Wedding gift question...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2015 5:30 AM GMT
    A friend is getting married this week and I am an usher in the wedding. What is the appropriate type of gift I should buy? Or what is an appropriate amount to spend?
    This is a guy who I consider an acquaintance at best...but he considers us good friends....hence me being in the wedding.
    I was going to just give them a gift card...but figured that might be to impersonal?
    Please help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2015 5:36 AM GMT
    Something small from their registry, or a bottle of wine.



    Or flavored Edible body oils. icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 22, 2015 5:43 AM GMT
    mindgarden said
    Something small from their registry...

    Yes, check their registry. I would spend $50 - $100, since you aren't a close friend, but are participating in the wedding.
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    Feb 22, 2015 6:32 AM GMT
    belovedpath saidI was going to just give them a gift card...but figured that might be to impersonal?
    Please help!


    Several years ago I was invited to two out-of-state weddings several months apart. I couldn't attend either so I selected the most expensive gifts from their registries - $300 each for big china platters in their pattern which I'd likely never be served a meal on. I didn't get a thank you from either, and when I called both months later to see whether they received their gifts I was not only told no but that I should follow up with the stores. When I did the stores - Macys and Bloomingdales - claimed that the gifts they charged my card for were delivered. I had no way to prove otherwise so I let it drop, suspecting, probably rightly, that they were each too rude to write thank you notes and too embarrassed that I'd implied it by my followup so they simply LIED. It's just too much of a coincidence that it happened twice.

    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.
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    Feb 22, 2015 6:54 AM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    Several years ago I was invited to two weddings several months apart. I couldn't attend either so I selected the most expensive gifts from their registries - $300 each for big china platters in their pattern. I didn't get a thank you from either, and when I called both to see whether they received their gifts I was not only told no but that I should follow up with the stores. When I did the stores claimed that the gifts they charged my card for were delivered. I had no way to prove otherwise so I let it drop, suspected, probably rightly, that they were each too rude to write thank you notes and too embarrassed that I'd implied it by my followup so they simply LIED. It's just too much of a coincidence that it happened twice.

    I consult the gift registry, but I don't always use it. It gives me an idea what they'd like, but I may go elsewhere.

    Of course the drawback is that the item, or its counterpart, is not crossed off the list, and somebody might buy them the same thing.

    I always take personal delivery of the gift at the store, to confirm the wrapping appearance is what I wanted. And I deliver it myself, to ensure timeliness. There was only 1 exception for a wedding across the country I couldn't attend. And that gift did arrive on time.

    I've always gotten a thank-you card. But for my own wedding in 1978 we lost some of the cards with the gifts, when others carried them to my parents' home afterwards, as we began our 3-week honeymoon trip the next morning. I recall there were a few gifts we couldn't identify & acknowledge when we returned. Maybe that happened here.
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    Feb 22, 2015 3:36 PM GMT
    Thank, guys!!
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    Feb 22, 2015 7:49 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.

    Giving cash or cash-equivalents is tacky. (sniff)
  • tj85016

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    Feb 22, 2015 7:52 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare said
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.

    Giving cash or cash-equivalents is tacky. (sniff)


    not of you're Italian or Jewish, seriously
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    Feb 22, 2015 7:54 PM GMT
    tj85016 said
    Sharkspeare said
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.

    Giving cash or cash-equivalents is tacky. (sniff)


    not of you're Italian or Jewish, seriously

    I'm Jewish. But midwestern Jewish, not the native New York variety.
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    Feb 22, 2015 7:58 PM GMT
    I think gifts should only be given from the heart. If you are not close to them or even know them well as a couple, either skip the gift, or give them a nice gift card.
    Now, if you do know them well and treasure their friendship then try and get them something that's meaningful to the couple.
    When Jack and I wed last Oct. I was not looking for any gifts from anyone since it was a small, peaceful wedding.
    My favorite gift was actually a gift card for dinner at a fun local restaurant called Jaspers. We took the 2 guys across the street with us, as they too married a few months earlier in SF.
    The chef where I work gave us that gift and it was Perfect!
    Personal and memorable.
    http://kentrathbun.com/
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    Feb 22, 2015 8:44 PM GMT
    The registry is always the safest and most convenient option - especially if you don't feel particularly close to the couple or know their tastes/needs very well.

    The crass sorta vulgar rule of thumb for spending on a couple that you are not close to is that the gift should be at least roughly the value of your (and your date's) setting at the reception. A particularly vulgar way of choosing a celebratory gift, but it can ease up the process.

    Since you are participating in the event it could be considered that part of your gift is the time you are offering - far more valuable that any soup tureen or fish fork found at a department store.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Feb 22, 2015 8:47 PM GMT
    I like gifts that show a little thought and relate to interests. If they like to cook a good piece of cookware, like a Le Creuset 9x13 casserole is useful and any cook would enjoy it. Same with a Lodge enameled dutch oven. Or a set of really good bath towels is good. Instead of just a pair, get four towels, a bathmat and 6 washcloths so that they can put them out when guests come.

    You may have a few local potters that could supply you with handcrafted bowls or vases or pitchers that have some character.

    If they have a pattern registered for silverware, extra serving pieces are great to have.
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    Feb 22, 2015 10:42 PM GMT
    Total thread jack but this reminded me of one of the funniest books I've ever read, Blue Heaven by Joe Keenan. The main character is gay and he and his woman best friend decide to get married because they realized that you really make a haul with the wedding gifts (I think they were going to get it annulled after awhile). Things get crazier and more hysterically funny as the book progresses.

    http://tinyurl.com/n5mj764
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    Feb 22, 2015 11:36 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.


    Yes, I agree with using checks. At my coworker's wedding, I put $100 cash into the card sealed in an envelope. Never got a thank you note from him. So I wonder if my coworker was the one opening the card or someone else did. If it's someone else, the cash may never get to my coworker. Who knew?

    And it's not like store gift registry where I can ask my worker if he got the gift.
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    Feb 22, 2015 11:51 PM GMT
    I'm beginning to think $50/$75 is going to be my max spending limit. I was guilted into being a part of this ceremony to begin with, now I am having to pay for my own rental, my hotel room, and, since I offered to pick up another guest from the airport, he is trying to turn me into the official taxi service and have me pick up ALL of his guests who are flying in. icon_mad.gif
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    Feb 23, 2015 12:19 AM GMT
    belovedpath saidI'm beginning to think $50/$75 is going to be my max spending limit. I was guilted into being a part of this ceremony to begin with, now I am having to pay for my own rental, my hotel room, and, since I offered to pick up another guest from the airport, he is trying to turn me into the official taxi service and have me pick up ALL of his guests who are flying in. icon_mad.gif

    ummmm... a user perhaps? Sorry you got dragged into this. And BTW, the Best Man is supposed to arrange all this, not the groom.

    I agree that $50-75 is the correct range.
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Feb 23, 2015 12:24 AM GMT
    Sharkspeare said
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.

    Giving cash or cash-equivalents is tacky. (sniff)


    lol Tell that to VERY ARMENIAN FAMILY ON EARTH!

    xD
  • TheBaise

    Posts: 363

    Feb 23, 2015 12:50 AM GMT
    The amount you're planning to spend is a good enough amount. Just find out where they're registered, and if it's a store you are near, go for it. The store will have a list of all the stuff the bridal couple want, so you can't go wrong.

    The groom should be offering you groomsmen a gift / and it should be something good, useful, etc. That should make you feel good. You'll also be receiving plenty of good food & drink while at the reception / and hopefully be able to loosen up / have fun / chatting it up with some good people. People sometimes meet new b.f.'s at these things, so you might too.

    Something I learned not to do / is to take a present to a wedding. Lots of people have done it, but it isn't really the thing to do / causes work for others. Best idea / send or take the gift to the house of the bride / or her parents / before the wedding. Make sure your label with your name is not going to fall off. They need that to do thank you notes in a few days or weeks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:28 AM GMT
    If it's a good friend, I always give a nice set of knives.

    So much cheaper than a divorce attorney.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:34 AM GMT
    belovedpath saidI'm beginning to think $50/$75 is going to be my max spending limit. I was guilted into being a part of this ceremony to begin with, now I am having to pay for my own rental, my hotel room, and, since I offered to pick up another guest from the airport, he is trying to turn me into the official taxi service and have me pick up ALL of his guests who are flying in. icon_mad.gif


    I've been an usher in a couple weddings. Never again. You're looked over. Not really thought of as part of the wedding party. You don't get invited to the bachelor party. You're an unappreciated afterthought who has to go through the same expense (more as in your case) than the official wedding party.

    I find it amusing that with the tens of thousands of dollars that people spend on weddings they expect their "attendants" pick up the tab for their ceremonial garb plus spring for a gift. When I got married, instead of a stupid nominal gift for my groomsmen I spring for their tux rental and my ex's sister made my ex's attendants dresses.
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    Feb 23, 2015 5:15 AM GMT
    Sharkspeare said
    eagermuscle said
    In light of this a gift card's too personal - write checks that can be DEPOSITED. It's the most practical gift; they can choose how to spend it, and if they fail to thank you you'll know why.

    Giving cash or cash-equivalents is tacky. (sniff)

    Hasn't stopped anyone from cashing my checks.
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    Feb 23, 2015 5:31 AM GMT
    TheBaise said
    The groom should be offering you groomsmen a gift / and it should be something good, useful, etc.

    He's not a groomsman, he's an usher. Do try to read more carefully. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • TheBaise

    Posts: 363

    Feb 23, 2015 1:54 PM GMT
    No matter if the o. p. is assisting the groom up at the alter with the best man / or as a hand chosen usher / asked by the groom to escort ladies to their seats / he should be given a gift by the groom. Especially if this o.p. is serving in extra ways, like picking up other guests & driving them to & from the wedding.

    And to the obtuse braggart up above me here: It must suck to be you, dude. Don't be a complete tool so much of the time. Keep your snide cracks to yourself / & you'll make fewer enemies. You should have picked up that little tip a long, long time ago, man.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 23, 2015 2:46 PM GMT
    From Bull Durham: "Candlesticks are always appropriate." And they are. You can go cheap or expensive but they're always nice to have and receive.
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    Feb 23, 2015 9:28 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidIf it's a good friend, I always give a nice set of knives.
    So much cheaper than a divorce attorney.

    Destinharbor saidFrom Bull Durham: "Candlesticks are always appropriate." And they are. You can go cheap or expensive but they're always nice to have and receive.

    A knife would be quicker and easier than bludgeoning them to death with a candlestick.