If I date a woman - what will others think of me? And why the judgement?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 2:32 PM GMT
    Bear with me, I'm only 24 but i have issues with the dating scene. A big one is a lot of gay men who show interest in me and vice versa are turned off of certain personality characteristics of mine that end up being deal breakers. Apparently, from my experience being into metal music is a deal breaker. My friends are also considered "Goth" by the way they dress. And as put with a guy I tried to see before, he "doesn't want to be seen with freaks". And so the way my friends look is a deal breaker too. A huge belief of mine that gay men seem to not like is I do not like to drink alcohol, not even occasionally, or do drugs even caffeine. It's not religious or for health reasons, I just never had interest in it and people should respect that like my friends do. I obviously don't mind what others do around me, I just don't want to be forced to do something I don't want to do. The list goes on and on as to why dating with men never works and it's always something silly like the art i like, my obsession with women in entertainment, and things that make me unique as a person.

    Apparently these rules even apply to gay men I try to be friends with.

    I do not also understand why money and the career drastically affects a relationship? Since when did money get involved? I thought honesty, trust and respect were most important???

    But this issue I have never ever seen with women which is why I started to date women. All the women I have gone on dates with do not judge me on my career, interests or my beliefs in drug consumption. The current woman I'm seeing might get serious and I'm afraid...

    I am not attracted to women, never had sex with a woman and have no interest in it. They just fill my emotional needs to a certain extent. I'm lying to myself and desperate for someone that won't judge me.

    Oh what to do...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    What to do? Be patient, young Jedi, and simply keep on meeting people. Women, men, it doesn't matter as some of them will know other gay guys who you may find very nice indeed, and they you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 6:50 PM GMT
    What? i mean i love metal and goth music. And it was never a deal breaker icon_lol.gif

    I have a big variety of friends. From jocks to goths to metalheads to hip-hop heads to preppy. None of that stuff was ever a deal breaker. Sounds like your meeting the wrong people my friend icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 10:04 PM GMT
    lifeduringwartime23 saidWhat? i mean i love metal and goth music. And it was never a deal breaker icon_lol.gif

    I have a big variety of friends. From jocks to goths to metalheads to hip-hop heads to preppy. None of that stuff was ever a deal breaker. Sounds like your meeting the wrong people my friend icon_lol.gif


    Hey Lifeduringwartime23, I was secretly hoping you'd show up, knowing your taste in music is similar. AnnekeFloorev, this is Lifeduringwartime23, who I've found to be an exceptionally fine person here, and I think you'll get some decent advice from him.

    Cheers!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 10:35 PM GMT
    Thanks lifeduringwartime23, nice to see I'm not the only one on here that loves that type of music!! I see you play violin. My two favorite violinists are Pete Johansen and Sareeta. I can link you to some of their work if you want!!

    Back on topic, I guess I'm just meeting the wrong type of people. But then how to meet the right people? By luck I guess I don't use social media and I absolutely refuse to go on a app, dating site like POF, bar or club to meet people for dating. Most people I meet for dating I meet through friends, on a bus, at a coffee shop, or through support groups and art shows.

    Thanks again for your support Meninlove. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 25, 2015 11:02 PM GMT
    Musical preferences should hardly be a deal breaker… Unless of course all you play is Celine and Beyonce… then thats a deal breaker for me… LOL.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Jan 26, 2015 6:23 AM GMT
    Someone wisely said:

    Achievement is the antidote to adolescence.

    SC
  • wesv

    Posts: 907

    Jan 26, 2015 6:49 AM GMT
    First of all, the issue with dating women is idiotic if you're not even into women. Replace "date" with "befriending" and that makes sense.

    If it's hard for you to find a gay guy to date or be friends with simply because you don't seem "cool" to them, then try finding gay guys who aren't into the scene. I know you didn't mention anything about that, but I'm inferring that's where you try to meet guys. Many gay guys who are into the scene hate heavy metal, love to drink and possibly do drugs.

    Don't we all have trouble with the gay dating pool? I have trouble with the gay dating pool. It's the most competive of all contrary to that whole 1970s belief that gay men are sleazy, easy sluts who'll do anything with ANY guy--no, not true. I have to admit. A lot of guys turn me off from the sight of the smallest deals. I don't like it when a guy plays video games. I don't like it when a guy eats at McDonald's. I don't like it when a guy has mostly female friends. And from other guys, some guys hate that I have the high and tight haircut. But guess what? I concentrate on guys who appreciate it. So my advice here is maybe concentrate on guys who DO appreciate heavy metal, hate alcohol or caffeine.

    Lastly, is there anything wrong with being single? No. Most gay guys are single and there's nothing wrong with that.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 26, 2015 5:16 PM GMT
    Ya know, the whole ritual of finding "THE ONE," is exactly what it sounds like. You find the "close" over and over again, and as you've experienced, the "not-even-close" all the time. The only answer is to keep looking. If not just any guy is what you're looking for, why are you surprised at not finding the ONE easily? Seriously, girls aren't the answer and you should be careful not to hurt some poor girl's feelings. (I've done it- I truly regret it.) Just don't get a chip on your shoulder. That will only make finding the right guy harder.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2015 6:15 PM GMT
    girls; do what you want but please be honest with them.

    date guys
    have your deal breakers but open up your search a bit. Opposites can attract. your experienced enough to know what you bring to the table and what someone else can do to complete a household.

  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Jan 26, 2015 6:25 PM GMT
    Honestly I love metal music, if someone judged me for it I'd laugh in their face and say "okay bye!".

    Literally... you'd want to be with someone so incredibly petty...? icon_lol.gif

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Jan 26, 2015 7:16 PM GMT
    It seems that your associates are very narrow minded and shallow.

    As for music, that should not be a deal breaker as long as the other guy is into Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2015 7:38 PM GMT
    We have a number of female friends, straight & lesbian. I sometimes do take them out, when they would like an escort, simple companionship. For shopping, movies, restaurants, bars, misc. errands, etc.

    And that's exactly what I am: an escort, a companion, not a date, as she knows. And of course not a paid one, not Richard Gere in American Gigolo. (And obviously without his movie star looks)

    And so what if I go out with my "girlfriends"? These are genuine friends of mine, and I like their company. And my male gay friends would never gossip that I was now "batting for the other team". Nor am I about to change teams.

    So relax, and be yourself, whatever it is. You cover a lot of ground in your OP, but I'm only going to address this one issue of your many, as I understand you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 27, 2015 12:16 AM GMT
    Well, money does matter in certain situations because you have to remember that the biggest economic decision you make for yourself is who you spend your life with.

    About the drinking and drugs, stay with the high road because there is nothing special about getting drunk or high. There are definitely a lot of people who agree with that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 27, 2015 4:06 AM GMT
    For some reason I'm incredulous. Women not judging... Yeah right. What galaxy does that happen in. icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 27, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    A lot of good advice here, thank you guys. Just going to continue to be myself at this point.