The One that Got Away !! :(

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 1:43 AM GMT
    I'm feeling a little bit nostalgic today. Thinking about my past history of dating and hook up with different men, I couldn't help but wonder there were many or least several great guys as an option for me to settle down with. Like a young idiot, I always think that **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !! Of course, many gay men ended up being single for most of their lives rather than taking risks, I felt a little bit fortunate to have some *love and lost in my life but still It's not enough. Have any of you ever wondered about that one guy who was a perfect match for you but he got away??? I have one guy in particular, thinking of him at the moment.

    *Rant over ! icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif
  • Tig3r

    Posts: 139

    Feb 26, 2015 1:53 AM GMT
    Thinking about it...I can safely say that I have never had the perfect match. Whenever I think of my exs I think "I could have done better."
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Feb 26, 2015 6:51 AM GMT
    It is never an easy call if you see it the way many people do these days... Could I do better than him? As opposed to, do I really love this dude, and do we fit together?

    The truth is that all of us could always do better and worse, too. So, you gamble. Sometimes you win. More often, you lose.

    But hardly anyone was born with this knowledge.

    SC

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 7:15 AM GMT
    LAXWill10 said
    Like a young idiot, I always think that **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !! Of course, many gay men ended up being single for most of their lives rather than taking risks, I felt a little bit fortunate to have some *love and lost in my life but still It's not enough. Have any of you ever wondered about that one guy who was a perfect match for you but he got away???

    I may have BEEN that guy who got away. I know, sounds a bit vain, but here's the story:

    We dated for 2 years, but not monogamously. He told me freely that he was still holding out for the right guy, and I wasn't it. For one thing I didn't have enough money, not as rich as him. But in the meantime I would be OK until that perfect guy came along, I just wasn't him.

    I continued to date him because I thought I could change his mind, make him realize that I WAS the guy for him. And obviously I really loved him, hoped one day he'd feel the same about me.

    But when things didn't change after 2 years I threw in the towel, and moved to Florida. I fell in love with another guy, and eventually moved in with him, becoming partners.

    Not a week later I got a call from my ex-BF, who said he was coming to Florida to buy a house for the 2 of us. He realized after I'd left that I really was the right guy for him after all. He didn't know I had just accepted this other guy's proposal a few days earlier.

    I had to say no to him. I'd already made a commitment to someone else, whom I'm still with 8 years later. I don't betray people who open their hearts to me and invite me into their lives.

    And frankly, I didn't feel I could trust my ex's promise to now be monogamous, a requirement I have for a partner. I knew it wasn't in his nature. He never did buy a home in Florida, and to my knowledge he's still single at 63. If I was the one who "got away" it wasn't my fault, but his.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 6:17 PM GMT
    Couldn't help mahself............

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 6:51 PM GMT
    bon_pan saidCouldn't help mahself............


    Thanks, that was lovely. One of Judy's iconic numbers. Directed by gay director George Cukor.

    I was praising Lady Gaga's Oscar performance a few days ago. But great as it was, there still isn't anyone who can top this lady. Her talent was supernatural. As this number proves. I believe this was done in 1 take.

    And watch carefully. Once Judy starts singing, there isn't a single cut, done as a single moving camera shot. It's filmed exactly as she did it. That's very rare for movie musicals, and I've also read it was a live recording, not dubbed in a sound studio later, although actor Tommy Noonan was faking at a "dead" piano, the actual piano played off-camera. But that's what a megatalent like Judy could do.

    (An earlier take on a different set was tossed. Cukor liked this atmosphere better)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 10:19 PM GMT
    turbostalker_zps20020327.gif
    giphy.gif
    nazibonpan_zpsb0de1430.gif
    bonnazi_zpsca365da7.gif

    When the sack of shit bon_salieri stops lying about me, stops harrassing me, referencing me, addressing me, etc., so will stop my postings into every thread into which he has posted since the last time he fucked with me, my warning to anyone unsuspecting the truth about him as shown in screenshots of his own words. If he stops, I’ll stop. It is that simple..

    bon_saleri said tumblr_mor73xbH171r0jpapo1_500.gif


    His last abuse that I know of was on Dec 11 at about 6:30 PM.

    His latest abuse was Thursday Feb 26, 2015 3:20 PM here:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4011022
    bon_pan said
    theantijock saidMy puppy dog always used to look my way. Probably nothing to worry about. But then, my puppy dog wasn't an ax murderer.


    Just give him time...


    He starts off as a charming flatterer knowing people find that fun
    turbobilly_zps62dccfc2.gif

    He makes it seem like he wants to suck your cock
    turbobillysucks_zpsec9c9dc5.gif

    But all he wants to do is piss on you
    turbostalker27pee_zpsbb5f1080.gif

    Anyone who supports that anti-Semite is scum.

    Hey bon_bon. Go fuck yourself into eternity. You walking talking piece of shit you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 26, 2015 11:20 PM GMT
    Never. I never look back. If they got away it's because I released them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 1:56 AM GMT
    Quoth the Piaf:

    "Non, Rien de rien
    Non, je ne regrette rien."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 2:11 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidQuoth the Piaf:

    "Non, Rien de rien
    Non, je ne regrette rien."

    And how did that turn out for her?

    Regret for the ones you lost make you appreciate the one you found.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 3:08 AM GMT
    Yes my 2nd ex. He was perfect: Harvard MBA, Wall Street banker, tall with frat boy looks and looked better as he aged. But he became more of an asshole as time went by and I had to end it. I still think about him to his day but the biggest positive from ending the relationship was that I wouldn't have met my current bf if I had stayed with him.

    That guy I'm with currently....he's the guy I'm going to marry. And he's become the cure to my broken heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 3:12 AM GMT
    Erik101 said
    That guy I'm with currently....he's the guy I'm going to marry. And he's become the cure to my broken heart.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 4:42 AM GMT
    NO
    Never
    my story
    and I'm trained to withstand water-boarding.

    -I did learn to fight harder
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 27, 2015 5:03 AM GMT
    LAXWill10 saidI'm feeling a little bit nostalgic today. Thinking about my past history of dating and hook up with different men, I couldn't help but wonder there were many or least several great guys as an option for me to settle down with. Like a young idiot, I always think that **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !! Of course, many gay men ended up being single for most of their lives rather than taking risks, I felt a little bit fortunate to have some *love and lost in my life but still It's not enough. Have any of you ever wondered about that one guy who was a perfect match for you but he got away??? I have one guy in particular, thinking of him at the moment.

    *Rant over ! icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif


    No, there isn't one. That is, there is no such thing as a perfect match. That's just a fantasy. I'm a realist. What I do is think and wonder how much they changed. I've seen people age over time ... and it ain't pretty.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 5:04 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidYes my 2nd ex. He was perfect: Harvard MBA, Wall Street banker, tall with frat boy looks and looked better as he aged. But he became more of an asshole as time went by...


    "He became more of an asshole as time went by," so he was an asshole from the start? What was the attraction? The looks? The Ivy League? The money?

    Seems he didn't "get away;" rather you dumped him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 5:18 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    LAXWill10 saidI'm feeling a little bit nostalgic today. Thinking about my past history of dating and hook up with different men, I couldn't help but wonder there were many or least several great guys as an option for me to settle down with. Like a young idiot, I always think that **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !! Of course, many gay men ended up being single for most of their lives rather than taking risks, I felt a little bit fortunate to have some *love and lost in my life but still It's not enough. Have any of you ever wondered about that one guy who was a perfect match for you but he got away??? I have one guy in particular, thinking of him at the moment.

    *Rant over ! icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif


    No, there isn't one. That is, there is no such thing as a perfect match. That's just a fantasy. I'm a realist. What I do is think and wonder how much they changed. I've seen people age over time ... and it ain't pretty.


    Are you talking change in looks? My first gay love has become fat and balding. I loved him so much when we were together; I know that if we would have remained together all this time I would love him inspite of his pudgy, balding exterior. Alas, he rejected me all those many decades ago, my love for him died, and I could never find him attractive now.

    If love doesn't grow over time the physical flaws become magnified; however, if the love grows over time, the physical is less important - the wrinkles, the loss of hair, the extra pounds, etc. are superficial.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 27, 2015 5:37 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    AMoonHawk said
    LAXWill10 saidI'm feeling a little bit nostalgic today. Thinking about my past history of dating and hook up with different men, I couldn't help but wonder there were many or least several great guys as an option for me to settle down with. Like a young idiot, I always think that **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !! Of course, many gay men ended up being single for most of their lives rather than taking risks, I felt a little bit fortunate to have some *love and lost in my life but still It's not enough. Have any of you ever wondered about that one guy who was a perfect match for you but he got away??? I have one guy in particular, thinking of him at the moment.

    *Rant over ! icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif


    No, there isn't one. That is, there is no such thing as a perfect match. That's just a fantasy. I'm a realist. What I do is think and wonder how much they changed. I've seen people age over time ... and it ain't pretty.


    Are you talking change in looks? My first gay love has become fat and balding. I loved him so much when we were together; I know that if we would have remained together all this time I would love him inspite of his pudgy, balding exterior. Alas, he rejected me all those many decades ago, my love for him died, and I could never find him attractive now.

    If love doesn't grow over time the physical flaws become magnified; however, if the love grows over time, the physical is less important - the wrinkles, the loss of hair, the extra pounds, etc. are superficial.


    Ya, I guess I'm mostly talking about the physical aspect. I've always been conscious of keeping fit. One guy I knew we broke up for a variety of reasons, but he didn't like physical exercise as I did (this was back in my early 20's). Many, many years later, you could still tell he wasn't into exercise. I think most guys I've known weren't into maintaining physical fitness, and I'll admit I've fallen off, off and on and put on weight and taken it off over the years, but so far - knock on wood - I have never just fallen off and completely let myself go permanently. I think for something for me to work out with some one else, he has to be into exercise and diet conscious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 27, 2015 6:27 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    Erik101 saidYes my 2nd ex. He was perfect: Harvard MBA, Wall Street banker, tall with frat boy looks and looked better as he aged. But he became more of an asshole as time went by...


    "He became more of an asshole as time went by," so he was an asshole from the start? What was the attraction? The looks? The Ivy League? The money?

    Seems he didn't "get away;" rather you dumped him.


    No! He was a gentleman from the beginning and as I got to know him, his colors showed. What drew me to him was his charm and intelligence. Yep, I dumped him and instead of reconciling, I let him go. So...he got away!
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Feb 28, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    Tig3r saidThinking about it...I can safely say that I have never had the perfect match. Whenever I think of my exs I think "I could have done better."


    There's no such thing as a perfect match. Every long term relationship is a journey that is filled with compromises and sacrifices.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2015 6:45 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Tig3r saidThinking about it...I can safely say that I have never had the perfect match. Whenever I think of my exs I think "I could have done better."


    There's no such thing as a perfect match. Every long term relationship is a journey that is filled with compromises and sacrifices.

    +1

    Wonderfully put.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Feb 28, 2015 9:16 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Tig3r saidThinking about it...I can safely say that I have never had the perfect match. Whenever I think of my exs I think "I could have done better."


    There's no such thing as a perfect match. Every long term relationship is a journey that is filled with compromises and sacrifices.


    I 100% agree.

    One should try and find someone they enjoy being around and then make it work from there. No one will ever be "perfect", and to expect such is to be forever single and alone. There will always be disagreements, things that piss you off, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2015 10:30 PM GMT
    Its funny, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Too much probably and feel like I'm way overthinking it - but I can't help it.

    I just broke up with a guy a couple months ago I think was the one. I feel like it took me 36 years to find him and the idea it'll take me another 36 is kind of depressing so I'm trying to be rational about this. Not settle, but not be unrealistic in my expectations on dates.

    But I find every date I go on, I compare to my ex. I know I shouldn't, but can't help but want that same connection we had. Everything was effortless with him, we could lay and talk for hours and laugh. Everything we did seemed like an adventure. Even grocery shopping. Random strangers would come up to us almost every place we went and comment on how cute we were or get involved in our absurd conversations. I've just never met anyone that I've had so much fun with in everything we did.

    He had lots of faults and so do I but the connection was all I cared about. I can't seem to let that go and every date I go on, I think, mine and his first date wasn't this hard.

    Should I feel a spark and effortless enjoyment with "the one"? Or am I being too picky by constantly shutting down guys because they don't recreate that same magic. I just don't want to settle because I have a poor history of doing that but I also don't want to become one of those gays that is looking for perfection.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2015 11:00 PM GMT
    Only one I can think of that got away was the guy I knew back in the late 70's early 80's, he was 22 and I was 16,, I loved e erything about him.
  • Kalifornicati...

    Posts: 242

    Mar 01, 2015 4:32 AM GMT
    Interesting...I wonder about this with people. I mostly see it with gay men more than straight men. I wonder if it has to do with gay men of a certain age and feeling comfortable about their sexuality. Are these men who let the ones get away gonna be alone because they don't deserve love or have too big of an ego and think to them selves, I can do better?

    I dated a guy about 15 years ago. He was charming, British, a bit cocky, good looking and if decent shape. He wasn't hot, but I found him charming and funny, attractive. He is in the entertainment industry behind the scenes. His career was starting out great.(writer) we dated for 4-6 months. The first 3 months were great!(after three months most people start to let their true self out)We laughed a lot together, sex was good, nice dinners, etc. Things started to change, he started flaking on me, he was more cold and disrespectful. So it ended not good or horrible, but not friendly either. About 2 years or so go by and I ran into him somewhere, I forgot. He told me that he was sorry that he treated me the way he did and that he recently was seeing a guy for about the same time manner and the guy treated him like he did to me. He was sorry and how I must have hurt. I accepted his apology and told him that was sincere and I'm sorry that you got hurt. I also said things happen for a reason. I hope he finds someone. Everyone needs love. I do believe he is still single.

    Another guy I dated for 6 months who also was good looking and charming thought he was the shit as I found out by months. Why I put up with it, I know now why. I had a track record of dating unavailable men. After him I saw what I was doing wrong and changed it. This man is what I needed to open my eyes. I did not want to end up alone like these guys. All these men(many more) had the same traits. They were good looking, great careers, charming and a bit of a bad ass. Who wouldn't want that? Well there was one hidden person in all of them(Mr.Hyde). Anyway after I broke up with this guy for cheating on me a few years go by. I am with my husband now of 9 years and I ran into let's say Tom. Tom was happy to see me and I wasn't up set or anything but just was like yeah good to see you. Anyway we talk and he asks about my life. I tell him about my husband and son, etc. I ask about what going on his. Jump to the end of my day. I'm at home now. I get a text from him. "I still love you, I messed up" ugh... Ok. I never responded. I don't feel the same and how am I suppose to respond to that. Now I was emotionally unavailable and unattainable.

    Anyway, food for thought. Just my two cents.
  • PE_Mike

    Posts: 75

    Mar 01, 2015 6:40 AM GMT
    [quote] **Oh, there's always a better man coming along, cuter, younger, better ...etc !![/quote]

    Well no, at 33 you've hit that slippery streak when they will no longer be younger, cuter nor better. Perhaps your nostalgia is the start of a realisation you have to 'grow up' into adult relationships, slow down playing the victim, as unfortunately your multicultural cuteness may be fading faster than you think.

    Of the 7 billion people on this planet, there are undoubtedly tens - even thousands - you're already compatible with, mostly better than you deserve. What is sad, are all those lonely fuglies who feel they have no option at all. Not true. There's wacky Wednesdays in the sling at the local leather bar.

    Chin up, never chase after a bus or a man. Another one will be along in a few moments.