Can't top and can't bottom

  • uriyasama

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2015 2:34 AM GMT
    since I can remember myself I couldn't get hard in sex so I had to be a bottom
    but I never enjoyed it it just felt really annoying like you need to shit

    but then I started bdsming, I started getting huge hard ons
    it was amazing
    but I am a slave. so I got my hard ons and I couldn't fuck
    and when I dominated I never got hard ons
    I don't want to be stuck on having only bdsm sex or having unpleasureable soft sex...
    I'm really depressed about it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 3:31 AM GMT
    What about frottage (nude affection), hand jobs and blow jobs?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11421

    Mar 01, 2015 3:36 AM GMT
    Are you having sex just for the sake of having sex ... or are you having sex with with some one you love?
  • uriyasama

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2015 5:19 AM GMT
    Since I don't get hard blow jobs and hand jobs are worth nothing I can only pleasure my partner. And while fun it gets frustrating not being able to enjoy it too
    it never worked in relationships too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 5:24 AM GMT
    you are 19. Sounds like you are putting way to much importance into 'top' 'bottom', slave, blah blah. Relax, let it happen. Forget unnecessary labels. Communication is key.. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 5:47 AM GMT
    Do you enjoy masturbation? If you do, maybe you can enjoy a hand job by someone?

    Also attraction is a big part. Maybe you're not really attracted to those people, that's why you don't get a hard-on or enjoy sex with them??

    You're still very young. Maybe you haven't discovered what turns you on. If you have an understanding partner, he'll help you explore (safely of course).

    I neither top nor bottom because I'm somehow not interested in those acts. I enjoy cuddling and frotting so much more. One time a guy kissed me on the left side of my neck, and I moaned because I never knew it was so pleasurable. He knew he hit the spot and kept going at it and I felt like I was in heaven. icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • uriyasama

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2015 7:16 AM GMT
    Of course I'm putting a lot of importance on that
    Because I only get hard as a slave
    that's the only sex I can have and enjoy

    Hmm and yea
    I really like stuff like kissing and receiving kisses on the neck and such but it's always such a problem since the partners want me to be hard and they can't play with me like that
    I can't get a hand job too since I don't get hard
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 12:42 PM GMT
    You just haven't found the right guy... I used to think I didn't care about getting bjs UNTIL someone (I'm still friends with) made me cum with just their mouth... It is weird, but it takes time to find sexual compatibility... I don't love anyone enough to bottom for them -- I mean the truth is sex can be awkward... Unfortunately, I think it takes times to find sexual chemistry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2015 12:52 PM GMT
    Really? You're 19 and you can't get hard?

    When i was 19 i'd bone up if a breeze hit me from the right direction...

    If overt sexual interactions aren't getting you up, have you seen a doctor about it yet?
  • uriyasama

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2015 9:05 PM GMT
    Anoriginal thanks icon_smile.gif
    I'll keep searching for that someone I believe you are right

    I used to be like that when I was 16 icon_cry.gif
    I miss that feel so much
    I went to a sexual therapy and they said it's something psychological but they didn't help me with that all neither did my psychologist
    so I don't think that's the case
  • Crepuscule

    Posts: 724

    Mar 01, 2015 9:56 PM GMT
    So the sub part of BDSM turns you on so much that it gives you a raging boner... Do you feel that actual penetration is an important part of sex for you? If so, how about trying a threesome with a fellow sub that the dom forces you to fuck? Do you think that is a possible scenario for you?