TL : DListen
CoolBlackDude619 saidDo you get the sense that he doesn't "listen" or doesn't "care"? He may yap a lot, and not let you get a word in...but does he know your favorite color? How you like your coffee? Foods you hate? Your middle name? Would his birthday gift to you be thoughtful and personal...or just a gift card?
He may talk your ear off, like my mom does with my whole family, but he also may be listening and observing and caring enough to remember things that are important to you too.
Some of my first thoughts on reading the OP were along those lines. Why doesn't the person listen? Is it absentmindedness, selfishness, distraction? Does the one-way conversation derive out of anxiety or insecurity? Is the person always talking to remind themselves that they're here on the planet and here's my voice to prove it like a little kid screaming for attention, to be noticed, to announce themselves? Is their display sharing or showing?
Also you have to be careful even with kindnesses because that can be faked and manipulative and that front can be held up for a long time before damage done.
I've known two incessant talkers, both in my life for decades, both turned out to be psychopaths. One was an evil bitch who screwed my mother, the fake step grandmother who married my grandfather who wound up hardly ever saying a word to anyone because he could never get a word in at home. He wound up shutting himself off. It got so bad that I didn't even learn until recently from a cousin that he had a half-sister whose name and number I now have. He so stopped talking that I didn't know until now about a whole family of cousins. That's so fucked up.
The other bitch, a monstrous cousin, used to talk my ear off. She could go on for an hour at a time describing the details of her laundry folding. She wound up screwing me big time.
But also I can talk quite a bit, you might have noticed, and I've friends who do as well. I've one friend who can talk as much as me and we talk simultaneously yet we both hear and respond to what the other is saying even though to an outsider (& they've commented) it sounds like overlapping unintelligible garble, which is so funny to us, because we get it, we multitask.
So not necessarily a red flag, but it could be.
If I evaluate the talking as relatively harmless, I can maybe overlook. Not listening is not as easy to not see. And any hint of cruelty though is a bloody red flag. A good heart is not only non negotiable but it even makes up for someone who tests as having a lack of intelligence; it's like them getting the extra credit question right. In my hidden profile under guys I'm looking for is simply a youtube of Neil Young's Heart of Gold.
Just as you have to evaluate communication skills, even a person's kindness must be somewhat suspect because if not genuine, as the artificial and authentic can look the same, it could be used to ingratiate to manipulate to allow for abuses. You wouldn't draw someone in by being cruel so that you'd have the opportunity to be kind. The disordered draw others in by being kind so they have the opportunity to be cruel.
That's only happened to me four times. Once I went into with my eyes open, young and thinking I could being a good example to the guy. But years later he wound up inflicting his cruel streak on others (not to me) physically--and I tried but couldn't stop it--so that ended that. Twice by the incessant talkers, one born into my life and the other married into my family. And once here online, with a real creepy guy who showered me with flatteries for two years before trying to shower me with piss. Many of you have witnessed that, most of you silently, others of you, who can especially go fuck yourselves, abhorrently lying about it.
So those disgusting people are out there in great numbers and they'll get into your life. So don't just be aware. Beware.
I've more leeway for self-awareness issues. Can someone be too self-aware, might that be intimidating? I don't expect a partner to be able to practice dream yoga as do I and I've only dated one at that degree of self awareness.
We all to some degree sleepwalk through life. I tend to be highly self aware and I've worked at that consciously since I was a little kid, both in my introspection and externally in my consideration for people who aren't trying to screw me. But also I sleepwalk a little in living. I tend to be not very self aware of my body and place in the world so I can get klutzy. Hell, I keep Band-Aids in my car. When gardening, forget it, I'm a bloody mess. even my face is slashed right now, a damned branch got me. Ouch. But the boo looks great where I put it so it was worth it.
I could never learn how to throw a ball though my pool game can get quite good. I was never a runner, not just by bad knees but I couldn't figure out how to make my body move on land unless I'm having sex and then I connect with gusto.
But I'm a very strong swimmer and people have commented on the grace of my stroke. So that awareness of the body aspect of my self in space, my proprioception, fluctuates in its level of self awareness. And sometimes I'm absent minded or otherwise distracted. A friend once told me that he was right next to me in traffic honking his horn at me, I had the top down, yet I didn't have a clue he was right there. Sometimes we get lost in thought, which is fine. It is being lost by thoughtlessness which is not acceptable.