"my guy" "my bud"...

  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Feb 16, 2015 9:41 PM GMT
    I have a feeling they're not talking about their boyfriend or husband? I see guys in their 40's and 50's refer in such a way to whomever they're currently sleeping with. Based on the people I know, duration of relationships seem to drop off sharply after the 30's. Is stability too "heteronormative"? Are we doomed to semi-monogamous "arrangements" with "buds" and "guys"?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 16, 2015 10:12 PM GMT
    My guy and I have been together going on 8 years. I expect it will last a long, long time. Our declaration of love to each other is "You my guy." There was an old Motown song that had the lyrics "I got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess, you say, what can make me feel this way? My guy, my guy, my guy, talking about my guy." Look it up. Good song. And you're wrong. There are a lot of long lasting solid relationships among guys over 30. Probably not too many before 30. And "bud" is an endearment, not a negative. Why are you trying to find something negative? Fear?
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    Feb 16, 2015 11:57 PM GMT
    Damn it Stackhouse, what is this need of yours to define other peoples relationships.
    They sell anti-glam contacts at the Piggly now...
  • highforthis

    Posts: 681

    Feb 17, 2015 12:32 AM GMT
    lol, a 50 year old messaged me on grindr saying "sweet bud"... I felt like taking a shower IMMEDIATELY haha
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    Feb 17, 2015 12:54 AM GMT
    gay men >20year old grew up never thinking they would have the option to get married. Just an option tho. Chances are they had a none affirming environment too.

    the older gay men date themselves with an eternal Peter Pan attitude refusing to grow up. Stereotypically speaking they harbor a nasty drama queen immaturity, self centered nature, low self love and never progress past a dysfunctional childhood.

    hope this helps.
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    Feb 17, 2015 7:23 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said There was an old Motown song that had the lyrics "I got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess, you say, what can make me feel this way? My guy, my guy, my guy, talking about my guy."


    You must have a gay radio! The lyrics say "my GIRL" not 'my guy'.
    icon_lol.gif

    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/temptations/mygirl.html

    And no, I didn't have to look it up to be sure! Just posted the link for convenience sake.
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    Feb 17, 2015 7:41 PM GMT
    uncomfortable_questions said
    Based on the people I know, duration of relationships seem to drop off sharply after the 30's.

    That's the exact opposite of what I see, and have personally experienced. The older you get the longer your relationships last, frequently until... well, the end. Whereas younger guys are making & breaking relationships almost weekly. And they can afford to, versus us old guys who cannot. I think you have the picture reversed, if I understand you correctly.
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    Feb 17, 2015 7:43 PM GMT
    highforthis saidlol, a 50 year old messaged me on grindr saying "sweet bud"... I felt like taking a shower IMMEDIATELY haha


    Seriously?


    Mary, please.....icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 17, 2015 10:10 PM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said
    Destinharbor said There was an old Motown song that had the lyrics "I got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside I've got the month of May. I guess, you say, what can make me feel this way? My guy, my guy, my guy, talking about my guy."


    You must have a gay radio! The lyrics say "my GIRL" not 'my guy'.
    icon_lol.gif

    http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/temptations/mygirl.html

    And no, I didn't have to look it up to be sure! Just posted the link for convenience sake.

    lol Yeah, I know. Just that for as long as I can remember, whenever I sang along with the song, I substituted "My guy." Love that song.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 17, 2015 10:11 PM GMT
    pellaz saidgay men >20year old grew up never thinking they would have the option to get married. Just an option tho. Chances are they had a none affirming environment too.

    the older gay men date themselves with an eternal Peter Pan attitude refusing to grow up. Stereotypically speaking they harbor a nasty drama queen immaturity, self centered nature, low self love and never progress past a dysfunctional childhood.

    hope this helps.

    You need therapy. Or an anti-ugly pill.
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    Feb 17, 2015 10:24 PM GMT
    pellaz saidgay men >20year old grew up never thinking they would have the option to get married. Just an option tho. Chances are they had a none affirming environment too.

    the older gay men date themselves with an eternal Peter Pan attitude refusing to grow up. Stereotypically speaking they harbor a nasty drama queen immaturity, self centered nature, low self love and never progress past a dysfunctional childhood.

    hope this helps.



    What?!? We just celebrated 25 monogamous years. Rigsby on RJ and his man celebrated their 44 year anniversary. There are lots of older men who call their lover husband, significant other, partner in life, boyfriend, lover, other half etc.

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    Feb 18, 2015 1:01 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    uncomfortable_questions said
    Based on the people I know, duration of relationships seem to drop off sharply after the 30's.

    That's the exact opposite of what I see, and have personally experienced. The older you get the longer your relationships last, frequently until... well, the end. Whereas younger guys are making & breaking relationships almost weekly. And they can afford to, versus us old guys who cannot. I think you have the picture reversed, if I understand you correctly.


    It seems to be the 18-25 crowd who have the quickest relationships, then from late 20's to 30's is when most guys settle down. The bathhouse/craigslist older gays who say "bud" and "guy" all the time are probably just a small minority that reflect poorly on their age group.
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    Feb 18, 2015 2:14 AM GMT
    Destinharbor said... You need therapy. Or an anti-ugly pill

    not necessarily, if you are the exception all good but there are a majority of >20year gay men that fall into the never mature cycle. So interesting to see the effects of marriage and more better affirmation.
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    Feb 18, 2015 5:03 AM GMT
    I call lots of my guy friends (both gay and straight) my buds or buddies. I refer to my husband as "my guy".
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Feb 18, 2015 6:38 AM GMT
    pellaz saidgay men >20year old grew up never thinking they would have the option to get married. Just an option tho. Chances are they had a none affirming environment too.

    the older gay men date themselves with an eternal Peter Pan attitude refusing to grow up. Stereotypically speaking they harbor a nasty drama queen immaturity, self centered nature, low self love and never progress past a dysfunctional childhood.

    hope this helps.

    I checked your age. You're sixty, 6 years younger than I am. Peter Pan attitude? Harboring nasty drama queen immaturity, self centered, low self love (esteem?) Never progressing past dysfunctional childhood..

    Just because in your youth you associated the most trashy, neurotic and and destructive people you could find doesn't mean the world was full of nothing but them! I really says more about you than them that you can make suck broad generalizations of people.

  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Feb 18, 2015 6:59 AM GMT
    willular saidI call lots of my guy friends (both gay and straight) my buds or buddies. I refer to my husband as "my guy".


    For my first relationship starting in the 1970s the term "lovers" were applied to us but neither of us liked it. He died in 1995. Shortly afterward I was involved with a 2nd man. I never referred to him as my lover and even corrected people who did. I just said he was in a relationship with me.

    Rid of him in 1998, and two recuperative years later, I began my 3rd relationship. He referred to me as 'his guy'... and It had a nice feel to it. The idea of referring to a man as my husband or myself as his husband just does not feel right. It implies a feminine role for one or the other of us.

    I like hearing gay men in relationships referring to their mates as their guys.

    Keep it up.
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    Feb 18, 2015 2:07 PM GMT
    bobbobbob said
    willular saidI call lots of my guy friends (both gay and straight) my buds or buddies. I refer to my husband as "my guy".


    For my first relationship starting in the 1970s the term "lovers" were applied to us but neither of us liked it. He died in 1995. Shortly afterward I was involved with a 2nd man. I never referred to him as my lover and even corrected people who did. I just said he was in a relationship with me.

    Rid of him in 1998, and two recuperative years later, I began my 3rd relationship. He referred to me as 'his guy'... and It had a nice feel to it. The idea of referring to a man as my husband or myself as his husband just does not feel right. It implies a feminine role for one or the other of us.

    I like hearing gay men in relationships referring to their mates as their guys.

    Keep it up.

    I prefer my partner, boyfriend or yeah if I am married, husband sounds more intimate than this "my bud"/"my guy" thing.
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    Feb 18, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    i would use terms as "My ... ":
    Date -> Boy Friend -> Fiance -> Husband
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Mar 02, 2015 5:16 AM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    bobbobbob said
    willular saidI call lots of my guy friends (both gay and straight) my buds or buddies. I refer to my husband as "my guy".


    For my first relationship starting in the 1970s the term "lovers" were applied to us but neither of us liked it. He died in 1995. Shortly afterward I was involved with a 2nd man. I never referred to him as my lover and even corrected people who did. I just said he was in a relationship with me.

    Rid of him in 1998, and two recuperative years later, I began my 3rd relationship. He referred to me as 'his guy'... and It had a nice feel to it. The idea of referring to a man as my husband or myself as his husband just does not feel right. It implies a feminine role for one or the other of us.

    I like hearing gay men in relationships referring to their mates as their guys.

    Keep it up.

    I prefer my partner, boyfriend or yeah if I am married, husband sounds more intimate than this "my bud"/"my guy" thing.


    Same here. Thinking that saying "husband" makes one effeminate is simply heteronormative thinking. This "bud"/"guy" thing might be a reflex in our demographic from the discreet/down-low days?
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    Mar 02, 2015 5:50 AM GMT
    Wish I had someone to refer to as 'my man'. icon_cry.gif
  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 261

    Mar 21, 2015 8:08 PM GMT
    Aqueerius said
    Art_Deco said
    uncomfortable_questions said
    Based on the people I know, duration of relationships seem to drop off sharply after the 30's.

    That's the exact opposite of what I see, and have personally experienced. The older you get the longer your relationships last, frequently until... well, the end. Whereas younger guys are making & breaking relationships almost weekly. And they can afford to, versus us old guys who cannot. I think you have the picture reversed, if I understand you correctly.


    It seems to be the 18-25 crowd who have the quickest relationships, then from late 20's to 30's is when most guys settle down. The bathhouse/craigslist older gays who say "bud" and "guy" all the time are probably just a small minority that reflect poorly on their age group.


    I'm referring to the 40+ crowd who are still single and using those terms. Many are quick to blame their singleness on AIDs taking their previous buds and guys, when in reality they're just what's left after the good guys settle down.