We haven't learned! Barebacking is Alive and Well.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:47 AM GMT
    Is it just me or are others experiencing more and more guys proposing and interested in Bareback sex!!!??? With strangers no less!!!!


    As much as I dislike online sites or should I say the people who create the experience on these sites;except for RJ icon_smile.gif, I'll occasionally go on one and come away more disappointed when experiencing this. Worse yet is when I explain why the answer is 'no', I get an eyerollicon_rolleyes.gif response.

    Unless it's a monogamous trusting relationship, I'm assuming everyone has something until further notice is given.

    Is hitting it unprotected really worth the risk of being affected by an STD or more for the rest of ones' life? icon_confused.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:53 AM GMT
    I think BB sex is on rise with PrEP and better HIV medications. Now, people who indulge in BB sex, know that HIV is not going to kill them. So they aren't that worried.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 27, 2015 3:02 AM GMT
    Bareback sex (I'm not so much speaking about sex with a monogamous partner you've tested with, my wrath is for the whores who trick with a stranger every other day) was disgusting back in the 1960s and 1970s because of WARTS (HPV), SYPHILLUS, GONOHORREA, and other STD/STIs.

    When HIV became KNOWN in the early 1980s, bareback sex went from disgusting to deadly. The advent of expensive and toxic drugs you can take the rest of your life does not render the situation any better.

    Any person who barebacks, with the knowledge available in this day and age, is retarded (yes that's an offensive term, and I mean to use it with its full force).

    Wear a condom every time. There's no alternative. I'm sick of this basic b*tch jive. You can't be a cum dump. It's not healthy. End of story.
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    Jan 27, 2015 3:10 AM GMT
    It may have to do with gay porn sites too. For instance, I found seancody site back in 2010, and there was not a single bareback action then.

    Now when I go on there, ALL the recent actions are bareback! ALL OF THEM! What message does that send to viewers? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • highforthis

    Posts: 681

    Jan 27, 2015 3:11 AM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle and timm55 aren't gonna like this conversation lol icon_lol.gif
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Jan 27, 2015 3:34 AM GMT
    Natural selection will play it's course, no need to worry
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Jan 27, 2015 3:52 AM GMT
    Svnw688 saidBareback sex (I'm not so much speaking about sex with a monogamous partner you've tested with, my wrath is for the whores who trick with a stranger every other day) was disgusting back in the 1960s and 1970s because of WARTS (HPV), SYPHILLUS, GONOHORREA, and other STD/STIs.

    When HIV became KNOWN in the early 1980s, bareback sex went from disgusting to deadly. The advent of expensive and toxic drugs you can take the rest of your life does not render the situation any better.

    Any person who barebacks, with the knowledge available in this day and age, is retarded (yes that's an offensive term, and I mean to use it with its full force).

    Wear a condom every time. There's no alternative. I'm sick of this basic b*tch jive. You can't be a cum dump. It's not healthy. End of story.


    I've been coming across more and more poz men who say they were infected by their monogamous partner. As non-judgmental I try to be I can't help but wonder if they're being honest. It doesn't seem to matter because people will stigmatize either way (what's the point of giving a shit what someone thinks of you when they already think so little of you from the get-go?), but I do find it interesting how prevalent that story is becoming. It sounds like a stigma reducer. Sort of like when guys say they're bi before coming out as gay years later.

    I think refraining from anal sex is probably one of the smartest thing a gay or bi man can do but anal sex is just so essential to modern gay culture, the idea seems to be unthinkable or completely unreasonable. I think that choice should be given more. If you take IV drugs and anal sex out the mix, your chances of contracting HIV is next to zilch.
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    Jan 27, 2015 4:01 AM GMT
    polfsky saidIt may have to do with gay porn sites too. For instance, I found seancody site back in 2010, and there was not a single bareback action then.

    Now when I go on there, ALL the recent actions are bareback! ALL OF THEM! What message does that send to viewers? icon_rolleyes.gif


    What I'm about to type is contradictory but I actually have a tug of war with this. Watching bareback I find to be more intriguing than with a condom. I think it has something to do with forbidden fruit thing but it doesn't encourage me to go out there and try it myself. I have enough common sense and resilience to know that it's not a risk I'm going to engage in. But yeah, especially for young impressionable people, it definitely is not a good message.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 27, 2015 4:01 AM GMT
    @SuntoryTime

    I too have heard a lot of "I got it from my monogamous partner." Who am I to judge whether or not that person's story is true or a cover-story? I certainly give everyone the benefit of the doubt and a presumption that it is the truth (unless I know them to be a whore, or some other fact indicates they are lying).

    With regards to men who do catch HIV from their monogamous partner, and they did the dual testing and window periods, and then got screwed over, my heart breaks for them. However, even in a monogamous relationship we, as a community, need to realize that we're essentially trusting our "partner" (boyfriend, husband, etc) with our health, and potentially life (if we can't get HIV drugs). I personally take this calculated risk. I'm rolling the proverbial dice. My gamble is that (1) my partner will NOT cheat, and (2) IF he does he'll use a condom, and (3) if he doesn't use a condom and he cheats he won't contact a disease and give it to me. That's NOT a full proof plan. But neither is walking out the door in the morning, trusting my subway car driver, or the NYPD to make sure I don't get terrorized and killed in Times Square. If I get HIV or an STD/STI this way, then I KNEW THE RISKS and I have no one but myself, ultimately, to blame.

    I don't have hard numbers, but the number of men who propose bareback sex to me, or who nonchalantly say "we didn't have a condom, oops, but we made it work," is shockingly high. It's literally as if they're retarded and want to have warts or HIV. And yes, I do rarely see "bug chasers" online.

    We all can wax and wane all day and all night, and talk about gay pride and stigmatization and other issues, but at the end of the day science is the ultimate arbiter of who lives and who dies, who gets ass warts, and who gets antibiotic resistant (incurable) gonohorrea. Protect yourself. Nobody else will do it for you. This is not 1975 anymore. We as a community need a serious reckoning, while being sensitive to person's with STD/STIs.

    Wear a condom. A person can't be healthy and a cumdump. Period.
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    Jan 27, 2015 4:12 AM GMT
    Svnw688 said@SuntoryTime



    Wear a condom. A person can't be healthy and a cumdump. Period.


    +100

    It's a 'What In The Hell!!??' moment whenever a guy indicates DDF and he's looking to be a cumdump.

    Who falls for that!!!???icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2015 4:14 AM GMT
    I always wear a condom no matter what. Even when I'm in a monogamous relationship. Just the word barebacking kind of freaks me out. Actually doing it would feel worse. It's just not for me at all.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Jan 27, 2015 4:23 AM GMT
    Svnw688 said@SuntoryTime

    I too have heard a lot of "I got it from my monogamous partner." Who am I to judge whether or not that person's story is true or a cover-story? I certainly give everyone the benefit of the doubt and a presumption that it is the truth (unless I know them to be a whore, or some other fact indicates they are lying).

    With regards to men who do catch HIV from their monogamous partner, and they did the dual testing and window periods, and then got screwed over, my heart breaks for them. However, even in a monogamous relationship we, as a community, need to realize that we're essentially trusting our "partner" (boyfriend, husband, etc) with our health, and potentially life (if we can't get HIV drugs). I personally take this calculated risk. I'm rolling the proverbial dice. My gamble is that (1) my partner will NOT cheat, and (2) IF he does he'll use a condom, and (3) if he doesn't use a condom and he cheats he won't contact a disease and give it to me. That's NOT a full proof plan. But neither is walking out the door in the morning, trusting my subway car driver, or the NYPD to make sure I don't get terrorized and killed in Times Square. If I get HIV or an STD/STI this way, then I KNEW THE RISKS and I have no one but myself, ultimately, to blame.

    I don't have hard numbers, but the number of men who propose bareback sex to me, or who nonchalantly say "we didn't have a condom, oops, but we made it work," is shockingly high. It's literally as if they're retarded and want to have warts or HIV. And yes, I do rarely see "bug chasers" online.

    We all can wax and wane all day and all night, and talk about gay pride and stigmatization and other issues, but at the end of the day science is the ultimate arbiter of who lives and who dies, who gets ass warts, and who gets antibiotic resistant (incurable) gonohorrea. Protect yourself. Nobody else will do it for you. This is not 1975 anymore. We as a community need a serious reckoning, while being sensitive to person's with STD/STIs.

    Wear a condom. A person can't be healthy and a cumdump. Period.


    All in all, I agree with you but the bolded argument doesn't feel right to me. There's a huge difference between non-coerced condomless sex and being the victim of a car accident or police brutality.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Jan 27, 2015 6:54 AM GMT
    @MuchMoreThanMuscle

    I get some of my anecdotal information from personal experiences, including online (Adam4Adam, Grindr, etc). But I also get information from peer reviewed studies and my time and experience working with H.O.P.E. testing in Tulsa, Oklahoma for 2 years. I've heard it all.

    I've heard regulars say the ONLY way they could make money was to sell their ass, and that condoms lower their price. I've seen some of those regulars test negative, negative, negative, and then positive.

    I've seen the couples come in and test, together in a sense, and get mixed results, and seen the fighting ensue when the recently poz person informs their partner of their results.

    I've seen literal drug injectors and whores, some straight females, continue to take every risk known to man and still test negative.

    I've seen a few gay kids who confessed to making a few, only a few mistakes, and test positive.

    I'm not going to get into what I've seen and heard, and haven't seen and heard, short of saying I think I'm privy to knowledge that you didn't think I was. At any rate, I also have 4 close friends with HIV (all older), and all of them told me how they contracted it. They volunteered this, I didn't pry. And while I don't mean to judge any of their individual stories, I can say that sometimes people's cover story ("I got it from my former monogamous partner") and the facts and indications of their life don't gel.

    I suppose the one silver lining is that people confessed surprisingly whorish and risky behaviors, and tested negative. So I suppose the conclusion to draw is that one mistake can screw you, or you can thumb your nose at statistics with impunity for years and continue to get lucky. Or, more simply, a person can choose to not be a cum dump, and wear a darn condom, and not have to worry about anything except crabs (and, MAYBE, herpes in an unlikely and extreme case).
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    Jan 27, 2015 11:58 AM GMT
    ssguy69 saidIs it just me or are others experiencing more and more guys proposing and interested in Bareback sex!!!??? With strangers no less!!!!


    As much as I dislike online sites or should I say the people who create the experience on these sites;except for RJ icon_smile.gif, I'll occasionally go on one and come away more disappointed when experiencing this. Worse yet is when I explain why the answer is 'no', I get an eyerollicon_rolleyes.gif response.

    Unless it's a monogamous trusting relationship, I'm assuming everyone has something until further notice is given.

    Is hitting it unprotected really worth the risk of being affected by an STD or more for the rest of ones' life? icon_confused.gif





    Here's the best advice form ACON:

    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe sex’,provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/sites/default/files/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf

    Does condomless sex exist? Of course! Over 53% do just that. Does that mean you should? NO. Mitigate your chances with risk reduction if you do.

    (to others) Slut shaming by calling someone a "whore" is pointless. It may make you feel better about yourself, but it's not realistic. Plenty of non-whores have gotten HIV. Because you're not a "whore" you won't get HIV? That's a set up to get it pal!

    I've heard that the worst kept secret is that most guys in BB porn are undetectable or on PrEP.



  • vhotti26

    Posts: 287

    Jan 27, 2015 12:33 PM GMT
    Simple solution - just say no. A dude tried to bareback me without consent about a year ago (the sex was consensual though). I hope he is still regretting it because I gave him a nice blast on the jaws and left. No idea what happened to him, hopefully I broke something.
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    Jan 27, 2015 1:46 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidNatural selection will play it's course, no need to worry


    Nothing much to add to the conversation... but... that's not how natural selection works.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:25 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Svnw688 said

    I suppose the one silver lining is that people confessed surprisingly whorish and risky behaviors, and tested negative. So I suppose the conclusion to draw is that one mistake can screw you, or you can thumb your nose at statistics with impunity for years and continue to get lucky. Or, more simply, a person can choose to not be a cum dump, and wear a darn condom, and not have to worry about anything except crabs (and, MAYBE, herpes in an unlikely and extreme case).


    Thank you for providing your background with regard to your time at H.O.P.E. That helps provide a better understanding of your perspective. However, given your penchant for the use of the word whore and it's derivatives I find it questionable that your (sincere) mission was to provide counseling to these people since you incautiously brand them or their actions with such a derogatory term. At the very least it's flat out unprofessional.

    In the long run, if you wind up getting HIV (and I hope you don't and am sure you won't) you won't be better because you got it from a partner whom you trusted to be monogamous. The strong impression I get from you is that you (and you're not alone in this as many others feel the same way) have created this stratification of an HIV hierarchy. The "whores" get what they deserve and unsuspecting monogamous partners deserve all our sympathy. But it's an ugly disease that that doesn't judge and thankfully physicians who specialize in virology don't get caught up in any of this.

    Lastly, who do you think you're going to influence here by telling the RJ community not to become 'cum dumps'? Try selling that spiteful line to any STD clinic and see how well that goes over. I think we can all agree that anyone who engages in having sex with so many people so as to put himself and all of his sex partners at risk has some type illness which prevents him from thinking/acting rationally and clearly. Anything done to extreme or excess isn't going to be healthy. Telling sex addict "don't be a cum dump" isn't anymore effective than telling a 500lb person with an obvious eating disorder, "don't be such a fat ass" or "stop eating so much."

    I find it baffling that people with above average intelligence presume that inducing fear and/or shaming a person, who engages in excessive reckless behavior, will somehow be swayed favorably. By following this approach you will almost always compound the situation and make it worse.


    Why is advising someone not to be a cumdump a spiteful line?
    Are you out of your fucking mind?
    Being a cum dump is why I lost 6 very close friends.

    BEING A CUM DUMP IS DISGUSTING AND I HAVE NO EMPATHY FOR ANYONE WHO CONTINUES TO DO THIS. IT IS FVCKING DISGUSTING AND DEMONSTRATES A LACK OF SELF RESPECT.

    There - I have said it.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    timmm55 said
    ssguy69 saidIs it just me or are others experiencing more and more guys proposing and interested in Bareback sex!!!??? With strangers no less!!!!


    As much as I dislike online sites or should I say the people who create the experience on these sites;except for RJ icon_smile.gif, I'll occasionally go on one and come away more disappointed when experiencing this. Worse yet is when I explain why the answer is 'no', I get an eyerollicon_rolleyes.gif response.

    Unless it's a monogamous trusting relationship, I'm assuming everyone has something until further notice is given.

    Is hitting it unprotected really worth the risk of being affected by an STD or more for the rest of ones' life? icon_confused.gif





    Here's the best advice form ACON:

    There are now at least five strategies that reasonably constitute‘safe sex’,provided that certain parameters are met.
    They are:
    1.The use of Condoms during casual encounters between men of unknown or discordant serostatus.
    2.HIV negative men taking effective pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
    3.Men living with HIV who only have sex without condoms when they have a sustained undetectable viral load (UVL) and in the absence of sexually transmissible infections (STIs).
    4.Effective use of serosorting between HIV positive men.
    5.Effective negotiated safety agreements.

    http://www.acon.org.au/sites/default/files/What-is-Safe-Sex-Position-2014.pdf

    Does condomless sex exist? Of course! Over 53% do just that. Does that mean you should? NO. Mitigate your chances with risk reduction if you do.

    (to others) Slut shaming by calling someone a "whore" is pointless. It may make you feel better about yourself, but it's not realistic. Plenty of non-whores have gotten HIV. Because you're not a "whore" you won't get HIV? That's a set up to get it pal!

    I've heard that the worst kept secret is that most guys in BB porn are undetectable or on PrEP.



    If you are a disgusting Whore, then that is what you are. And there is nothing pointless about saying it. Disgusting whore
    AND IF YOU ARE NOT A WHORE - the chances of getting any STD is reduced. ARE YOU FVCKING stupid?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:30 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidNatural selection will play it's course, no need to worry


    ACA pays for the consequences of irresponsible BB sex now so no worries.
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    Jan 27, 2015 2:31 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Svnw688 said

    I suppose the one silver lining is that people confessed surprisingly whorish and risky behaviors, and tested negative. So I suppose the conclusion to draw is that one mistake can screw you, or you can thumb your nose at statistics with impunity for years and continue to get lucky. Or, more simply, a person can choose to not be a cum dump, and wear a darn condom, and not have to worry about anything except crabs (and, MAYBE, herpes in an unlikely and extreme case).


    Thank you for providing your background with regard to your time at H.O.P.E. That helps provide a better understanding of your perspective. However, given your penchant for the use of the word whore and it's derivatives I find it questionable that your (sincere) mission was to provide counseling to these people since you incautiously brand them or their actions with such a derogatory term. At the very least it's flat out unprofessional.

    In the long run, if you wind up getting HIV (and I hope you don't and am sure you won't) you won't be better because you got it from a partner whom you trusted to be monogamous. The strong impression I get from you is that you (and you're not alone in this as many others feel the same way) have created this stratification of an HIV hierarchy. The "whores" get what they deserve and unsuspecting monogamous partners deserve all our sympathy. But it's an ugly disease that that doesn't judge and thankfully physicians who specialize in virology don't get caught up in any of this.

    Lastly, who do you think you're going to influence here by telling the RJ community not to become 'cum dumps'? Try selling that spiteful line to any STD clinic and see how well that goes over. I think we can all agree that anyone who engages in having sex with so many people so as to put himself and all of his sex partners at risk has some type illness which prevents him from thinking/acting rationally and clearly. Anything done to extreme or excess isn't going to be healthy. Telling sex addict "don't be a cum dump" isn't anymore effective than telling a 500lb person with an obvious eating disorder, "don't be such a fat ass" or "stop eating so much."

    I find it baffling that people with above average intelligence presume that inducing fear and/or shaming a person, who engages in excessive reckless behavior, will somehow be swayed favorably. By following this approach you will almost always compound the situation and make it worse.


    Right, so continue to tell a cum dump whore that there is nothing wrong with their disgusting behavior and they should continue with their reckless and stupid actions.
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    Jan 27, 2015 5:18 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Svnw688 said

    I suppose the one silver lining is that people confessed surprisingly whorish and risky behaviors, and tested negative. So I suppose the conclusion to draw is that one mistake can screw you, or you can thumb your nose at statistics with impunity for years and continue to get lucky. Or, more simply, a person can choose to not be a cum dump, and wear a darn condom, and not have to worry about anything except crabs (and, MAYBE, herpes in an unlikely and extreme case).


    Thank you for providing your background with regard to your time at H.O.P.E. That helps provide a better understanding of your perspective. However, given your penchant for the use of the word whore and it's derivatives I find it questionable that your (sincere) mission was to provide counseling to these people since you incautiously brand them or their actions with such a derogatory term. At the very least it's flat out unprofessional.

    In the long run, if you wind up getting HIV (and I hope you don't and am sure you won't) you won't be better because you got it from a partner whom you trusted to be monogamous. The strong impression I get from you is that you (and you're not alone in this as many others feel the same way) have created this stratification of an HIV hierarchy. The "whores" get what they deserve and unsuspecting monogamous partners deserve all our sympathy. But it's an ugly disease that that doesn't judge and thankfully physicians who specialize in virology don't get caught up in any of this.

    Lastly, who do you think you're going to influence here by telling the RJ community not to become 'cum dumps'? Try selling that spiteful line to any STD clinic and see how well that goes over. I think we can all agree that anyone who engages in having sex with so many people so as to put himself and all of his sex partners at risk has some type illness which prevents him from thinking/acting rationally and clearly. Anything done to extreme or excess isn't going to be healthy. Telling sex addict "don't be a cum dump" isn't anymore effective than telling a 500lb person with an obvious eating disorder, "don't be such a fat ass" or "stop eating so much."

    I find it baffling that people with above average intelligence presume that inducing fear and/or shaming a person, who engages in excessive reckless behavior, will somehow be swayed favorably. By following this approach you will almost always compound the situation and make it worse.


    Very profound, reasonable and true.

    Condemning isn't going to change anything.

    As a Personal Trainer, I work with overweight clients who overeat. The typical Joe Schmoe would be apt to tell them 'Stop being a fat ass and overeating' and that would resonate like a penny dropped into the Atlantic.

    There are quite a bit of underlying issues that causes one to deliberately engage in risky behavior. It's as though people take comfort in smoke screens instead of dealing with reality. A guy hit me up, after a few words exchanged asked 'if I was into BB?' My response of no and why(unsafe,...) was met with 'Yeah, okay'.

    Sad state of affairs.
  • BlackRussian1...

    Posts: 323

    Jan 27, 2015 5:32 PM GMT
    Well there's a conversation that def needs to happen around this issue but it will require some honesty and men being real about what really gets them off. We rarely talk about how the destructive element (or danger) of sex holds an allure (that whole eros and thanatos thing). I'm personally not into bb/raw but who am I to judge those sane, consensual adults who wish to. To each his own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    its sad to see that whenever the hiv topic comes up its never to discus the why or how, but it always comes down to almost a shouting match and fingerpointing

    its obvious there are guys out there who barreback and there are those who don't
    its a choice everybody has to make for themselves
    is it wrong no , is using a condom wrong , def not
    its up to you
    calling each other names is not going to change the situation
    its more useful to inform, rather then criticise
    and don't forget we all make mistakes be it in the bedroom or elsewhere
    and yes it only takes that 1 time to get it
    you can play for a long time ,and never have anything, or it could be your first time and you nr has come up

    so please can we for a change discus hiv in a civil manner thats educative
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 27, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    __morphic__ saidI think BB sex is on rise with PrEP and better HIV medications. Now, people who indulge in BB sex, know that HIV is not going to kill them. So they aren't that worried.


    HIV many not kill them, at least immediately, but the medications necessary to control HIV often have very serious long-term side effects. Taking chances with HIV is unwise.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Jan 27, 2015 7:09 PM GMT
    SuntoryTime said
    Svnw688 saidBareback sex (I'm not so much speaking about sex with a monogamous partner you've tested with, my wrath is for the whores who trick with a stranger every other day) was disgusting back in the 1960s and 1970s because of WARTS (HPV), SYPHILLUS, GONOHORREA, and other STD/STIs.

    When HIV became KNOWN in the early 1980s, bareback sex went from disgusting to deadly. The advent of expensive and toxic drugs you can take the rest of your life does not render the situation any better.

    Any person who barebacks, with the knowledge available in this day and age, is retarded (yes that's an offensive term, and I mean to use it with its full force).

    Wear a condom every time. There's no alternative. I'm sick of this basic b*tch jive. You can't be a cum dump. It's not healthy. End of story.


    I've been coming across more and more poz men who say they were infected by their monogamous partner. As non-judgmental I try to be I can't help but wonder if they're being honest. It doesn't seem to matter because people will stigmatize either way (what's the point of giving a shit what someone thinks of you when they already think so little of you from the get-go?), but I do find it interesting how prevalent that story is becoming. It sounds like a stigma reducer. Sort of like when guys say they're bi before coming out as gay years later.

    I think refraining from anal sex is probably one of the smartest thing a gay or bi man can do but anal sex is just so essential to modern gay culture, the idea seems to be unthinkable or completely unreasonable. I think that choice should be given more. If you take IV drugs and anal sex out the mix, your chances of contracting HIV is next to zilch.


    Considering that anal sex was not popular until about the late 1970s, I do not understand why it seems that most gay men now see it as essential.