Anyone Embarrassed to Tell Your Doctor That You're Gay?

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    Feb 14, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    So today I was scheduled for my annual physical check-up. I got assigned to a new doctor because my previous doctor moved to a different department.

    The new doctor saw that I had an STD test done last year, so he asked me about my sexual behavior and eventually if it was with a woman. I said no, and he asked if I was a homosexual, and I said yes. icon_redface.gif

    He told me to be careful and use protection, etc, etc. I told him I never had an intercourse, only oral but very rare. He ordered another STD test for me anyway. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I felt completely embarrassed and awkward for all that exchange. icon_redface.gif Does your physical exam go like that?
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:04 AM GMT
    You shouldn't feel uncomfortable with your Doctor!

    If he makes you feel uncomfortable because of what he says or does, find a new doctor. If it's just you, you need to be honest.

    I've changed doctors many times, but a good one I keep!
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:06 AM GMT
    You're in LA and feel uncomfortable telling your doc about your sexuality?

    How does that even work?
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:08 AM GMT
    You should never feel embarrassed because the questions your doctor is asking you are to ensure your wellness. It's understandable on your feelings since that was your first time dealing with a new physician. But after you've established a professional relationship with him, you'll be more comfortable to tell him anything.

    Oh, and I don't get embarrassed about the questions my doctor ask because he's gay too.
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:18 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidUnfortunately doctors do that. Since your doctor discovered you were gay naturally the thing to do was to order more STI tests and screening. Because, everyone under the sun knows that gays are fucking sluts! Okay, sarcasm there on that last sentence. But it's true. Doctors are programmed to look at gay men as STI breeding grounds.

    Even my doctor, who knows I'm gay, kinda forces me to get STI screening even though I've told her that I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly a year (next month will be a year). She is very good with me on nearly every level. But it does bother me that she's basically assuming I'm not being honest with her about my sexual proclivities.


    That's what I'm afraid of. I didn't want him to know, but I didn't want to lie to him either. I don't want him to think I'm a slut. I don't know if he was homophobic or felt disgusted with having to touch me or not. icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:19 AM GMT
    You shouldn't feel uncomfortable when you talk about your sexuality to your doctor. For example, I used to take some antidepressant medication and my doctor warned me about some side effects. When I saw her for a follow up she asked me if I had issues w/ erections or ejaculations. I told her how it affected me and there was no awkwardness about it. I ended up changing medication and I didn't have those side effects anymore.

    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidUnfortunately doctors do that. Since your doctor discovered you were gay naturally the thing to do was to order more STI tests and screening. Because, everyone under the sun knows that gays are fucking sluts! Okay, sarcasm there on that last sentence. But it's true. Doctors are programmed to look at gay men as STI breeding grounds.

    Even my doctor, who knows I'm gay, kinda forces me to get STI screening even though I've told her that I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly a year (next month will be a year). She is very good with me on nearly every level. But it does bother me that she's basically assuming I'm not being honest with her about my sexual proclivities.


    maybe she wants to eliminate the possibility of your ex cheating on you.
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:28 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidYou should never feel embarrassed because the questions your doctor is asking you are to ensure your wellness. It's understandable on your feelings since that was your first time dealing with a new physician. But after you've established a professional relationship with him, you'll be more comfortable to tell him anything.

    Oh, and I don't get embarrassed about the questions my doctor ask because he's gay too.


    How do you get a gay doctor? Was it just by chance? I don't know if I could make such inquiry to the hospital. icon_confused.gif

    "Would you prefer a male or a female doctor?"

    "Ummm, I prefer a gay male doctor, please." icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:30 AM GMT
    polfsky saidHe told me to be careful and use protection, etc, etc. I told him I never had an intercourse, only oral but very rare. He ordered another STD test for me anyway.


    ur doc sounds kinda shady. icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:32 AM GMT
    My doctor's gay too.
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:34 AM GMT
    polfsky saidHe told me to be careful and use protection, etc, etc. I told him I never had an intercourse, only oral but very rare. He ordered another STD test for me anyway.


    You can get STDs from just oral too. I hope you knew that.
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:37 AM GMT
    yes tell your doctor your gay.
    correct your doctor if his behavior is not affirming. If you get static ask to talk to his management. reschedule for another doctor.
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    Feb 14, 2015 2:38 AM GMT
    __morphic__ said

    You can get STDs from just oral too. I hope you knew that.


    Yes, I knew that. That's why I rarely do it and when I do, it's pretty brief and never got to cum.
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    Feb 14, 2015 3:50 AM GMT
    We always tell our doctors, clinics & hospitals that we're gay. And during our initial visit bring our Health Care Surrogate documents with us, for them to copy, and comply with by law.

    And we request that we each attend all doctor visits and treatment sessions together, unless of course in an OR setting. We are never denied, but if we were we wouldn't remain.

    But it can result in some funny situations, at least to me. WARNING, possible TMI ahead:

    Once a doctor, in a very cramped exam room with my husband sitting there, unexpectedly told me to drop my shorts and bend over the table for a rectal exam. It wasn't that we were embarrassed, but rather surprised the doctor didn't think it was necessary to get our prior OK for that.

    Another time my husband got an abrasion under his foreskin (a zipper mishap), which was slow in healing. The doctor called me over to the exam table, and showed me how to apply the 2 medicated creams he was prescribing, because it was a job difficult for the patient himself to do properly.

    Told me how to hold the penis and pull the foreskin back to use a swab (actually the first 2 steps were not entirely unknown to me). He just assumed I wouldn't object to holding this guy's dick while I worked on it. And it was our first visit with him, a dermatology referral, with no announcement to him we're gay.

    But I'm sure his staff told him about our surrogate paperwork, and concluded when his nurse ushered these 2 men in together that we're gay partners.

    So sometimes the opposite of embarrassment or reluctance also occurs. Because neither of us is ashamed of who we are, and it's our health care providers who better not have a problem with that, either.
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    Feb 14, 2015 4:42 AM GMT
    My doctor gives me whatever I want...except sex. Which is fine with me because he is a she.

    So, I'm standing in line at the Costco to fill a prescription and this guy in front of me is literally bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was a Friday and, obviously, he had a big weekend scheduled. The counter person yelled to another working at filling the prescriptions, "Hey!...did his Dr.'s office call in his Viagra Px yet!?!?!"

    The answer was a negative. I didn't know whether to be mortified for him or to laugh my ass off...icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 14, 2015 4:56 AM GMT
    I fired my doctor last year partly because of the third-degree I felt I received over my (nonexistent) sexual behavior. So it's not out of the realm of possibility that your doctor may say something ignorant to you down the road based on your sexuality.
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    Feb 14, 2015 6:48 AM GMT
    LOL. I had some kind of reactive arthritis when I was a teen (possibly lyme disease, but that hadn't been invented yet.) They were absolutely certain that it had to be syphilis. They kept grilling me over and over about who I was having sex with. (Obviously nobody. Can you get that from your hand?)
  • bro4bro

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    Feb 14, 2015 7:40 AM GMT
    I had an unfamiliar doctor when I got my physical last June - my regular doctor was unexpectedly unavailable. I was just a bit leery because he was a Caribbean black guy and that area of the world is notably homophobic.

    I didn't "announce" that I'm gay, but I told him very clearly that I wanted to be tested for STDs, including HIV (not part of the generic physical for some reason). I figured that, plus my all-over tan, full body shave, and the fact that I got through the prostate exam without a twitch, were enough to send the message.

    He was very professional. Never even blinked. And refrained from giving me any unsolicited advice.
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    Feb 14, 2015 8:11 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidLOL. I had some kind of reactive arthritis when I was a teen (possibly lyme disease, but that hadn't been invented yet.) They were absolutely certain that it had to be syphilis. They kept grilling me over and over about who I was having sex with. (Obviously nobody. Can you get that from your hand?)

    Reminds me of the question my niece's doctor kept asking her when she kept getting kidney infections; every time she came in for it he'd ask her if she was engaging in anal sex with her husband. She was very embarrassed since they don't do that.

    It took me a while to figure out why he was asking it; my theory is that if a guy does anal sex with a woman and she hadn't douched her ass he might pull out of her ass and stick his dick in her vagina, which is near the piss hole and some fecal matter might get pushed up into her piss hole, which could lead to a kidney infection.
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    Feb 14, 2015 11:06 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Ramuh said
    maybe she wants to eliminate the possibility of your ex cheating on you.


    Good point, it's a possibility. There are other examples from other doctors that I've experienced that support my theory. And even with your suggestion it may not make me look like a whore but it implies that my partner might be cheating on me and is therefore a slut who can't keep it in his pants.

    Ask yourself how many times doctors do this to heterosexual patients who claim they are monogamous.

    I don't know about heterosexual monogamous couples.
    Do you think your doctor would do the same thing if you were married to your guy?
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    Feb 14, 2015 1:27 PM GMT
    If your doctor makes you feel uncomfortable, you should change until you find a good one.

    I've been going to a gay doctor for years and he takes me at my word. He always asks my permission for which tests to run and I make the final decision.

    I've had some horrible doctors in the past who made me feel embarrassed or like a second class citizen. I finally wised up when I heard or read that I am a health consumer and should treat doctors the same way I treat anyone else. I wouldn't go back to a store where the employees were rude to me or accused me of lying...so why should I go back to a doctor who did the same?

    I sampled a few doctors in NY till I found the one I liked and I've stuck with him ever since.

    Check Yelp reviews for gay or gay-friendly doctors in LA...hopefully that'll help.


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    Feb 14, 2015 2:35 PM GMT
    Once DADT went away, I was always open with my doctors. if they are going to give me the best treatment, I have to be openly honest with them about everything. and it's totally worth it.
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    Feb 15, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    A doctor is supposed to be professional. They can't help you if you don't disclose important details. Your sexual preference is one of those things you don't hide.
    8 years ago when I moved to Ottawa I went to find a new doctor near me. I found one and when I first met him he went through all the basic questions. At first I thought he was being pretty robotic with his questions. Then came one one about sexual activities.

    Doc: are you sexually active
    Me: ...yes
    Doc: women?
    Me: no...
    *pause* *removes his glasses and looks me in the eye*
    Doc: men?
    Me: yeah...
    Doc: are you seeing multiple partners? Are you using condoms?
    Me: yes to both
    *Doc nods*
    Doc: when did you last do blood work?
    Me: uhh
    Doc: you're 21 if you plan to be sexually active with different men I want you to get blood work at least once a year.
    Me: yes sir
    *Pause*
    Doc blurts out: I'm also gay. And the 80s were a terrible time. You're very young with a bright future ahead.

    Recently he merged with another doctors office and renovated the office and he was like "my partner and I decided to fix this place up... He's also my husband". I was so impressed. He always greets me warmly and we catch up in my annual check ups. I'm really happy I told him.

    My fiancé sees his husband. I saw my doctor nod knowingly to his husband once while we were walking by as if to say "this is the bf". It's very cute. Very happy with mine. We think they are adorable, wonder if they talk about us too with each other.
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    Feb 15, 2015 7:25 AM GMT
    ^^ Awww, he seems like a good doctor. I wish I find a doctor like that.
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    Feb 15, 2015 7:25 AM GMT
    robbaker saidoh please the doctor is probably banging them twinks bareback style while he's not at work.
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif I doubt it.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Feb 15, 2015 8:24 AM GMT
    Not embarrassed. My doctor has an office in Manhattan that caters to LGBT patients. It's expensive in that you have to pay an annual fee just to be able to schedule an appointment (where you then have to pay your insurance co-pay), but the increased level of care and service--and availability of same-day appointments, makes it worth it.

    When you're sick with strep or the flu, waiting a day or two matters.

    I think all 5? doctors in the office are openly gay. I know mine is. I suppose if I were seeing a straight doctor--especially in a conservative area--then I might be reticent or embarrassed. But I have a personality that likes provoking people and pushing boundaries. I'd probably think of it as a fun moment to drop a bombshell.