Can't stop catching feelings

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2015 9:32 AM GMT
    So I have kind of wanted to write a forum about this for a while now because it's something I'm really struggling with.


    I've always been really good at controlling my feelings/emotions (went through heartbreak early), but ever since I've broken up with my most recent ex every single guy I have spent time with since then I have been getting intense feelings for.

    I'm not sure if it's because I'm heavily on the rebound trying to find that sort of attention and attachment you get from being in a relationship or purely because I'm assuming every guy I meet is the one for real.

    I'm posting this because I understand so well the feelings I'm having for guys and why I shouldn't be but struggling so much harder than I normally would to control them. What would normally take me less than a day to get over a guy who isn't interested is taking me weeks.

    Just wondering if anyone has some advice or clarity on the issue
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    Feb 12, 2015 1:33 PM GMT
    It probably makes sense in a way that someone who is heartbroken is probably in need of lots of love and affection.
    So they develop stronger attachment to some potential lovers than they usually do before.
    I don't know about giving advise on dating, but you probably need lots of love, affection, and support, from someone, if not from a boyfriend, then how about friends and family? Reach out to them. Spend more time with them or talk to them.
    Maybe that will help.
    Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2015 4:07 PM GMT
    Feel your feelings but don't be them. So use your feelings to pile on experience but keep in your own secure space and realize you are the observer of all this and have an independent existence that does not need to get pulled into the drama if you don't want to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2015 4:23 PM GMT
    Man, it happens. You are suffering from a loss of intimacy.
    What you need to do is take time to work on yourself. Discover who you are and grow as an individual.
    These growing emotions stem out of a need for completion of just lust. Just try and find out what you really want in life.
    Find your centre.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2015 4:37 PM GMT
    What does it mean that I guessed your age correctly before I viewed your profile...

    You had something you didn't think was possible.
    Maybe you need to validate it; prove it was real.
    Maybe you're addicted to intimacy?

    Quick fix: Stop dating hot guys.
    Throw some love to a chunky guy; a cute nerd...
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 12, 2015 5:46 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidFeel your feelings but don't be them. So use your feelings to pile on experience but keep in your own secure space and realize you are the observer of all this and have an independent existence that does not need to get pulled into the drama if you don't want to.

    Great advice. A way to live.
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    Feb 12, 2015 8:11 PM GMT
    shawnyshawn3 saidSo I have kind of wanted to write a forum about this for a while now because it's something I'm really struggling with.


    I've always been really good at controlling my feelings/emotions (went through heartbreak early), but ever since I've broken up with my most recent ex every single guy I have spent time with since then I have been getting intense feelings for.

    I'm not sure if it's because I'm heavily on the rebound trying to find that sort of attention and attachment you get from being in a relationship or purely because I'm assuming every guy I meet is the one for real.

    I'm posting this because I understand so well the feelings I'm having for guys and why I shouldn't be but struggling so much harder than I normally would to control them. What would normally take me less than a day to get over a guy who isn't interested is taking me weeks.

    Just wondering if anyone has some advice or clarity on the issue


    You miss the affection and you don't like being alone, that's probably why.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 12, 2015 9:16 PM GMT
    Rebounding.
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Feb 12, 2015 9:37 PM GMT
    I sympathise. It can be hard and take time to get over a relationship you didn't want to end, and there's some good advice here but I wonder if it goes deeper for you, as it does for me, even for a short fling sometimes. 18 years ago I was having real trouble and psychotherapy helped me a lot. I was helped to work out that it was partly to do with separation anxiety that went back to my childhood. I still feel a loss, but I can deal with it, and generally I am quite happy. If you feel it is really taking over your life, or is hard to bear or work your way out of, you might consider seeing a psychotherapist. These days it would be done in a matter of weeks or a few months.
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Feb 12, 2015 9:41 PM GMT
    Just read your profile and saw you are studying psychology! I'm not sure if I feel foolish or reassured!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2015 10:42 PM GMT
    Really heartfelt post, Shawn. It's hormones. Once you get into your 30s and 40s (and beyond) emotions aren't as overpowering. Or could be a bit of jade, but I think things just even out. If you add WRESTLING to your profile, I'll be your one and only.

    But seriously, find something you like to do outside of dating and you'll be fine.
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    Feb 13, 2015 2:15 AM GMT
    wrestlervic saidReally heartfelt post, Shawn. It's hormones. Once you get into your 30s and 40s (and beyond) emotions aren't as overpowering. Or could be a bit of jade, but I think things just even out. If you add WRESTLING to your profile, I'll be your one and only.

    But seriously, find something you like to do outside of dating and you'll be fine.


    This all the way (except for the wrestling part lol). Find other things to occupy your time and you'll totally be fine. And please use a condom.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2015 11:13 AM GMT
    woodfordr said
    wrestlervic saidReally heartfelt post, Shawn. It's hormones. Once you get into your 30s and 40s (and beyond) emotions aren't as overpowering. Or could be a bit of jade, but I think things just even out. If you add WRESTLING to your profile, I'll be your one and only.

    But seriously, find something you like to do outside of dating and you'll be fine.


    This all the way (except for the wrestling part lol). Find other things to occupy your time and you'll totally be fine. And please use a condom.



    Haha I like the safe sex advice thrown in there too icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2015 11:56 AM GMT
    Plan A: Learn how to be single and happy, let love come as a surprise, and all will be swell.

    Plan B: If that doesn't happen by the age of 30 (give or take a few), still learn how to be single and happy, surrogate/adopt a child/buy a pet, so you have something else to take care of besides yourself. And still keep your dating options open.

    Not sure if this helped any, but it's what I'd doicon_smile.gif