To boys: What Does It Mean to ‘Be A Man’?

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    Mar 09, 2015 7:42 PM GMT

    Straight men's problem or all boys in general? Looks like a very informative film, I think its something gay men already know about as a constant pressure from society at large



    http://time.com/3728698/gender-stereotypes-boy-empowerment/

    “Man up.” “Don’t be a sissy.” “Don’t cry.” “Talk like a man.” “Act like a man.” “Be a man.”

    Our new film, The Mask You Live In, explores the confining stereotypes that boys are exposed to as they become men. Through personal narratives and expert commentary, the film delves into the destructive and often conflicting messages that boys are being subjected to on a daily basis. Messages that favor dominance over empathy. Physical strength over compassion. Violence over kindness. Sex over love.

    The Mask You Live In - Trailer




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    Mar 10, 2015 6:37 PM GMT
    Of course it's from the women's perspective again which essentially caused the boy identity problem in the first place. Blacks boys have no positive male role models which is a whole separate problem created by the nanny state.
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    Mar 10, 2015 6:44 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidOf course it's from the women's perspective again which essentially caused the boy identity problem in the first place. Blacks boys have no positive male role models which is a whole separate problem created by the nanny state.



    “Man up.” “Don’t be a sissy.” “Don’t cry.” “Talk like a man.” “Act like a man.” “Be a man.”


    So you think this comes from over bearing mothers? Straight women are more homophobic then straight men? Its possible




  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Mar 10, 2015 7:34 PM GMT
    It's popular to blame parents - and fathers in particular - for imposing stereotypical "guy" behavior (including homophobia) on their sons, but that isn't typically the way it works in real life. Most of those behavioral patterns are imprinted on the school playground, by other boys the same age or slightly older. It's where most kids first have to fend for themselves and learn to fit into a social structure, away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

    The tradition is passed along from year to year, and neither parents nor educators can do anything about it - unless they isolate the kids from each other completely, which is bound to have even more negative consequences. You can try to change the way fathers raise their sons but it won't to a bit of good if the 12-year-old from down the block is undoing it all at recess, because to a kid, fitting in with your peer group is WAY more important than whatever your parents teach you.

    A friend of mine wrote his PhD dissertation on this.

    And by the way, I've always been puzzled by the cliche about how boys are taught not to cry. I've never, ever seen ANY adult encouraging ANY kid to cry, boy or girl. "Don't cry" is applied pretty equally to both genders. Granted, the consequences for boys are probably more severe - but once again, mostly in the eyes of their peers.

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    Mar 10, 2015 7:36 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidHym, this is an extremely complex topic. All its many facets could be discussed for hours without getting redundant.

    In the OP's video there is a segment with a woman who is a psychologist and educator. Her name was Dr. Niobe Way. Did anyone catch what she said? Something along the lines of saying that "caring" is feminine and that men don't "buy into it nor do they value empathy or relationships. Then she goes on to say that if men don't value these things that both men and women will go crazy. She is basically holding men accountable for the well being of both genders.

    She basically asserted "we", meaning women, have feminized the world which includes caring, empathy and relationships. What is that supposed to imply? Men masculinized the world and have cultivated the opposite of caring or the opposite of empathy. What a shitty thing to say.

    I believe it's important to recognize a misandrist comment when it slaps you in the face.



    Men are from Mars (planet of war-masculinity) and women are from Venus (planet of love-femininity)


    I think what the women are looking for is a healthy balance?
    In%20Perfect%20Balance.jpg
    YinYangPolarityChart-SCW.jpg
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    Mar 10, 2015 8:15 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidIt's popular to blame parents - and fathers in particular - for imposing stereotypical "guy" behavior (including homophobia) on their sons, but that isn't typically the way it works in real life. Most of those behavioral patterns are imprinted on the school playground, by other boys the same age or slightly older. It's where most kids first have to fend for themselves and learn to fit into a social structure, away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

    The tradition is passed along from year to year, and neither parents nor educators can do anything about it - unless they isolate the kids from each other completely, which is bound to have even more negative consequences. You can try to change the way fathers raise their sons but it won't to a bit of good if the 12-year-old from down the block is undoing it all at recess, because to a kid, fitting in with your peer group is WAY more important than whatever your parents teach you.

    A friend of mine wrote his PhD dissertation on this.

    And by the way, I've always been puzzled by the cliche about how boys are taught not to cry. I've never, ever seen ANY adult encouraging ANY kid to cry, boy or girl. "Don't cry" is applied pretty equally to both genders. Granted, the consequences for boys are probably more severe - but once again, mostly in the eyes of their peers.




    Imagine buying an item at home depot or a kids toy at christmas that requires assembly. You unpack everything and you are ready to start. You then find the assembly instructions are missing, you are now stuck until you get the instructions, unless you are half genius and figure it out for yourself and or risk assembling it wrong which could cause danger to you or your child.

    I blame conservatism because it appears their modus operandi is everything procreation. Doesn't matter if people can afford them, love them, know how to raise them, teach them right from wrong, abuse them. According to conservatism, none of that matters as long as people keep pumping them out, keep the human race going and all without parenting instructions. So most parents raise their kids according to "how they were raised", if that means abuse, then that "way of parenting" is generational, those parents would not know the difference

    I do think it would be beneficial to teach high school students secular parenting skills, adding religious, conservative principles just creates too much confusion in an already confused way of parenting

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    Mar 10, 2015 10:16 PM GMT
    ELNathB said
    To boys: What Does It Mean to ‘Be A Man’?

    Well, if your a 12 year old islamic "solider" in Syria/Iraq, if you really can't get it up to rape a captured girl, it means you can shoot a prisoner in the forehead (and keep on shooting after he is dead).
    http://www.newsweek.com/isis-releases-video-purporting-show-child-soldier-killing-hostage-312816
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14360

    Mar 11, 2015 1:32 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI also see a correlation with overbearing mothers too.

    This is going to sound controversial but this is from my personal observation. When I'm out in public nearly every time I see a black mother with her son she treats him like she hates him. The rage I see so many black mothers spew toward their sons is atrocious. I'm talking about black mothers with their five, six or seven year old sons.

    The physical violence and punishment for the pettiest offenses are just cruel. Once I saw a black mother holding the hand of her son who looked to be about six years old. He was distracted and started to walk in the wrong direction which slightly pulled her in the wrong direction. She got furious, stopped and nearly ripped his arm off and yelled at him so loud, telling him to pay attention. It was such an innocent error on his part. I can't imagine what life must be like for that boy to grow up with a mother like that on a daily basis. I shudder to think.

    Anyone who thinks this type of overbearing, matriarchal abuse doesn't condition a man unfavorably toward women has got his head in the sand.
    +200,000.
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    Mar 11, 2015 3:39 AM GMT
    ELNathB said
    bro4bro saidIt's popular to blame parents - and fathers in particular - for imposing stereotypical "guy" behavior (including homophobia) on their sons, but that isn't typically the way it works in real life. Most of those behavioral patterns are imprinted on the school playground, by other boys the same age or slightly older. It's where most kids first have to fend for themselves and learn to fit into a social structure, away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

    The tradition is passed along from year to year, and neither parents nor educators can do anything about it - unless they isolate the kids from each other completely, which is bound to have even more negative consequences. You can try to change the way fathers raise their sons but it won't to a bit of good if the 12-year-old from down the block is undoing it all at recess, because to a kid, fitting in with your peer group is WAY more important than whatever your parents teach you.

    A friend of mine wrote his PhD dissertation on this.

    And by the way, I've always been puzzled by the cliche about how boys are taught not to cry. I've never, ever seen ANY adult encouraging ANY kid to cry, boy or girl. "Don't cry" is applied pretty equally to both genders. Granted, the consequences for boys are probably more severe - but once again, mostly in the eyes of their peers.




    Imagine buying an item at home depot or a kids toy at christmas that requires assembly. You unpack everything and you are ready to start. You then find the assembly instructions are missing, you are now stuck until you get the instructions, unless you are half genius and figure it out for yourself and or risk assembling it wrong which could cause danger to you or your child.

    I blame conservatism because it appears their modus operandi is everything procreation. Doesn't matter if people can afford them, love them, know how to raise them, teach them right from wrong, abuse them. According to conservatism, none of that matters as long as people keep pumping them out, keep the human race going and all without parenting instructions. So most parents raise their kids according to "how they were raised", if that means abuse, then that "way of parenting" is generational, those parents would not know the difference

    I do think it would be beneficial to teach high school students secular parenting skills, adding religious, conservative principles just creates too much confusion in an already confused way of parenting



    Honestly, you really have no idea what you are talking about. You are constantly spewing on about what conservatives or Christians think when you haven't a clue. It really affects your credibility. Better to just stick with what you think.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:42 AM GMT
    strongbull said
    ELNathB said
    bro4bro saidIt's popular to blame parents - and fathers in particular - for imposing stereotypical "guy" behavior (including homophobia) on their sons, but that isn't typically the way it works in real life. Most of those behavioral patterns are imprinted on the school playground, by other boys the same age or slightly older. It's where most kids first have to fend for themselves and learn to fit into a social structure, away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

    The tradition is passed along from year to year, and neither parents nor educators can do anything about it - unless they isolate the kids from each other completely, which is bound to have even more negative consequences. You can try to change the way fathers raise their sons but it won't to a bit of good if the 12-year-old from down the block is undoing it all at recess, because to a kid, fitting in with your peer group is WAY more important than whatever your parents teach you.

    A friend of mine wrote his PhD dissertation on this.

    And by the way, I've always been puzzled by the cliche about how boys are taught not to cry. I've never, ever seen ANY adult encouraging ANY kid to cry, boy or girl. "Don't cry" is applied pretty equally to both genders. Granted, the consequences for boys are probably more severe - but once again, mostly in the eyes of their peers.




    Imagine buying an item at home depot or a kids toy at christmas that requires assembly. You unpack everything and you are ready to start. You then find the assembly instructions are missing, you are now stuck until you get the instructions, unless you are half genius and figure it out for yourself and or risk assembling it wrong which could cause danger to you or your child.

    I blame conservatism because it appears their modus operandi is everything procreation. Doesn't matter if people can afford them, love them, know how to raise them, teach them right from wrong, abuse them. According to conservatism, none of that matters as long as people keep pumping them out, keep the human race going and all without parenting instructions. So most parents raise their kids according to "how they were raised", if that means abuse, then that "way of parenting" is generational, those parents would not know the difference

    I do think it would be beneficial to teach high school students secular parenting skills, adding religious, conservative principles just creates too much confusion in an already confused way of parenting



    Honestly, you really have no idea what you are talking about. You are constantly spewing on about what conservatives or Christians think when you haven't a clue. It really affects your credibility. Better to just stick with what you think.



    WRONG....In my youth, I had 12 years of Lutheran, christian indoctrination (brainwashing), and not by my choice. I think my credibility and ability to see both sides of the argument is a factual one. Next time ask before you presume icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Mar 11, 2015 5:13 AM GMT
    Nearly 60 years ago "being a man" meant to me, and most other boys:

    - no crying, ever
    - brave
    - independent & self-sufficient
    - every man got married, unless he was a Catholic priest
    - public politeness & deference to women (though privately you were supposed to always be trying to seduce them)
    - choosing a good wife
    - being the unquestioned master of the family, wife & children alike
    - consumed by sports, watching and/or playing
    - drinking alcohol, your cocktail of choice being your personal trademark
    - allowed swearing and other coarse language (but never in front of women)
    - the sole breadwinner of the family, upon whom all others around you depended

    It was a daunting prospect, a lot of pressure, because you were supposed to be the guy who made all the decisions, who supported & directed the whole family you had started. It was all gonna be on your shoulders.

    Today is a totally different world. I still like my independence, and hope, within practical limitations, my bravery isn't totally extinct. But all the rest of that masculine image I've largely abandoned. Still, that's what I imagined as a boy in the 1950s.
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    Mar 11, 2015 12:00 PM GMT
    ELNathB said
    strongbull said
    ELNathB said
    bro4bro saidIt's popular to blame parents - and fathers in particular - for imposing stereotypical "guy" behavior (including homophobia) on their sons, but that isn't typically the way it works in real life. Most of those behavioral patterns are imprinted on the school playground, by other boys the same age or slightly older. It's where most kids first have to fend for themselves and learn to fit into a social structure, away from the watchful eyes of their parents.

    The tradition is passed along from year to year, and neither parents nor educators can do anything about it - unless they isolate the kids from each other completely, which is bound to have even more negative consequences. You can try to change the way fathers raise their sons but it won't to a bit of good if the 12-year-old from down the block is undoing it all at recess, because to a kid, fitting in with your peer group is WAY more important than whatever your parents teach you.

    A friend of mine wrote his PhD dissertation on this.

    And by the way, I've always been puzzled by the cliche about how boys are taught not to cry. I've never, ever seen ANY adult encouraging ANY kid to cry, boy or girl. "Don't cry" is applied pretty equally to both genders. Granted, the consequences for boys are probably more severe - but once again, mostly in the eyes of their peers.




    Imagine buying an item at home depot or a kids toy at christmas that requires assembly. You unpack everything and you are ready to start. You then find the assembly instructions are missing, you are now stuck until you get the instructions, unless you are half genius and figure it out for yourself and or risk assembling it wrong which could cause danger to you or your child.

    I blame conservatism because it appears their modus operandi is everything procreation. Doesn't matter if people can afford them, love them, know how to raise them, teach them right from wrong, abuse them. According to conservatism, none of that matters as long as people keep pumping them out, keep the human race going and all without parenting instructions. So most parents raise their kids according to "how they were raised", if that means abuse, then that "way of parenting" is generational, those parents would not know the difference

    I do think it would be beneficial to teach high school students secular parenting skills, adding religious, conservative principles just creates too much confusion in an already confused way of parenting



    Honestly, you really have no idea what you are talking about. You are constantly spewing on about what conservatives or Christians think when you haven't a clue. It really affects your credibility. Better to just stick with what you think.



    WRONG....In my youth, I had 12 years of Lutheran, christian indoctrination (brainwashing), and not by my choice. I think my credibility and ability to see both sides of the argument is a factual one. Next time ask before you presume icon_rolleyes.gif



    Just going by what you say, that is all I have to go by. Being raised a Lutheran does not make you an expert on American Evangelicalism or conservatism. You paint with a broad brush and you presume far more than I do. But you are a sexy beast, and this is a free country, thanks to our proud American history based on Western values, so go for it.