Gay life (dating, love, work) in general in big city vs. Small town.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2015 9:47 AM GMT
    What are some of your opinions on this? I guess this is a random question because over the years living in both small towns and big cities, I noticed both great and bad things. Sometimes, I've seen and heard stories about guys who complain that there are no gay guys in their small town and they want to move to a bigger city. And how there are many gay guys who are slutty in the big cities and they can't make the commitment if you live in the city. What's your preference really? Small town, suburban or big city like NYC/SF urban? I'm contemplating a change in my current job/work, life situation and considering a move back to the big city. icon_smile.gif Share your personal stories if you want to.
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    Feb 23, 2015 11:01 AM GMT
    I like bigger cities, just not due to too many gay guys. Bigger cities have better public transport system, more options to choose from in terms of bar, shops, restaurants etc. Also, there is a higher chance of bigger multicultural crowd who are more open-minded and liberal. It may or may not be true for every big city out there.
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    Feb 23, 2015 11:27 AM GMT
    I live in a small town, can drive for 1.5hours to Montreal if I want...but never do. Guys are gonna be sluts wherever you are. In smaller towns they just have less of a chance to be a slut with not so many gay guys around. Simple as that.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Feb 23, 2015 11:27 AM GMT
    I like the feel of a small town, but I like the resources and culture of a big city.

    I'm currently stationed in a small town, albeit comparatively near a couple of mid-sized cities. I walk to work and the gym every day, which I really like, but most of my favored activities (baseball, symphony, etc) are inconveniently far to drive (and drivers here are terrible!). It is also certainly true that there is no gay community here at all. What's more, the gay men who are local seem to be deep in the closet, so the chances for finding someone special are vanishingly small.

    For my part, I will miss elements of the small town, but I will be glad to get back to a big city.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:43 PM GMT
    I visit small towns but the idea of living in one has zero appeal for Me.

    Men in large cities are not all tramps. The ratio is probably about the same there is just a larger overall group of Men.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:49 PM GMT
    Small town's are where you move after you've married a hot Jeepguy and want to keep him away from anything shiny; preferably someplace without cell phone reception.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:55 PM GMT
    Having lived in a really, small, isolated little town in Louisiana, I can say, I much....MUCH prefer bigger cities. Gay life in small towns just has way to many downsides.

    I suppose it would depend on the caliber of guys in that small town too though --- the ones where I used to live were very low. I'd probably have a slightly different opinion if they were better.

    but small town life for me is almost too boring. and I don't like having to drive 1+ hr just to go to a movie theatre.

    Bigger cities are generally more expensive, but I see my tax dollars going towards something worthwhile. if Main St Smalltown, USA has potholes in it, you're going to be waiting a long time for it to get fixed.
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    Feb 23, 2015 1:55 PM GMT
    A really tough question. I love everything about living in a small city (funny, that wasn't one of the choices you listed) except that I'm way jealous of the far greater opportunities for dating and for gay community in general in a big city.
  • Jon_Alex

    Posts: 44

    Feb 23, 2015 4:11 PM GMT
    It depends. As long as you're in reach of a larger metro area then dating is pretty easy actually. I don't even live in a town... it's a rural area within 30 minutes drive of Sacramento. As far as driving for dates it's not much different than a suburb.

    The real advantage of a larger city like LA, SF, etc. are the cultural and convenience related things. Like you can just get up on a Sunday and walk to the local coffee shop or whatever. In my rural area I have to make more of an effort. But it's really about what you put into it more than anything predetermined or conditioned by the environment.
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    Feb 23, 2015 5:43 PM GMT
    I grew up in a small town, moved to a large city (Minneapolis) for 21 years, then moved back a couple years ago. As far as gay life in small towns go, things changed a LOT while I was away. Guys aren't as closeted as they were when I was growing up, and it's more accepted now. I moved back for family, but I was tired of Minneapolis, and having to drive an hour just to get out of town, along with the traffic and having to drive so far to get anywhere. It takes me 3 minutes to drive to work now, as opposed to 45 minutes in Minneapolis.

    Yes, small towns are a lot different in that there's not as many choices for things to do or places to go, but if you plan a little, there's usually something worth doing or going to within a short drive every weekend. I love the outdoors and camping, so I like being able to leave my camping gear in the car all summer and just being able to head out and get to where I want to go within a couple of hours or so.

    That being said, I would like to move to Denver or Seattle within a couple of years, but I would probably settle for someplace with a population of 100,000 or more that's close to the mountains and/or ocean.

    As others have said, you'll find sluts wherever you go, there's just more men in larger cities, so there's more sluts.
  • NHsports

    Posts: 52

    Feb 23, 2015 6:27 PM GMT
    Im a small town guy. Majority of the gay men who live here and around my area are established couples who are building their lives. For dating its not the best options, but life in general tends to be more fun and laid back than any city.
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    Feb 23, 2015 6:55 PM GMT
    Living in a rural area. Property taxes are high for what you get. For sure my Denver City property taxes are 20% lower and Denver has services; snow removal, trash pickup, recycling. A lot of these things here you have to do your self. Just takes time.

    Husband and I are the only boys on the street with college degrees. I lived here 18 years and people have moved on. The local men seem to have picked up an accent that wasnt there a few years ago. Odd social skills. You never see them doing things other than watch tv. a local farm is profitable and in the summer you can see, if you look hard, people living in tents off behind the fields. Difficult to find anything healthy at the local super market, most of the stuff is frozen pizza pocket stuff.

    its a long drive to anything. The last local gym closed. the state built a new interstate near by but its really a toll road and costs >$1.00 a mile, go figure. there is a new shopping center but the sales tax there is 11%. Both the interstate and shopping center are run by a private incorporation associated with the state.

    Denver has its odd way but in no way compares to this.










  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2015 11:59 PM GMT
    I prefer big cities although I moved from a bigger one to a small one. Big cities tend to be more diverse culturally, socially and financially. You tend to find people who've been exposed a broader range of people.
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    Feb 24, 2015 12:05 AM GMT
    I came from a small town. Then moved to Minneapolis/St. Paul, Palm Springs briefly, LA, San Diego and back to Palm Springs.

    Palm Springs is not your typical 47,000 population small town. It's very GAY! Very diverse, a lot of of tourists from around the world so it's cosmopolitan.

    LA and SD aren't far. But I seldom go to either.
  • buddycat

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    Feb 24, 2015 1:03 AM GMT
    There are smaller towns that are pretty gay There are gay bars in more suburban/rural areas. Issue is these are primarily touristy areas where gay places to go are very limited. For instance, New Hope, PA now only has one gay bar with no nightclub and people complain that isn't really that gay at all. Most of the gay things to do are in big cities but many prefer being on the outskirts of the city where they don't have to deal with urban plight and some simply don't want to deal with the city at all outside of the gay community. As long as you have easy access to the city, living in a small town isn't a big deal.
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    Feb 24, 2015 1:12 AM GMT
    I like the best of both worlds, so I live the suburb. icon_biggrin.gif

    I can drive into the city within 30 mins, but where I live is not as crowded and is still convenient.
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    Feb 24, 2015 2:23 PM GMT
    Big city. What gay would like to live in a small town. Seriously.
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    Feb 24, 2015 5:08 PM GMT
    I think it's cool when out LGBT folks choose to live in small towns and rural area. There should be no areas that are uncomfortable or off limits to anyone because of who they are. I love that my hometown in Northern Wisconsin has become much gay friendlier in recent years. There is an LGBT student group at the tech college, there are openly gay adults and high school students, there are men seeking men online, and there is more in terms of culture - an art museum, coffee shops, a local theater/comedy club, organic food stores, a decent gym, bike lanes - things that I could see as drawing LGBT people and others, for that matter, to live there. It's a real change from the rundown place it was when I grew up there. I know all of rural/small town America hasn't grown in this way, but there are some little pockets of Portlandia out there.

    That being said, I'm a city person now; a city will always be able to offer more amenities, and jobs pay more in urban areas.
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    Feb 24, 2015 8:12 PM GMT
    Lol Just to clarify something, I live in an urban town area. Well I'm 30-40 minutes away from LA and 85 mins from San Diego. It's great to read everyone stories here but yeah I agreed that once you're settled and married, move to a small town. You move to the city to pursue your job/work and dating. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 24, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    patito saidBig city. What gay would like to live in a small town. Seriously.

    poor and ugly ones

    j/k
  • Destinharbor

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    Feb 24, 2015 9:35 PM GMT
    I live in a smaller beach town but because it's a resort, we have great restaurants, shopping, etc. And everyone who visits is in a good mood and happy to be here. I like it because I love being on the water and in the sun. But we also travel a lot and I find big cities are best from a great hotel. So we get an open-air life at home and experience the best of the best cities when we travel.
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    Feb 25, 2015 8:11 AM GMT
    patito saidBig city. What gay would like to live in a small town. Seriously.


    Or the burbs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2015 9:11 AM GMT
    One of the posters mentioned resources as a preferential reason for big cities and I second that. My last work assignment was in a small town in New Hampshire and here are some of the things I noticed that were lacking:

    1 Starbucks location
    First movie theater showing - 4:00pm; last showing - 7:30pm
    No Barnes and Noble or big bookstores
    Closest Target - 2 hours away
    Local eateries close at 4pm, but the chains remained open until midnight.
    The "premier" mall has a total of 10 stores you never heard of.

    Good experience but I'm glad I left. Give me a big city anyday!
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    Feb 25, 2015 1:27 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidSmall town's are where you move after you've married a hot Jeepguy and want to keep him away from anything shiny; preferably someplace without cell phone reception.


    LOL. True. But it sucks when you're stuck in a small town alone.

    I love the energy and options of cities, but have in the past found them exhausting full-time, in terms of crowds and traffic. If my budget were unlimited, however, I could definitely work around that.
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    Feb 25, 2015 3:18 PM GMT
    I like a small town in a big city. I don't like having neighbors above and below me and I also like backyards for the dogs.

    A $20M townhouse in the West Village on, say Perry Street, would suit me just fine.