Haven't had sex, worried.

  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Feb 02, 2015 3:49 AM GMT
    I am very worried about this, I haven't had sex in a very.... very.... very long time (ever.). I am sure I creak icon_lol.gif ... But point is I'm not sure what I should do or say if I get into a relationship with someone. Or if they ask my sexual history I am not sure what to say, if I tell them "I'm basically a virgin" that'll be a massive turnoff for many guys. icon_lol.gif


    So should I start lying about it? I don't want to lose potential relationships because of my virginity. I know a lot of guys don't want to put in the "work" so yeah........

    Also I am worried about the first time hurting or me being bad and yeah icon_redface.gif

    I'm just concerned about it. icon_cry.gif
  • wesv

    Posts: 907

    Feb 02, 2015 7:27 AM GMT
    Don't feel bad. I haven't had sex since July 2014. My anal area had a tear from the last time I bottomed which caused health issues.

    I was at a bathhouse in LA today. It's actually legal to have sex in those places. I was there really for the social time and not so much for sex. I'm still healing from the surgery I had in December so the whole time I had to refuse sex each time I was offered. So instead I just chatted with some guys. I guess you can still have "fun" with other guys in that social sense because sex isn't eveything. Life doesn't have to be Freud! One guy I met at the bathhouse wanted to take me to his place in Long Beach so he could rim and fuck me. But I told him my situation. Then he thanked me for being honest and continued caressing my beautiful silky skin. We exchanged numbers as we left.

    So don't lie...it won't work.
  • monstapex

    Posts: 477

    Feb 02, 2015 11:27 AM GMT
    NeuralShock saidI am very worried about this, I haven't had sex in a very.... very.... very long time (ever.). I am sure I creak icon_lol.gif ... But point is I'm not sure what I should do or say if I get into a relationship with someone. Or if they ask my sexual history I am not sure what to say, if I tell them "I'm basically a virgin" that'll be a massive turnoff for many guys. icon_lol.gif


    So should I start lying about it? I don't want to lose potential relationships because of my virginity. I know a lot of guys don't want to put in the "work" so yeah........

    Also I am worried about the first time hurting or me being bad and yeah icon_redface.gif

    I'm just concerned about it. icon_cry.gif





    Didnt you have a post about being raped in December?
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Feb 02, 2015 12:49 PM GMT
    monstapex said
    NeuralShock saidI am very worried about this, I haven't had sex in a very.... very.... very long time (ever.). I am sure I creak icon_lol.gif ... But point is I'm not sure what I should do or say if I get into a relationship with someone. Or if they ask my sexual history I am not sure what to say, if I tell them "I'm basically a virgin" that'll be a massive turnoff for many guys. icon_lol.gif


    So should I start lying about it? I don't want to lose potential relationships because of my virginity. I know a lot of guys don't want to put in the "work" so yeah........

    Also I am worried about the first time hurting or me being bad and yeah icon_redface.gif

    I'm just concerned about it. icon_cry.gif





    Didnt you have a post about being raped in December?


    I was and I don't count that.

    And I know you realize how much of a bag of shit saying something like that makes you, now kindly don't talk to me again.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Feb 02, 2015 3:44 PM GMT
    NeuralShock saidI am very worried about this, I haven't had sex in a very.... very.... very long time (ever.). I am sure I creak icon_lol.gif ... But point is I'm not sure what I should do or say if I get into a relationship with someone. Or if they ask my sexual history I am not sure what to say, if I tell them "I'm basically a virgin" that'll be a massive turnoff for many guys. icon_lol.gif


    So should I start lying about it? I don't want to lose potential relationships because of my virginity. I know a lot of guys don't want to put in the "work" so yeah........

    Also I am worried about the first time hurting or me being bad and yeah icon_redface.gif

    I'm just concerned about it. icon_cry.gif


    You may want to lean back, take a deep breath, and plan for the better future.

    If you look around, you'll come across a surprising number of young dudes who either have not had sex, want to have sex but are not getting any, or even do not feel like taking a step into the uncharted territory.

    A dude in his late teens and early 20's sometimes lacks a lot of experience. Frankly, a number of guys at that age do not know where to go, what to do, how to start...

    So, like pretty much everyone else, you go to the market of ideas and buy into the loosely wrapped package of ideology that you happen to like most. What else could you do? Why start inventing the wheel all over again?

    Recently, a heteronormative notion that men should have sex ONLY and ONLY if it is a result of a very deep emotional bond, within the framework of a completely monogamous relationship has become very popular among a number of guys in their late teens and early 20's.

    If this is how you (impersonal 'you') really feel about it, and if this is how you wish to organize your life, go for it. More power to you! Your life - you are calling the shots.

    If you are not so sure about all of this, do some research, and try to figure out what is so good, wise and productive about the aforementioned heteronorm.

    A little reading will show that societal subjugation of the male sexual drive really started with the introduction of Christianity as both religion and ideology. Classical, pre-Christian societies imposed very few societal limitations on the male sexual drive, and showed great tolerance towards m2m sexual relationships. Christianity significantly augmented the societal role of women, banned m2m sexual relations and imposed serious limitations on the male sexual drive in general.

    Some people call this "civilization". It is difficult to adopt this notion because it is very obvious that great classical civilizations existed and blossomed without such limitations.

    Once you are done with your analysis, the only possible conclusion you can reach is that the notions of premarital celibacy, monogamy, frowning down upon recreational sex, and a complete ban on m2m sex all had a significant political importance in spreading Christianity in its time and day. An expanding, officially banned religion needed large families to grow and conquer, and not men frolicking around with other men, and having a good ole' time.

    Once you have educated yourself on the subject, you can make an educated decision on what role your sex drive should play in your life. If you still want to buy into the popular Christian model, by all means, do so, and be prepared to bear the consequences of your decision.

    The other option is to understand male sexuality as being very different from its female counterpart. The evolutionary cost of any male sexual intercourse is negligible. Once the sexual intercourse is over, a male is ready to go and do whatever he wants to do. In a very short time, a healthy male will be able to get sexually active again. In evolutionary terms, a female is likely to be saddled with a huge expense of being pregnant for a relatively long time, and having to care for her offspring for many years to come. This huge asymmetry in the evolutionary cost of human sexual intercourse explains a lot about the most fundamental aspects of human sexuality.

    A step further in thinking will bring you to the conclusion that you MAY choose to view your sexuality as one of your basic needs which can be easily satisfied with willing and available partners, at a very low evolutionary cost to you. Unlike women, who have every reason to promote the notion that sex should only be a consequence of a very deep and very binding emotional relationship which will help her to go through her pregnancy and facilitate the raising of her children over a long and costly period of time, you have a complete freedom of choice here.

    Hence, consider redefining the place your sexuality plays in your, personal life. Consider the fact that your sexual drive happens to be one of your basic needs that you can satisfy easily, and without much ado, if this is what you want to do. Celibacy and heteronormative sex may not be the best solution for everybody despite the huge ideological value attached to it.

    SC







  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Feb 02, 2015 3:44 PM GMT
    "Ever" is truly a very long time! I would say try not to worry about it. Your sexual history, or lack thereof, is private if you want it to be. If I were you, I'd be fine with playing the field a bit. If you get into a relationship, then there will be mutual physical attraction and probably the sexual side can develop over time if it's not great to begin with.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 02, 2015 5:02 PM GMT
    Noeton said"Ever" is truly a very long time! I would say try not to worry about it. Your sexual history, or lack thereof, is private if you want it to be. If I were you, I'd be fine with playing the field a bit. If you get into a relationship, then there will be mutual physical attraction and probably the sexual side can develop over time if it's not great to begin with.

    Ya, exactly. You don't define who you are by your sexual skill set so why would you think a guy you really like will define you that way. If you're talking about dating vs hookup. Although I see nothing wrong with a hookup and even then, I think you'll find that a lot of guys won't mind going slow and enjoy watching you experience something new. If you pick nice guys, anyway. It might start you down a path with the guy that turns into more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 05, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    monstapex said
    NeuralShock saidI am very worried about this, I haven't had sex in a very.... very.... very long time (ever.). I am sure I creak icon_lol.gif ... But point is I'm not sure what I should do or say if I get into a relationship with someone. Or if they ask my sexual history I am not sure what to say, if I tell them "I'm basically a virgin" that'll be a massive turnoff for many guys. icon_lol.gif


    So should I start lying about it? I don't want to lose potential relationships because of my virginity. I know a lot of guys don't want to put in the "work" so yeah........

    Also I am worried about the first time hurting or me being bad and yeah icon_redface.gif

    I'm just concerned about it. icon_cry.gif





    Didnt you have a post about being raped in December?


    This so rude and uncalled mate !!icon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 05, 2015 11:12 PM GMT
    Go have some safe sex and pop the cherry. True, you'll always remember your first, but it's got to happen sometime.

    Seriously, growing up hurts. Emotionally at times. You will have your heartbroken. You will have bad sex. You will meet a guy who turns out to be "creepy." We've all been there. No amount of shielding--short of a bubble-can protect you from this.

    You live and learn. You cannot learn unless you live. Go live. Have safe sex. Now this doesn't mean be completely crazy, or turn into a proverbial whore of Babylon. But at your age, you should be experiencing somethings.

    I think the lack of experience of some people (none on this thread, I'm not implying that at all) is part of the reason why there are literally some 35 year olds obsessed with Mickey Mouse and who are virgins. There's literally a movie about a 40 year old virgin. Don't be that guy. You need to, slowly and carefully, start playing with fire. You'll burn yourself a bit, but it's for the better, and there's no substitute for experience.

    Enjoy. Be safe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 06, 2015 12:05 AM GMT
    There's nothing to be concerned about lol just go with the flow and let quemestry dictate what happens with a guy.either boyfriend or some guy that likes you and respects you. Stay safe, be responsible, be romantic but not desperate. In all honesty I think its attractive a man that is shy and classy and not some confident double cock sucker xD you're young,time to make the best of it.don't do drugs kid and have a reasonable drinking xD
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 06, 2015 12:15 AM GMT
    nelo27 saidThere's nothing to be concerned about lol just go with the flow and let quemestry dictate what happens with a guy.either boyfriend or some guy that likes you and respects you. Stay safe, be responsible, be romantic but not desperate. In all honesty I think its attractive a man that is shy and classy and not some confident double cock sucker xD you're young,time to make the best of it.don't do drugs kid and have a reasonable drinking xD


    Amen. Drugs and excess booze is the downfall of MANY talented people. Plus drugs AGE you like nothing else. There's a guy I went to HS with, he got into meth and hard drugs, and his FB pic makes him look bloated and like he's twice his age. It's sad, and irreversible. I'm glad his updates now celebrate his "X months/years sober" and everyone writs little congrats. But as sweet as it is, it's ultimately pathetic and sad.

    Just say no. Social to moderate booze, a cigarette or cigar now and then, perhaps poppers in the bedroom, and a puff of weed on occasions (personally, having tried weed 4 or 5 times back in college, I don't touch it). Anything harder than that, and your face will F up and your life might spiral out of control. Mark my words.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Feb 06, 2015 12:20 AM GMT
    Look at your virginity as a gift for the guy worthy enough to meet your expectations....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 06, 2015 6:44 PM GMT
    Svnw688 said
    nelo27 saidThere's nothing to be concerned about lol just go with the flow and let quemestry dictate what happens with a guy.either boyfriend or some guy that likes you and respects you. Stay safe, be responsible, be romantic but not desperate. In all honesty I think its attractive a man that is shy and classy and not some confident double cock sucker xD you're young,time to make the best of it.don't do drugs kid and have a reasonable drinking xD


    Amen. Drugs and excess booze is the downfall of MANY talented people. Plus drugs AGE you like nothing else. There's a guy I went to HS with, he got into meth and hard drugs, and his FB pic makes him look bloated and like he's twice his age. It's sad, and irreversible. I'm glad his updates now celebrate his "X months/years sober" and everyone writs little congrats. But as sweet as it is, it's ultimately pathetic and sad.

    Just say no. Social to moderate booze, a cigarette or cigar now and then, perhaps poppers in the bedroom, and a puff of weed on occasions (personally, having tried weed 4 or 5 times back in college, I don't touch it). Anything harder than that, and your face will F up and your life might spiral out of control. Mark my words.

    ^ wise words here kid.don't do drugs. Lol my bf had such friends in the past... Glad he didn't end up like them in the end. One of them has his face fucked up good from meth and he already had plastic surgery lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 1:22 AM GMT
    mybud saidLook at your virginity as a gift for the guy worthy enough to meet your expectations....


    Bravo - smart man. You are in competition with no one. Some of us remember our first time with dread cause we rushed into something just to prove a point. You are blessed with the chance to be thoughtful and wait for the right one.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 08, 2015 12:51 AM GMT
    Don't get too cutesy with it or over-romanticize it. Virginity is not some gift, and it's market value is about $0 dollars. In addition, a life of celibacy, contrary to what the RCC (I'm Catholic) teaches is not somehow noble or virtuous. It's a stunted life and lacks depth in one very important area--sexuality. It's part of growing up. Now grow up.

    Pop the cherry, be safe, and have fun.

    tumblr_nhsl4tVE5B1shmjpwo2_400.gif
  • fmdemi15

    Posts: 18

    Feb 09, 2015 6:57 AM GMT
    I haven't had sex in almost a decade (this year would make the decade). It is is sad considering that I'm almost 25 but I like to think of it as riding a bike "once you learn you never forget" icon_wink.gif so you'll be fine