Dating an ex slammer?

  • mattniagara

    Posts: 6

    Feb 28, 2015 6:29 PM GMT
    g in niagara falls ny.
    For the past year or two I've had probably over 50 hookups thanks to gay social networking. I recently met a boy who I'm not sure what to think about. The first guy who after a half hour of talking wouldn't give me what I want if u know what I mean. when it comes to spotting out manipulative behavior I think I'm pretty good at and having a pretty good read on him btw he's a really cute guy so he totally has that whole charisma potential to screw you over big time thing about him so once I had the read on him based on our conversation and his body language I started asking questions like "u party" and he went from "no and of i did I wouldn't tell you" to getting him to admit that he used to slam.
    He's obviously got narcissistic traits but he actually listens to me and let's me know him on a level that I'm pretty sure no other guy actually cared to know about him. I'm not like hypnotized by his looks like guys he's used or the way I see it guys were using him.
    The thing that I'm not sure about is if he's actually trying to manipulate me or he actually likes me.
    Things he's told me have me finding him irresistible it's like hard to describe basically he's from the upper side of Manhattan and he's been raped at 12, physically abused by other family members in the type of family that is all about sweeping things under the rug and keeping up appearances. Like his mother won't let him gain weight. He's been used allot sexual pnp gangbang sex for drugs and money and all that fun shit. Not that I'm perfect buy I could never do 10 at a time that shit crazy. But then we talk about that feeling of dirtiness we've both experienced and how I'm the only guy he can be around sober and feel good about kissing on the lips so it's like that makes me think he actually likes me but I'm not sure.
    Im meeting him at a new stage in his life. Like he's getting money from his mother now so he dosent feel the need to fuqq for money. I'm so fucking broke so I feel so inadequate around him like he cares about money more than him self so how am I supposed to think he's remotely capable of being with anyone.
    I'm just not sure how to go about this I've never been in a long term and he's never been intrested in a normal guy younger that 29 and who doesn't have a career and a bank account.
    Am I looking at him to sterotypically?
    like around me he shows a side that's capable of being a good person but I'm not sure if he actually is.
    He's so fucking damaged and hardened and that shit drives me crazy.
    He wants me to get mad and hit him and I don't think he would like me if I wasn't capable of it within a day of meeting he got me there and I kinda feel bad about but he likes it so what am I supposed to do.
    when I think about the things he's done I just wanna hold him so close and kill ever guy that has ever used his body and everyone that's made him think his looks and wallet is all that matters.
    I feel like if I get to close to him he's gonna end up having a slam sesh or meet a rich guy or just decide that I'm ugly and drops me.
    but when he tells me I'm the only guy he could kiss and cuddle sober it makes me think he actually isn't about that life anymore yet I'm so jealous of the guys that have used him.
    And I feel like if I break his heart in anyway (he's kinda fragile) so I feel like I could do or say something he's gonna go back to that lifestyle and spiral until he's fucked up beyond repair.
    So it's like my two options are fall for him until he destroys my heart or stop before it gets too far and let him do that shit. I know for a fact that if I wasn't with him during his free time he'd be out partying. I need him for myself and fear that thus is just gonna be a mess.
    so would you date someone like him just leave them to their owN devices?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 28, 2015 7:06 PM GMT
    mattniagara said
    so would you date someone like him ?

    No.

    And as someone else once said on this site, "Paragraphs are your friend." I can't believe I read the whole thing.

    I really wonder how you meet someone like the subject in question at Niagra Falls.

  • mattniagara

    Posts: 6

    Feb 28, 2015 7:56 PM GMT
    He moved here for school lives in a dorm.
  • mattniagara

    Posts: 6

    Feb 28, 2015 7:57 PM GMT
    Meet on grindr tho
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 01, 2015 4:18 AM GMT
    This young man sounds like he has a lot of issues to work out in therapy or with people who care about him. Do you think you can be one of those people who helps him? Or will you just exacerbate his self destructive tendencies?

    What makes him so special to you, more than the fifty other men you've been with in the past year or two?
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Mar 01, 2015 4:32 AM GMT
    50 hookups
    tumblr_inline_nbwl4sLKne1rgg4k4.gif
  • mattniagara

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2015 4:47 AM GMT
    mulignanOr will you just exacerbate his self destructive tendencies?

    What makes him so special to you, more than the fifty other men you've been with in the past year or two?


    His family says they have seen an overall improvement in his general mood since meeting me. I'm sort of the first remotely stable guy he's had the opportunity to meet. I'm trying to make him feel as secure as I can and with mine and his family's support he has the strength to get better he must genuine about it if he's made the first step in letting me into his life.

    the difference between him and the other 50 is he can't fall for my bullshit and I can't fall for his like we're evenly matched when it comes to getting the emotional response we need out of each other.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2015 5:20 PM GMT
    Give him a chance , but back down from those violent sessions.
    You also have to be ready to have your heart broken , in case he decides to move on and go back to his own self .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2015 5:21 PM GMT
    NeuralShock said50 hookups
    tumblr_inline_nbwl4sLKne1rgg4k4.gif

    I doubt he remembers the name and face of even 5 of those.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    mattniagara said...He wants me to get mad and hit him and I don't think he would like me if I wasn't capable of it within a day of meeting he got me there and I kinda feel bad about but he likes it so what am I supposed to do....


    Run for your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 01, 2015 6:13 PM GMT
    I wouldn't date either. One is a drug addict and the other has this need to run on and on and on, as if every minute detail of some boring hookup is fascinating.
    My advice? Delete grindr and stay in school.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Mar 09, 2015 5:31 PM GMT
    mattniagara saidI know for a fact that if I wasn't with him during his free time he'd be out partying.

    i think this is the point. is he ex slammer or he keeps going.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Mar 09, 2015 5:50 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    mattniagara said
    so would you date someone like him ?

    No.

    And as someone else once said on this site, "Paragraphs are your friend." I can't believe I read the whole thing.

    I really wonder how you meet someone like the subject in question at Niagra Falls.



    I couldn't, kudos HikerSkier.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2015 6:18 PM GMT
    ..every individual has their entire life story in them. It is what makes us all interesting. I don't think this a black or white issue. EVERYTHING IS GREY..and that is absolutely empowering.

    Meaning- what ever you choose is your decision. I speak because I have seen a situation that you describe. It ended tragically and the guy who was left has to still process that scene of finding his partner, unfortunately dead.

    That is what I get from his account. You come first. Always. that doesn't mean being used and abused. It is your choosing not to be forced by anyone to manipulate emotionally.

    This goes for every relationship. The slmming- its a way of ______. for him. Not good. Not bad, and not to be judged.

    if it involves you losing his number etc...then so be it, don't ever feel guilty about protecting yourself.

    much hope

    p