The damage is done... Again

  • HWJ93

    Posts: 6

    Mar 08, 2015 10:30 AM GMT
    Once again I find myself in the same place, the one I try so hard to avoid, but this endless circle always brings me back to this.

    Lonely.

    Another guy, another hope lost, another disappointment.

    How is it, that in a world were connectivity is unlimited, social and other media setting trends and everyone tries to keep up, one can feel still so alone. In fact even more alone than actually being alone.

    So I take a day, give myself the tears to regret, forget.

    Then pack up, put back up the walls and keep all this underneath the cover of a pretty smile, I'll survive until the damage is done

    Once again.
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    Mar 08, 2015 10:48 AM GMT
    I'm sorry... :S

    What happened to you exactly, HWJ93?

    If I can ask...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 08, 2015 2:55 PM GMT
    Sounds like a cycle you totally expect to repeat....

    I suggest you break the cycle and make that a priority by thinking about this pain while you are in the middle of getting to know someone and try and avoid the pitfalls that would send you back...

    Also getting input from reading or a professional can be of help if it looks like you are not breaking your cycle.

    Otherwise, later this year or next, we'll be reading about this again. Do you want that? Or to celebrate success?
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 364

    Mar 08, 2015 3:21 PM GMT
    Here I found the perfect match for you:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4016110
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    Mar 08, 2015 3:53 PM GMT
    24hourguy saidHere I found the perfect match for you:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4016110


    Except unfortunately they wouldn't be a match because sub consciously lonely people believe they need to stay lonely and they are actually turned off by people who will make them happy ;)

    Take it from someone who has many patterns myself, you're repeating this cycle by succumbing to loneliness you felt in the past and believing it. Until you can bring out embedded beliefs about yourself you won't get what you desire, and until then the world will grant you with experiences that will be attempting to reunite you with all of the things about yourself and others that you find unbearable.

    Society teaches you to find one partner and be happy, when in reality other people in our lives help us traverse our own selves back to a place where we can feel completely reunited and connected to other humans, regardless of whether we're in a relationship or single.

    For example, I personally believe that i'm not good enough and I need to help everyone around me to deserve love, therefor everyone I bring into my life treats me like i'm worthless and expects me to do everything for them without anything in return. I'm actually learning right now how to take care of myself, and when I do I will meet someone who wants to help me because i'll finally start allowing people to help me.
  • dennissis

    Posts: 18

    Mar 08, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    I am sorry to hear this mate. I feel in the same boat with you...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2015 6:38 PM GMT
    Learn to be happy by yourself and only you. No one should ever complete you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2015 6:38 PM GMT
    This is a really good read about dating. Applied to straight or gay/bi.


    http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
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    Mar 08, 2015 6:48 PM GMT
    See if you can't adjust your priorities, focus, etc. so that having a boyfriend isn't the center of your life. At your age you should be concerned about school, and then your career. If you can do that then you'll realize that merely having friends who aren't boyfriends (gay, straight, male, or female) is good and you'll live a happier life. And if you find a boyfriend it'll be icing on the cake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2015 7:50 PM GMT
    Mistake not the kindness you might be inclined to offer others for weakness within yourself. Never mistake prejudices you inflict upon others for your own strength. Mistake neither time for being alone as a state of loneliness, nor a break or even a setback from joy to be eternal melancholy. See within yourself love, find within yourself happy, make within yourself a friend.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Mar 08, 2015 7:54 PM GMT
    Right now your studies are the most important part of your life. If you become entangled in romantic situations with their usual emotional difficulties, your studies may suffer.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 08, 2015 7:59 PM GMT
    awwww ... don't get so down ... you're day will come, it just didn't happen to be yesterday. Go out and have bagel and coffee or something it will make you feel better. Join something, or volunteer somewhere, whether it be a singing group or a hiking club or volunteering for a politician or HIV organization. Get out and do something, do sit at home dwelling on it. You'll meet the right, guy, but maybe it is just not today, or maybe it is, but you'll never know unless you get out there and do something.

    Feel better friend icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 08, 2015 8:52 PM GMT
    The conclusion you reached is something I learned overtime as well. I don't have the best track record whatsoever in the field; but isn't it funny how we keep picking ourselves back up and go at it once more. I say, it's ok to take breaks...But not enough to the point where you grow bitter and jaded. Good luck
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    Mar 08, 2015 10:34 PM GMT
    Cry if you need to let it all out, just don't sink into the negative emotions. After that put your head up high and do stuff that can make you feel positive.

    Hope things get better for you.
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    Mar 09, 2015 12:54 AM GMT
    [url][/url]
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    Mar 09, 2015 3:46 AM GMT
    Dude...I completely agree.

    It is hard. Our connectivity and dating has been broken down into social apps that promote, if not encourage, the gay stereotype of being complete self absorbed assholes who just fuck the whole town...and beyond...

    I don't trust a guy till after 6 months...trust issues much Lol
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Mar 09, 2015 4:00 AM GMT
    Your self-worth is not tied to whether you are on your own or in a relationship. If you tie the two together, your in a relationship for the wrong reasons.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Mar 09, 2015 4:31 AM GMT
    I know is easier said then done, BUT as long as you learn to appreciate the person that you are, you will never ever feel alone! however, feeling alone and being in good company are two very different things! unfortunately we are living in an age where few people know much about themselves, thus not much interested or capable in getting know anyone else.

    Nowadays love is a two way street, where everyone is too busy to stop and smell the roses/wild flowers! sadly most prefer to take the road on the fast lane, with no sense of direction, but ending up in an endless loop around Single town! maybe you should get off that fast moving vehicle of expectations looking for Love, and instead learn to walk at your pace! as the road to Love should be slow and enjoyable, not to be explored in a hurry! good luck my friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2015 5:21 AM GMT
    you know, a lot of gay men I know seem to be going through this and I can't help but always see a recurring pattern. Maybe you just have horrible taste in men.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Mar 09, 2015 6:10 AM GMT
    Chin up there's someone out there for you.

    Its all a game at times...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2015 8:20 AM GMT
    After about 10 years dating on and off, in several relationships on and off, I realized that most gay men are either really flakey, have issues or they just want a perfect 10. Lol, most guys do not want to compromise their standards. They'd rather be alone. I just figure that most of the guys who I like initially, if they don't reciprocate or whatever then I'd just simply cross them off after a period of time. Ahh well, I mean at least I have other options from other cute boys. I'm not eager to enter a relationship unless I know he's the one.
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Mar 09, 2015 9:06 AM GMT
    so here is my take. buddy, you're 21. life is not over for you. take time to explore. learn and grow from each experience. be THANKFUL you are fit and healthy. (i assume?)
    every body part functions, you're not in constant muscular pain, and you can go about your life with gusto. (again, i assume) there is nothing out there that says you need to have a partner. nice? yes. required? no. you would be surprised what is waiting for you out there. hell, i'm in my 50's, my body has been RAVAGED by chemo and radiation almost 3 years ago. i've had a bout of singles that set every nerve ending in my body on fire. i've got lymphedema and neuropathy, again, from cancer 'treatment'. i was in a TOXIC and abusive (mental and physical) relationship for nearly 18 years. i was LITERALLY, ONE BULLET AWAY as of last february. then, i was invited to a party on 4 march 2014. i was initially not supposed to be in town, but, mother nature tossed a wrench into travel that day. so i said, 'what the fuck, i'll go'. i walked into the house, introduced to some guests, then i rounded the corner of the kitchen. it was there, that i locked eyes onto a man that i had never met before. he stopped and looked into my eyes, and i, into deep blue green eyes. all of a sudden i felt like i had been hit over the head. he reached out to shake my hand and it was ELECTRIC. this was the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with i thought. he's kind, he supports me in my interests and hes the most loving person i've ever met. he brings order to my chaos. and, most importantly, he's passed the JEWISH MOTHER TEST with flying colors. he's 60 and i'm 50 something. but don't let age fool you. he's as frisky as an 18 year old. so, don't give up. there is a lid for every pot. some advice from an older gay man for ya!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2015 1:18 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidLearn to be happy by yourself and only you. No one should ever complete you.


    +100

    Yes, I just plus 100'd my advice. No need for long, drawn-out responses. Be happy on your own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2015 7:31 PM GMT
    No, no one should ever complete you. Are any of us truly complete? I hope I continue to grow and learn until the day I close my eyes for good.

    You should enter into a relationship with something to offer and that something should be yourself with complete and utter abandon. No holding back because of trust issues or other emotional baggage from previous relationships. Each new relationship is just that - new and shouldn't be encumbered by the past.

    You are also very young. Most guys in your age group are not looking for The One. They are usually only looking for The One for Now.

    Concentrate on you, your studies, your career, your personal growth while in your twenties. Date a lot of guys. You have plenty of time to find The One.
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Mar 11, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    Lonely rules! Only you can choose to attach yourself with that label. Why would you accept information that was introduced to you by another person and decide it fits for you when it has a negative connotation of "being sad/being a loser/loner."

    Brilliant people are "lonely." Do you think Albert Einstein ever felt "lonely" while developing the theory of relativity?

    Do you think Alan Turing the gay dude who cracked the German's radio code may have felt "lonely" while suffering immensely for his sexuality?

    It's just a dumb word, you are now free to choose how to apply any meaning to it.