The Reluctant Bottom

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2015 2:16 AM GMT
    So I have a rule that I only ever bottom for a guy that I'm dating and I'm noticing that it's deterring a lot of guys. I will still top outside of a relationship but won't easily bend over because I find it something very personal that I'd prefer to do with someone I really care about. Does anyone think this is a stupid thing to have and am I losing out on possible opportunities with guys because they think I basically want a relationship before I will bottom?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2015 2:26 AM GMT
    You probably are missing out a little, but it's not a stupid thing to want. I myself am a bottom pretty much all the time, but I really despise hook ups. Most guys run for the hills because I want something more out of it, a fwb at the very least. oh well
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2015 3:19 AM GMT
    I know what you mean. I kinda feel the same way.
    I don't think you are losing any possibilities b/c you wouldn't enjoy bottoming for a hookup.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2015 3:44 AM GMT
    Unless you feel like you're missing out on having more hook-ups, you probably shouldn't change your rule.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2015 5:19 AM GMT
    Yeah, I have that strict rule too. But there's like, a 9" exception clause icon_razz.gif
    Cause, how often is that going to happen?














    Well, it's more like a guideline, really...
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Jan 22, 2015 5:55 AM GMT
    Nope. This is not stupid. You have your rule, and you go by it.

    The issue here may be the way you communicate this. If you create the perception that you are basically a sexually negative person because of your rules, this may be sending quite a few guys running for the hills.

    The matter is further on complicated by the fact that you say that you are happy to top outside the relationship. This may work well for total bottoms, but the genuinely versatile dudes may be sensing that your rule puts them in an asymmetrical position to you. They may go as far as to interpret this as you seeing them as eager bottoms, who are really happy to put out for a guy they are hooking up with but you would not do the same for them. Again, this sends a typically versatile dude packing.

    If you stick with your rule, more of the same will occur. If you start looking for bttm dudes, the play is likely to work out fine. If you want to date genuinely versatile dudes, consider the consequences of your rule for the guy you are hooking up with. Try to see and understand how your rule affects them. Try being in their shoes...

    SC
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 22, 2015 5:59 AM GMT
    I think you should stick to what is right for you. It is good to have some moral values, if nothing else, so you can face yourself in the mirror in the morning and respect yourself. Other people feel differently about that, but almost everyone has their own boundaries, in one form or another.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 22, 2015 8:15 AM GMT
    It's your body, your conscience and your life. You can do whatever you want.

    And in terms of reasonableness, I don't think what you're asking for is weird or unheard of. You're on the "prudish" side of things relatively to the gay world, but if it makes you feel any better you're still a slut compared to the nearly Puritanical heterosexual-female world (who to date have an average of 5 sexual partners in their lifetime).

    Plus, dollars to donuts you change with age. Everyone starts out with a laundry list and tons of rules, then most people (not all) get sick of the hassle and, when single, you hookup a lot more and without all the self-imposed rules and courtship rituals and fetishes. When I was 17 I was SO selective, my potential dating or hookup pool was, literally, about 1/100. Nowadays (when I'm single) I text an old fuck bud, or I find a new guy on Grindr and I'm like (1) are you STD free? (2) cool with condom? (3) attractive?. Perfect, your place or mine.

    Just do your thing, and know time (sometimes) changes things slowly but steadily.
  • Farmboy8

    Posts: 88

    Jan 28, 2015 6:40 PM GMT
    I am not a bottom and all the guys I have been with prefer bottoming, but I don't blame you one bit for wanting to wait. Any guy that's "interested" in you and feels it's an issue doesn't respect you, in my mind, and isn't worth pursuing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2015 7:28 AM GMT
    Farmboy8 saidI am not a bottom and all the guys I have been with prefer bottoming, but I don't blame you one bit for wanting to wait. Any guy that's "interested" in you and feels it's an issue doesn't respect you, in my mind, and isn't worth pursuing.


    Ditto!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2015 11:34 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI think you should stick to what is right for you. It is good to have some moral values, if nothing else, so you can face yourself in the mirror in the morning and respect yourself. Other people feel differently about that, but almost everyone has their own boundaries, in one form or another.


    X 1
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Jan 30, 2015 1:04 PM GMT
    it is double standard to say "I'll fuck you, but will not let you fuck me".

    Good to know that sticking your cock in my ass does not feel "personal" and that you don't really care about me. icon_confused.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 31, 2015 2:39 AM GMT
    Do what feels right to you...Fuck everybody else.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jan 31, 2015 4:03 AM GMT
    OP should be in a relationship with first responder and skype it for all of us every day.

    why are either of you single?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2015 7:12 PM GMT
    You're not really missing out on much! If a guy can't respect your rules, then he's not worth playing with. There's nothing wrong with giving the gift of your hole only to a dude who deserves it.

    But I've always loved playing with my ass. Penetrating my butt is just routine now. And it's still as enjoyable for me since the first time. I can't get enough icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 12, 2015 8:57 AM GMT
    shawnyshawn3 saidSo I have a rule that I only ever bottom for a guy that I'm dating and I'm noticing that it's deterring a lot of guys. I will still top outside of a relationship but won't easily bend over because I find it something very personal that I'd prefer to do with someone I really care about. Does anyone think this is a stupid thing to have and am I losing out on possible opportunities with guys because they think I basically want a relationship before I will bottom?


    Shawny you have a good rule that you must have made to ensure your sex life is enjoyable. I think you also have to be wary of people pushing their needs on you when you are not comfortable with doing it. I myself have attempted to push my boundaries which is a good thing to do but do not sacrifice your soul for a casual encounter as if just makes you into a gay sheep just like the rest. I have ended up being less strict about btm outside a relationship however I am still very cautious on who I give it up for and just like me you need to work out when you feel most comfortable as stick to thst
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    Farmboy8 saidI am not a bottom and all the guys I have been with prefer bottoming, but I don't blame you one bit for wanting to wait. Any guy that's "interested" in you and feels it's an issue doesn't respect you, in my mind, and isn't worth pursuingicon_evil.gif.


    This. (You are really hot by the way!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    shawnyshawn3 saidSo I have a rule that I only ever bottom for a guy that I'm dating and I'm noticing that it's deterring a lot of guys. I will still top outside of a relationship but won't easily bend over because I find it something very personal that I'd prefer to do with someone I really care about. Does anyone think this is a stupid thing to have and am I losing out on possible opportunities with guys because they think I basically want a relationship before I will bottom?


    When I was hooking up regularly guys would say that they only bottom for the right guy. So 10 minutes in a BJ out comes a condom and they are riding me. I think bottoming is just question of horniness for guys that are wired to receive pleasure anally.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 14, 2015 10:09 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    shawnyshawn3 saidSo I have a rule that I only ever bottom for a guy that I'm dating and I'm noticing that it's deterring a lot of guys. I will still top outside of a relationship but won't easily bend over because I find it something very personal that I'd prefer to do with someone I really care about. Does anyone think this is a stupid thing to have and am I losing out on possible opportunities with guys because they think I basically want a relationship before I will bottom?


    When I was hooking up regularly guys would say that they only bottom for the right guy. So 10 minutes in a BJ out comes a condom and they are riding me. I think bottoming is just question of horniness for guys that are wired to receive pleasure anally.


    Well, yes, that, and the fact that you're ripped and hot icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    I'm even more of a prude. I generally don't do anal the first time I have sex with a man.
    But as Alpha13 points put, there are definitely those times where 10 minutes into making out and blowing each other out comes a condom and I'm fucking him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2015 5:08 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    shawnyshawn3 saidSo I have a rule that I only ever bottom for a guy that I'm dating and I'm noticing that it's deterring a lot of guys. I will still top outside of a relationship but won't easily bend over because I find it something very personal that I'd prefer to do with someone I really care about. Does anyone think this is a stupid thing to have and am I losing out on possible opportunities with guys because they think I basically want a relationship before I will bottom?


    When I was hooking up regularly guys would say that they only bottom for the right guy. So 10 minutes in a BJ out comes a condom and they are riding me. I think bottoming is just question of horniness for guys that are wired to receive pleasure anally.




    Haha I can definitely say I haven't quite ended up in that position
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2015 6:11 AM GMT
    I don't think you're missing out on much. I'm the same way, if a guy wants to get into my love hole, I'd at least wanna know more about the guy.
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    Feb 20, 2015 7:30 AM GMT
    I personally love to get fucked, but i need to know you are not a cunt in order for that to happen. Generally, if i bottom, we are GETTING MARRIED… lol.
    Hense, the reason I don't bottom all that much. icon_smile.gif I prefer to be in a somewhat long term ( more than once) relationship before i give up the trip to Disney.. icon_rolleyes.gif LOL.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Feb 20, 2015 10:56 AM GMT
    Not missing out at all. If you have to compromise your boundaries, are they worth it? Don't even worry about the missed opportunities, you may be dodging a bullet if they have sexual demands you won't fulfill.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Feb 20, 2015 2:18 PM GMT
    If a guy is going to drop you just because you would rather not bend over he wasn't much of a potential partner to begin with.

    But if you want sex for sex then think about it this way:
    Do you REALLY want to have sex if you are going to have to bottom?
    Yeah? Go for it! Then shake off that rule and enjoy your damn life.

    If you WILL NOT enjoy it... Why even bother hooking up? And if it is under the thought they may turn into a boyfriend later then drop that idea into the toilet- my first sentence pretty much sums up why.

    Tl;dr: Overall it is what you are comfortable with.