Relationship?

  • jkb88

    Posts: 5

    Feb 06, 2015 7:30 AM GMT
    Single Guy here looking to meet other single guys.
    My question to you all is, where should I start?
    Where can I find quality guys?

    To all the guys in a relationship currently - I would love to hear how it all started between you and your partner.

    Thanks Guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 12:15 AM GMT
    jkb88 saidSingle Guy here looking to meet other single guys.
    My question to you all is, where should I start?
    Where can I find quality guys? I know grindr isn't the answer.


    "Quality guys" are to be found everywhere. Hang out wherever people (gay or mixed company) hang out IRL.

    You might do better if your main goal in life were not "to be in a relationship with a loyal and trust worthy guy." That almost sounds like what used to be the common young woman's goal in attending college - "to find a (hopefully rich) husband)." If you had some other goals at this stage of your life, and pursued them, it would be much more likely that you would meet "worthy" men along the way.



  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 07, 2015 12:35 AM GMT
    OP: Not trolling you, I met my current B/F on Grindr. It'll be 2 years this Feb. 17th.

    In the past, I've had about 6 or so substantial relationships (5 guy, 1 girl back in college before I came out) and I met one guy on Manhunt (back in 2007 when it was popular) and the others I met either at the bar or through mutual friends.

    I think that anytime you can meet another person, you stand a slim chance it'll work out. It's certainly not the norm, but it's not impossible either. I'd say RealJock is a good resource ONLY if you live in a popular/large city. Your profile says "California," so I can't judge, but you'll obviously know. Search by location and reach out to those guys.

    Beyond that, I'd recommend referrals from gay friends, or bars/clubs. I couldn't imagine flirting at Church, and I don't shit where I eat so work is inadvisable. Where else COULD you meet someone? Randomly on the street? That seems unlikely.
  • disasterpiece

    Posts: 2991

    Feb 07, 2015 1:31 AM GMT
    I'll go along the last two answers, I've met my boyfriends of now over 2.5 years on DudesNude.com, and then we chatted over GrindR before actually dating too...

    I guess, there's really no specific place to go, nor places to avoid. You just gotta go for serious guys, without being OVERLY insisting on the serious, might just be a little scary.

    Also, take your time. My boy and I saw eachother for like 6 months before making it official. The catch was that we knew (or at least strongly felt) it was serious and long-term oriented, so we didn't feel any rush to officialize it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 1:44 AM GMT
    14+ years ago, gay.com chat room.
    So cute and shy.
    Think it took him a week before he finally sent me a pic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
    Believe it or not, I met mine through pof many years ago when everyone considered it a hookup website. I'll admit I was mostly there for the hookup part (rebound period). Turns out he was pretty amazing. 5 years later I proposed icon_smile.gif

    Before that, I've had relationships with guys I met years ago online who ended up in the same city, guys I met in university (my engineering lab even), bars/clubs. I'd say the most success I've had was online or random encounters in everyday life.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Feb 07, 2015 7:17 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, there is no one best way to find a relationship oriented quality guy. If there were one, you'd see a line of guys waiting, wrapped around several blocks.icon_biggrin.gif

    Relationships are built - not found. You want to adopt an open-minded attitude, post your profile on a few dating sites, and see what comes out of it.

    There is really nothing wrong with saying that you are relationship oriented. Make sure, though that you do not come too strong with this. Most people need time to decide if being in relationship with this other guy works for them, and for you, too.

    Start by saying that you are interested in dating. Stop short of projecting an image of a guy who is hunting for a husband, and who has it all figured out anyway. This puts the other dude in a position of being an ancillary in reaching your personal objectives, with him having little or no say in this. Hardly any quality dude would go for this.

    Be prepared to understand that definitions of a "quality guy" vary from one dude to the other. I have come across a few guys who thought of themselves (as most people probably do), as being a "quality" dudes. Well, not so in my books...

    Some people will invariably equate your quest for a quality guy with someone who is a successful professional dude. If this is how you feel about your definition of "quality", say so. It may save you a few wasted dates.

    Be prepared to meet dudes who will interpret all of this, as HikerSkier pointed out as a search for a rich husband, because, to a degree, this is an impression that your profile may create with some people. This is where you want to emphasize the fact that you have a successful professional background, and would like to date similar guys.

    A good dating advice is to project an image of someone who is looking for a symmetrical, fair dating experience.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 2:50 PM GMT
    So... based on these threads, it seems the secret to a male-male relationship is to somehow get lucky as you wade through the ocean of humping male bunnies on hookup sites. I feel like I'd have better odds buying a lottery ticket.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 07, 2015 3:03 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidSo... based on these threads, it seems the secret to a male-male relationship is to somehow get lucky as you wade through the ocean of humping male bunnies on hookup sites. I feel like I'd have better odds buying a lottery ticket.

    I think you attract what you project. If that's your attitude, then yes, that's probably correct. For you. But that's just you. I've met a lot of good guys online. I met my partner online. Valedictorian of his high school. Full ride academic scholarship including cash to travel the world during breaks. Masters degree. Now accomplished professional. And yes, we were humping bunnies when we first met. Still are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    maybe you could try OKC as well. Met my last bf on it...seems more legit.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Feb 07, 2015 11:43 PM GMT
    You younger guys really have no appreciation for how easy and simple finding and prospective partners is for you today.

    I'm from the "dark ages" before the word 'gay' was in common usage. Black and white televisions were still in over 75% of US homes and anything over four channels was rare. Like nearly all cars, my Oldsmobile F85 convertible had no seat belts and an AM radio. I was one of the first at my university to install an under the dashboard player for eight track tapes. It was before the age of disco.

    Back then meeting guys for relationships was usually done by discretely networking through friends of friends of friends. Gay bars everywhere were routinely raided by police. Public parks where gay men went to meet were also the haunts of young policemen or even cadets out to bust "perverts." Being arrested as a homosexual always meant your name would be in the newspapers which in most cases ruined a current job if not an entire career.

    I went to my first gay bar in 1969. At that time I was married to a woman and still in college and . She died less than two years later and left me with an 18 month old son to raise alone. It was what appeared to be a dismal start to gay life even by today's standards. In that era a single gay man with a child had to be extremely cautious even with neighbors and other gays. I cannot tell you how many gay men were shocked and outraged to find out I had a son.

    My first relationship was "arranged" by a pair of older gay neighbors who for all intents and purposes became uncles to me and my son after we moved to the Miami area. They told me about the guy but from the description I saw no prospect for us mainly because, like me, he too was a father of a young son. The idea of me becoming involved with another man who had a son was too complicated.

    One night I left my son with our gay uncles to go out with friends of theirs. I never went out alone back then. Dressed in suits, we went to a downtown Miami straight bar as a small group of ordinary businessmen. A man came in that they were expecting and he sat with us. I was star struck at the sight of him. I'd seen him many times on local television news. Due to my black and white television I had no idea he was a ginger. I learned he was a former marine, and also one of the funniest personalities on morning radio in South Florida using another name from the one I knew from evening news. There was almost instant electricity between him and I. It took some time before he and I were sitting next to each other in the booth.

    The last thing I would have done was ruin it by telling him I had a son. Just hooking up with him would have been enough. We left that bar and went to a private party in the home of a real estate executive. The ginger news reporter rode with me. I mentioned the men who were my gay uncles. He chuckled and said he knew them and then said words that are still etched in my memory.

    "Yeah, they're great, aren't they? Do you know that friend of theirs with a son? They've been trying to set me up on a blind date with him!"

    The look on my face told him I was the blind date. We parked and laughed about it all and decided to give them something to talk about. We didn't go to the real estate exec's party. Instead we drove around talking until late and went back to my place between Coral Gables and South Miami ... just to hook up...

    We hooked up again that week and the next weekend.. and before we knew it the gay uncles were keeping both our sons while we were hooking up and dating... always having to drive far from Miami to be out in public together... After a few months of that our sons were inseparable best friends. That gave us an valid excuse to do things together with the boys, taking them to the beach together, going out to eat, fishing, traveling when we could....

    After almost a year of that and with the help of the real estate exec we bought a big older house in the middle of nowhere (now Hialeah Gardens) 12 niles out of Miami. We made things work out, raised the boys as brothers, saw them through college and into starting their careers.

    We were together 23 years and might still be together had he not had a flat tire on a 3 mile long bridge during thick fog.





  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 08, 2015 12:23 AM GMT
    IRFire66 saidSo... based on these threads, it seems the secret to a male-male relationship is to somehow get lucky as you wade through the ocean of humping male bunnies on hookup sites. I feel like I'd have better odds buying a lottery ticket.


    This is PRECISELY how straights (male/female) find partners too. The movie scenes where two people bump into each other in the street is a fiction. Girls s*ck and f*ck until they find a guy they like. While they might, more often than gays, go to dinner BEFORE the sex at night, or interpose a 2 or 3 date rule, the bottom line is the same. Getting off lots of d*cks before finding "prince charming."

    Yes MOST gays are more sexually promiscuous than MOST straights. But straights are still s*cking and f*cking. It's NOT gay specific.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 1:55 AM GMT
    Svnw688 said While they might, more often than gays, go to dinner BEFORE the sex at night, or interpose a 2 or 3 date rule, the bottom line is the same..


    I think this might be the key though. Even getting to know each other a little bit before getting naked can make you that much more likely to repeat, since by that point you aren't hooking up with a total stranger you just met. Good luck trying to get a dinner date before sex with a guy on most hookup sites.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 1:59 AM GMT
    bobbobbob saidYou younger guys really have no appreciation for how easy and simple finding and prospective partners is for you today.

    I'm from the "dark ages" before the word 'gay' was in common usage. Black and white televisions were still in over 75% of US homes and anything over four channels was rare. Like nearly all cars, my Oldsmobile F85 convertible had no seat belts and an AM radio. I was one of the first at my university to install an under the dashboard player for eight track tapes. It was before the age of disco.

    Back then meeting guys for relationships was usually done by discretely networking through friends of friends of friends. Gay bars everywhere were routinely raided by police. Public parks where gay men went to meet were also the haunts of young policemen or even cadets out to bust "perverts." Being arrested as a homosexual always meant your name would be in the newspapers which in most cases ruined a current job if not an entire career.

    I went to my first gay bar in 1969. At that time I was married to a woman and still in college and . She died less than two years later and left me with an 18 month old son to raise alone. It was what appeared to be a dismal start to gay life even by today's standards. In that era a single gay man with a child had to be extremely cautious even with neighbors and other gays. I cannot tell you how many gay men were shocked and outraged to find out I had a son.

    My first relationship was "arranged" by a pair of older gay neighbors who for all intents and purposes became uncles to me and my son after we moved to the Miami area. They told me about the guy but from the description I saw no prospect for us mainly because, like me, he too was a father of a young son. The idea of me becoming involved with another man who had a son was too complicated.

    One night I left my son with our gay uncles to go out with friends of theirs. I never went out alone back then. Dressed in suits, we went to a downtown Miami straight bar as a small group of ordinary businessmen. A man came in that they were expecting and he sat with us. I was star struck at the sight of him. I'd seen him many times on local television news. Due to my black and white television I had no idea he was a ginger. I learned he was a former marine, and also one of the funniest personalities on morning radio in South Florida using another name from the one I knew from evening news. There was almost instant electricity between him and I. It took some time before he and I were sitting next to each other in the booth.

    The last thing I would have done was ruin it by telling him I had a son. Just hooking up with him would have been enough. We left that bar and went to a private party in the home of a real estate executive. The ginger news reporter rode with me. I mentioned the men who were my gay uncles. He chuckled and said he knew them and then said words that are still etched in my memory.

    "Yeah, they're great, aren't they? Do you know that friend of theirs with a son? They've been trying to set me up on a blind date with him!"

    The look on my face told him I was the blind date. We parked and laughed about it all and decided to give them something to talk about. We didn't go to the real estate exec's party. Instead we drove around talking until late and went back to my place between Coral Gables and South Miami ... just to hook up...

    We hooked up again that week and the next weekend.. and before we knew it the gay uncles were keeping both our sons while we were hooking up and dating... always having to drive far from Miami to be out in public together... After a few months of that our sons were inseparable best friends. That gave us an valid excuse to do things together with the boys, taking them to the beach together, going out to eat, fishing, traveling when we could....

    After almost a year of that and with the help of the real estate exec we bought a big older house in the middle of nowhere (now Hialeah Gardens) 12 niles out of Miami. We made things work out, raised the boys as brothers, saw them through college and into starting their careers.

    We were together 23 years and might still be together had he not had a flat tire on a 3 mile long bridge during thick fog.





    Aww the end is very sad but I found this story very wonderful and touching ::hug::
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 08, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    IRFire66 said
    Svnw688 said While they might, more often than gays, go to dinner BEFORE the sex at night, or interpose a 2 or 3 date rule, the bottom line is the same..


    I think this might be the key though. Even getting to know each other a little bit before getting naked can make you that much more likely to repeat, since by that point you aren't hooking up with a total stranger you just met. Good luck trying to get a dinner date before sex with a guy on most hookup sites.


    True. And there is something to be said for knowing a person's name before sex. Back in my slut days (always safe, thankfully), I'd have sex and half the time not even know the guy's name.

    Live and learn I suppose. I'm happy I went through that phase in my life, but I'm also happy to be in the stable/relationship phase now. At some point I guess I matured and grew up. Sigh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 3:03 AM GMT
    This topic has been beaten to death.The truth is you can meet the love of your life in a gay bar.I did.You can def meet your future husband online.But in addition I think volunteering with a gay themed charity or playing on a gay sports league are good ideas too.Also attend the Episcopal Church it is gayer than Liberace doing a duet with Elton John.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 08, 2015 3:55 AM GMT
    Bxzx99ECYAEwbIp.jpg
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Feb 08, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    IRFire66 said
    bobbobbob said

    We were together 23 years and might still be together had he not had a flat tire on a 3 mile long bridge during thick fog.





    Aww the end is very sad but I found this story very wonderful and touching ::hug::
    Wow...that was a truly wonderful story bob. I'm so sorry to hear about how things ended but you did have many wonderful years.

    For me I've primarily met guys online as I've found myself to be socially awkward at bars. As was the case I've had to kiss, suck, fuck...a lot of frogs and thankfully avoided a lot more frogs due to their evasion games when it came time to meeting. But I've finally found my guy last September and it's going on almost 5 months now. We had a great first date and many more dates over the months. We've started talking about living together even. I never thought I'd find someone where we've had a mutual love connection. But that took a long time and hopefully in time the OP can find his connection.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 4:53 AM GMT
    bobbobbob saidYou younger guys really have no appreciation for how easy and simple finding and prospective partners is for you today.

    I'm from the "dark ages" before the word 'gay' was in common usage. Black and white televisions were still in over 75% of US homes and anything over four channels was rare. Like nearly all cars, my Oldsmobile F85 convertible had no seat belts and an AM radio. I was one of the first at my university to install an under the dashboard player for eight track tapes. It was before the age of disco.

    Back then meeting guys for relationships was usually done by discretely networking through friends of friends of friends. Gay bars everywhere were routinely raided by police. Public parks where gay men went to meet were also the haunts of young policemen or even cadets out to bust "perverts." Being arrested as a homosexual always meant your name would be in the newspapers which in most cases ruined a current job if not an entire career.

    I went to my first gay bar in 1969. At that time I was married to a woman and still in college and . She died less than two years later and left me with an 18 month old son to raise alone. It was what appeared to be a dismal start to gay life even by today's standards. In that era a single gay man with a child had to be extremely cautious even with neighbors and other gays. I cannot tell you how many gay men were shocked and outraged to find out I had a son.

    My first relationship was "arranged" by a pair of older gay neighbors who for all intents and purposes became uncles to me and my son after we moved to the Miami area. They told me about the guy but from the description I saw no prospect for us mainly because, like me, he too was a father of a young son. The idea of me becoming involved with another man who had a son was too complicated.

    One night I left my son with our gay uncles to go out with friends of theirs. I never went out alone back then. Dressed in suits, we went to a downtown Miami straight bar as a small group of ordinary businessmen. A man came in that they were expecting and he sat with us. I was star struck at the sight of him. I'd seen him many times on local television news. Due to my black and white television I had no idea he was a ginger. I learned he was a former marine, and also one of the funniest personalities on morning radio in South Florida using another name from the one I knew from evening news. There was almost instant electricity between him and I. It took some time before he and I were sitting next to each other in the booth.

    The last thing I would have done was ruin it by telling him I had a son. Just hooking up with him would have been enough. We left that bar and went to a private party in the home of a real estate executive. The ginger news reporter rode with me. I mentioned the men who were my gay uncles. He chuckled and said he knew them and then said words that are still etched in my memory.

    "Yeah, they're great, aren't they? Do you know that friend of theirs with a son? They've been trying to set me up on a blind date with him!"

    The look on my face told him I was the blind date. We parked and laughed about it all and decided to give them something to talk about. We didn't go to the real estate exec's party. Instead we drove around talking until late and went back to my place between Coral Gables and South Miami ... just to hook up...

    We hooked up again that week and the next weekend.. and before we knew it the gay uncles were keeping both our sons while we were hooking up and dating... always having to drive far from Miami to be out in public together... After a few months of that our sons were inseparable best friends. That gave us an valid excuse to do things together with the boys, taking them to the beach together, going out to eat, fishing, traveling when we could....

    After almost a year of that and with the help of the real estate exec we bought a big older house in the middle of nowhere (now Hialeah Gardens) 12 niles out of Miami. We made things work out, raised the boys as brothers, saw them through college and into starting their careers.

    We were together 23 years and might still be together had he not had a flat tire on a 3 mile long bridge during thick fog.







    What a sweet story. Except for the end. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 7:17 AM GMT
    I hate the fog! icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 1:32 PM GMT
    Dammit... There's something in my eyes... What a sweet story Bobbobbob. I'm sorry to hear it ended the way it did but you guys seem to had a great time together. I think people take for granted how much easier it is to meet people compared to a time where it was all done in secret.

    Unless your in a country that still persecuted you for being gay, there really is just as much opportunity for gay people to meet as there are for straight people. Hell I had my mom telling me about a gay guy banker she knew and wanted me to join her for lunch at one point. I met gay men at straight bars with friends even.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 5:15 PM GMT
    Bob^3 told a great story but note that it started as a hook up. Others have said that they met their partners on hook up sites. The question therefore is not whether to hook up or not to hook up but rather to see someone you just hooked up with a second time or not. A young man in a large metro area has less motivation to follow through on a second date than the young men of Bob's generation. In Bob's time hooking up involved a great deal of risk. These days all it takes is opening an app, combing through profiles, and finding a match. As a result man young men and even some older ones believe they have unlimited possibilities and surely if they just keep plugging away they will find Mr. Perfect. When they don't find him they blame it on the place they live and start thinking of moving in order to have fresh start in a new dating pool.

    You will often hear that relationships are about compromise. But the compromise is not whether to have steak or chicken for dinner but rather can you compromise on your list of deal breakers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2015 9:40 PM GMT
    As cliché as it may sound, love comes unexpectedly, you never know where. Could be in a bar, school, apps....