Why does this keep happening to me?

  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 3:14 PM GMT
    I am destined to be alone.

    I met the perfect guy the other day on the bus. We clicked instantly. He said he was married but I didn't care and neither did he and we had a date yesterday. Well turns out that one day when I was walking him home his father in law saw us making out and threatened to tell his wife. So now he's telling me we need to cool it so he doesn't lose his wife and we will have to try again in a few days.

    Why is it whenever I met someone who is perfect things like this always happen? Why are the only guys I attract closet cases, bi-curious, married, bisexual or generally some flavor of ain't-shitness?

    I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?
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    Jan 24, 2015 3:35 PM GMT
    Inque saidI am destined to be alone...

    ...I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?

    Living in Tampa?

    Even Ybor City probably won't be much help, it's turning lesbionic.

    And don't fuck around with married guys. If he's not a single gay guy you're barking up the wrong tree.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 3:58 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Inque saidI am destined to be alone...

    ...I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?

    Living in Tampa?

    Even Ybor City probably won't be much help, it's turning lesbionic.

    And don't fuck around with married guys. If he's not a single gay guy you're barking up the wrong tree.


    In Ybor City ALLLLL I meet there are twinks or gym rats who I'm not shape enough for. The average guys all want someone who looks like Justin Bieber or Channing Tatum.

    The only guys who are ever attracted to me are the closet cases, married men or bisexual dudes of any relationship status.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 24, 2015 5:40 PM GMT
    "Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 5:49 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 24, 2015 6:02 PM GMT
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.

    He's married and you played up to him anyway. You asked for what you got. So why are you whining about it?
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 24, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    The worst vice is adVICE, but I'll say this:

    (1). Don't meet men on public transportation.

    (2). Don't fuck around with married men (that's adultery theologically, and basic morals don't condone your helping another person to cheat behind a partner's back), and if you do, realize it's ONLY physical and that "dates" and anything more is out of the question.

    (3). Florida is the flakiest and most superficial place I've ever lived. I worked in Miami and lived in South Beach for a year and some time, and the Florida "culture" is not supportive of committed long term relationships. It's about flashy cars, hot abs, sex, and money. Check please.

    (4). Stop trying so hard. It sounds like you're actively searching and looking for someone. Whether or not you explicitly say this to potential mates, they can sense it, and it reeks of desperation and dependent personality disorder. I've done the same thing, searched actively, and it NEVER worked out. I'd get dates, but they'd invariably mess up. I ALWAYS find my a relationship when I'm NOT searching for it. Now this doesn't mean you should sit alone in your home with the lights off. Go to bars, hang out with coworkers, attend a concert, troll on Adam4Adam and Grindr. You've got to put yourself out there in as many social situations as possible. But be content with just doing that. Along the way, you will discover a person you click with, you'll do something else and it'll click, and again, and before you know it you're dating. You'll then having a laughing conversation along the lines of: "well, looks like we're dating, are we steady?" jokingly, and your partner will say something like "dumbass." And of course you're boyfriends. Literally, if you ever have to ask a person on a date, or to "go steady," you're in love with the idea of love and it's not working. It will happen naturally. You'll just start doing stuff together more and more, and having sex more and more, and before you know it you're lovers.

    That's what I'd say. And I've had relatively successful relationships. 5 in total since I was 18. 4 guys and 1 girl (early college). I'm still friends with the prior 4, and the current one and I are 2 years strong this February. I ended it with the girl because I came out to her. And the 3 guys were all because I moved (to law school), he moved (for work), I moved (from Miami to NYC), respectively. So I've never just had a relationship 'end'. Just realize that nothing is perfect, no matter how perfect it seems from the outside, and be willing to accept another person's imperfections. We all have them. You just have to find a guy with imperfections you can live with.

    Being married is probably a deal breaker every time.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.

    He's married and you played up to him anyway. You asked for what you got. So why are you whining about it?


    He said I was the only man he'd ever been emotionally attracted to. He said he was attracted to women emotionally but men sexually but I was the first man where it was ever both. He could barely even finish sex because he got so nervous. He said he gets nervous when he gets sexual with people he's emotionally into.

    He said I was the first person who ever gave me a blowjob.

    He said I was special.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 24, 2015 6:07 PM GMT
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.

    He's married and you played up to him anyway. You asked for what you got. So why are you whining about it?


    He said I was the only man he'd ever been emotionally attracted to. He said he was attracted to women emotionally but men sexually but I was the first man where it was ever both. He could barely even finish sex because he got so nervous. He said he gets nervous when he gets sexual with people he's emotionally into.

    He said I was the first person who ever gave me a blowjob.

    That's like seeing an open flame putting your hand near it and feeling that it is hot, but then you stick your entire hand in the flame and hold there and cry that it burns.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.

    He's married and you played up to him anyway. You asked for what you got. So why are you whining about it?


    He said I was the only man he'd ever been emotionally attracted to. He said he was attracted to women emotionally but men sexually but I was the first man where it was ever both. He could barely even finish sex because he got so nervous. He said he gets nervous when he gets sexual with people he's emotionally into.

    He said I was the first person who ever gave me a blowjob.

    That's like seeing an open flame putting your hand near it and feeling that it is hot, but then you stick your entire hand in the flame and hold there and cry that it burns.


    I got attached because we clicked so well. He made me feel special. Most guys don't notice me. So for him to did something to me and we just really clicked. He seemed really into me.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 24, 2015 6:12 PM GMT
    pity-party.jpg
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 24, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said
    Inque said
    AMoonHawk said"Why does this keep happening to me?"
    karma, lack of self respect, immaturaty, lack of moral values


    Karma for what? It's not my fault he's married. He told me they haven't had sex in forever. It's not my fault she's not taking care of her man the man he should be taken care of. Maybe if she was doing what she was supposed to do he wouldn't be looking for ass on the outside.

    He's married and you played up to him anyway. You asked for what you got. So why are you whining about it?


    He said I was the only man he'd ever been emotionally attracted to. He said he was attracted to women emotionally but men sexually but I was the first man where it was ever both. He could barely even finish sex because he got so nervous. He said he gets nervous when he gets sexual with people he's emotionally into.

    He said I was the first person who ever gave me a blowjob.

    That's like seeing an open flame putting your hand near it and feeling that it is hot, but then you stick your entire hand in the flame and hold there and cry that it burns.


    I got attached because we clicked so well. He made me feel special. Most guys don't notice me. So for him to did something to me and we just really clicked. He seemed really into me.

    188658671860631225_hClp3Gur_f.jpg
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 24, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    Err, OP, from what you've described it sounds like your white knight is a deep closet case, trapped in a loveless marriage, who has so many emotional issues it isn't funny, and who doesn't have the testicular fortitude to be a man, admit who and what he is, and resolve problems and situations in his life. He literally sounds like the kind of guy who, if he does get up enough courage, will take a gun and commit murder-suicide. It's kinda creepy how the guy's coming across in your commentary about him (shaking during sex?).

    Why, pray tell, does he make you feel special?
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    Jan 24, 2015 6:15 PM GMT
    Inque saidI am destined to be alone.

    I met the perfect guy the other day on the bus. We clicked instantly. He said he was married but I didn't care and neither did he and we had a date yesterday. Well turns out that one day when I was walking him home his father in law saw us making out and threatened to tell his wife. So now he's telling me we need to cool it so he doesn't lose his wife and we will have to try again in a few days.

    Why is it whenever I met someone who is perfect things like this always happen? Why are the only guys I attract closet cases, bi-curious, married, bisexual or generally some flavor of ain't-shitness?

    I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?


    "He said he was married but I didn't care "

    Karma?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 24, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    I had to laugh out loud when I read this and I'm not trying to be a prick. I can totally understand the desire for it to work out when you meet someone you are attracted to.. but

    The "but" is what you said... you "didn't care" if he was with someone else.... you live and die by the sword, so to speak.

    You need to have the kind of positive self concept to go the extra mile and base your interest in more than just physical appeal (what a thought! lol), find out about the dude before you make any judgements about wanting to mess with him or get to know him any further.

    Find out if he is "right" for you to be with and meets your internal criteria.

    And you'll be alone if you don't make the effort!
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    Svnw688 saidErr, OP, from what you've described it sounds like your white knight is a deep closet case, trapped in a loveless marriage, who has so many emotional issues it isn't funny, and who doesn't have the testicular fortitude to be a man, admit who and what he is, and resolve problems and situations in his life. He literally sounds like the kind of guy who, if he does get up enough courage, will take a gun and commit murder-suicide. It's kinda creepy how the guy's coming across in your commentary about him (shaking during sex?).

    Why, pray tell, does he make you feel special?


    He was very nervous and breathing heavily. I just took it as a compliment that I was doing a good job. He told me he hasn't had this level of intimacy in a long time and that he and his wife aren't intimate like this anymore. They've been together four years but married for one and engaged for three. He told me he doesn't know if they were ready to get married but that he knows that he loves her and doesn't want to fuck things up with her. I have no problem with that. But he said he needs someone else in his life because she isn't giving him what he needs and he wants that someone to be me. Or at least that's what he was saying until last night.
  • Inque

    Posts: 517

    Jan 24, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    freedomisntfree said
    Inque saidI am destined to be alone.

    I met the perfect guy the other day on the bus. We clicked instantly. He said he was married but I didn't care and neither did he and we had a date yesterday. Well turns out that one day when I was walking him home his father in law saw us making out and threatened to tell his wife. So now he's telling me we need to cool it so he doesn't lose his wife and we will have to try again in a few days.

    Why is it whenever I met someone who is perfect things like this always happen? Why are the only guys I attract closet cases, bi-curious, married, bisexual or generally some flavor of ain't-shitness?

    I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?


    "He said he was married but I didn't care "

    Karma?


    Well I mean if his marriage was solid he wouldn't be looking for extra ass.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 24, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    Gotcha OP.

    Well, really, there's a guy "stuck" in a sham marriage. It's not bad enough for him to leave, but it isn't good enough for him to enjoy it (and so he seeks flings).

    You want his attention, but he's married. His marriage status isn't going to change. She won, you lost.

    I say move on. Best just to avoid married men (unless it's purely physical).
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    Jan 24, 2015 6:31 PM GMT
    Inque said
    freedomisntfree said
    Inque saidI am destined to be alone.

    I met the perfect guy the other day on the bus. We clicked instantly. He said he was married but I didn't care and neither did he and we had a date yesterday. Well turns out that one day when I was walking him home his father in law saw us making out and threatened to tell his wife. So now he's telling me we need to cool it so he doesn't lose his wife and we will have to try again in a few days.

    Why is it whenever I met someone who is perfect things like this always happen? Why are the only guys I attract closet cases, bi-curious, married, bisexual or generally some flavor of ain't-shitness?

    I haven't had a relationship be it sexual or romantic with an actual gay man in like a year. What am I doing wrong?


    "He said he was married but I didn't care "

    Karma?


    Well I mean if his marriage was solid he wouldn't be looking for extra ass.


    IMO, I sure as hell wouldn't be helping him.

    Sounds like he found an ass.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 24, 2015 6:39 PM GMT
    I am in NO way condoning violence. But for the record, you do realize that trifling with a person's spouse usually results in name calling, sometimes results in property damage, and can result in physical violence, right?

    Just making sure you know what you're getting into. Again, I am not condoning violence because a person finds out their partner cheated. I'm just describing society in the USA circa 2015. People literally write novels and movie plots about what you're doing, and it doesn't turn out pretty.

    tumblr_n44ln1FJc81r0lapto5_250.gif
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    Jan 24, 2015 6:44 PM GMT
    Svnw688 saidI am in NO way condoning violence. But for the record, you do realize that trifling with a person's spouse usually results in name calling, sometimes results in property damage, and can result in physical violence, right?

    Just making sure you know what you're getting into. Again, I am not condoning violence because a person finds out their partner cheated. I'm just describing society in the USA circa 2015. People literally write novels and movie plots about what you're doing, and it doesn't turn out pretty.



    Nor should it.
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    Jan 24, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    Inque saidWhat am I doing wrong?

    Oh Charlene, there isn't time enough in your present incarnation to list all the things.
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    Jan 24, 2015 6:51 PM GMT
    Is this a joke? Go check yourself in a mental institute again.
    By the way, your story sounds like complete made up bullshit to me, you are a lost case.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 24, 2015 6:51 PM GMT
    As NeNe would say:

    tumblr_inline_nc5acaUaCR1sg7362.gif

    But the marriage issue aside. OP, how often do you go to clubs? Or ask friends/coworkers to introduce you to single gay guys? Do you use match.com, Grindr, Scruff or Adam4Adam? I'm just curious as to WHERE and HOW you're searching for potential mates. I'm familiar with the bus tactic. What else?
  • SnowSpirit

    Posts: 21

    Jan 25, 2015 11:48 PM GMT
    It sounds like he's picked up on your insecurities and telling what you want to hear.
    You try to justify going out with a married man and expect us to feel sorry for you. If he's the one that's messing around with other men, don't you think he might the reason he and his wife haven't had sex in years.

    Why assume she's the problem, you haven't even met her.