The hilarious part is that when these gay conservative/GOP people attend a conference, the minute they turn their back to refresh their whiskey or to say hello to someone else, everyone thinks "stupid faggot" in their head and all along considered them as 'other' and beneath them. I know because I've attended conservative functions and fundraisers, the federalist society meetings, and since I don't announce my sexuality and people assume I'm straight, I've heard the comments FIRST HAND and seen their smug two-faced smiles. It's the same with black conservative/GOPers.
Since you relate an event, if not several, from first hand knowledge, I will not dispute what you saw; I've no basis for doing so. But, permit me to relate a somewhat similar personal story. Several years ago, while I was on the board of a supposedly non-partisan SF Bay Area gay PAC, that was in reality a conduit for Democratic and HRCampaign (i.e., Democrat) fundraising, I invited one of my black friends in Log Cabin GOPers to attend a board party w/ me; he was the then-president of LCR-Silicon Valley. When we arrived, I noticed he was the only black person there. You should have seen all those wonderfully inclusive and tolerant SF lefties' jowls fall! Apparently, from what was later told me, there was disbelief that there were such things as gay black GOPers, and it was passing rude for me to bring one to their attention, if not into one of their homes. Needless to say, he was snubbed throughout the entire evening, as was I except for the inevitable hit for contributions to HRC, which I of course declined.
Fast forward a few months to that same board's next meeting. A lone black man was there when I arrived, alone at the conference table and apparently being ignored. I sat down beside him, introduced myself, and we had a nice get acquainted chat before the business got underway. During the introductions session, not unlike those forced-friendly round-robins that occur in kindergartens and at corporate retreats, another board member introduced my black colleague as "Blankety-Blank, our African-American member," with all the false sincerity those words carry. My new friend squirmed uncomfortably in his chair, I shot shade at the rest of the board, bumped my new buddy w/ my elbow, and said "Hang in there," which he did for the rest of the meeting, which he promptly left, never to appear again.
And the "business" of that non-partisan group's meeting? To approve a motion to donate the several thousands of dollars that remained in our post-election pot, all of which had gone to Democrats anyway, to the CA Democratic party, for use as it saw fit. I, of course, was the sole "no" vote. I resigned from that board shortly thereafter.
Perhaps, SVn, if you were frank and forthright with your fellow Federalists about your sexuality, as I've been w/ mine since I first joined them over 20 years ago, they might change their views, or at least their outward expressions of them. My experience has consistently been that when a conservative changes his mind, it's a genuine change that lasts, unlike the lip service that so-many Democrats give to our cause, only to curl their lips at us when we're not around to see them snarl or smirk. You're in a position to change minds; don't squander that opportunity or berate others for their efforts to do so, especially when - however infrequently - they actually do.