To those who have been with a woman

  • steve2steeve

    Posts: 27

    Jan 19, 2015 11:50 AM GMT
    So there are men on this forum who have been with women, married or in relationships or just had plain sex. I was wondering what was your experience like in bed with them?How was the arousal,were you guys able to get a good erection, maintain it and basically perform the deed?Were you guys totally into the act, into the woman?Did you guys have to resort to medication to get it up and maintain it?
    I have been attracted to women,I find some very hot, I do notice them, their curves and do get a stirring. I do want to do things with them but I never get a full blown erection as I do when I think of men or watch gay porn. When I watch straight porn(very rarely) or a hot bikini clad women in one of those TV shows, I get what I would term as "dry orgasms", my body shudders like when you ejaculate but without a full hardon or ejaculation while I fantasize about doing things with them.(Sounds strange, I wish there was a better way to explain).
    The reason I am asking is I might have to choose between either gender given where I live.Its anybody's guess what gender I would have to choose unless I find an escape route or defy everyone. Ideally it would be nice if I could be with the person I want to be with rather than the gender although most likely it would be a man. I am apprehensive living with one label for the rest of my life, I don't mind commitment with a women but for life is what scares me if I have to be with a woman.
    I guess I am more attracted to men, but as of now atleast I don't have a strict aversion to women, and some I really want to be with.I have had feelings for women, but never expressed them.
    I would appreciate genuine answers, no trolls as this issue is eating me up.I have never been with a women and even with men I started pretty late,like really late.
    Thanks for reading this and hoping for some insights and help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 3:14 PM GMT
    My experience with several girlfriends and flings was pretty awesome, but it really does not matter. What matters is what YOUR EXPERIENCE is like. So you just have to try if you want to find out. On the other hand, it's not that simple. Every person, male or female, who you connect with is going to be different. Some you will be attracted to and some not. That does not mean you should not try. It just means to keep an open mind. As far as choosing your sexual attraction, you can't do that. You can only choose who you will have sex with. If, like me, you choose to be monogamous, you will find yourself having all kinds of longings and attractions that cannot be acted on. So you might want to experience as much as you can before that happens.
  • Farmboy8

    Posts: 88

    Jan 19, 2015 3:14 PM GMT
    I understand at least part of your situation. I am an "older guy" and strictly dated and had sex with women until a year ago. I know what you mean about having an attraction to certain "looks", I still feel that way but my attraction is much stronger towards men in general. The challenge I had was not sexually....never a problem getting hard. Biggest problem was cumming very quickly after penetrating. I didn't enjoy giving oral sex at all, but my biggest issue was never feeling any "connection" even after dating for a while. I'm not sure if it was because just bad chemistry or it is just ME. I have enjoyed very close friendships with guys (I now realize I was really wanting more than that) and am now in a great relationship with a guy. I care for him in ways that I never experienced with any women I dated.
    I hope this helps....I am confused as to why you feel you need to choose one sex over another now rather than meeting people you are attracted to regardless of their gender. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 4:08 PM GMT
    steve2steeve saidSo there are men on this forum who have been with women, married or in relationships or just had plain sex. I was wondering what was your experience like in bed with them?How was the arousal,were you guys able to get a good erection, maintain it and basically perform the deed?Were you guys totally into the act, into the woman?Did you guys have to resort to medication to get it up and maintain it?

    ...Thanks for reading this and hoping for some insights and help.

    I'm of a generation, and ashamedly from such a sheltered life, that I didn't even know there WAS an option for me, besides women in my future. I didn't fit the 1950s stereotype of the "sissy" man, and so I assumed I was like all the other boys & men around me.

    Except females didn't interest me, but men did. I just didn't know or imagine what I could do with guys!

    I didn't begin dating women until I was 26, to please my nagging parents. And finally married at 29.

    To answer your specific questions, in those years I could get a rock-hard erection from a slight breeze across my dick. A nuisance, to say the least, in the locker room or the nude mens swimming pools we still had back then.

    During sex I usually closed my eyes (often annoying my female partners), as I fantasized about other things, usually the naked men I'd seen in those locker rooms or pools. But a vagina does grip you nicely, and so I'd also be focusing on the physical pleasure I was feeling. And with that I could stay hard and have an orgasm, no medications or other aids needed.

    But I continued to get more pleasure from my own hand than from a woman. I was just performing a duty, a societal ritual.

    Until I finally had my first sex with a man, which produced the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life. We do best when we do what we were built to do. And I never went back to women. icon_biggrin.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 19, 2015 4:35 PM GMT
    I was 24 and hadn't accepted I was gay, and my girlfriend knew how to touch and rub...I had no problem "doing the deed" so to speak. LOL
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Jan 19, 2015 4:39 PM GMT
    Yes.. performance was as it should have been,but the women did not seem into it.. Comments like.. your bodies too Nice.. your Dick is so big .. Blah blah..
    To much instruction ..do this do that, felt like I was a Machine to please.. TURN OFF and they Couldn't suck dick or didn't want too(" Thats gross" really?.. Was treated like a toy ..oh look a stick shift.. ha ha... not funny or sexy ...turn off ..no wonder I turned to guys to blow me (ONLY)at that time.. I tried dating girls a few years ago ..the same thing!!! years later..WTF ...give up ..Women have way to many body issues... Sex issues...Worse than any Gay Man....
  • steve2steeve

    Posts: 27

    Jan 19, 2015 7:49 PM GMT
    thanks for the comments guys..
    To answer your question Farmboy8, I think Art_Deco nailed it..."nagging family", well add extended family in my case...just where I come from...and a whole lot of other issues...."the settle down its time" syndrome

  • Zigs_01

    Posts: 226

    Jan 19, 2015 8:21 PM GMT
    Attraction has always something people are born with. Scientist measure the penis of bisexual men and found that that had arousal common with gay men. There were examples whereas bisexual men had arousal common with straight men too.

    There's also romantic attraction. There are cases whereas people were sexually attracted to both gender but only romantically attractive to men.

    You should probably choose the one you have feeling towards romantic attraction.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    I dated a Canadian girl for about 2 short months in 2006. We sorta hung out, went to the movies, had food and had sex several times at my place and her place. She has nice skin, and she smells nice. Yes, I was able to maintain an erection when we were having sex. I was thinking of some hot dudes. LOL But yeah, I like men better than women though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 11:55 PM GMT
    The opening post does make me wonder whether one is born gay, or is sexual orientation the result of early childhood fantasies and/or upbringing, although one can be born with a predisposition towards homosexuality, the majority of these boys grow up straight.

    I speak from my own experience. I clearly remember being attracted only to girls when I was in primary (1st grade) school. The idea to fantasise other boys was of a later childhood development.

    Personally, I have never found having sex with another male (i.e. sodomy, fellatio, or whatever) appealing. Rather, having sex with a woman (i.e. my wife) to be far more enjoyable.

    But I DO find other men attractive, especially those taller than me and of slim build. That is why some here has classed me as bi-sexual, even if I consider myself gay. Hence my membership on this website.
  • vj2004t

    Posts: 203

    Jan 20, 2015 12:22 AM GMT
    I was married to a woman but it got to a point I just wasn't able to play the game and pretend I was straight. I would fuck thinking about men. If I watched any straight porn I would always focus on the guy. There will come a time you will not be able to pretend anymore. Lots of guys on here are that way. Happy to be gay. My daughter told me I am the happiest she has ever seen me. Good luck dude....Val
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 20, 2015 12:57 AM GMT
    I was young ... when you are young you get a boner if it is a warm day.
  • wesv

    Posts: 907

    Jan 20, 2015 1:29 AM GMT
    NotThatOld saidThe opening post does make me wonder whether one is born gay, or is sexual orientation the result of early childhood fantasies and/or upbringing, although one can be born with a predisposition towards homosexuality, the majority of these boys grow up straight.

    I speak from my own experience. I clearly remember being attracted only to girls when I was in primary (1st grade) school. The idea to fantasise other boys was of a later childhood development.

    Personally, I have never found having sex with another male (i.e. sodomy, fellatio, or whatever) appealing. Rather, having sex with a woman (i.e. my wife) to be far more enjoyable.

    But I DO find other men attractive, especially those taller than me and of slim build. That is why some here has classed me as bi-sexual, even if I consider myself gay. Hence my membership on this website.


    I was born gay. I was always attracted to other boys. I never had that "straight" phase. I didn't know there were other people alike--those attracted to the same sex. I thought I was the only such person until I grew old enough to understand there were other people like me, and that we are called homosexuals or gay. So please wonder no more. Sexual orientation is not a choice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2015 3:48 AM GMT
    vj2004t saidI was married to a woman but it got to a point I just wasn't able to play the game and pretend I was straight. I would fuck thinking about men. If I watched any straight porn I would always focus on the guy. There will come a time you will not be able to pretend anymore. Lots of guys on here are that way. Happy to be gay. My daughter told me I am the happiest she has ever seen me. Good luck dude....Val


    Lol i watch straight porn and focus on the dudes too. Lol something in common.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jan 20, 2015 3:49 AM GMT
    Pusey is much easier-to-take, than that Pusey "Life-Support-System."

    "Does this make me look fat?"
    "I never see you any more." (We got back from a shared vacation just 2 days prior.)
    "Why do you only take me to the cheap restaurants?"
    "You've never bought me any jewelry."

    "What do you mean, "Girls don't know sh*t about BJ's?" "What do you think I just did for you?" etc...
  • captproton

    Posts: 316

    Jan 20, 2015 6:39 AM GMT
    Many years ago, I spent a night with a woman whom I considered a friend and just wanted to make happy. And I was curious.

    There are lots of ways to please a woman and apparently I found a few. She came six times, groaning and quite literally vibrating each time, and afterward begged me to tell her "how did you do that?".

    I couldn't give her a straight answer, pun intended.

    I still chuckle at the experience because it did nothing for me and I can say with absolute certainty I never want to repeat it.


  • Jan 20, 2015 9:42 AM GMT
    I'm about to turn 31 years old and was NEVER with a woman in ANY sexual way (never kissed), and I just only had my first ever 2 brief sexual encounters (a number of weeks ago) with one guy, including my first kiss EVER and all. I'm not seeing that guy any longer because I'm really not attracted to him and he pushed himself on me because I was a virgin, and I settled because of my built up years of sexual/homosexual repression, loneliness, and low self-esteem along with the fact that none of the men I'm really into were giving me the time of day or were available or are straight. It seems I only attract people I'm repulsed by, so I guess a lonely life is what I'm destined to. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2015 3:00 PM GMT
    steve2steeve said... Ideally it would be nice if I could be with the person I want to be with rather than the gender although most likely it would be a man...
    in looking at the OP's text:
    -Take your time; there is no set age where you have to find your self in a relationship. For gods sake; stay single, its a functional option.
    -The OP seems sensitive to what other people think of his choices. Your parents, your employer do not sleep in your bed. No reason why he should let them. The OP should pick what works for him.


    sex is the 30% in a relationship. Lots of things in a relationship like paying the bills, dealing with outside stress. What type of house hold will work for the OP?


    For a life partner; you have to prepared to forgive a lot. As soon as you have forgiven some mortal sin you find your self committing the same act. Long winding road out there.

    keep it simple, dont burn thousands of calories having to over think things. Cheating in a relationship, you will always get caught.
  • twentyfourhou...

    Posts: 243

    Jan 20, 2015 4:10 PM GMT
    I appreciate that some men and women are indeed bisexual and I appreciate that sexuality may be "fluid" throughout one's life-span. With that said, I think that a majority of men on sites such as RJ are simply homosexual in nature. How and when each of us comes to that realization is as diverse as our personalities.

    Here is a quote taken from a scene in a movie by Mart Crowley "The Boys in the Band" made in the early 70s. This move and scene was very helpful to me at a time in my life when I would have posted something similar to the OPs.

    "You’re a sad and pathetic man.
    You’re a homosexual and you don’t want to be.
    But there is nothing you can do to change it.
    Not all your prayers to your God.
    Not all the analysis you can buy and all the years you got left to live.
    You may one day very well get to know a heterosexual life, if you want it desperately enough, if you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate.
    But you will always be a homosexual as well.
    Always, always until the day you die."

    I "came out" over a decade ago and while a beautiful woman still catches my attention, at the end of the day I share my bed with a man.