Trying to find the right guy, huge issues.

  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jan 17, 2015 5:50 AM GMT
    (Before anyone asks what is happening on my other topic, I am dealing with it and not ready to say much more.)

    I've been trying dating sites on and off for a while now (a year fairly strong) with moderate success. I will get guys who are super interested in me who then turn-tail when they realize I was not faking wanting a monogamous relationship. I've been told a bunch of times how they aren't ready to settle down, which is killing me a bit more each time. I know of the "gay death" age of 25 and I am nearly there, and I am horrified that I will reach that age and then be undesirable and then single for the rest of my life and die alone because I'll be an old gay (seriously). My friends keep reminding me of this and so I feel like I am in a time-trap racing against the clock....

    More unsettling is I also got the "You intimidate me and I don't feel like you'd like me" from a bunch, which honestly made me feel horrible- questioned if I should hide what I do/have done... but then I wouldn't be me and would be "faking it" for someone which is of course the wrong thing to do! I don't rub anything I do in anyone's face (I do it mostly cause I find it fun, nothing more).

    Being honest though when I am on sites like POF or OKCupid I am NOT finding guys that I am interested in most of the time. I am always polite and genuine and kind to everyone! But even for the guys I was going to get into a relationship with... there was always something missing.

    I don't even know how to say it other than to describe it.

    1: It's like finding a guy that works out like I do is next to impossible, am I saying I am massive/ripped? No, but I still am going 6x a week and dieting and doing the rest- it is disheartening when a guy just outright doesn't want to go to the gym and spits out nothing but excuses.

    2: They seem really "flat". Like they are missing direction or ambition... it's so hard to say. It is like they are lacking some major feature that I can't even describe. I don't feel like I can communicate with them, it feels like if I say something that it is lost..

    3: I almost feel "slower" with them. It feels like my entire self sometimes feels a bit bogged down. Yet another abstract description, but I can't think of any other way to put it.

    So point is... I don't know what to do. I haven't met anyone thus far who (1) wants a monogamous relationship with me and (2) I don't feel that they are a partner... almost like I am really settling/grabbing onto the only thing available. Even if they did want a relationship with me I know I would not feel as happy as I would hope to be.

    Is it just the area I am in? Looking in all the wrong places (literally)?

    I am especially upset about this because most of my friends are either in long term relationships or engaged or already married. I am being poked and prodded incessantly and I am left here wondering why I am left behind. I have been questioning if I am a horrifically awful and bad person.
  • mybud

    Posts: 13950

    Jan 18, 2015 4:56 AM GMT
    First, Don't listen to friend, or even yourself, when it comes to finding a guy before such in such age. That can lead to desperation, and you settling, instead of getting what you deserve. Second, Common interests. So some of the guys you meet aren't into fitness, so what. Fitness is your thing, not theirs. If you meet that perfect guy he may get the fitness bug, and you'll be there to guide him. The 25 gay death thing. I got guys at the gym checking me out...Age is a number,don't fear age...With age comes experience,success,loyalty..Chin up bro.
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    Jan 18, 2015 6:26 AM GMT
    tbh i don't think you should let it get too you.Relationships aren't that big of a deal.The media just loves to glamourize and make it a big's not the end of the world because you didn't find a husband before ur 25th birthday lol.too be honest people should take dating slow,because alot of people are like you.they are super anxious for a relationship,and yeah getting one would be nice,however a thing that people tend to ignore about relationships is it's not all fun and games/like fairytails.Their can and will be problems/arguments/disagreements eventually.Not too mention relationships are not set in stone.Just because your with a guy for years and years dosen't mean it will last forever.Alot of the time,even with my roomates who have been in a partnership for twenty six years,the love dies down.They constantly cheat on each other,and even though they still love one another its not like how it was in the begining.Basically don't treat having a lover as if it's a life or death situation.It's just one little part of life not the whole package.If you do continue to be like that,more than likely you will be taking a trip down dissapointment lane not be rude.icon_sad.gif