What are guys looking for?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 2:21 AM GMT
    Forgive me in advance for this post...but...I have been feeling a little bit discouraged lately and would love some feed back...or maybe I'm just fishing for a compliment or two to make myself feel better. icon_smile.gif
    I have found that I have a hard time finding other gay men who are interested in me either romantically or platonically.
    I have no problem developing friendships with straight males and I have had plenty of females who have been interested in dating me. But for some reason I keep getting the brush off from other gay men.
    I am a fairly intelligent, funny, caring, compassionate, well-traveled, interesting, level headed guy. I am no Adonis, but I am working on it. I think I am a decent looking guy. I am a professional with a stable income.
  • Defiant

    Posts: 13

    Jan 28, 2015 2:48 PM GMT
    In my experience it's one of two sides of a spectrum. Either they want a hook-up with no strings attached, or, they want to be with you forever after some chatting and/or one date!

    Don't get discouraged; your perfect partner will surface at some point. Just don't settle for less in the meantime icon_wink.gif
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Jan 28, 2015 2:58 PM GMT
    Happens to us all.. being gay isn't a free pass.Work on your thoughts.. what are really looking for.Visualize this person
    whats he like..what will you offer him..do this often .give it time..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 3:43 PM GMT
    What do you expect to get from that straight friend; male or female. What do you give them in return. Look for this in your gay relationship

    expand your interest in music. Join something very gay and musical.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 4:44 PM GMT
    Guys are looking for what they can't have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 5:08 PM GMT
    Life2Short saidGuys are looking for what they can't have.

    vayjayjay? icon_eek.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 28, 2015 5:41 PM GMT
    I think you should smile in your profile pic.icon_smile.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    Profile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 5:56 PM GMT
    pellaz saidWhat do you expect to get from that straight friend; male or female. What do you give them in return. Look for this in your gay relationship

    expand your interest in music. Join something very gay and musical.



    Problem with this solution is that I'm not "very gay"...nor do I participate in "very gay" things...it's just not my thing. If it is someone else's thing...good for them...but it's just not for me.

    As for music...I already love music...all kinds of music. I am not narrow minded when it comes to music...at all. I have a great appreciation for real talent.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 5:58 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI think you should smile in your profile pic.icon_smile.gif


    Augh...I hate taking photos...hence the no smiling...but I will make an effort to find a smiling photo. LOL icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 6:08 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Hey! You asked. Sounds like you're kind of sad and miserable. Apparently you have a misguided view of your own desirability. That's probably what turns off gay guys. I bet you don't target overweight guys either. What's your problem? I offered a lot more advice than just that, fatboy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 6:25 PM GMT
    Yours is a common theme and reflects reality ... gay men are generally difficult to be friends or have romantic relationships with because their number-one priority in most cases is NSA sex. Gay men are also very judgmental, which is ironic when you think about it. Hence there is often a stunting of emotional and character development in many gay men that lasts well into middle age (and no doubt beyond sometimes). It's how the system works unfortunately. The trick is to find the exceptions who have the insight and guts to think and act independently.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 7:25 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Hey! You asked. Sounds like you're kind of sad and miserable. Apparently you have a misguided view of your own desirability. That's probably what turns off gay guys. I bet you don't target overweight guys either. What's your problem? I offered a lot more advice than just that, fatboy.


    You've resorted to name calling. You are a class act.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 7:26 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidYours is a common theme and reflects reality ... gay men are generally difficult to be friends or have romantic relationships with because their number-one priority in most cases is NSA sex. Gay men are also very judgmental, which is ironic when you think about it. Hence there is often a stunting of emotional and character development in many gay men that lasts well into middle age (and no doubt beyond sometimes). It's how the system works unfortunately. The trick is to find the exceptions who have the insight and guts to think and act independently.


    I see your point...and I believe you are correct.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 8:34 PM GMT
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Hey! You asked. Sounds like you're kind of sad and miserable. Apparently you have a misguided view of your own desirability. That's probably what turns off gay guys. I bet you don't target overweight guys either. What's your problem? I offered a lot more advice than just that, fatboy.


    You've resorted to name calling. You are a class act.

    Hahaha. No, I'm just being descriptive. I responded to your question, acknowledged your cross fit efforts and suggested you just not worry about dating and some other things you might try both physically and mentally. Your response to my effort was a snide "stellar human being." If you just wanted to hear, as you apparently do, that your problem is that you're just lovely, and the issue is that all gay men are pigs, then nothing will change in your life. But I see nothing will because not only are you fat, you're a defensive, unpleasant person. No wonder you don't smile when you see yourself in pictures. You see you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 10:24 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Hey! You asked. Sounds like you're kind of sad and miserable. Apparently you have a misguided view of your own desirability. That's probably what turns off gay guys. I bet you don't target overweight guys either. What's your problem? I offered a lot more advice than just that, fatboy.


    You've resorted to name calling. You are a class act.

    Hahaha. No, I'm just being descriptive. I responded to your question, acknowledged your cross fit efforts and suggested you just not worry about dating and some other things you might try both physically and mentally. Your response to my effort was a snide "stellar human being." If you just wanted to hear, as you apparently do, that your problem is that you're just lovely, and the issue is that all gay men are pigs, then nothing will change in your life. But I see nothing will because not only are you fat, you're a defensive, unpleasant person. No wonder you don't smile when you see yourself in pictures. You see you.


    I don't see where the OP did anything to warrant your nastiness and name calling. Don't ever volunteer for a suicide hotline. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Jan 28, 2015 10:31 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    Slay! I agree with every word.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 10:47 PM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    Life2Short saidGuys are looking for what they can't have.

    vayjayjay? icon_eek.gif


    no, that's what they can't stomach
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 10:52 PM GMT
    I'm always looking for love... I hope that I can find it =)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 11:09 PM GMT
    Mulignan said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    Slay! I agree with every word.icon_lol.gif


    "Slay?" This is why you come here? This is why most guys have stopped posting personal stuff on here. Always some nasty queen looking for an excuse to make someone feel like shit.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor said
    belovedpath said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    It's so obvious that you are a stellar human being. I will definitely take your advice and only look for friendship and/or love when I am deemed attractive enough to find it. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Hey! You asked. Sounds like you're kind of sad and miserable. Apparently you have a misguided view of your own desirability. That's probably what turns off gay guys. I bet you don't target overweight guys either. What's your problem? I offered a lot more advice than just that, fatboy.


    You've resorted to name calling. You are a class act.

    Hahaha. No, I'm just being descriptive. I responded to your question, acknowledged your cross fit efforts and suggested you just not worry about dating and some other things you might try both physically and mentally. Your response to my effort was a snide "stellar human being." If you just wanted to hear, as you apparently do, that your problem is that you're just lovely, and the issue is that all gay men are pigs, then nothing will change in your life. But I see nothing will because not only are you fat, you're a defensive, unpleasant person. No wonder you don't smile when you see yourself in pictures. You see you.


    I don't see where the OP did anything to warrant your nastiness and name calling. Don't ever volunteer for a suicide hotline. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Read my original response. There wasn't anything nasty about it. He attacked me in response.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 11:15 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Mulignan said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    Slay! I agree with every word.icon_lol.gif


    "Slay?" This is why you come here? This is why most guys have stopped posting personal stuff on here. Always some nasty queen looking for an excuse to make someone feel like shit.

    There was no attack on him. I told him to continue doing what he was doing to lose weight and not look for love but fun. And update his haircut. Where's the attack in that? He asked for advice. Why just feed him platitudes?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2015 11:17 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    Radd said
    Mulignan said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    Slay! I agree with every word.icon_lol.gif


    "Slay?" This is why you come here? This is why most guys have stopped posting personal stuff on here. Always some nasty queen looking for an excuse to make someone feel like shit.

    There was no attack on him. I told him to continue doing what he was doing to lose weight and not look for love but fun. And update his haircut. Where's the attack in that? He asked for advice. Why just feed him platitudes?


    You basically told him he was unworthy of human contact until he loses weight. Maybe if you were in his shoes you might see it as an attack also.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 28, 2015 11:26 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Destinharbor said
    Radd said
    Mulignan said
    Destinharbor saidProfile says you're 222 lbs after losing 8 lbs. I appreciate the Crossfit effort but you've got a way to go. Forget dating for a while. Concentrate on getting down to your correct weight and fit. Get a more modern haircut. Approach guys with similar interests. Don't look for romance, look for fun. You'll find the former if you find the latter. And sexually is one way to have fun. I know a lot of guys here are "saving" themselves for their shining knight to ride in horse hung but that is a frighteningly girly way to view a gay relationship. But there are lots of ways to have fun with a guy. Don't focus so much on what you want-- focus on what he wants. Or better, find someone with common interests. That's probably what you do with straight friends and girls. Works the same with gay guys. Love comes later.


    Slay! I agree with every word.icon_lol.gif


    "Slay?" This is why you come here? This is why most guys have stopped posting personal stuff on here. Always some nasty queen looking for an excuse to make someone feel like shit.

    There was no attack on him. I told him to continue doing what he was doing to lose weight and not look for love but fun. And update his haircut. Where's the attack in that? He asked for advice. Why just feed him platitudes?


    You basically told him he was unworthy of human contact until he loses weight. Maybe if you were in his shoes you might see it as an attack also.

    Well maybe if you only read the first four sentences. I was suggesting a combination approach of losing weight (which he is already doing), modernizing his look and and not worrying about dating, just having fun. I don't see that as a put-down in any way. I don't see telling him everything is wonderful is very good advice. It won't solve his problem. I didn't say he had a problem. He did. I often tell guys with dating issues to not worry. In this case I thought he needed to make some changes.