Feb 17, 2015 1:11 AM GMT
Okay, so this summer I met a guy for a hookup, but we ended up really hitting it off. The next morning he messaged me telling me I can't have feelings for him because he lied to me and he's in a 3 year relationship with the guy he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He is much older than me (32) and I was 18 when I met him. He begged me to continue talking to him because he really enjoyed spending time with me. At first I said no and I flipped out because I was so hurt, because I really liked him. But after days of him persuading me I gave in. I asked him why he cheats if he loves his boyfriend and he told me that his boyfriend does not have sex with him and he hinted that his boyfriend had some emotional issues that prevented him from wanting or enjoying sex, he also says they have been through a lot together, but that he cheats because he never has sex. He also said his boyfriend knows that he does it, but he does not like to know about it, so basically its an open relationship as long as his boyfriend doesn't find out. He also said it's the only way he has been able to keep a stable relationship and that in their 3 years of dating he cheated once after 6 months, once again 6 months after that and again 2 years later... with me. His boyfriend is only 20, so he's young like me and that shows they started dating when he was 17. But anyway... months later and I'm in love with him. I promised myself I would not have sex with him again and I would just hangout with him and for a month or so I did but of course I have so much feelings for him that one thing led to another and we started being intimate again. I would fight with him a lot and we would not speak for awhile but one of us would always message the other and again we would see each other. For a long time I felt like I was just the jumpoff but it seems more intimate than that. He takes me on dates and he showed me his childhood home, school, the places he lived when he was in his early 20's, the parks he used to hangout at as a teenager. He talks to me during the week when I'm back at college just to see how I am. He never even asks for sex or makes the first move, he only does it if I request it. And also, he tells his coworkers about me and they have knowledge of our relationship as well as the fact he is already committed to someone else. He tells me he has strong feelings for me and he always keeps talking to me even when I get mad and I yell at him or stop talking to him. Maybe I am just the jumpoff, but to me it's way more intimate than that. I don't like sharing and I try so hard to get over him, but I really do love him and every time I think of the fact that I will never have him I feel an ache in my chest and I get sick at my stomach. So I guess my question is, is this type of instance common for gay couples? Do a lot of gay couples go out on each other every now and then in order to incorporate variety into a longterm relationship? And lastly, I know that I probably sound really weak and stupid for putting up with this, but he is the first guy I have ever loved and I don't know how else to end this. The longest I've went was 3 months without speaking to him, but I always go back. I'm not sure how to deal with it.