There are 17 replies to this and I see only five of them? lolol I had to do a double-take. lolololol. I guess I'm done with it too. lololol Oh that is too funny.
I had a conversation recently with one of my cousins who sadly, beautifully summed it up as balancing or coming to terms or justifying, however described "hope vs hurt".
People can be so God damned abusive of each other, that even though you might love someone, even though that someone might continuously do things, say things, hurtful things, even if they don't hurt you personally but that you know those are hurtful things, and you've put up with it for years and you've tried for years to get them to see the light, to stop, there comes a point where you have to decide for yourself, even if it doesn't feel right, whether or not to continue a relationship with someone who you might love but who treats you like shit.
Our conversation came about by an email that upset me so. My dad dissed my dead mom. He still loves her, though she divorced him back in the 70s and he lives on that pain. And he filters all his perceptions through that.
Everything he told me was wrong, I know for a fact. He actually blamed my mother for him not being among the first in fast food when it was my mother's uncle back in the early 60s (owner of a very successful restaurant and bar supply business) and my mother's father who was going to fund him. I've another uncle who killed that deal because he wanted that money for himself for his own restaurant franchise which wound up $200k in the hole, big money back then. Fuck him.
So I know that everything my father said was bullshit. But I understand that's how he remembers it. He thinks my mother blew his chances when all she ever did was to try and help him. He's so filled with pain and hate that he can't see truth concerning my mother. That's not the part that hurts; that's his life, whatever. That he would claim to ever have loved me yet subject me to his lies about someone I love, even if he thought them truths, knowing how much I love my mother. That's the part that hurts.
This is not his first offense. And I'm getting tired of it. He's in his mid 80s. Probably will be dead in five to 10 years so maybe I let that one go. But it works your nerves. They have no right to inflict that upon those they love.
Sometimes you just have to stop it even if rejecting them hurts as well.
So they force you to measure which will bring you more pain, the pain they inflict, or the pain you will inflict upon yourself by denying them access to inflict their pain. And the only thing that would keep that going is hope, that you drop hints, you fight, you tell them outright and you hope that they get it and change.
But they never do. So you weigh one against the other: hope against hurt.
Sadly sometimes hurt wins.
Congrats, you win. Here's your prize: nothing.