is "bad timing" an actual excuse?

  • evchado32

    Posts: 10

    Mar 06, 2015 2:24 AM GMT
    So I told this guy that recently got out of a relationship(pretty sure he was the one that got dumped) that I had feelings for him and he told me it was "bad timing" and that he "felt like a douche" for rejecting me and a huge part of me, for some reason, feels like he wasn't being genuine. I feel like he was just trying to let me off the hook easily and not hurt my feelings. I've never been in a relationship before so I figured other people who had would be able to answer my question. Is "bad timing" an actual thing, or is it just a way to let someone down easily?
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    Mar 06, 2015 2:29 AM GMT
    evchado32 said
    Is "bad timing" an actual thing, or is it just a way to let someone down easily?

    It could be either. Approaching a guy too soon after a breakup that still haunts him could indeed be bad timing. Or it could be his convenient way of giving you the brush-off. Difficult to judge online here.
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    Mar 06, 2015 2:40 AM GMT
    IDK
    I think it is a "thing".
    If it wasn't a thing would you rather have your heart ripped out???
  • evchado32

    Posts: 10

    Mar 06, 2015 2:54 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidIDK
    I think it is a "thing".
    If it wasn't a thing would you rather have your heart ripped out???


    I'd much rather hear "sorry, I'm not interested in you like that." and have it sting for a while than, if it happens to be a bull crap excuse, the bad timing thing. The way I see it, if it is a bull crap excuse and he ends up dating someone else shortly(not saying it will happen, but hypothetically) then it will make me feel worse than just hearing it straight up. Maybe I'm over thinking it though.
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    Mar 06, 2015 2:57 AM GMT
    evchado32 saidSo I told this guy that recently got out of a relationship(pretty sure he was the one that got dumped) that I had feelings for him and he told me it was "bad timing" and that he "felt like a douche" for rejecting me and a huge part of me, for some reason, feels like he wasn't being genuine. I feel like he was just trying to let me off the hook easily and not hurt my feelings. I've never been in a relationship before so I figured other people who had would be able to answer my question. Is "bad timing" an actual thing, or is it just a way to let someone down easily?


    Bad timing is a thing. Sometimes people need time to process a break up. You may find you need time yourself to process the break up with this guy.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    Mar 06, 2015 4:26 AM GMT
    Bad timing is a legit thing though.

    But being serious why do you care so much? He obviously doesn't want you so shrug it off and move onto the next guy- he is certainly not worth so many thoughts.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 06, 2015 5:31 AM GMT
    Don't worry .. It's him, not you icon_smile.gif

    Look him up in 3 months ... or maybe he'll come looking for you icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 06, 2015 6:32 AM GMT
    yes
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    Mar 06, 2015 12:09 PM GMT
    Yes.
    If he's been dumped by someone he had feelings for, there is a lot of hurt and anger he has to work through before he can open up to someone else.
    If somebody tells you this they are doing you a favor. He is sparing you from being used in the all-too-common practice of having lots of meaningless NSA sex during the rebound period.
    (Unless, of course, that's what you're looking for.)

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 06, 2015 1:04 PM GMT
    Ya, it can be real. And for more reasons than rebound issues. He may simply be focusing on something other than relationship issues and he knows you want more than than he's ready to give. That could be school or work or he's just not ready to settle down. All of those reasons are valid. My guess is you felt you needed more than he was giving and he pulled back. Maybe? There's no fault on either side. Just timing.
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    Mar 06, 2015 5:30 PM GMT
    Short answer: Yes, bad timing is a valid excuse.

    For example, I just asked my BF to marry me. He accepted. If anyone hits on me, it truly is bad timing. A month ago our relationship was open. Now it's closed. Bad timing.
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    Mar 06, 2015 6:52 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidShort answer: Yes, bad timing is a valid excuse.

    For example, I just asked my BF to marry me. He accepted. If anyone hits on me, it truly is bad timing. A month ago our relationship was open. Now it's closed. Bad timing.


    Congrats!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 06, 2015 6:55 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidShort answer: Yes, bad timing is a valid excuse.

    For example, I just asked my BF to marry me. He accepted. If anyone hits on me, it truly is bad timing. A month ago our relationship was open. Now it's closed. Bad timing.

    Ya! Congrats! Where are y'all doing the deed?
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    Mar 06, 2015 10:15 PM GMT
    I don't know your whole situation, so I can't comment if the guy was lying or not. But the reason 'bad timing', can be real, there are lot of factors for bad timing too. For example, he is dealing with personal problems, he is focused on his career completely, he is seeing someone now, etc.

    Don't think too much; it won't help.
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    Mar 06, 2015 10:27 PM GMT
    It doesn't matter, he's not interested in pursuing anything more with you so his reasons don't matter in the bigger picture. But it also doesn't mean you won't cross paths in the future, or that you won't meet someone else before then.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3381

    Mar 07, 2015 12:55 AM GMT
    I agree with the consensus, without knowing that person it's impossible to tell. If he's not over the guy who dumped him, it may take time for him to heal.

    There might have also been an undercurrent of "move on". You don't say if this guy is a friend or someone you ran across, but if he's a friend he might need you now more than ever. Set aside your feelings and be a good friend.
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    Mar 07, 2015 1:18 AM GMT
    Bad timing is a legitimate excuse. Sometimes, you feel something for the guy but he's not in the same mindset. This applies to straight people too. Say, one person wants a baby, the other say no, I want to focus on my career and stuff. Or some folks just don't want to have kids. There's a rebound phase that most guys go through after a break up or someone dumped them. Anyway, cheer up, its not you, it's Him.
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    Mar 07, 2015 4:20 PM GMT
    evchado32 saidSo I told this guy that recently got out of a relationship(pretty sure he was the one that got dumped) that I had feelings for him and he told me it was "bad timing" and that he "felt like a douche" for rejecting me and a huge part of me, for some reason, feels like he wasn't being genuine. I feel like he was just trying to let me off the hook easily and not hurt my feelings. I've never been in a relationship before so I figured other people who had would be able to answer my question. Is "bad timing" an actual thing, or is it just a way to let someone down easily?


    You could study Astrology and get a really good answer to your question. Until you do, you have no idea what is weakening is ability to form a relationship with you. How that relationship is imagined determines where in his natal chart you should look. The Astro*Carto*Graphy reading is important also.

    The easiest way to see what's going on astrologically/spiritually is to look up the two people involved in Chinese Sexual Astrology by Shelly Wu. If you have an aptitude for Astrology, look at the synastry and the composite chart.

    Second, there is a period of mourning when a guy recently gets out of a relationship. So, what he's saying to you is that he really cannot explain when his heart is going to stop hurting. He cannot see you with his heart no matter how cute you are in your profile thumbnail photo (at least I think your profile thumbnail photo is cute) and no matter how good you are as raw material for a wonderful relationship.

  • Tooji

    Posts: 26

    Mar 08, 2015 12:13 AM GMT
    I truly believe that it's "a thing".
    I know that with my first crash I didn't wanna do ANYTHING for around 2 months, I was always walking around with a poker face. (And i'm a smiley person all the time) Didn't wanna talk to anyone or start anything with anyone, nor did I want to watch porn.
    Maybe your paths will cross in the future though.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Mar 08, 2015 7:41 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYa, it can be real. And for more reasons than rebound issues. He may simply be focusing on something other than relationship issues and he knows you want more than than he's ready to give. That could be school or work or he's just not ready to settle down. All of those reasons are valid. My guess is you felt you needed more than he was giving and he pulled back. Maybe? There's no fault on either side. Just timing.


    YES, this!
    I think it's natural for us to want to understand why we're rejected because there's a part of us that's insecure and wants to silence that nagging, internal "what did I do?" feeling. You can't fully understand other people's behaviors, especially with someone you don't seem to know well. Even if this guy have a thorough explanation for not wanting to be with you, what could you do? Argue you way into his heart? Change yourself to match what he's looking for? He didn't ignore you or brush off your advances. A lot of guys won't even end things explicitly. You don't have what you want, but you have closure. Use it to move on.