First Love.....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2015 6:58 AM GMT
    Frankie are you out there?

    I wanted to share my story of someone I knew a long time ago. His name is Frankie. I can't remember his last name, but I do remember all the quiet times we spent together. He came into my life at a time when it was filled with conflict and hardship.
    On a warm summer day I was out jogging when I noticed him sitting on a park bench. I walked over, said hello and from that moment until our last visit we had a great time. One time he invited me over for a pool party and we sat in the cool water and visited for a long time. We would go to dance clubs to escape, chill and usually ended up have some amazing Italian food afterwards. We shared many of the same interests like sports, art and love for the out doors. Our friendship grew and we bonded well. He had smooth olive skin and babe blue eyes. He was such a sexy hot Italian man. I always looked forward to meeting with him.
    One day when we were kicking back I opened up and told him that I really did like him a lot. He felt the same way, His eyes glistened when I told him. We were both really excited!! There was one catch, I was currently married. He knew this because I told him and I even introduced him to my wife at the time. She thought he was very fun and friendly also. Early on in our new friendship I had told him that I was married. He was good with it, but then we grew closer and closer.
    One day he asked me if I would break up with my wife so we could be together all the time. I was quiet for awhile and then told him that I didn't think gay relationships were possible at that point in time so long long ago. I did express my true love for him, but I was already in a committed relationship and he knew this. He broke down and cried and was really up set. He actually sobbed and I was devastated too. I wish I could have gone with him. I did/do love him. Then he told me he could never see me again and moved to West Hollywood. I was really crushed, but understood. To this day I wonder where he is and if he's OK? He never talked to me again.
    What made me think of him today? I watched a move and for some reason made me realize he was actually the first guy I really did love. I was heart broken when he left, I guess I had no choice at the time. I miss you Frankie!

    Maybe you guys can relate? Maybe you have a similar situation. I have a heavy heart for some reason. First time I ever mentioned this to anyone!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 01, 2015 8:07 AM GMT
    I've never been married, but had a heavy heart for my first for years. Even ran across him a few times along the path. Perhaps fate was trying to get us back together, but every time we'd see each other we were both at different points in our lives. Either I was in a relationship at the time or he was. However, I was able to contact him via the internet shortly before he died. Funny thing, I found him on the internet on the day of his birthday and contacted him. We did get to have one short chat which I treasure. After he died, I guess my heart knew that which can never be and all those pangs soon disappeared. Maybe you'll get lucky and run into him sometime. But, some thing are just not meant to be, and some are just meant to be for a short time. You can't bring back the past, but you can remember it with fondness.
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    Feb 01, 2015 5:19 PM GMT
    I could exactly have written the same lines , words by words .
    As much i had told my now ex-wife I was bi when i first started to date her , i also had make a promise when getting married , and i wasn't going to break that promise , even if I was having deep feelings for that bloke ..As you do , i wonder where he is now , and how is he doing .
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Feb 03, 2015 6:00 AM GMT
    You cannot choose who you fall in love with. You can try, but you'll fail, as so many have failed before you.

    A few years ago, I started hooking up with a very hot college dude who openly told me right from the beginning that he was having a fiance, and that he was getting married, wanted to have family and kids, etc. It was an NSA thing alright.

    Well, we clicked together famously, and were having loads of fun. It was college. No one was making lifelong, binding promises. Guys were hooking up left, right and center, as the saying goes.

    His wedding coincided with me getting a job abroad, I moved on. Frankly, both he and I were heartbroken and smitten. But we had also known that this was coming from the day one, and we took our chance. Despite the heartbreak and the pain, I have never had any regrets over this.

    We kept in touch via the net over a couple more years. Both he and I built our careers, and he also had a family he wanted to have. I kept enjoying my freedom for whatever it was worth.

    It turned out that both of us were attending different conventions in a major city at the same time. We met for the last time, had sex, hot as always, hugged for the last time, and finally parted our ways.

    Both he and I decided that keeping in touch was not making much sense any more. We lived thousands of miles apart. The only thing we were able to do was to talk our past. This was not helpful at all.

    So, you learn how to close the chapter, and move on. It sure hurts a lot but all the pain there is would be a very small price to pay for the joy we once shared.

    SC
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 03, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    I was approached while in college by a guy who I'd just spent two hours sketching nude in a life drawing class I was taking as part of my major, Architecture. He was a Senior and I was a Sophomore. He took me back to his room, a single and lit a flicker candle. Although I wasn't a sexual virgin, I had never been made love to and he was gorgeous, and nice, and smart. But I wanted kids and had a long time girlfriend that I truly did love. Back then, gay wasn't a viable career, lol. He pursued me for months but I never again went to his room, though I thought about it a lot.

    Well he graduated and moved to NYC. I'd track him through alumni records from time to time to see if he was still there and wonder how his life turned out. And then one day, he showed up in the obituaries. Mid 1990's. I assumed AIDS. No way of finding out.

    But I think of him still, from time to time. Rid Sawyer. RIP.
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    Feb 05, 2015 7:21 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI was approached while in college by a guy who I'd just spent two hours sketching nude in a life drawing class I was taking as part of my major, Architecture. He was a Senior and I was a Sophomore. He took me back to his room, a single and lit a flicker candle. Although I wasn't a sexual virgin, I had never been made love to and he was gorgeous, and nice, and smart. But I wanted kids and had a long time girlfriend that I truly did love. Back then, gay wasn't a viable career, lol. He pursued me for months but I never again went to his room, though I thought about it a lot.

    Well he graduated and moved to NYC. I'd track him through alumni records from time to time to see if he was still there and wonder how his life turned out. And then one day, he showed up in the obituaries. Mid 1990's. I assumed AIDS. No way of finding out.

    But I think of him still, from time to time. Rid Sawyer. RIP.


    I wonder if my friend an Frankie is alive. Death hits gay men fast and we've lost so many......sorry to hear about it. Kinda sad how it all happens and I am not one to dwell on things, but it just hit me hard a few days ago..

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    Feb 05, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 saidI find these stories quite funny because, you were married to a woman but in love with a man. I cant even imagine myself living a miserable lie


    That's because, in your usual unthinking fashion, you forget that his generation had to navigate circumstances you know nothing about, and survive in a society that you apparently know nothing about. AS well, coming to terms with being gay isn't the same or as easy or difficult for everyone in the same way.

    ..oh what's the point of trying to explain anything to you, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2015 3:58 PM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 saidWhy do you think that growing up as gay kid in a catholic family in Mexico was easy?. Most part of my life I have been dealing with homophobia.

    My mother prays every day wishing me stop being GAY because I will die infected with aids according to her concept of the GAY life style so Do you have anything else to say?


    Yes, that you didn't learn much from your experiences. If anything you should be able to understand why some gay men end up in unhappy marriages.
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    Feb 08, 2015 12:41 AM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 saidI find these stories quite funny because, you were married to a woman but in love with a man. I cant even imagine myself living a miserable lie


    At the time yes> A mistake maybe not. A means to an end yes. Survival? I guess. It was all I could do to figure it out......I am single now and happy
  • Franko0

    Posts: 6

    Feb 09, 2015 1:21 PM GMT
    sometimes we are not able to control our feelings and in this case we use cold mind and regret with time.. i always follow my feelings.