Very flaky interest; irritation is building

  • Jamie1298

    Posts: 33

    Jan 22, 2015 5:27 AM GMT
    I met this cute guy and we hit it off the first date, laughing, teasing, sharing interest and all of that and we even made out. He, and I stress, hesaid that we should hang out again and we tried to hash out a day to meet, but our schedules weren't looking good. However, things were going so good between us that one night, when we were texting, I admitted to him that I was a little anxious and nervous because I didn't want things to take a bad turn and he too has issues with anxiety. Now that we're given chances to meet up, his answer is always "maybe" and that he has to do something or is going somewhere later like to a movie. I don't try to overstep my bounds, but I'm from the south and we usually extend an invitation to someone if we're going somewhere by ourselves and it's not private. So, I suggested that we could hang out while he did whatever; kill to birds with one stone. No response. It feels like head games are being played here or he's being indecisive, because he still talks to me and shows interest. So I really don't know what the hell is going on.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Jan 22, 2015 5:38 AM GMT
    My reaction here would be to drop the dude, and move on ASAP.

    Life is too short for such games. Yup, we are all busy. But if you have enough time to go and catch a movie, you also have enough time to go on a date, and meet the guy you say you are interested in. Actually, meeting someone you are allegedly interested in is ALWAYS more important than catching a movie, isn't it?

    There are at least two probable explanations for his behavior here:

    He is not sure, cannot decide, and wants to keep you on hold for as long as he can. Eventually, you'll be gone on your own, and he would be saying to himself, that it was you who left, and he has nothing to blame himself for.

    He may be also playing a typical power game thing, in which after having met you, and kinda connected with you, he plays the "I am inaccessible card..." He is all like "maybe", "I do not know", and all that. You are still going for this, so he is keeping it up. At one point, he will agree to see you again, and it will be self-understood that from that point on, he leads the charge, and you have to agree to his conditions, so that he does not again go into the "I am inaccessible mode"...

    Like I said before, Life is too short for this...

    SC

  • Jamie1298

    Posts: 33

    Jan 22, 2015 5:53 AM GMT
    Thanks for the response and I don't think that meeting an interest takes precedence over catching a movie, though that can change if you've made plans with said interest, haha. It is also true that if you have time to catch said movie, you have time to hang out. We could have caught a movie together an, a bit later, he told me that he wasn't going because he didn't want to spend the money

    I tried confronting him about how he's acting and got no response, so I am going to move on. It just really irks me when people in general have to resort to playing mindless games instead of being upfront with the person to not waste time.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 22, 2015 6:04 AM GMT
    You should probably stop contacting him. If he is interested he will contact you. Some guys like doing the chasing but get turned off when chased.
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    Jan 22, 2015 1:04 PM GMT
    Jamie1298 saidI met this cute guy and we hit it off the first date, laughing, teasing, sharing interest and all of that and we even made out. He, and I stress, hesaid that we should hang out again and we tried to hash out a day to meet, but our schedules weren't looking good. However, things were going so good between us that one night, when we were texting, I admitted to him that I was a little anxious and nervous because I didn't want things to take a bad turn and he too has issues with anxiety. Now that we're given chances to meet up, his answer is always "maybe" and that he has to do something or is going somewhere later like to a movie. I don't try to overstep my bounds, but I'm from the south and we usually extend an invitation to someone if we're going somewhere by ourselves and it's not private. So, I suggested that we could hang out while he did whatever; kill to birds with one stone. No response. It feels like head games are being played here or he's being indecisive, because he still talks to me and shows interest. So I really don't know what the hell is going on.


    He has told you in several different ways that he is NOT interested. Attraction is not subtle. If a guy is genuinely interested in you, he will show you it to you in a clear way. That's not what's happening here.

    So move on. I know it hurts to want someone who doesn't want you: I've been there before. Still, I know that the world is full of wonderful people --including someone who will appreciate your value and show genuine interest in you. The trick is figuring out how to make that happen. The first step is this one: forget about this guy.
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    Jan 22, 2015 1:10 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou should probably stop contacting him. If he is interested he will contact you. Some guys like doing the chasing but get turned off when chased.

    I agree. And also with points raised by SilverRRCloud. This is a dead end street.
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    Jan 22, 2015 1:27 PM GMT
    Jamie1298 saidThanks for the response and I don't think that meeting an interest takes precedence over catching a movie, though that can change if you've made plans with said interest, haha. It is also true that if you have time to catch said movie, you have time to hang out. We could have caught a movie together an, a bit later, he told me that he wasn't going because he didn't want to spend the money

    I tried confronting him about how he's acting and got no response, so I am going to move on. It just really irks me when people in general have to resort to playing mindless games instead of being upfront with the person to not waste time.


    Yup, onto da next. Ain't nobody got time for dat. Heartache now or heartache later is wut i say
  • Atom77

    Posts: 7

    Jan 22, 2015 5:15 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou should probably stop contacting him. If he is interested he will contact you. Some guys like doing the chasing but get turned off when chased.


    This is so true for many guys. Try avoiding him completely to see where that takes you with him. (If you are not yet ready to drop him altogether )
  • Jamie1298

    Posts: 33

    Jan 22, 2015 7:17 PM GMT
    Atom77 said
    AMoonHawk saidYou should probably stop contacting him. If he is interested he will contact you. Some guys like doing the chasing but get turned off when chased.


    This is so true for many guys. Try avoiding him completely to see where that takes you with him. (If you are not yet ready to drop him altogether )


    I'm actually doing this right now, lol. friend of mine who's like a second mom to me is taking me out to eat. And I do have another interest that actually respects me and shows his interest. And like BlkMuscleGent said, this guy most likely not interested.

    I am the type to give the benefit of the doubt, but the signs are too strong, especially when he told me that he had the week off, but kept giving me maybe answers. Like NavyBluBallz said, nobody has time for this and I'm not going to be a doormat and I am moving on.

    If he does contact me, I'll be respectful, but he'll have to prove himself. I thank you all for the responses icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    OP, how confident you are about the possibility of finding someone like him in the future? Do you feel like you were lucky to have the attention of someone like him?
  • Jamie1298

    Posts: 33

    Jan 23, 2015 1:52 AM GMT
    bachian saidOP, how confident you are about the possibility of finding someone like him in the future? Do you feel like you were lucky to have the attention of someone like him?


    If you mean someone like the unreliable person, I wouldn't want to find someone like him in the future because the irritation and wasted effort isn't worth it, but I'm confident that I will if I "stick to my area" when it comes to dating, which doesn't seem like a good thing. I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't lucky to have the attention of someone like him because it did feel good to be in his company; the laughing, teasing, and sharing interests as I aforementioned in an earlier post of mine.
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    Jan 24, 2015 1:38 AM GMT
    ^

    I meant the good parts of him.
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    Jan 24, 2015 2:27 AM GMT
    BlkMuscleGent said
    Jamie1298 saidI met this cute guy and we hit it off the first date, laughing, teasing, sharing interest and all of that and we even made out. He, and I stress, hesaid that we should hang out again and we tried to hash out a day to meet, but our schedules weren't looking good. However, things were going so good between us that one night, when we were texting, I admitted to him that I was a little anxious and nervous because I didn't want things to take a bad turn and he too has issues with anxiety. Now that we're given chances to meet up, his answer is always "maybe" and that he has to do something or is going somewhere later like to a movie. I don't try to overstep my bounds, but I'm from the south and we usually extend an invitation to someone if we're going somewhere by ourselves and it's not private. So, I suggested that we could hang out while he did whatever; kill to birds with one stone. No response. It feels like head games are being played here or he's being indecisive, because he still talks to me and shows interest. So I really don't know what the hell is going on.


    He has told you in several different ways that he is NOT interested. Attraction is not subtle. If a guy is genuinely interested in you, he will show you it to you in a clear way. That's not what's happening here.

    So move on. I know it hurts to want someone who doesn't want you: I've been there before. Still, I know that the world is full of wonderful people --including someone who will appreciate your value and show genuine interest in you. The trick is figuring out how to make that happen. The first step is this one: forget about this guy.


    This.