Do you think a long distance relationship could work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2015 10:49 PM GMT
    Hi everyone,

    I'm new to RealJock and I need some advice.

    I've been talking to a guy I met online and we've been talking for more than a month now. We are both single and are just friends at the moment. We live many states apart and I would like to maybe start dating him soon. I'm kinda worried about having a long distance relationship because I never had one before, I might screw it up.

    Hope someone here can help me, thanks in advance! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 04, 2015 11:29 PM GMT
    They are tough. And expensive. If you see each other frequently, it can be a time issue as well. And if you don't, you either only have sex infrequently or you have an open relationship. Not a lot of positives but that isn't to say that you shouldn't do it. If you really are a match, it can't hurt to try. Ultimately, though, one of you will have to move to turn it into something more than a sometime thing. But it can work. It just takes a lot of honesty and effort. My 7+ year partner and I started out long distance and I know of several others that turned into the real deal. But it can't go on as a long distance thing forever if you ultimately want a partner. Still, can't hurt to see the guy and see how it goes.
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    Feb 05, 2015 7:15 AM GMT
    Portugal-california USA.from all our issues, staying monogonous and faithful is not one of them. little problems here and there due to diferences in our life experiences but 98% of the time we´re happy and the bad is not something to go crazy about, going to make a year soon, me and him are done waiting and speding more money (a LOT) on long trips siting my ass on my hands in california everytime I go and he can´t stay as long as I do in my home coutry so we decided it´s best to bring him to Euroland since I dislike California for most of it.he´s been suportive, would be a easier adaptation me going there but he´s whiling to go wherever I am =)
    takes money, time, self control, and understading, but if you really like each other and there´s a strong conection right at the begining,is totaly worth it, being honest about all little details is the quicker to understand each other (good and bad) and to avoid secrets or revelation shocks that may become a issue later... a match is hard to find, as for love, it just keeps getting better as you learn to tolorate each others little diferences and embrace the bigger part, the positive you guys bring in each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2015 7:33 AM GMT
    LDRs are difficult to maintain over time. Works best if it is only temporary - until one or both of you move to a joint location. Best to have this in mind when you begin one.
  • OHCanon

    Posts: 23

    Feb 06, 2015 2:57 AM GMT
    I did the long distance requiring airfare for years, and agree with the comments above. It can work but communicate often and get together as often as possible. In my case, about every other weekend ... mostly alternating my place and his.
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    Feb 06, 2015 3:14 AM GMT
    I was in a successful LDR of 1500 miles. An LDR CAN work, but I can't predict if an LDR for you WILL work. There are too many personal variables.
  • equus77

    Posts: 55

    Feb 06, 2015 3:50 AM GMT
    I did it for almost 2 years. He was in another country. We only physically spent time together every few months. However, we Skyped or talked on the phone almost every day.

    Keep in mind that if the goal is for one of you to move so that you can live together at some point, whoever moves should be comfortable living in the new city even if the relationship were to end.

    It can work. It can be worth it. Use the time to get to know each better. I think my relationship is stronger for having gone through it.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 06, 2015 4:11 AM GMT
    There is no such thin as a long distance relationship. It's called delusional.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2015 7:27 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThere is no such thin as a long distance relationship. It's called delusional.


    Yeah, it's difficult.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2015 8:10 AM GMT
    Short answer: No.

    Long answer: No. Find someone that lives in the same city as you.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    Feb 06, 2015 12:35 PM GMT
    Just my two cents, I don't think two sexually active gay men could maintain a monogamous long distance relationship for very long without stepping outside of it. Now if you two have an agreement about that, then that's another story. Good luck to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2015 1:59 PM GMT
    lol there´s a lot of lack of experience here or understanding in some of this comments, it can work, being sexualy active have nothing to do with it unlike what was mention above, ever heard of self control? I get guys hiting on me (really hot dudes!!much to my suprise xD ) and I´m not cheating on my BF, he was even unsure of me because I´m younger and have little experience but I told him no, dont worry,even with your permition and without telling you, it lies insanity for you and feeling like shit for me.
    there´s simple rules thou, dont give it more than a year, keep constant contact, comunication is key in every relationship, get together as frequently as possible, eventualy move together if you think it´s worth it.
    honestly the distance can be a prove that your concection is strong and worth it...or not lol fucking expencive thou and you miss the shit out of each other everytime the other leaves from a visit...
    I do some drawings from time to time for my BF because he likes cartoon and Anime
    maybe this will inspire you
    ScXgatT.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2015 8:08 AM GMT
    nope
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Feb 07, 2015 12:21 PM GMT
    I'm an optimist, but for most I'd say no. I have found more than not that have ended, some very badly.
    I would never be in one. I'm a realist and no one has just one soulmate! Develop a great personality and find a real relationship.
    It reminds me of the movieshow Catfish. Stupid people falling in "love" with someone they do not really know. The funny thing on that show is most times the person was a fake.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2015 2:24 PM GMT
    equus77 said
    Keep in mind that if the goal is for one of you to move so that you can live together at some point, whoever moves should be comfortable living in the new city even if the relationship were to end.

    Yes, an LDR would be difficult to maintain indefinitely. My own of 1500 miles was only for 6 months. But being both retired we took turns traveling once a month, and staying with the other for around 2 weeks, almost half the entire time we dated spent together. But traveling less frequently, and for just a few days at a time, would make the prospect less attractive.

    When he proposed to me, during one of my stays with him, we turned our attention to arranging to live together on a full-time basis. Originally it was me who was moving to be with him, to Houston (gawd help me, I was that smitten by the guy), and I had nearly completed relocating. But then he changed his mind, didn't want to live in Houston anymore (not really surprising), and we ended up each moving, to an entirely new location for both of us.

    I initially "met" both him, and my present partner, through online social media. Before the Internet our social contacts were usually limited to our own immediate community, and to such places as we might travel in the normal course of business, schooling or pleasure.

    Nowadays we can cast a net over the entire globe, and I've been quick to take advantage of that. It sorta reminds me of an Army term we had, a "force multiplier". But it can also result in having an LDR, at least initially.

    I agree with you, an LDR may be how you get started. I don't think it's the way you want to finish.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 08, 2015 9:57 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    equus77 said
    Keep in mind that if the goal is for one of you to move so that you can live together at some point, whoever moves should be comfortable living in the new city even if the relationship were to end.

    Yes, an LDR would be difficult to maintain indefinitely. My own of 1500 miles was only for 6 months. But being both retired we took turns traveling once a month, and staying with the other for around 2 weeks, almost half the entire time we dated spent together. But traveling less frequently, and for just a few days at a time, would make the prospect less attractive.

    When he proposed to me, during one of my stays with him, we turned our attention to arranging to live together on a full-time basis. Originally it was me who was moving to be with him, to Houston (gawd help me, I was that smitten by the guy), and I had nearly completed relocating. But then he changed his mind, didn't want to live in Houston anymore (not really surprising), and we ended up each moving, to an entirely new location for both of us.

    I initially "met" both him, and my present partner, through online social media. Before the Internet our social contacts were usually limited to our own immediate community, and to such places as we might travel in the normal course of business, schooling or pleasure.

    Nowadays we can cast a net over the entire globe, and I've been quick to take advantage of that. It sorta reminds me of an Army term we had, a "force multiplier". But it can also result in having an LDR, at least initially.

    I agree with you, an LDR may be how you get started. I don't think it's the way you want to finish.


    Art_Deco, I am thinking about moving in with the guy. Maybe after a year or two after being together (just to make sure he's the one). Also, where I live currently doesn't allow gay marriage so I have to move to where he is if I want to get married with him.