Powerful Emotions: Drawbacks?

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    Feb 01, 2015 1:57 AM GMT
    I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this, where people you date are scared off by how completely you're able to give yourself over to them? This day and age what with Law & Order on every evening after 6 or whatnot, people have stopped seeing any innocence in the world around them. They instead choose to see darkness, depravity and self-interest.

    I tend to fall head-over-heels (though it doesn't happen very often) and most of the handful of times that's happened the way that things have progressed from there are very brief and basically end with a guy cutting off communications completely. I'm a very passionate romantic (in the classical sense, not the ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey crap that starts showing up on TV this time of year) and I wonder if that scares guys off?

    (Reposted from General)
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    Radd saidYes! But I personally love that I'm open with my feelings. It intimidates the hell out of some people but it also attracts emotionally healthy people. So I consider it a great filter.

    However, if you're talking about sharing too much too soon, that's a different issue altogether. For example if you're saying "I love you" on the second date, that will be a problem for emotionally healthy people too.

    So maybe some clarification is needed.


    No, i meant the first part. I worked through my way-too-fast phase early on. I do talk alot, which i'm working on curbing, but what I mean is I'm very emotionally open and vulnerable, not afraid to take that chance. I think the immaturity readings in NOLA are a bit high since it seems to encourage guys to keep the "Party Life" mentality a bit too long and keeps them emotionally unavailable.
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    You're still speaking in very general terms so not sure how your openness is exactly a problem. Can you give an example of a particular incidence?

    FYI: You can delete your other thread as long as you do it before too many people reply to it.
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:29 AM GMT
    Not sure what you are talking about. Do you want to move in for the second date? Start discussing China patterns? Pick out wedding rings? Then you're coming on WAY to strong.

    All talk of love, future and exclusivity should wait until after you've had a couple of rolls in the hay. Also try to be sensitive to how your bf feels.
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:33 AM GMT
    Radd saidYou're still speaking in very general terms so not sure how your openness is exactly a problem. Can you give an example of a particular incidence?

    FYI: You can delete your other thread as long as you do it before too many people reply to it.


    Like i said, i do sometimes share a lot but its more me just being open about myself and not knowing when to shut up than it is seeing a relationship after a single coffee date (okay, if he's cute of course i'm wondering what our wedding photos would look like but whatever). I'm a very emotionally raw, on-the-sleeve kind of guy. I think that scares a lot of these overgrown frat boys away and sure, it's not like i WANT an overgrown frat boy, but it'd be nice to get hit on at least once in real life by someone who wasn't soaked in enough alcohol to sterilize a surgery theatre
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:44 AM GMT
    Life2Short said
    Radd saidYou're still speaking in very general terms so not sure how your openness is exactly a problem. Can you give an example of a particular incidence?

    FYI: You can delete your other thread as long as you do it before too many people reply to it.


    Like i said, i do sometimes share a lot but its more me just being open about myself and not knowing when to shut up than it is seeing a relationship after a single coffee date (okay, if he's cute of course i'm wondering what our wedding photos would look like but whatever). I'm a very emotionally raw, on-the-sleeve kind of guy. I think that scares a lot of these overgrown frat boys away and sure, it's not like i WANT an overgrown frat boy, but it'd be nice to get hit on at least once in real life by someone who wasn't soaked in enough alcohol to sterilize a surgery theatre


    Okay, I think I understand a bit better now. So you think the problem is your sharing too much too soon?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 01, 2015 3:07 AM GMT
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  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Feb 01, 2015 3:31 AM GMT
    Life2Short saidI was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this, where people you date are scared off by how completely you're able to give yourself over to them? This day and age what with Law & Order on every evening after 6 or whatnot, people have stopped seeing any innocence in the world around them. They instead choose to see darkness, depravity and self-interest.

    I tend to fall head-over-heels (though it doesn't happen very often) and most of the handful of times that's happened the way that things have progressed from there are very brief and basically end with a guy cutting off communications completely. I'm a very passionate romantic (in the classical sense, not the ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey crap that starts showing up on TV this time of year) and I wonder if that scares guys off?

    (Reposted from General)


    Being emotionally available, passionate, and vulnerable is NOT a sign of weakness nor to be ashamed of! consider yourself blessed for being that way, as being this way you are opening opportunities to a vast world of knowledge! I personally don't trust those who hide their vulnerabilities and sensitivities! I perfectly understand the innocence you speak of thou; unfortunately in today's world it is very much misunderstood, sadly!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2015 5:59 AM GMT
    Radd said
    Life2Short said
    Radd saidYou're still speaking in very general terms so not sure how your openness is exactly a problem. Can you give an example of a particular incidence?

    FYI: You can delete your other thread as long as you do it before too many people reply to it.


    Like i said, i do sometimes share a lot but its more me just being open about myself and not knowing when to shut up than it is seeing a relationship after a single coffee date (okay, if he's cute of course i'm wondering what our wedding photos would look like but whatever). I'm a very emotionally raw, on-the-sleeve kind of guy. I think that scares a lot of these overgrown frat boys away and sure, it's not like i WANT an overgrown frat boy, but it'd be nice to get hit on at least once in real life by someone who wasn't soaked in enough alcohol to sterilize a surgery theatre


    Okay, I think I understand a bit better now. So you think the problem is your sharing too much too soon?


    I honestly have no clue, ergo the forum post. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar experiences. Its one of those things i think that's hard to explain but if someone else has had the same issue they'll know what you're talking about. I'm very open and honest to a fault because i've seen what lying about who you are or other important things can do. I think that just freaks people out, that I don't really worry too much about how i'm perceived by others.
  • DJEsco_

    Posts: 80

    Feb 01, 2015 6:24 AM GMT

    OP You are who you are. Some people like to tell things. My boyfriend used tk make a lot of married jokes and shit like that while we were dating. It was a little awkward but I got used to it. He is just a very effectionate person. Some people dont mind some do. Just do you and I am sure eventually you will find the right guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2015 2:19 PM GMT
    Life2Short said... people you date are scared off by how completely you're able to give yourself over to them ...
    your going to hurt your self bad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2015 3:52 PM GMT
    Life2Short said
    Radd said
    Life2Short said
    Radd saidYou're still speaking in very general terms so not sure how your openness is exactly a problem. Can you give an example of a particular incidence?

    FYI: You can delete your other thread as long as you do it before too many people reply to it.


    Like i said, i do sometimes share a lot but its more me just being open about myself and not knowing when to shut up than it is seeing a relationship after a single coffee date (okay, if he's cute of course i'm wondering what our wedding photos would look like but whatever). I'm a very emotionally raw, on-the-sleeve kind of guy. I think that scares a lot of these overgrown frat boys away and sure, it's not like i WANT an overgrown frat boy, but it'd be nice to get hit on at least once in real life by someone who wasn't soaked in enough alcohol to sterilize a surgery theatre


    Okay, I think I understand a bit better now. So you think the problem is your sharing too much too soon?


    I honestly have no clue, ergo the forum post. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar experiences. Its one of those things i think that's hard to explain but if someone else has had the same issue they'll know what you're talking about. I'm very open and honest to a fault because i've seen what lying about who you are or other important things can do. I think that just freaks people out, that I don't really worry too much about how i'm perceived by others.


    Over sharing can definitely be a problem. I have a tendency to do this myself. It has less to do with me being so open...as much as feeling like I have to let someone see who I really am so that if they aren't interested then neither one of us wastes the others time. Unfortunately this tends to bite me in the ass more often than not.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Feb 01, 2015 5:17 PM GMT
    Being yourself or pretending to be someone else so others or someone will like you!? what would you choose!? we can pretend to be all kinds of people to be liked, but is it worth hiding the real you!? if that were the case then everyone should stop bragging about being so different, unique, or individuals! so lets all be what others want us to be, so that we may not feel so alone or unaccepted!?

    I welcome and do encourage people, as well as my potential partner to be themselves no matter what, and do hope the same from them!? but if that doesn't happen I am strong and happy enough with my self that IT may not be necessary! the sad and pitiful part about sharing emotions is that everyone is too damn selfish to accept that from others; as if others aren't humans just like them!?