I need to know if he's into me or not. Advice anyone?

  • iwearglasses

    Posts: 1

    Mar 03, 2015 8:55 PM GMT
    I'm completely new to the whole dating scene, if I'm even considered to be dating, not even sure about that one. Anyway, I made an okcupid a few months ago, a very cute guy messaged me, and even invited me out that same night, I had work however. He texted me for the next few days, then stopped. I really enjoyed our conversations so I started to text him (And I am NOT much of a "first" texter, unless I think it's important.) But it seemed he never texted me, I had to go and search to make conversation with him, and I hate to bug people so I didn't want him to be bothered by me. So I let a whole week pass, and still he didn't text or call me, I went to okcupid and he had deleted his profile, so I instantly thought he found someone. I didn't want to let it go, so fuck it, I texted him "Let's go get lunch". He couldn't right away but we had a great conversation the whole day and he seemed really excited to meet me.

    We went on a date, and I kind of messed it up by being nervous and asking lame uninteresting questions. This is my first date in 7 years and I don't really hang around any gay people to know how to act. I texted him after and reassured him I had a good time even though I seemed disconnected. He agreed, but since I knew I blew it I told him we should go out for drinks sometime. He agreed to that as well. Another week passed without hearing from him, so I texted him, and we had a great conversation once again. He kept complimenting me and saying I'm a great guy and joking with each other back and forth, and maybe even, flirtatious? This was a few days ago, haven't heard back. I'm so confused. It seems whenever I text him we have great long conversations, and he even compliments me on everything, but he never tries to contact me first. Not sure if I'm coming off as desperate, I only text him about once a week so I don't think I should, but he never reaches out. Our conversations are always really good though so I'm really confused. Haven't heard back in 2 days, not sure I should keep texting him, or let it go, or fuck it and ask him to lunch once again to really make an impression since our last date I kind of sucked at.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 03, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    If he was interested he'd make an effort to see you. I'd say learn from your mistakes and move on. No harm, no foul. Just a learning experience. Like most things in life, you get better at dating the more you do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2015 1:08 PM GMT
    iwearglasses saidThis is my first date in 7 years and I don't really hang around any gay people to know how to act.


    It's okay. There isn't one way to act around gay people, so get that idea out of your head. Be yourself from the start; it will come up soon enough into the relationship if you're not real.

    It sounds like your first couple of dates played out like interview, lots of questions, formal, uptight. I've never enjoyed dates like that. Have fun, flirt, joke, laugh, be yourself, tease him a bit. And date around for a while so you get a feel for who's out there and what you want. There's no shame in finding your legs if you've been out of the game for a while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    pazzy saidIf you have to ask one question in two paragraphs, then he's probably not. icon_lol.gif


    Definitely.
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    Mar 04, 2015 1:59 PM GMT
    Sounds like you have, at best, a marginal text buddy.
    Maybe work on being less flaky and learn to know when I guy's only interested when he's horny then try again.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Mar 04, 2015 3:46 PM GMT
    He's not interested.

    You're trying to overanalyze it all.

    Everything about your two paragraphs sets off the global drama warning system alarms.

    You seem to have much larger personal problems you should be concerned with other than this meaningless encounter with a guy...
  • budri7

    Posts: 20

    Mar 04, 2015 8:57 PM GMT
    How about just asking him..Stick ur dick out there and see if u get caught....Its called Bone Fishing
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 04, 2015 9:45 PM GMT
    You know what they say, if you have to ask, then the answer is no. You're working to hard at it. A good relationship just works from the get go, you don't need to work at it, or question whether it is working. If you have to ask, then it is the wrong relationship for you. A good relationship really just happens without much effort.
  • ai82

    Posts: 183

    Mar 05, 2015 3:20 AM GMT
    Just ask him. Sometimes I get absent minded or busy and forget to respond to previous texts or messages, so he may have a good reason for not responding for an extended period of time.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Mar 05, 2015 1:41 PM GMT
    If you need to speculate about it, don't waste your time.

    If somebody's really interested in you, you'll know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2015 3:28 AM GMT
    If he's avoiding meeting or being with you in person but he seems amicable by text, it's likely you did blow it in the first meet up. If he thought you were attractive but didn't feel the same in person, it'd be apparent by how aloof he's become to the possibility of meeting up in person again.

    The best way to answer your question would be to ask hi, outright. Only he knows how he feels about you so the quickest resolution would be to ask to meet up at a concrete time and place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2015 4:01 AM GMT
    You met him in okcupid?
    Man. ... move on. .. don't waste your time and effort after a person who is not into you passionately. If you don't want to cry for the rest of your life. ...just move on. ... relationships are always a two way road.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 06, 2015 1:52 PM GMT
    http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes