I'm coming to the realisation that i want to be in a relationship

  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Feb 08, 2015 2:01 PM GMT
    for the past year I've been with a guy who I seem to hang out with sporadically on and off a couple times a week. he's young handsome and everything, but he had the worst intimacy issues and i always felt inferior to him. We split up around christmas because he said I had a lot of maturing to do. Having not had sex since January 2013 and just with my confidence being battered and feeling lonely I slept with a succession of guys that made me wretch between christmas an mid January. Last week we met up and he told me he wanted us to take our relationship further, he even told me he expected a birthday blow job which made me happy, I arranged a weekend away for his birthday which he wanted, but he booked himself into a separate room.

    Anyway this morning he changed his profile to single. i just feel very confused, but I feel ready to move on and be real and try and find a way to be happy, but is it bad saying that i want to be in relationship, not for the sake of being in one, but because I am genuinely a very loving person and I want someone worthy of my love that i can grow with and share milestones and experiences with. Peter was not that person.
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Feb 08, 2015 2:14 PM GMT
    The other question before I put myself out there is how does one build confidence
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    Feb 08, 2015 2:38 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat said
    ...I am genuinely a very loving person and I want someone worthy of my love that i can grow with and share milestones and experiences with. Peter was not that person.

    Some of us are the "marrying kind" and some are not. You may be that kind, while Peter, at least at present, is not.

    I've run into guys like Peter before. And nothing I could do would convert them into what I needed. So I moved on to someone who WAS the marrying kind.

    Some guys, like me and maybe because I'm older, seek a lasting relationship. I dread sleeping in an empty bed, just me alone. I need that other guy next to me.

    Not just for the sex, nor the warmth & cuddling when I'm cold, but merely knowing he's there. Someone I can touch, especially as I fall asleep, and again when I wake up. As I did last night, and this morning, holding his hand as my last thought of the day, and my first thought of the new one. It's so beautiful to hold your man's hand as the first light of day peeks through the window, and you both begin to stir. icon_biggrin.gif

    And more than that, he's my constant companion. We go everywhere together, do everything as a couple. I feel strange going anywhere without him at my side. People who know us ask "Where's C****? or "Where's Bob?" "Is he OK?" if either of us is seen alone.

    It's like we're a unit, and I'm fine with that. In many ways we ARE a unit. Because that's what each of us wants.

    So I kinda think I know what you're seeking. And it's not wrong, nor unobtainable. Maybe more rare than being with a guy you "seem to hang out with sporadically" but that keeper still exists. You just gotta look a little harder for him. And not settle for less.
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    Feb 10, 2015 7:38 AM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidfor the past year I've been with a guy who I seem to hang out with sporadically on and off a couple times a week. he's young handsome and everything, but he had the worst intimacy issues and i always felt inferior to him. We split up around christmas because he said I had a lot of maturing to do. Having not had sex since January 2013 and just with my confidence being battered and feeling lonely I slept with a succession of guys that made me wretch between christmas an mid January. Last week we met up and he told me he wanted us to take our relationship further, he even told me he expected a birthday blow job which made me happy, I arranged a weekend away for his birthday which he wanted, but he booked himself into a separate room.

    Anyway this morning he changed his profile to single. i just feel very confused, but I feel ready to move on and be real and try and find a way to be happy, but is it bad saying that i want to be in relationship, not for the sake of being in one, but because I am genuinely a very loving person and I want someone worthy of my love that i can grow with and share milestones and experiences with. Peter was not that person.


    You obviously have some deep insecurity. No one should take this crap from another person who is obviously cruel and uncivilized.

    In addition you don't want to be in a relationship. You just want to be with this. He's obviously not into you because he's the type of trash that believes sincerity and good manners should be reserved for people he wants to be serious with.
    Get some self respect and keep your pants on.
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Feb 10, 2015 8:00 AM GMT
    canadian_stud said
    ZakSayWhat saidfor the past year I've been with a guy who I seem to hang out with sporadically on and off a couple times a week. he's young handsome and everything, but he had the worst intimacy issues and i always felt inferior to him. We split up around christmas because he said I had a lot of maturing to do. Having not had sex since January 2013 and just with my confidence being battered and feeling lonely I slept with a succession of guys that made me wretch between christmas an mid January. Last week we met up and he told me he wanted us to take our relationship further, he even told me he expected a birthday blow job which made me happy, I arranged a weekend away for his birthday which he wanted, but he booked himself into a separate room.

    Anyway this morning he changed his profile to single. i just feel very confused, but I feel ready to move on and be real and try and find a way to be happy, but is it bad saying that i want to be in relationship, not for the sake of being in one, but because I am genuinely a very loving person and I want someone worthy of my love that i can grow with and share milestones and experiences with. Peter was not that person.


    You obviously have some deep insecurity. No one should take this crap from another person who is obviously cruel and uncivilized.

    In addition you don't want to be in a relationship. You just want to be with this. He's obviously not into you because he's the type of trash that believes sincerity and good manners should be reserved for people he wants to be serious with.
    Get some self respect and keep your pants on.


    I agree I do have some very deep seeded insecurities, but I have no idea where they are from and what the first step is to stop them. Maybe one day I'll figure it out.