Proceeding This Week With Plans To Legally Marry My Partner

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 5:14 PM GMT
    I already call him my husband, as he does me, but we don't have a legal marriage here in Florida. I'd like to make it official in February, the month that we first met in person, 8 years ago.

    What's holding us up are some financial entanglements. We don't want either of us involved with the other's finances or property, should one predecease the other. We're not in debt or anything like that, but for instance he really wants to make sure his estate, should he go first, not eventually go to any of my relatives, especially my 2 sons.

    Of course I want most of his stuff to be passed on to his own relatives. I only want to retain the things that he & I acquired together in these 8 years together. He's got lots of family heirlooms & mementos, and I would never consider keeping them for myself. They rightfully belong to his family.

    On the other side, he can have everything I own. Most of my personal & family memorabilia was either lost in several floods, or destroyed by a vengeful ex-wife. I want no one related to me to have anything.

    So these are the things we're sorting out with our attorney, and then I think we can get married!

    A simple ceremony just to make it legal. Then I may plan something really spectacular for later, with Handel, a full orchestra, maybe a choir. I've done that before. No one does a wedding like a gay man. I know a number of RJers who'll be invited. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    It shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 19, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    Aw congratulations!

    I didn't know you had kids! Do they support you being gay?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 19, 2015 5:47 PM GMT
    Don't you do all that by setting up a Trust?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    Marriage is a contract between lovers
    good to hear you two are addressing the legal aspects. Be sure and reference all bank accounts (checking & savings), life insurance, 401K accounts and finally have all IRA account beneficiary statements pointed at the right people. These often get forgotten. State who you appoint the probate court executor. The working copy of the will should be in a known location in your house. If one partner passes away make sure the remaining partner is taken care of. Medical bills generally expand to completely destroy the portable funds in the estate.

    right or wrong; that being said;
    may your marriage will bring you many years of security and loveicon_biggrin.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 19, 2015 5:57 PM GMT
    Lawyers will eat you alive constructing this will. Have a very simple will drawn up leaving everything to each other but also execute a codicil with the intent that certain things should be distributed to others at your husband's "sole discretion." Something of serious value can be specifically mentioned in the will if you like but the codicil can be modified from time to time for various reasons and at lower cost than redrawing a will. Florida has some tough Estate laws and many of them involve a lawyer so make sure you're using someone you know and trust or the lawyer will eat up the estate with fees before you can whistle Dixie. If you go this route, you can each also write a letter of desires that isn't legally binding but helps the other get things to the right person and also expresses the reasoning. "To my beloved nephew John with whom I spent so many wonderful hours over a chessboard, I leave my hand carved...." You get the idea.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2015 5:59 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidLawyers will eat you alive constructing this will. Have a very simple will drawn up leaving everything to each other but also execute a codicil with the intent that certain things should be distributed to others at your husband's "sole discretion." Something of serious value can be specifically mentioned in the will if you like but the codicil can be modified from time to time for various reasons and at lower cost than redrawing a will. Florida has some tough Estate laws and many of them involve a lawyer so make sure you're using someone you know and trust or the lawyer will eat up the estate with fees before you can whistle Dixie. If you go this route, you can each also write a letter of desires that isn't legally binding but helps the other get things to the right person and also expresses the reasoning. "To my beloved nephew John with whom I spent so many wonderful hours over a chessboard, I leave my hand carved...." You get the idea.



    Great advice!
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    Jan 19, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    Get as much legal stuff out of the way as possible and remember there really is no such thing as " iron clad." Trust Me, the vultures come out of the woodwork whenever there are assets involved. The lawyers are the only ones who ever really benefit in divorces or deaths.

    So get it done but don't invest the time you should be spending together planning Your OWN future together on a bunch of loop-holed legalese and retainers and padded billable hours.

    Congratulations to BOTH of You - Your proof that it really does just keep getting better!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 19, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    David3K saidIt shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.

    This is not news to me. The oldest one called me a "fucking faggot". Any other questions?
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    Jan 19, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    Inque saidAw congratulations!

    I didn't know you had kids! Do they support you being gay?

    No, they hate me for it.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 19, 2015 6:20 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Inque saidAw congratulations!

    I didn't know you had kids! Do they support you being gay?

    No, they hate me for it.


    Aw I'm sorry that sucks.

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    Jan 19, 2015 6:39 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidLawyers will eat you alive constructing this will. Have a very simple will drawn up leaving everything to each other but also execute a codicil with the intent that certain things should be distributed to others at your husband's "sole discretion." Something of serious value can be specifically mentioned in the will if you like but the codicil can be modified from time to time for various reasons and at lower cost than redrawing a will. Florida has some tough Estate laws and many of them involve a lawyer so make sure you're using someone you know and trust or the lawyer will eat up the estate with fees before you can whistle Dixie. If you go this route, you can each also write a letter of desires that isn't legally binding but helps the other get things to the right person and also expresses the reasoning. "To my beloved nephew John with whom I spent so many wonderful hours over a chessboard, I leave my hand carved...." You get the idea.

    We had matching final wills, durable powers of attorney, living wills, and mutual health care surrogates drawn within months of our moving in together. We had been through this before, with former partners who died.

    And drawn for us, at that time, by the Deputy Mayor of Fort Lauderdale. Who is still on the City Council. If anyone challenges those documents, at least in this county, we flash his name, and they shut up. We know the power of political connections. In a State where gays have been turned away from their partner's sick bed.

    Anyone who wants to try that with us will have to deal with a BIG NAME coming down on them like a ton of bricks. And that's how you play that game. icon_biggrin.gif

    So what we need to do is a refinement of the above. By our attorney & friend, whom we trust. And get a few legal readings on things. It won't cost us much.

    Your points are well taken, though, and appreciated. And I'm sure of great value to many guys here. But we anticipated this years ago, and had already laid the groundwork for this in advance.
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    Jan 19, 2015 7:10 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    David3K saidIt shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.

    This is not news to me. The oldest one called me a "fucking faggot". Any other questions?

    Aside from our significant political differences, I am sorry to hear about your situation with your sons. I can imagine a scenario where a vengeful ex-wife can turn kids against their father, but when they become adults, in this day and age, I would have thought there could be some reconcilation.
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    Jan 20, 2015 12:02 AM GMT
    Congratulations!

    You are taking the right course in first consulting an attorney you trust, especially since you have children who don't get along with you.

    Before my domestic partnership started, we did a pre-nup - mostly for tax reasons, since California is a community property state. Saved a lot of hassle and expense dealing with the IRS during that period where California recognized DPs, but the feds did not.

    Besides marital bliss, to help out with the government's deficit, you can look forward to being subject to the "marriage penalty" (income tax) that married straights have had to pay for years.
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    Jan 20, 2015 12:27 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    David3K saidIt shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.

    This is not news to me. The oldest one called me a "fucking faggot". Any other questions?


    Yes, how old were they when you told them you were gay?

    Btw congratulations on the legal wedding.
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    Jan 20, 2015 12:30 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    socalfitness said
    Art_Deco said
    David3K saidIt shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.

    This is not news to me. The oldest one called me a "fucking faggot". Any other questions?

    Aside from our significant political differences, I am sorry to hear about your situation with your sons. I can imagine a scenario where a vengeful ex-wife can turn kids against their father, but when they become adults, in this day and age, I would have thought there could be some reconcilation.


    I know where David was trying to go with this. He was merely projecting his negative, narrow minded views of gay men whom he believes aren't family oriented or who are incapable of providing paternal guidance and unconditional love. But sadly, some children reject their parents when they come out of the closet.

    Also:

    Scorned, divorced wives have been known to manipulate their children into believing the father was/is the evil person. I've seen it happen several times. One of them being my brother who is as straight as can be.



    Dude get of my back 1 minute, I already told you, stop harassing me in every post I make. If you don't like my replies ignore them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2015 1:39 AM GMT
    How marvelous!

    Sorry about your relationship with your kids, first I've heard of it. Kind of reminds me of the River Phoenix character in that fantastically cheesy '80s miniseries "Celebrity" minus (presumably) the Malibu beach house, the celebrity, and the awkward encounter, where Phoenix played a preadolescent who visits his divorced movie star dad and, stumbling in from the beach, catches dad in flagrante delicto with an, er, male assistant, and is so traumatized he joins a cult. But over time even his character got over it. Hopefully your sons will too. Perhaps your wedding might prove the catalyst, though regardless, it seems you've made some sort of peace having moved on.
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    Jan 20, 2015 1:55 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    David3K said

    Dude get of my back 1 minute, I already told you, stop harassing me in every post I make. If you don't like my replies ignore them.


    Two gay men who love each other are finally able to get legally married and have shared their plans with us on this site. A more decorous response would be something along the lines of, "Congratulations" or "Many blessings." But you honed right in on Art's estranged and unfortunate relationships with his two sons. Be happy for him.

    Hypocrite #1 strikes again! While I made a reply regarding Art's OP your post was entirely a reply to mine, throwing shit. Only after you saw my 2nd reply congratulating Art is that you decided to make a similar post as well. and then have the guts to suggest I should be happy for him, you show what you are.
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    Jan 20, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    David3K said
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    David3K said

    Dude get of my back 1 minute, I already told you, stop harassing me in every post I make. If you don't like my replies ignore them.


    Two gay men who love each other are finally able to get legally married and have shared their plans with us on this site. A more decorous response would be something along the lines of, "Congratulations" or "Many blessings." But you honed right in on Art's estranged and unfortunate relationships with his two sons. Be happy for him.

    Hypocrite #1 strikes again! While I made a reply regarding Art's OP your post was entirely a reply to mine, throwing shit. Only after you saw my 2nd reply congratulating Art is that you decided to make a similar post as well. and then have the guts to suggest I should be happy for him, you show what you are.


    Hey Hey HEY You Guys...save this kind of mudslinging crap for where it belongs -- at the Gay wedding reception where everyone is dressed for it and is expecting it!!!
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    Jan 20, 2015 2:02 AM GMT
    socalfitness said
    Art_Deco said
    David3K saidIt shows you dont have a good relationship with your 2 sons.

    This is not news to me. The oldest one called me a "fucking faggot". Any other questions?

    Aside from our significant political differences, I am sorry to hear about your situation with your sons. I can imagine a scenario where a vengeful ex-wife can turn kids against their father, but when they become adults, in this day and age, I would have thought there could be some reconcilation.

    I appreciate that kindness. I really do. Yeah, we've battled here politically, but this was an unexpected, but very touching post.

    I'm gonna have trouble attacking you in the future. LOL!

    But as far as my sons, the oldest one joined the US Air Force. And until then, prompting me to research it, I didn't realize every single male generation in my family in America, since colonial times in the 1600s, has worn a uniform.

    I was the only one who made a career of it. But everyone else at least served, in some capacity, for over 360 years of unbroken generations. Even my Mother wore a uniform in WWII ! Perhaps it's in the genes, I dunno. But nobody ever told me to sign up, and I would have told my estranged son not to do it. But he did it anyway.
  • TheBaise

    Posts: 363

    Jan 20, 2015 3:09 AM GMT
    Good on ya with the wedding bells ringing there Pops! Might as well do your thing and make it happen for yourselves.

    Bummer about your kid though / you gotta make that up to him and put that relationship back together. I mean, dude that's your flesh and blood kid there. He needs you to explain jumpin' ship and goin' with the other team / he might be feelin' abandoned and shit. Repair that relationship and he'll be there for you when you get older. Time's short. Family's family, man.

    Cool that you found another older dude to make it with. Cudos and all / as you head into your sunset years!
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    Jan 20, 2015 3:46 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Inque saidAw congratulations!

    I didn't know you had kids! Do they support you being gay?

    No, they hate me for it.


    I know you and I have talked about this on the phone and I fully understand your situation. I still hate to think this is positively absolutely permanent. Times and attitudes change. You're not getting any younger. Do think it's worth the attempt at some kind of reconciliation before it is truly too late?
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    Jan 20, 2015 3:49 AM GMT
    And btw, congrats on the marriage.

    Seriously! Not being sarcastic, but truly, congratulations.
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    Jan 20, 2015 3:51 AM GMT
    pazzy saiddamn, you didn't tie the knot yet? icon_eek.gif didn't they legalize same sex marriage in the florida keys? the way you talk about your husband, i thought you were already legally married? why are you bamboozling us.


    11111 posts !!!!
  • Farmboy8

    Posts: 88

    Jan 20, 2015 4:23 AM GMT
    Congratulations Deco. I couldn't be happier for you.