Meeting guys at dance clubs - Help!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 8:07 AM GMT
    Stuck in a catch 22 here: I'm bad at dancing and trying to start conversations in noisy clubs... but the guys there are way to hot to ignore, and I really need to loosen up and do it! I am a bit shy, and not very comfortable in crowded places but don't want to leave this rock unturned. I always end up being a wall flower and only talking to the people I go with... is this how it goes or have I got it all wrong? Any tips?
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    Jan 21, 2009 2:09 PM GMT
    Yeah, First order up a very stiff drink or shot. Once that is down, smile. Smiling at someone goes a long way. Make a little eye contact. Maybe mouth the words HI. If he is interested he wil keep eye contact. That was the easy part. Then get some courage up and go over and say hi in person.
  • Tyinstl

    Posts: 353

    Jan 21, 2009 2:43 PM GMT
    Like Cowboiway said, alcohol's a good social lubricant.

    Although I find that in order to get comfortable enough to talk to anyone, i need to drink far more than is healthy for my metabolism...

    If you're no good at dancing (like me) I wonder if you would find it easier to use another medium? Online, for instance.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 21, 2009 3:27 PM GMT
    Ask your friends for dance tips and instruction.

    Practice dancing at home in private and practicing some of the moves that you like on the dance floor.

    Hire a professional if you need to.

    Start conversations with bartenders if they're not too busy. The best time is about an hour before it starts getting busy. Let them know that you're shy and trying to break out of it in order to meet a hot guy there. They will be more than glad to help out. Approaching someone that you're not chasing will take a lot of the pressure off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 3:31 PM GMT
    b, double o, z, e!

    that's what it's for. we're all shy in these situations so have a few stiff ones and you might end up with one.

    alternatively, join you local gay christian group and sing 'cum bye yah my lord' with nice chaps in shiny over ironed trousers! and after 30 yrs you might get to touch a bottom. MIGHT i said.
  • NYCguy74

    Posts: 311

    Jan 21, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    there are also non dance nights.
    One of the bars here in new york, does musical mondays, where they play clips from the tonys and different movie musicals. with 2 for 1 drinks. and tables set out on the dance floor. my friends and i go every once in a while, and it's always a good time, by 9 or 10 (it's an early night since people have to work the next day) it's a big drunken sing-a-long.
  • NYCguy74

    Posts: 311

    Jan 21, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
    there are also non dance nights.
    One of the bars here in new york, does musical mondays, where they play clips from the tonys and different movie musicals. with 2 for 1 drinks. and tables set out on the dance floor. my friends and i go every once in a while, and it's always a good time, by 9 or 10 (it's an early night since people have to work the next day) it's a big drunken sing-a-long.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 21, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    Do what you fear- make it a point to talk to 3 guys a night that you don't know. Especially the ones you think are TOO hot to ignore. In time it will be second nature.

    Take dance lessons if you really can't dance at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 4:04 PM GMT
    Liquid courage is not the answer. Sure it helps take the tension and the pressure off when in a club but I think you can do better then being dependent on a drink or two.

    It helps if you are in a group of people who just happen to know people. Sparking a conversation is not as hard as people make it out to be. It's a hit or miss process that definately has some trial and error but then again that's life. You gotta learn how to assertive and how to take the social bull by the horns. I'm willing to bet their are other wallflowers where you go.

    Also I have noticed that even if you can't dance you should still go out on the dance floor. Again this is where your friends come in handy since they will probably be out on the floor as well you can all dance to together. If you are with a group of lady friends then the dancing thing should be easy. Most women love dancing even if they aren't good at it because they just wanna move and have fun and usually the music (if good) will take control of your body and you'll find your own style. learn how to have fun with worrying about what other will think.

    Someone is bound to notice and maybe even like what what they see and possible spark a convo. The power is in the hips and don't be rigid. Most conversations either start on the dance floor or right at the bar.

    When ordering a drink see if you can stump a bartender with an unsual drink or at least a drink that's not commonly made. That iusually works because then someone is gonna ask where you learned it from and how it's made.

    The big kicker is confidence. You gotta have it in order to get what you want.

    Happy trails buddy and have fun.


  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jan 21, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
    Yeah, friends are always better than booze (especially if you've stopped drinking, hehe). They can help you be confident, and then someone may come up to you. Remember to keep eye contact with the guy you're trying to attract, and shake that bootay! Many people say they can't dance (I say it sometimes), but really it's just simple fluent movements with your body, especially with your hips. Also, maybe if you dance quite uniquely from everyone else you can attact more attention. It all sounds hard, but you'll get there in time. icon_wink.gif
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jan 21, 2009 6:34 PM GMT
    Go to a differnt club. Try western clubs, they actually teach and it's more community and interactive together. Kareoke is a great way to meet people. One it puts you out there but everyone knows its all in good fun. Also, it can be a conversation starter. OH wow you did great with that Elton John Song, have you ever seen him live.. blah blah.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 8:17 PM GMT
    I am not a great dancer, but most people I see at clubs are terrible. And you know what, that doesn't stop them from having a great time doing it.

    I like Mike^3's suggestion. If you assign yourself arbitrary goals it makes it easier. Such as

    1) I must talk to three strangers for at least two minutes each.
    2) If I can't meet someone interesting by midnight, move on to a new bar.

    flirtation is an art, and you don't learn it by observing. You have to go in there, stumble over your words a few times and learn the game.

    Happy hunting.
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    Jan 21, 2009 8:24 PM GMT
    You're probably not as bad a dancer as you think...and as others have said, most people in dance clubs don't know what they're doing - they're just there to have a good time.

    Here's a suggestion...lame as it may be...try dancing in front of the mirror in the privacy of your bedroom or bathroom. Wait until you're all alone, pump up the music and go for it. You'll probably realize that a) you don't look that bad and b) the practice might even make you better.

    And when you do go out and dance, just make sure your friends get out there with you and that you have fun. Anyone who is going to be attracted to you on a dance floor will probably be more attracted to your smiling, inviting face than to your dance moves. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    Perhaps the dance club environment is not your thing. Have you tried a regular bar, no dancing, but maybe with pool tables or a dart board... anything but dancing? There are other ways to socialize without having to dance. When I discovered gay bars with pool tables, while not an expert, it allowed me to socialize, even win a few games, and meet some guys. That way you can also have your game face and not have to worry about smiling all the time. But smile... :-)
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 21, 2009 9:46 PM GMT
    There is No Place for meeting guys that's better than a dance club icon_cool.gif

    First of all ... all the guys there are looking for the same thing
    second.... you don't need to be a great dancer

    most clubs are so crowded that doing anything but bouncin' up and down is impossible
    and if you loo good without a shirt on (NOBODY CARES) icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 11:41 PM GMT
    Awesome tips and advice, thank you all... I like the goal of talking to 3 people in a night, and agree I shouldn't care about the dancing if it's a busy place... will start the social experiment this weekend!icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    yes, thats all well and good.. but.. what do you look like *nods* icon_razz.gif

    but just get hammered, then you wont give a shit what you look like, no body else does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2009 12:45 AM GMT
    This is a good question! Being such a club rat I have developed many techiques on how to meet guys in the nightclubs.

    You first got to practice talking to guys first.

    What I like to do is go in the bars and talk to the older gays there for practice. Don't drink too much when you do this because you might go home with someone you find undesirable.

    Then when you walk in crowded club smile and say hi to everyone you see.
    Once it comes to be 1:30 a guys is gonna go look for the guy who told him hi.

    Ask a guy if he is having a good time. If he says no tell him it's because he hasn't met you yet.

    You got to be confident!

    Making guys laugh is also a good thing to get the energy flowing! If you need futher help let me know.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 26, 2009 1:46 AM GMT
    Ok you asked for help-got good advice. Now fess up and give an update por favor!
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    Jan 26, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    Smile and have fun dancing with friends. If you aren't having fun then it creates an air of unapproachability. The more relaxed you are the better it is to effortlessly turn around and find yourself dancing with someone that makes your smile widen.
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    Jan 26, 2009 12:50 PM GMT
    syd_dude saidStuck in a catch 22 here: I'm bad at dancing and trying to start conversations in noisy clubs... but the guys there are way to hot to ignore, and I really need to loosen up and do it! I am a bit shy, and not very comfortable in crowded places but don't want to leave this rock unturned. I always end up being a wall flower and only talking to the people I go with... is this how it goes or have I got it all wrong? Any tips?


    Two step.

    Or.... youtube.com 'Big Milan's melbourne shuffle tutorial'

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2009 12:52 PM GMT
    Hmmm...are you looking for friends, workout partners, potential relationships or a quick lay at these dance clubs?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2009 10:00 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidOk you asked for help-got good advice. Now fess up and give an update por favor!


    Okay, sorry for the delay... had an awesome night out! I set a goal of talking to 3 guys and I talked to 5. Two were nice, the others were either pricks at heart, really insecure, or way too into their e to care what I had to say.

    The dancing wasn't an issue at all... I had a couple too many drinks and the rest took care of itself!

    Thanks for the advice all!!! Can't wait to go out again!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2009 10:02 AM GMT
    bill007 saidHmmm...are you looking for friends, workout partners, potential relationships or a quick lay at these dance clubs?


    Update Part Dos:
    I always bail on my friends when they go to the clubs because I was insecure about dancing and talking to guys in loud, crowded clubs.... Just wanted to get my courage up to join them a few times. Still don't really love it, more of a pub guy than a club guy, but who can resist 200 half naked men dancing?
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 28, 2009 11:29 PM GMT
    This RJ'er is proud of you! Now go get em!! When you got em wear a condom!

    my 2 cents.

    Good luck!
    mike3