Learning to let go of the things that will never be

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 21, 2009 3:47 PM GMT
    Does anyone have any personal insights?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 21, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
    i have given up on the 49 inch pecs and 31 inch waist goal... icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 21, 2009 4:19 PM GMT
    I personally find that is something that you get better at the older you get. But It does really depend though on the individual for the most part.

    I personally have tried to focus more on the present and future and only use the past as a learning experience and not to stew over what I should have done, or what I did do that I should not have. I try and be grateful for what I have accomplished and what I have as opposed to what I wanted to have at this stage of my life.
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    Jan 21, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    One of THE best things about getting older, is knowing yourself. You know what you're good at, and you know what is better left to others.

    No one is good at everything. No one has the perfect body. Be the best you can be at things you do well, strive for excellence, but learn to be happy with you who are.

    I take care of myself and work hard in the gym. I think I still look pretty good, but if someone outside myself has another opinion, it's not going to change what I think about myself. Once you approve yourself, no one else can take that away from you.

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    Jan 21, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    I´m going through this with a relationship... complex and I´m not talking about it here, but the general point is that you have to embrace what IS possible, and not let what ISN¨T possible spoil that. Life brings many surprises, many of the things that bring most joy are unexpected and you can´t guess what is round the corner

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    Jan 21, 2009 4:55 PM GMT
    People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves.
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    Jan 21, 2009 4:56 PM GMT

    A step into Oblivion

    Dreams of things that will never be,
    Songs of thoughts only I can hear,
    Leave me be to sleep forever,
    To dream my dreams,
    And sing my hymns,
    Of things that will never be.


    (Highlight to read)

    A wee poem I made long ago. When I wrestled with the exact same thing. icon_redface.gif Basically, there are some things you know will never come true, but there's always imagination to fill the gaps. And no matter how jaded we become really, there's still always something that hopes for it to come true. So until the right opportunity comes, leave it on the backburner and go on with life.
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    Jan 21, 2009 4:57 PM GMT
    What will never be is broad. Some are easy. I won't be President, I won't likely travel in space, I won't ever look like BigSetx, and a long series of things that are simply not possible.

    There are other things that will never be such as unrequited loves, lost loves, people who died before their time leaving untold promise destroyed, and my most despised loss - failure to grasp opportunity.

    Still another loss, with which I am personally acquainted, is unrecoverable time and energy burnt up upon the pyre of fear and timidity. In some measure what can never be (at least for me) was sacrificed to these demons before it was possible to know them for what they are.

    The balancer is unexpected promise. For every thing that will never be there is another thing that will be. In those endless movements from potential to kinetic there lies the implication of bitter disappointment and delightful surprise.

    One of the things for me that "was never going to happen" was being in a committed relationship. Instead, when I least expected it to happen, I wake up and find that on 3rd March 2009 I will have been in love for every femtosecond of 10 years. Wow that wasn't supposed to happen.

    Is there a benefit to letting go of things that will never be? Of this I am not entirely certain. Letting go of things that are impossible and don't really matter is one thing, and it isn't all that hard to do. However, the need itself to let go of something as a conscious act suggests to me that it may be worth retaining. That never be may never be, or more likely it will be a something else.

    The something else, to my way of thinking, depends alot on how I approach the business of doing ever little thing.

    Terry
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    Jan 21, 2009 5:19 PM GMT
    That was pretty awesome Sedative.
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    Jan 21, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    I remember when I was single of being certain that what I wanted was a family (wife & kids), pets & a home with a white picket fence. In reality I actually had that dream (except for the white picket fence) and realized that it was a dream and finally I had to let it go because it wasn't me. So now, although I dream, I keep reality in check by constantly reiterating this quote:

    "The longer I live, the more I find it necessary to reexamine those things about which I was once most certain."

    My dreams now are more about just being happy to be who I am and sharing it with those who accept me for that. So far, that dream is one I don't seem to have to let go of! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:03 PM GMT
    The longer you hang onto something, the shorter your life will be. Time will have gone by that was unproductive. A few diversions can be good every now and then. Tragedies occur. Life unfolds before us in ways we may not be able to control. But as many have posted, keep your mind and behavior and actions on what you can control.

    I would be a bit shocked if I got to my age and had nothing but emptiness and hollow dreams to hang my hat on icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:09 PM GMT
    justinono said
    I would be a bit shocked if I got to my age and had nothing but emptiness and hollow dreams to hang my hat on icon_neutral.gif
    But I think there are many who do end up like this, but I don't believe it's because they don't dream, it's because they can't reconcile the dream with reality.

    Good point regarding control justinono!
  • metta

    Posts: 39091

    Jan 21, 2009 6:18 PM GMT


    Being that I'm agnostic, this is really a strange thing to add...but I think that it still applys for all if you remove the first word:

    "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
    courage to change the things we can,
    and wisdom to know the difference."

    - serenity prayer


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:19 PM GMT
    All drama aside, the chuckystud will NEVER play in the NBA.

    I no speaky Ebonics. I to short.
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:31 PM GMT
    Bravo3 saidThat was pretty awesome Sedative.


    *blushes* icon_redface.gif

    It's actually part of the reason why my handle here is Sedative. My usual online handle is Oblivion, again a nod to the conclusion I came up with when I wrote that poem... come to think of it. It's probably one of the core philosophies of my life... icon_surprised.gif
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:48 PM GMT
    Hm. Sorry. But I honestly don't see any racist connotations to it. icon_confused.gif He's clearly not mocking 'ebonics'/'jive' whatever, from the assertion alone. And the existence of a distinct English vernacular among African-Americans is true enough. Still I will unquote it, if you wish.
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:55 PM GMT
    Letting go of things in our lives that will never be is laudable. I have had so many things go beautifully my way in life, it is hard to imagine anything that I should let go of - things that will never be except maybe my youth. I had a great ride through my 20s and 30s - even 40s. I have great memories, so I don't need to do those years again.......suffice it to say I've let go of my youth!
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    Jan 21, 2009 6:57 PM GMT
    If I let go of the things that will never be, suicide would be all I have left.
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    Jan 21, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    living live in the direction you want/wish to go is a endevour
    letting go things along the way, is something we all do as our focus shift and we move on
    therefore life goes on with leaps and bounds(sometimes a setback) and we go on
    so letting go of something is not always bad
    nor is dreaming of something thats not on your path
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2009 9:19 PM GMT
    hmmm, I have find my self wanting less, the more I come to know who I am and all that I have.. I still get material wants, however, I'm finding it easier to put all them things into context of importance and I'm also finding that the things that are more important to me are not material goods, but emotional connections with my self and other people...

    or maybe I got bored of wanting things I couldn't have... not entirely sure icon_smile.gif
  • boilerup_82

    Posts: 188

    Jan 21, 2009 9:36 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidAll drama aside, the chuckystud will NEVER play in the NBA.

    I no speaky Ebonics. I to short.




    LOL!!!! thanks chucky, you made my day!
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    Jan 21, 2009 9:45 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidAll drama aside, the chuckystud will NEVER play in the NBA.

    I no speaky Ebonics. I to short.


    Anythings possible...

    Remember the south park where kyle got cosmetic surgery transform himself into a tall black basket ball player because little jewish boys can't play basket ball icon_lol.gif

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    Jan 21, 2009 10:05 PM GMT
    I would rather focus on what is than what can never be. That seems to me an awful lot of noise to make for something that is only just a "never" instead of an entire "is" or "be".
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    Jan 22, 2009 1:01 AM GMT
    I have a fortune cookie message that I've kept for a while..

    "Accept something that you cannot change, and you will feel better."

    I know, it's lame. But it does make sense.
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    Jan 22, 2009 2:04 AM GMT


    Learning to let go of the things that will never be....

    Hmmm, letting go of the things that will never be frees your arms to reach forward and embrace new possibilities, with your imagination and belief in yourself and others (and even better, their belief in you) to help you along.