Why do I hate sex?!?

  • Juicy_JJock

    Posts: 1

    Jan 27, 2015 12:43 AM GMT
    So basically, I've had sex for the third time (different person each time), and I'm just feeling totally inadequate. I'd had several other experiences with a handful of different guys, but we'd always just done oral and jacked. The first time I had actual sex, I bottomed and I HATED it. And my topping stories are both similar to each other, so I'll share today's...

    After putting the condom on, applying the lube, etc etc, I went in.. and I could hardly tell I was in. It just didn't feel nice and tight like you'd think it would. I didn't even feel anything once I started actually fucking him. Not only that, but I would pop out and not even notice.. hence the not feeling anything part. Disclaimer: I am a very well-endowed dude, so that wouldn't be the problem. Needless to say, with all of this going wrong, I kept going soft also. I never have that problem when I'm masturbating alone. I tried with and without a condom, and it made no difference. I eventually laid back and he sat on me, which was better and more comfortable for me.. and I felt a bit more.. but I still would probably never have climaxed like that. We ended up masturbating ourselves, and I was enjoying myself a lot then.. I was laid back, comfortable, stroking myself just the way I liked it.. and bam. So, why all the trouble?

    I can tell you a couple of things about myself:
    I HATE lube.. But not using it wouldn't be fair to the bottom at all. And probably would not work.. at all. I like being pleasured a certain way. (Am I just picky?) And I am NOT a bottom. But sometimes I hate initiating and being the dominant one.. Am I a submissive top? What am I? I'm so confused.

    Sorry for being so long-winded, but this all just leaves me feeling so incompetent. I want to like sex and be good at it! Someone please help out a young, inexperienced gay kid!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jan 27, 2015 6:12 AM GMT
    Wow. Cool off a bit and lean against the wall or somethin'icon_biggrin.gif

    Despite what porn movies show you, not each and every sexual encounter is an amazing play leaving you deeply satisfied and longing for more.

    Think of it in the following terms. Sex is a bit like playing lottery. You have got to go there, dish out some dough, get a ticket, and hope that you win something.

    Imagine, you would be getting paid anyway. It would not be called playing lottery. It'd be called your daily job...

    ---
    Now, to the tech bits.

    You say that you are pretty well-endowed. Sure, lube is a must. But no one ever said that you have to flood the whole scene in lube, so that everyone kinda swims in it.

    If you look around, there are tons of willing bttm dudes around. Some of them are playing around with toys that are rather unrealistic in more ways than one. A few guys are into some serious & systematic fisting, too. Such dudes can relax to the point that you could be three times the length and four times the girth of a reasonably well-endowed dude before anyone feels anything. Do not get me wrong here, I am not passing any judgement on them. Simply, the physics of it may not work as you, (and a few other top guys) would expect it to. Not all the bottoms were created equal.

    Do yourself a huge favor, and mentally separate the idea of masturbating with the idea of having a sexual intercourse with another guy. Your are comparing apples and oranges here.

    You masturbate to release your sexual tension. You play precisely the way you like it. There is no one else to interfere. It always works just fine. You get handsomely paid off for the work you put in.

    Having sex with someone else means sharing the play. You know what strokes work for you. Now, you wanna see what works for this other dude. It's a bit like comparing your notesicon_lol.gif Say, you like it 'fast & furious'. This other dude likes it 'slow & edgy'. So, you combine the play, so that everyone has his bit of fun, too. You give some, and you take some, too. Sometimes this other dude has a bit of a better experience to take home with. Sometimes the play works better for you. But mostly, it works pretty good for both of the guys involved.

    You will be who you create yourself to be. If you like topping but do not want to always initiate the play, signal this to the guy you are about to fool around with. Quite a few bttm dudes like to play along the slutty fantasy of 'making another dude top them'. It's just about sex and fun. There is really nothing more to it.

    Sure, you want to have good sex. Welcome to the club! Do yourself another huge favor, and recognize that there are quite a few ways of having good sex. Focusing on one simple Sean Cody kinda scenario will greatly impoverish your sex life. Exploration of your sexuality is that one key thing which differentiates great sex from just any sex. Try different setting. Try different kinds of guys. Try different kinds of scenarios. The idea is to evolve to the point in which a surprising number of scenarios and people involved would work for youicon_smile.gif

    SC

  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 27, 2015 7:36 AM GMT
    You sound like a submissive top.

    Practice, safely.

    Enjoy.
  • vhotti26

    Posts: 287

    Jan 27, 2015 8:41 AM GMT
    Juicy_JJock said

    After putting the condom on, applying the lube, etc etc, I went in.. and I could hardly tell I was in. It just didn't feel nice and tight like you'd think it would. I didn't even feel anything once I started actually fucking him. Not only that, but I would pop out and not even notice.. hence the not feeling anything part. Disclaimer: I am a very well-endowed dude, so that wouldn't be the problem. Needless to say, with all of this going wrong, I kept going soft also.


    I have a very thick cock also and know the problems you describe just too well.
    Sounds like the condom could be too small - you are probably in America where there are ludicrous laws prohibiting real magnum condoms so taking a larger rubber might not be an option. Try to use the largest you can get anyway. Standard size condoms are generally unfit for the upper 20% of penises girthwise. There are special brands for oversize condoms in Europe, but I don't know how easy those are to come by in the US via mail order considering above described laws.
    You might be able to save your erections despite the tight condom by using a cockring.
    As for not feeling anything, that could be anything from the guy doing the deed screwing up (assuming you're cut) - that was it for me, at least. Or it could again be the condom, in which case I'd recommend putting in a good drop of lube into the tip of the condom or on your glans before rolling the thing on. Make sure however that nothing runs out at the bottom, the condom must not slip at the base! If it does it will not be safe anymore. If the condom is lubed up inside and snug at the base it works somewhat like an artificial foreskin.

    The rest is just experimenting. Took me some time as well to get the joys of sex. Especially if you have spent some time perfecting your masturbation technique, actual sex can seem like a letdown if you and your partner don't click well.
    I also hated bottoming the first times, until I did it with a guy that knew what he was doing and I have loved it ever since. I was actually shocked how much slamming I could take rather immediately after he gently opened me up.

    Just try new things out with people you trust. Oh and one more thing, it sounds like an old cliche but to learn the ropes, consider an older man. Especially when you start bottoming. The young bucks just have no consideration and many tops have never bottomed in their lives and will just try to get in as fast as possible, resulting an you cramping and hurting.

    That being said, maybe anal is just not for you. Who knows? Only experimenting will tell you. I don't want to influence you in any way, but I thought anal was not for me for months or even years after my first time, and I somehow couldn't stop myself from doing it anyway cause I wanted it to work so badly. And it started working after I met the right people - now it even works with the others. It's a learning process.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
    Try out a different kind of lube. You get what you pay for with lube.