Creepy fucker

  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Feb 26, 2015 5:33 AM GMT
    Well, here's a situation I've never been in before...

    There's a new guy at work who's assigned to report to me. He's in his mid 20s and transferred in from another division, so he's not completely inexperienced.

    The dude gives me the creeps. At meetings when we're both ostensibly listening to whoever's speaking, he will turn and look at me every few seconds. He does this whether he's sitting right next to me or across the room. Sometimes it's a quick glance and sometimes it's a 30 second stare, but he can't seem to go more than a few seconds without looking at me. He'll do it literally hundreds of times in an hour. He never looks at anyone else in the room, just me, over and over again. I never look back but I still see him looking.

    I have no reason to believe he's gay, but if he's not, I think it makes the whole thing even creepier. This is an engineering environment so I'm accustomed to people having poor interpersonal skills but I've never dealt with something like this.

    Typically when somebody acts creepy I just avoid him, but this guy works for me. I've already assigned one of my senior guys to be his "handler" and give him his day-to-day tasks, but I can't stay out of the picture completely. To make matters worse, so far he seems to be completely inadequate for the role he was brought in to fill (neither I nor my supervisor interviewed him; he was simply thrust on us).

    I'm not sure whether I should try to train him (and put up with his creepiness), let him fail in his job and be shipped out to another project (which would not make me look good), or start looking for a new project myself (which I'd already been considering for unrelated reasons). His behavior is certainly not actionable; I can't tell him to quit looking at me or quit being creepy. In today's corporate climate, I'd be seen as the bad guy.

    I'm honestly not sure what the best course of action is. Anyone else have experience with something like this?
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    Feb 26, 2015 5:40 AM GMT
    Do your job and retrain him.

    If he's a good employee who cares.

    Creepy? Maybe it's you? Can he admire his new boss without his boss being to judgmental?

    Sounds like a case for the men in black!!

    icon_wink.gif
  • Zigs_01

    Posts: 226

    Feb 26, 2015 5:54 AM GMT
    Have you heard about the science of sexual attraction? Gay men give out chemical scent that other gay men find attractive. He probably was attractive to your scent. His brain also probably gets pleasure every time from seeing your face which is why he stares at you so much.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Feb 26, 2015 6:44 AM GMT
    I have experienced similar situations.

    A friend of mine wisely commented that people have eyes, so yeah, they can look as much as they want. Fortunately, the beauty ain't really contagious, so they'll soon get tired, and start looking at someone elseicon_smile.gif

    Do your job in a good and professional manner that you can be proud of. Disregard his actions completely.

    SC
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    Feb 26, 2015 7:55 AM GMT
    I suggest just ignoring the looks, and it will eventually pass. Why let it get to you? (Based only on my knowledge of human behavior. No personal experience with this - I have never worked closely with anyone, other than a secretary.)
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    Feb 26, 2015 8:07 AM GMT
    bro4bro saidWell, here's a situation I've never been in before...

    There's a new guy at work who's assigned to report to me. He's in his mid 20s and transferred in from another division, so he's not completely inexperienced.

    The dude gives me the creeps. At meetings when we're both ostensibly listening to whoever's speaking, he will turn and look at me every few seconds. He does this whether he's sitting right next to me or across the room. Sometimes it's a quick glance and sometimes it's a 30 second stare, but he can't seem to go more than a few seconds without looking at me. He'll do it literally hundreds of times in an hour. He never looks at anyone else in the room, just me, over and over again. I never look back but I still see him looking.

    I have no reason to believe he's gay, but if he's not, I think it makes the whole thing even creepier. This is an engineering environment so I'm accustomed to people having poor interpersonal skills but I've never dealt with something like this.

    Typically when somebody acts creepy I just avoid him, but this guy works for me. I've already assigned one of my senior guys to be his "handler" and give him his day-to-day tasks, but I can't stay out of the picture completely. To make matters worse, so far he seems to be completely inadequate for the role he was brought in to fill (neither I nor my supervisor interviewed him; he was simply thrust on us).

    I'm not sure whether I should try to train him (and put up with his creepiness), let him fail in his job and be shipped out to another project (which would not make me look good), or start looking for a new project myself (which I'd already been considering for unrelated reasons). His behavior is certainly not actionable; I can't tell him to quit looking at me or quit being creepy. In today's corporate climate, I'd be seen as the bad guy.

    I'm honestly not sure what the best course of action is. Anyone else have experience with something like this?

    Move on to the next project or move him out of your team. If he's not trainable then set a plan to transfer him to another department/team or fire him. Start documenting where/when he fails. Every single thing. Talk to HR. HR will either tell you to put him on an performance improvement plan, or attempt to place him in a different department/team.
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    Feb 26, 2015 8:42 AM GMT
    The guy has the hots for you...d'oh....icon_wink.gif

    Shame on him for looking at you.
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    Feb 26, 2015 8:54 AM GMT
    bro4bro said... This is an engineering environment so I'm accustomed to people having poor interpersonal skills ...


    And here I thought it was just lousy English aptitude...
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    Feb 26, 2015 10:10 AM GMT
    bro4bro said... I've already assigned one of my senior guys to be his "handler" and give him his day-to-day tasks, but I can't stay out of the picture completely...
    yes you can.

    bro4bro said...so far he seems to be completely inadequate for the role he was brought in to fill...
    have your trusted "handler" person document the inadequate performance. If he continues find him another role. if that dosnt work you will have to remove him off your team.

    -be consistent in that you dont talk about him other than with HR or your handler
    -No reason to assume this mysterious employee was any different with his last team so try to manage him better.
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    Feb 26, 2015 10:56 AM GMT
    It sounds like he severely lacks confidence. He may be looking for some kind of acknowledgement or approval. Your non-verbal response is just making him more unsure, so he keeps "checking in" to see your reaction. He was moved once, and is not doing well, so he is probably afraid he'll lose his job. Give him positive feedback when appropriate and make sure he has clear, objective feedback when he is not performing as expected. Remain professional, you are the boss. Document everything. If no improvement, talk to HR about next actions.
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    Feb 26, 2015 4:34 PM GMT
    Gloomyperiod said
    bro4bro saidWell, here's a situation I've never been in before...

    There's a new guy at work who's assigned to report to me. He's in his mid 20s and transferred in from another division, so he's not completely inexperienced.

    The dude gives me the creeps. At meetings when we're both ostensibly listening to whoever's speaking, he will turn and look at me every few seconds. He does this whether he's sitting right next to me or across the room. Sometimes it's a quick glance and sometimes it's a 30 second stare, but he can't seem to go more than a few seconds without looking at me. He'll do it literally hundreds of times in an hour. He never looks at anyone else in the room, just me, over and over again. I never look back but I still see him looking.

    I have no reason to believe he's gay, but if he's not, I think it makes the whole thing even creepier. This is an engineering environment so I'm accustomed to people having poor interpersonal skills but I've never dealt with something like this.

    Typically when somebody acts creepy I just avoid him, but this guy works for me. I've already assigned one of my senior guys to be his "handler" and give him his day-to-day tasks, but I can't stay out of the picture completely. To make matters worse, so far he seems to be completely inadequate for the role he was brought in to fill (neither I nor my supervisor interviewed him; he was simply thrust on us).

    I'm not sure whether I should try to train him (and put up with his creepiness), let him fail in his job and be shipped out to another project (which would not make me look good), or start looking for a new project myself (which I'd already been considering for unrelated reasons). His behavior is certainly not actionable; I can't tell him to quit looking at me or quit being creepy. In today's corporate climate, I'd be seen as the bad guy.

    I'm honestly not sure what the best course of action is. Anyone else have experience with something like this?
    Try to give him a smile and see whether he will smile "back" to you.

    If creepy guy has sexual attraction in the back of his mind, that's the last thing OP should do - it would encourage him, when OP wants things to be on a professional level.
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    Feb 26, 2015 4:59 PM GMT
    Obviously, that guy has great taste. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 26, 2015 5:26 PM GMT
    Give him a chance , and let him show you how good it can be at doing his job .
    You definitely are a very handsome bloke , and i am quite sure plenty of women and men glance at you , he might be shy and he also might be trying to analyse his new boss .
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    Feb 26, 2015 5:27 PM GMT
    Reminds me of my sister when we were kids. She was always yelling "He's looking at me" and my mother would say "Stop looking at your sister." Bring in your mom.
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    Feb 26, 2015 6:03 PM GMT
    DefensiveEnd saidReminds me of my sister when we were kids. She was always yelling "He's looking at me" and my mother would say "Stop looking at your sister." Bring in your mom.


    Yes.
    Yes, before the touching starts...

    -I've had this happen a couple time and couple times more.
    I'm mostly sure it's because they know I'm gay. I'm an animal in the zoo. They stair out of curiosity, out of disbelieve--will I give them head; bend them over?
    You really have to get a better read, get closer.
    I asked one guy to coffee and he nearly tripped getting away from me. The staring stopped and he switched shifts.
    The popular: "See something you like" is always an amazing ice breaker.
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    Feb 26, 2015 7:03 PM GMT
    *singing* Someone has a crush on you.
    But seriously you should probably talk to the guy about this but don't say 'iv seen you give me those creepy stares and I want you to stop or else' but more along the lines of saying that you noticed that he has been looking at you for a long time. Talking to someone calmly and being polite like your meeting the queen of england is probably the least dangerous way to sort matters out with people. Who knows maybe you'll be friends one day and laugh about this later but first talk about these things that are happening now and get them out the way. If he turns out to just be a creepy guy that likes looking at you then there's nothing I can do.
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    Feb 26, 2015 7:20 PM GMT
    My puppy dog always used to look my way. Probably nothing to worry about. But then, my puppy dog wasn't an ax murderer.
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    Feb 26, 2015 7:32 PM GMT
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    Feb 26, 2015 8:20 PM GMT
    theantijock saidMy puppy dog always used to look my way. Probably nothing to worry about. But then, my puppy dog wasn't an ax murderer.


    Just give him time...
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Feb 26, 2015 8:34 PM GMT
    Thanks guys.

    Yeah I assumed from the start he has a crush on me; like I said, if it turns out he isn't gay I'd be even more creeped out.

    If we were on the same page culturally I might have a talk with him about it, but he grew up in a different culture. We're a very multicultural group so there's no reason he should feel like a misfit. I'm just a bit afraid any special attention I show him would be misinterpreted.

    As for his job performance, I really don't know yet if he's trainable. The role he was intended to fill deals with an extremely complex topic, and some of his questions lead me to believe he doesn't have even a fundamental grasp of the entire field of technology. My fear is that if I wait too long to find out he can't handle the work, we could find ourselves in trouble.

    Anyway, I'm having a goal setting meeting with him this afternoon (a regularly scheduled thing). His handler and a representative of the central management organization will be there. We'll see how it goes from here.
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    Feb 26, 2015 8:42 PM GMT
    bro4bro said...
    Anyway, I'm having a goal setting meeting with him this afternoon (a regularly scheduled thing). His handler and a representative of the central management organization will be there. We'll see how it goes from here.


    Please.
    Please.
    Please wink at him, preferable when he's sipping on his coffee.
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    Feb 26, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    turbostalker_zps20020327.gif
    giphy.gif
    nazibonpan_zpsb0de1430.gif
    bonnazi_zpsca365da7.gif

    When the sack of shit bon_salieri stops lying about me, stops harrassing me, referencing me, addressing me, etc., so will stop my postings into every thread into which he has posted since the last time he fucked with me, my warning to anyone unsuspecting the truth about him as shown in screenshots of his own words. If he stops, I’ll stop. It is that simple..

    bon_saleri said tumblr_mor73xbH171r0jpapo1_500.gif


    His last abuse that I know of was on Dec 11 at about 6:30 PM.

    His latest abuse was Thursday Feb 26, 2015 3:20 PM here:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4011022
    bon_pan said
    theantijock saidMy puppy dog always used to look my way. Probably nothing to worry about. But then, my puppy dog wasn't an ax murderer.


    Just give him time...


    He starts off as a charming flatterer knowing people find that fun
    turbobilly_zps62dccfc2.gif

    He makes it seem like he wants to suck your cock
    turbobillysucks_zpsec9c9dc5.gif

    But all he wants to do is piss on you
    turbostalker27pee_zpsbb5f1080.gif

    Anyone who supports that anti-Semite is scum.

    Hey bon_bon. Go fuck yourself into eternity. You walking talking piece of shit you.
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    Feb 26, 2015 11:24 PM GMT
    I'm sorry OP I was staring at your photo. What did you say?
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    Feb 27, 2015 2:42 AM GMT
    Communication is always best.
    Focus on common goals and the best outcome not on short-comings.
    Work on what is possible.
    Work through momentary awkwardness to lead to stronger work relationships for future productivity and mutual benefit.
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    Feb 27, 2015 3:05 AM GMT
    Or it could be that OP has a huge wart on his nose with a couple strands of hair growing out of it, and this is what his co-worker is staring at. icon_lol.gif