Guys who are sexually attracted to guys but not emotionally attracted to guys...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2015 3:11 AM GMT
    I've spoken with and have even met several guys who have said this. Are they gay too or is there another classification for these types of guys? They are usually single, all very masculine.
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    Mar 04, 2015 3:13 AM GMT
    woodfordr saidAre they gay too or is there another classification for these types of guys?
    Sluts! And they know what they want.
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    Mar 04, 2015 3:59 AM GMT
    This would mean that their sexual orientation is homosexual but their romantic orientation is either heteromantic or aromantic.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:25 AM GMT
    I can relate to that. That's how it was when I was younger and it gradually changed over time.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    I used to think I was one of those guys. I wanted a family and was under the misconception I needed a wife to have one. And all the examples of romance I ever saw were a man and a woman. Turns out I was wrong. I just needed to meet and fall for the right guy.
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    Mar 04, 2015 8:31 AM GMT
    internalized homophobia?
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    Mar 04, 2015 12:50 PM GMT
    __morphic__ saidinternalized homophobia?


    Yep, and even your question mark, because in an odd sense it combines a disconnect from their emotional selves, intellectualizing it all, probably due to the double consciousness of how a person thinks the world (family, friends, religion, culture, etc.) sees them (being & expects them to be) as opposed even to how they might see themselves otherwise (were it not for those pressures). So not homophobic in the sense that they're not okay with having sex--though it might even be a bit of a naughty turn-on--externally expressed as sex and not violence, but what could be called a response to at least some degree of internalized homophobia wherein the internal self, their own natural consciousness, isn't strong enough, developed well enough, to counter their installed double consciousness which thereby more strongly informs them.
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    Mar 04, 2015 2:43 PM GMT
    I don't if I'd call it a classification, but some like to call themselves g0y.
    http://www.g0ys.org/index.htm

    I think it happens when Alpha males are only attracted to other Alpha males and like Wyndahoi pointed out changes when they meet the right guy or get bored with the mind blowing thirsty sex.
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    Mar 04, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidI've spoken with and have even met several guys who have said this. Are they gay too or is there another classification for these types of guys? They are usually single, all very masculine.


    Or how about the other way around? I can develop a pretty strong bond, but no sexual attraction. I think I had bromance conflated with homosexuality for about 40 years.

    Yep, true, you can't choose to be gay .... doesn't work.
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    Mar 04, 2015 3:41 PM GMT
    I think it's also men who expect that falling in love with a man is going to look/feel like what culture says falling in love with a woman is. It doesn't, or it doesn't have to. Popular notions about how hetero relationships are supposed to work are deeply rooted in upper class Victorian era social mores. Men courting and pursuing a woman with sweet words and chocolates and flowers.
    Two men CAN look like that but don't necessarily have to.
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.
  • Destinharbor

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    Mar 04, 2015 4:02 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI kinda wonder if this applies to me.

    Admittedly, I can be attracted to someone physically/sexually but once an emotional bond starts I become more content with the camaraderie. And if that bond develops my need for sexual gratification wanes considerably.

    I think this is just conditioning. You almost had to do this to get along in the hetero world until just a few years ago. Still do to a degree. Call it closet conditioning.
  • Destinharbor

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    Mar 04, 2015 4:04 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidI think it's also men who expect that falling in love with a man is going to look/feel like what culture says falling in love with a woman is. It doesn't, or it doesn't have to. Popular notions about how hetero relationships are supposed to work are deeply rooted in upper class Victorian era social mores. Men courting and pursuing a woman with sweet words and chocolates and flowers.
    Two men CAN look like that but don't necessarily have to.
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.

    This is so true and some of the reason why some straights are uncomfortable about the subject of gay. They just can't envision it and try to put it in a familiar context which then seems to make no sense.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:09 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidI think it's also men who expect that falling in love with a man is going to look/feel like what culture says falling in love with a woman is. It doesn't, or it doesn't have to. Popular notions about how hetero relationships are supposed to work are deeply rooted in upper class Victorian era social mores. Men courting and pursuing a woman with sweet words and chocolates and flowers.
    Two men CAN look like that but don't necessarily have to.
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.


    ∆ Very smart comment.

    I also think many men use this excuse when in reality they just have intimacy issues. The minute you start to get close to them they freak out and run.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:13 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi said...
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.


    Very good point. I feel it fits rather well with those men who come out late, if ever. The ones that were married or long term with woman.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:14 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi said...So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.


    That's how the double consciousness functions, when a person isn't looking at themselves through their own eyes but when a person looks at themselves through how they think the outside sees them or should see them.

    For some people given certain circumstances that can become more powerful an informer of their self image and thereby their thoughts and actions than their own perceptions might have been independent of the functioning of that second consciousness.
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:15 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    This is so true and some of the reason why some straights are uncomfortable about the subject of gay. They just can't envision it and try to put it in a familiar context which then seems to make no sense.


    Yes
    The: who's the woman and who's the man?
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:23 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidI think it's also men who expect that falling in love with a man is going to look/feel like what culture says falling in love with a woman is. It doesn't, or it doesn't have to. Popular notions about how hetero relationships are supposed to work are deeply rooted in upper class Victorian era social mores. Men courting and pursuing a woman with sweet words and chocolates and flowers.
    Two men CAN look like that but don't necessarily have to.
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.


    I can see that their are some good points made on here.. I will add that I am one who often finds the concept of dating between two men confusing. There is a very strong focus in the 'gay community' towards sex & extremely little on how a loving relationship should or could be like.

    I am certain of one thing though, there are very few men who are even thinking about romance even if they are actively seeking a parnter,as most guys express into their lives the perceived or actual culture of highly competitive obsession with sexual attraction & an ability to be and stay sexually desirable and the average gay man will tend to follow that culture to fit in which is a human rather than a gay specific trait.

    Relationships between gay men are different to Hetro couples but I think we are forgetting a human male instinct. That is that males seek out a mate who will show loyalty to him and I would argue the push for acceptance of open relationships and multiple partnering reduces the feeling of needing to engage in any courtship process. We justify this acceptance of multple partnering on MH and infection control grounds which has clear benefits however the downside is that many gay men don't see the point the dating of courting ritual be because for most it would be seen as a lot of work when all most gay men have to do is have sex and spend time together vs trying to impress a potential longer term partner. That isn't internalised homophobia it's just reality
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    Mar 04, 2015 4:25 PM GMT
    there is still a lot of bad associated with pda. You see this with the older men on realjock.

    your lonely and want/need a relationship but you know you are not abut to share your life with another man for fear of what ever emotion even liberal citizens feel when they see two men kissing in public.



    You need to stand up for what you need/want in life or go figure you dont really deserve it.


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    Mar 04, 2015 4:35 PM GMT
    Radd said
    Wyndahoi saidI think it's also men who expect that falling in love with a man is going to look/feel like what culture says falling in love with a woman is. It doesn't, or it doesn't have to. Popular notions about how hetero relationships are supposed to work are deeply rooted in upper class Victorian era social mores. Men courting and pursuing a woman with sweet words and chocolates and flowers.
    Two men CAN look like that but don't necessarily have to.
    So when a man says he isn't romantically inclined to men he may just be confused about what love between 2 men looks like.


    ∆ Very smart comment.

    I also think many men use this excuse when in reality they just have intimacy issues. The minute you start to get close to them they freak out and run.


    Indeed !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Mar 04, 2015 5:14 PM GMT
    I think it's a case by case scenario. Everyone story is different. Honesty what's the need to label someone?
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    Mar 04, 2015 5:34 PM GMT
    woodfordr saidI've spoken with and have even met several guys who have said this. Are they gay too or is there another classification for these types of guys? They are usually single, all very masculine.


    A lot of straight men are also incapable of emotional intimacy and maintaining a relationship. I feel bad for any men like that. It must be a lonely way to live.
  • AMoonHawk

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    Mar 04, 2015 5:38 PM GMT
    They are gay men that are into fems but their closeted self won't allow them to go there.

    edit:
    Gay is the wrong word too, because they can't deal with being called gay ... They are homosexuals.
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    Mar 04, 2015 5:43 PM GMT
    brand06 saidI think it's a case by case scenario. Everyone story is different. Honesty what's the need to label someone?


    Honestly?
    icon_lol.gif
    How did you find this web site?
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    Mar 04, 2015 6:24 PM GMT
    pellaz saidthere is still a lot of bad associated with pda. You see this with the older men on realjock.

    your lonely and want/need a relationship but you know you are not abut to share your life with another man for fear of what ever emotion even liberal citizens feel when they see two men kissing in public.

    You need to stand up for what you need/want in life or go figure you dont really deserve it.


    There's some touching truth in what you say but your conclusion is very unfair to the facts.

    People don't make decisions when growing up that they're going to let this world affect them so terribly. What about that Matthew guy, would you say he doesn't deserve to be a happy black man? How could you say such a thing and not feel shame. Of course he deserves happy.

    But he suffers the very same affliction being discussed here. Only his self hate, besides being more exaggerated is more about being black in a white world instead of gay in a str8 world. He doesn't see himself through his own black eyes. He sees himself how he thinks Caucasian eyes look at him. It is the very same thing as this. And your compassion ought to extend similarly.

    And, in fact, the double consciousness phrase I've been utilizing was coined in describing the black experience of having trouble being comfortable in your own skin because of seeing the self though the eyes of a skin of a different orientation with regard to color, or in this case, to sexuality. This is the same as that.

    Gay men do not choose all on their own to be uncomfortable in their own skin or in their own bed.
  • Zigs_01

    Posts: 226

    Mar 04, 2015 6:33 PM GMT
    Sexuality isn't black and white. There are grey areas. There are people who are attractive to males on a spectrum in terms of romantic attraction and sexual attraction.