No gay friends. How to make them?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 24, 2015 5:35 PM GMT
    I'm 24 and I don't have a large circle of friends. None of the friends I do have are gay. My 2 closest friends are straight females, and I also have a straight male friend who's in a relationship (he's also my boss and I'm friends with his girlfriend too) and another straight male friend that I work with. I'm only out to my 2 female friends, although I think my straight friend who's in a relationship might have a suspicion...

    I love my friends to death, but I find myself lonely and bored a lot which leads to me getting depressed. I think a large part of my problem is that I don't have any gay/bi friends who I can relate to, so even when I am with my straight friends, I still feel "alone" in a sense.

    I've never been in a relationship, and haven't had any luck on dating sites/apps. I'd like to start going out to try and meet guys, but I don't really have any gay friends to go out with.

    Any suggestions on how I can meet people?
  • JKFO75

    Posts: 4

    Feb 24, 2015 7:02 PM GMT
    The first gay people I became friend with were guys (and girls) I met at an LGBT association. There must be such an association near were you live. I'd advice you to give it try. It's nice to meet other gay people while being sober.

    I don't think going to bars and clubs really helps when it comes to making freinds, but anything could happen, you could try that too.
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    Feb 24, 2015 7:15 PM GMT
    I sympathize, its why I stop visiting my old Facebook profile, since everybody is assumed straight there. Also got tired of the marriage and baby pictures.
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    Feb 24, 2015 7:45 PM GMT
    gay or straight female friends are an incredible asset in a gay man's life. Straight accepting male bros are functional if they posses needed skills.

    with gay men friends, they usually arrive drunk. If alcohol is possible, leave more drunk. The stereotype; immature at any age.
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    Feb 24, 2015 10:26 PM GMT
    Participate in group activities that you really enjoy or similar activities that get you around other people ... I have met a lot of people swimming laps, oddly enough.
  • JKFO75

    Posts: 4

    Feb 24, 2015 10:43 PM GMT
    pazzy saidYou should chose your friends based on how well you connect with them not just because they're gay.


    I don't think it's that simple.
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    Feb 25, 2015 12:18 AM GMT
    Most of my long time gay friends (guys I have known for years) I originally met by sleeping with them. That does not seem to be in vogue today, however - and you have to go to bed with guys you might actually like, and not just because they are hot.

    The rest I met through gay sports clubs, or "friends of friends." I met a lot of guys through a gay skiing club, and a number of them became friends. Nothing like spending a weekend with a bunch of guys to get to know them.

    Like sfswimmer said, participate in (just about any) group activity, and you will get to know some people. There are gay groups for just about everything - and sports groups for just about every sport - as well as political clubs, horticultural societies, whatever.
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    Feb 25, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
    pazzy said
    JKFO75 said
    pazzy saidYou should chose your friends based on how well you connect with them not just because they're gay.


    I don't think it's that simple.


    don't think you're understanding what i'm saying.

    you should chose your friends based on how well you connect with them as in things such as sexual orientation shouldn't be a factor. just because someone is gay doesn't mean anything. as long as you have someone as a friend who accepts you for who you are then that's all that matters.


    I do agree that sexual orientation shouldn't matter, but I'm just saying it would be nice to have some friends who are "like me". In other words, sometimes I feel a little out of the loop when I'm with a bunch of straight guys talking about hot girls and who they want to fuck. I mean sure, I find women attractive to an extent (I may even be bi-curious toward women), but it's hard to relate to other straight male friends in that regard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2015 3:00 AM GMT
    How big is your neighborhood? Are there just no gay guys around? or have you not really looked? Not sure what your situation is.

    To be honest, I have made some great friends from Scruff.
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    Feb 25, 2015 3:07 AM GMT
    Why ignore one very obvious resource you have for making friends with other gay guys who share at least some of your interests?

    That resource is RealJock. You should present your interests in your profile. Tell other guys here what you enjoy doing.
    You may meet a fellow RJer in your area.
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    Feb 25, 2015 5:20 AM GMT
    PaulDee saidI sympathize, its why I stop visiting my old Facebook profile, since everybody is assumed straight there. Also got tired of the marriage and baby pictures.


    I totally feel you. Last week, it hit me hard. A friend (girl) who used to like me is now dating my cousin. Two friends are 4-5 month pregnant. One just had a baby. Etc, etc, etc. I feel everyone around me is moving forward except me. It made me sad.

    But then this week, I keep my mind off it and just enjoy doing my own things alone, and I'm fine again.
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    Feb 25, 2015 7:07 AM GMT
    People will scoff at my suggestion, but try Grindr. It's simply an app to meet nearby gay guys, sexual intentions not implied. While it's true that friendships without sex can be hard to find as a young gay guy, it is not impossible. I will say, however, that it'll be hard to make gay friends as someone who is closeted.
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    Feb 25, 2015 8:48 AM GMT
    ant811 saidI'm 24 and I don't have a large circle of friends. None of the friends I do have are gay. My 2 closest friends are straight females, and I also have a straight male friend who's in a relationship (he's also my boss and I'm friends with his girlfriend too) and another straight male friend that I work with. I'm only out to my 2 female friends, although I think my straight friend who's in a relationship might have a suspicion...


    I'd like to know why did you mention in your post about being out to your female friends and how is that relevant to your goal of finding gay friends?
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3381

    Feb 25, 2015 9:06 AM GMT
    I think the point was that he's not out to pretty much everyone else.
    Part of a "I need to know gay people, and people need to know I'm gay, to meet [more] gay people" loop.

    What Avsigkommen said: Grindr to see who's nearby and just maybe lists similar interests - and fill in your profile yourself!

    And what HikerSkier and sfswimmer said: local sports (and other) groups.

    A bit to pazzy's point (which the OP correctly identified as incomplete), you want to find people you'd be friends with if they were NOT gay, with the bonus that they are gay. For example, I can go to the ball game with a str8 friend and enjoy the game. Or I can take some gay guy who doesn't know the difference between a face-off and kick-off and spy out cute guys. Or I can go with a gay guy who likes sports and do both. (And if it's theater or the flea/farmer's market rather than sports, that's fine, too.)
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Feb 25, 2015 9:08 AM GMT
    I did a quick inquiry to find out that where you live (Deer Park) is 42.7 miles or less than 1 hr driving from Manhattan.

    It's been 16 years since I was in NYC but I feel sure that I could find a predominantly gay club or coffee house in less than 45 minutes.

    The best way to meet people is to get out and meet people. Sure you're going to meet some you won't wish to spend much time with but you won't know that until you meet them. To get to some great people you need to wade through some less than great people.

    And another thing about going out with people you know. It's unproductive. You'll end up socializing with them more than with other people and other people will be less inclined to walk over and speak to you if you're with a group of friends.

    I've been a widower for less than a year and go out quite a bit to socialize. I've quit going places with friends because when I do it's a predictable scenario. If I'm seen walking in and leaving with the same friend, people assume he and I are more than friends. If I'm meeting someone at a bar I always get there at least 30 minutes before they do so I can establish that I've arrived alone. Usually by the time who ever I'm meeting arrives I've met a new and interesting guy to talk to and I'm not going to be bored sitting with a friend of 20 years talking about the same things we've talked about since we met.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 25, 2015 5:25 PM GMT
    Well let me say, you sound like a very nice guy who has a lot to give (and I mean time and energy in a productive way).

    I've found the best way to meet good people in general is to volunteer your time in some meaningful capacity... it can be anything from support of animals, animal shelters, homeless people.. even your gym (if you have one), may have a way that you can help that can be to your advantage.

    In terms of meeting some gay friends, I think you need to set out some parameters of what you want and don't. There are some great gay non profits that need assistance, certainly a great way to expand your acquaintance list and meet some new folks. I'd avoid any drama and focus on help and goals.

    Of course it needs to all meet your time requirements, above all, do what makes the most sense and for which you are comfortable.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2015 5:29 PM GMT
    bobbobbob saidI did a quick inquiry to find out that where you live (Deer Park) is 42.7 miles or less than 1 hr driving from Manhattan.

    It's been 16 years since I was in NYC but I feel sure that I could find a predominantly gay club or coffee house in less than 45 minutes.

    The best way to meet people is to get out and meet people. Sure you're going to meet some you won't wish to spend much time with but you won't know that until you meet them. To get to some great people you need to wade through some less than great people.

    And another thing about going out with people you know. It's unproductive. You'll end up socializing with them more than with other people and other people will be less inclined to walk over and speak to you if you're with a group of friends.

    I've been a widower for less than a year and go out quite a bit to socialize. I've quit going places with friends because when I do it's a predictable scenario. If I'm seen walking in and leaving with the same friend, people assume he and I are more than friends. If I'm meeting someone at a bar I always get there at least 30 minutes before they do so I can establish that I've arrived alone. Usually by the time who ever I'm meeting arrives I've met a new and interesting guy to talk to and I'm not going to be bored sitting with a friend of 20 years talking about the same things we've talked about since we met.



    "And another thing about going out with people you know. It's unproductive. You'll end up socializing with them more than with other people and other people will be less inclined to walk over and speak to you if you're with a group of friends"

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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    Feb 25, 2015 6:00 PM GMT
    I have a gay colleague at work and it does make a huge difference having a gay friend in my life who I'm in regular contact with. Even though we get along with straight people no problem, it's just a nice connection between the two of us because we went through similar experiences growing up and we like making jokes and talking about men and having the kinds of conversations we wouldn't normally have with straight co-workers.

    You could try looking out for LGBT events or venues in your area and see if they have any volunteering opportunities that you can become involved with. Or just tell your girlfriends that you'd like to meet more gay people, I'm sure they could help you out. They might know other gay people they can introduce you to or they could just keep an eye out for opportunities that might suit what you're looking for.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2015 6:31 PM GMT
    u have to give them ur butt first. you'll probably lose touch for awhile after the fun is over, but then later you'll link back up and become best buds who refer to each other as brothers or cousins. if u start now, u should have some pretty good gay friends in about 1-2 years.
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    Feb 25, 2015 8:59 PM GMT
    I find it hard to make and keep good gay friends. I made some good gay friends in the past, we hung out and then, poof, out of nowhere, we stopped hanging out. Gone, it's sorta sad really. I've tried the gay centers a couple times, met some cool guys, then they all moved away to new cities and often, some of these guys are lonely older guys. I met like 2 guys on Grindr, we didn't hook up. Then he stops texting me. I did the same. There's this underlying sexual tension within gay friends or that you have to be hot in their league to hang out and sleep with them or dealing with gay guys egos. A lot times, when you're friends with guys who are **Less hot or whatever/below average than you, those guys tend to have big crushes on you which make things Super Awkward once they tell you their true feelings and you don't feel the same. A couple of my friendships ended because of this. One of my good gay friend is still me ex. I don't really talk to him anymore since we live in different cities but I noticed on Facebook, he always like my status and photos. Lol, this would explain the theory that most gay guys want their good friends to be their boyfriends too.
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    Feb 25, 2015 9:14 PM GMT
    Become a slut and pretend to care about shit that doesn't really matter in the long run. You'll have a swarm of catty gay besties in no time...
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    Feb 25, 2015 9:45 PM GMT
    Life2Short saidBecome a slut and pretend to care about shit that doesn't really matter in the long run. You'll have a swarm of catty gay besties in no time...


    Lol what you don't say.... icon_evil.gif
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    Feb 25, 2015 10:06 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidI find it hard to make and keep good gay friends. I made some good gay friends in the past, we hung out and then, poof, out of nowhere, we stopped hanging out. Gone, it's sorta sad really. I've tried the gay centers a couple times, met some cool guys, then they all moved away to new cities and often, some of these guys are lonely older guys. I met like 2 guys on Grindr, we didn't hook up. Then he stops texting me. I did the same. There's this underlying sexual tension within gay friends or that you have to be hot in their league to hang out and sleep with them or dealing with gay guys egos. A lot times, when you're friends with guys who are **Less hot or whatever/below average than you, those guys tend to have big crushes on you which make things Super Awkward once they tell you their true feelings and you don't feel the same. A couple of my friendships ended because of this. One of my good gay friend is still me ex. I don't really talk to him anymore since we live in different cities but I noticed on Facebook, he always like my status and photos. Lol, this would explain the theory that most gay guys want their good friends to be their boyfriends too.


    Ah man .... no truer words ^^^^^ All of it!

    I've long given up on any of it for all of the reasons you state above. And what's funny, since we used to hang in some of the same places, we're probably talking about some of the same people.
  • Daviidd

    Posts: 8

    Feb 25, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    I actually met my best friend through Jack'd. I think online is the best way to meet new people. You can just start up a conversation with someone who you think that looks friendly and tell him you're new in the gay scene and you would like to meet new people. Eventually when you guys hang out they will introduce you to their other gay friends.

    Good luck icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 25, 2015 10:21 PM GMT
    Daviidd saidI actually met my best friend through Jack'd. I think online is the best way to meet new people. You can just start up a conversation with someone who you think that looks friendly and tell him you're new in the gay scene and you would like to meet new people. Eventually when you guys hang out they will introduce you to their other gay friends.

    Good luck icon_smile.gif


    The only people who use Jack'd here in New Orleans are painfully "ghetto" (even if they've never set foot in the ghetto)