him, that club scene will always be the nro 1, not you icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    Run away! The guy is bad news. You deserve better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 3:45 PM GMT
    You don't know how many "petite feminine" guy's day you just made.icon_wink.gif

    We should all get with our long time crush just once.
    It's like we've built them up; have such great expectations, that they are never able to live up to.
    We should all have it happen, because I believe it finally makes us pay attention to more than just the physical.

    Sorry to say that you've found out why so many guys state: "no drama" in their profiles.
    You're a good guy so life is going to be quite exciting for you for some time to come.
    I say get as much amazing sex out of it as you can before his intimacy issue arises again and he screams he doesn't love, has never loved you, then fake a tear and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 5:28 PM GMT
    You need a lot of emotions management for whatever situation you are going through. Either you have to put a lot of energy and caring in this kid or you can move on by thinking it as a nightmare. As one member said you have to Prioritize things. Can you provide more info about this kid ? like his likes/dislikes or the things you both enjoy ? But whatever you do consider both of yours situation.
    icon_smile.gif
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jan 11, 2015 5:39 PM GMT
    Whatever it is you're feeling about him is probably because you're just crushing on him like an adolescent. You only know this guy barely a week, so just have fun in the process. Once your infatuation for him is over, the veil is lifted and you may not like what you see; but at least you'd get a glimpse of reality.

    I'd say focus on your Masters and whatever you got going on in your life. This way it'd be a distraction from him when you're not physically together, then have fun with him when you are together. Everything's gonna be fine icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    He is a slut... get away from that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidRun away! The guy is bad news. You deserve better.


    My thoughts exactly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 8:32 PM GMT
    RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

    Seriously. The guy clearly has issues. It's not your job to save him and for God's sake, don't "settle" for him out of some naive belief that you aren't worthy of a normal guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 10:16 PM GMT


    " I'm extremely attracted to petite, feminine guys and he fits everything I want physically which honestly is hard to find for some reason."

    Keep looking. There are lots of guys that are like that who are ALSO kind, compassionate, thoughtful, inspired and stable. This guy is not.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2015 10:51 PM GMT
    TLDR;
    He's just not that into you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2015 1:09 AM GMT
    Yeah logically, everything everyone has said is what my brain is telling me but it's getting overridden. I think I'm going to have to just not worry about it and enjoy the time we do spend together without thinking at all about the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2015 1:11 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidYou don't know how many "petite feminine" guy's day you just made.icon_wink.gif




    I love them so much. Unfortunately it seems like I'm never compatible with any lol
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Jan 12, 2015 2:37 AM GMT
    You have answered your own question, but you need to pay attention to yourself.
    Your own thread title is "what is wrong with me?"
    The only thing you've said about him that is positive is what he looks like/how he is built.
    You've pointed out that you have more important things going on.

    It will be tough for you, but run as fast as you possibly can in the other direction, as every other responder has said. A unanimous answer on this board should tell you plenty.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Jan 12, 2015 2:44 AM GMT
    Really... It's pathetic you have to ask. Dump this duche and move on
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Jan 12, 2015 5:36 AM GMT
    So far the advice seems unanimous, doesn't it?

    Believe me, I'm not about to mess up this solidarity of opinions!

    I will tell you how it might effect you.

    Getting into a relationship with a car, a dog, a job, a roommate a house AND especially a human you want fuck you automatically inherit the problems and drama that come with them.

    You can repair a house or car. You can train a dog. You can kick out a cruddy roommate. You can find a better job. The drama and problems from a human you want to fuck will haunt you for years in ways you can't even envision at your age.

    If you think you can change him to fit your expectations you need counseling as much or more than he does.

    Think about it.
    Obviously when he drinks his filters shut down and his real self emerges. He becomes an inconsiderate asshole. Now imagine a few months down the road you've been invited to a party and you take him. After the right amount of alcohol he turns into an asshole and instead of starting in on you, he goes after others. You'll be put in a position to either defend him or apologize for him. In either case you can bet your porn collection you will never get an invitation to a party again from anyone because of the dramasturbation queen you brought to the party.
    (I stole that word from a young wit on another forum.)

    Dramasturbation: performing acts that no one other than the dramasturbator gets any satisfaction out of. selfish, self centered, inconsiderate, irresponsible people.

    Think about what might happen if you introduce him to your family.

    Think about what can happen if you get more involved and later decide you want to break up. You can bet he'll turn into a vindictive spiteful bitch who will strike out any way possible to hurt you.... maybe causing trouble for you at school, banging on your door at 3am, maybe throwing drinks on you and your new love interest in a bar. If that happens imagine the impression it will make on the new guy... A smart one will never go out with you again.

    As a good rule in dating you should do two things.

    1. Never get into anything but a meaningless fuck with anyone who has more apparent problems than you do. (no job, no car, DUI, arrest records, parole officers, evictions, more than 2 roommates and still broke, drugs etc are all red flags.)

    2. Identify your own problems and work to overcome them in order to improve yourself. The fewer problems you have the further up the food chain you move in dating nice guys.

    Good looks plus Sports, school, etc ... you appear to have loads of positive things going on in your life and they will take you a hell of a lot further than getting involved with a guy who turns into a bitch with a few drinks, no job, no car, and a DUI.

    I sure wish you luck. I looked at your photo & bet I could marry you off in 20 minutes to some of the guys I know down here. The "type" you described are the dominant species of gay guys down here. If you ever want to meet some of them all you have to do is come down Memorial Day and meet close to all 30,000 to 50,000 of them in one weekend. No kidding.

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3980479#908880_3980479_name

    547697_241046125999285_2005513681_n.jpg?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2015 5:42 AM GMT
    You're going to get a lot of gruff replies basically all saying the same thing: there's other fish in the sea. Don't get caught up with someone who yells at you shitfaced so early.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2015 8:25 PM GMT
    Thanks all for the nice messages and replies.

    I think I just caught up in it too quick. As much as it sucks that my infatuation turned out to be ill-advised, it's not a good fit at all. I think the most telling thing above everything else is that he has hardly asked me anything about myself since the night we first met. Last night I went and brought him back to my place, cooked him dinner and everything, bought him cigarettes. Not really appreciated.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2015 9:10 PM GMT
    Well, it sounds like you know the answer so it's cool to vent on here. We've all been through it. It sucks because finding guys who are compatible with you is really tough (or rather, you have to go through a lot of bad matches to find a potential.) So when you think you've found a guy and then start to see even that guy isn't a match, it can be pretty disappointing. It happens.

    You're a good guy, you've got a lot to offer. There are so many guys out there that you haven't met and you've got plenty of time. Keep your head up and have fun.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2015 1:53 AM GMT
    Basically everyone above has nailed it. And they're all being really nice. Your own mother would kick you in the pants, though, so let me be her proxy for just a minute:

    "Jesus Christ. I could see he was a narcissistic, alcoholic, clubbing, drama-queen SMOKER from fucking OUTER SPACE!"

    As your mom, I feel better already. Carry on. I'm just going to cry quietly while I flip your pancakes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2015 2:08 AM GMT
    My mom has been extremely critical already, which is partially why I want it to work so badly I think. I couldn't hide how upset I was after the party debacle which is unfortunate because I hate when my parents know negative things about my romantic interests
  • Tig3r

    Posts: 139

    Jan 13, 2015 2:15 AM GMT
    It sounds like
    penispicking.png


    You need to start using your head man, all the signs of trouble are there. He satisfies you sexually, but there is a lot more to life than that, it is best to let him go.
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    Jan 13, 2015 2:23 AM GMT
    Muhthyus saidMy mom has been extremely critical already, which is partially why I want it to work so badly I think. I couldn't hide how upset I was after the party debacle which is unfortunate because I hate when my parents know negative things about my romantic interests

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
    My mother said: "you're not going to do any better".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2015 2:26 AM GMT
    Well, you wanted to date a queen so what did you expect?