Question for masculine older men into (smaller) younger guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 3:55 AM GMT
    or maybe just into younger guys in general, i only inserted smaller because it applies to me.

    Say you,a hot older guy, are attracted to a younger (smaller) guy somewhere in real life. (A gay bar doesn't count, a gym maybe does, anywhere else does). Do you do anything about your attraction? Do you say hi? Do you make a move? Do you do anything to show an interest in friendship OR sex??

    As a younger guy, it's much more intimidating for me to go up to a masculine established guy and try to show any sort of sexual or even personal interest. "Hey i'm 10 years younger than you, but think you're hot, would like to get to know you, wanna grab dinner?" Seems to not work so well with the younger guy asking, and if you aren't living in the depths of boystown it's even harder to figure this out cause my gaydar is nonexistent and I never know if a guy is interested. It's even more intimidating, as a small framed guy, trying to go up to a bigger masculine guy and start some sort of connection like this.

    But it seems that somehow a lot of these fit older masculine attractive established guys seem too shy to do anthing either. Are older guys shy to start contact with younger guys, insecure due to their age or something like that?

    If it weren't for the internet I would think that maybe I'm just ugly and older masc guys weren't into me at all, (LOL), but that doesn't seem to be the case at all... seems to b e a ton of guys into someone like me.

    Yet in day to day real life I can't really pick up on signals from any older guys who are brave enough (or interested enough????) to really get anything started. There is a chasm between internet reality and real life that i haven't learned to bridge.

    I've seen on other posts here that most guys in general seem too shy to make the first move. To me, it makes sense that the older guy would make the moves and start he pursuit.

    What can I do to see if he is interested, and confirm to him my own interest for him, to ease that along for him? OR does the younger guy pretty much need to be the one who starts making the contact and pursuing it all these days?

    If so, what sort of signals do you older guys give us so we even know to try? In a non sexual location, how could I tell that an older stud was into me, and what could I possibly say to an older guy to let him know I was interested, without coming on too strong or scaring him the fuck away?

    Man, how did people ever get laid without the ease of internet hookup?? LOL

  • you_know_Its_...

    Posts: 260

    Mar 11, 2015 4:20 AM GMT
    Hahaha, in what world are older guys "too shy" to make the first move? Even if there's a 0.1% chance of success we'll go for it!

    your post would be half as long if you didn't go out of your way to associate the words "masculine, established, attractive stud" to every mention of "older". Are you sure you aren't the older guy looking for tips to flirt just enough without being creepy? icon_lol.gif
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:25 AM GMT
    uncomfortable_questions saidHahaha, in what world are older guys "too shy" to make the first move? Even if there's a 0.1% chance of success we'll go for it!


    hah, in a gay bar for sure. Online, for sure. Out in the real world... nto so much. Maybe i'm just only hot enough online for older guys to talk to me?

    your post would be half as long if you didn't go out of your way to associate the words "masculine, established, attractive stud" to every mention of "older". Are you sure you aren't the older guy looking for tips to flirt just enough without being creepy? icon_lol.gif


    Yea you are right, and if i werent lazy I would edit that because what i view as masculine established and attractive is far less restrictive than how most view it lol. I'm 31 but into older guys, so im pretty sure im not the older guy. but yes im definitely looking for tips to flirt just enough without being creepy!!!!

    Maybe I need to accept that I'm only attractive on the internet. Or maybe i need to wear less clothing in my day to day life. hmm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:33 AM GMT
    Actually no... I almost never make the first move on guys under 30. Good grief... these days probably nobody under 40. icon_confused.gif The vast majority of them would not appreciate it.
    In a sex-charged environment like a gay bar or club, it doesn't take much to signal that you're open to meet.
    In the real world - probably like anyone else. Engage them over some mutual interest. Workout technique maybe, or a mutual sport.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:34 AM GMT
    Don't worry boo, I know how you feel. I'm a short, smaller framed guy, 30, and have a thing for older men.

    There's really no one answer though. Perhaps no matter how old we get I guess being insecure about sex and relationships never go away. I have tried being more forward when it comes to this but still my fear of rejection gets the best of me. That and I will find every reason to look for a reason NOT to date a guy I end up sabotaging myself. icon_confused.gif

    75% of the time it's the other guy who approaches me first. That makes me wonder about the 25% I could have had that I lost because I was too chicken shit to make a move.

    I always have this ideal in my head that my future husband will find me and sweep me off my feet. But sometimes I think that maybe I have missed him because of this? I dunno...

    The top of my dreams will come someday though I truly believe.....icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:34 AM GMT
    It has usually been the opposite for me, where younger guys have flirted with me, and then I encourage it, but I will also spark up a convo with a younger guy if I am attracted. With older guys, for me, they are just better or more direct at showing interest, and I can read the signals better. Sometimes younger guys are shy or scared and I am not sure if they are just being friendly or want to fool around. I do think as you get older, you don't always want to take the risk of a kick to your ego nuts, so you might not make the first move.

    But, if you see an older gent you like, make a pass. He will most likely be flattered.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:41 AM GMT
    I'm sure for every overly aggressive creepy older guy out there predating on 19 year olds, there are a lot of really awesome older guys who feel insecure or weird trying to start something with a younger guy.

    Even on the internet I've heard so many older guys indicate that they were scared I'd think they were too old etc, even if htey arent that old and are in great shape and super hot.

    I love the idea of the older guy taking the lead in all of it, but it tends to not happen as much in real life. It seems likely that this smaller little guy is gonna have to grow even bigger balls and start approaching the guys i think I have no chance with. (Because, thanks to the internet, I have hooked up wiht a lot of guys my brain thinks i should have no chance with!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:50 AM GMT
    I agree with mindgarden. The overwhelming majority of young guys would not appreciate an older guy hitting on them.
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    Mar 11, 2015 4:51 AM GMT
    strongbull saidIt has usually been the opposite for me, where younger guys have flirted with me, and then I encourage it...


    Nice pics. I love a good fantasy story before bed lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:01 AM GMT
    Maybe if i wear a shirt that says 'I like older men"?

    It seems a theme that lot of guys do feel its out of place for them to go hitting on younger guys, or feel insecure abou tit. And especially in an out of sex-locale situation this is probably magnified.

    So if i see a hot fit older guy, whats a young scrappy dude like me to do? I'm not shy in general, but you bigger guys cant imagine what its like for a little guy to go up talking to a bigger stronger guy.

    (This thread is probably partially inspired by me oggling the hot men at the gym today who never seem to notice me and who i dont ever dare initiating interaction with. Older fit guys on the internet may notice me, but they sure as hell do not at the gym. LOL. To be fair though i barely notice whats going on around me at the gym once i get focused so even if they did notice me i could be blind to it.....)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:24 AM GMT
    I'm into older men too. Like the OP, I'm very shy to approach others but I do feel flattered when older men approach me. icon_redface.gif

    From my experience, when in an appropriate environment, older men do approach younger guys without much reservation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:25 AM GMT
    how would you define approrpriate environment.
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:30 AM GMT
    IRFire66 saidhow would you define approrpriate environment.


    Ummm, at gay clubs. icon_redface.gif
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:40 AM GMT
    polfsky said
    IRFire66 saidhow would you define approrpriate environment.


    Ummm, at gay clubs. icon_redface.gif


    LOLOL yea..i think the rules work a little different outside of there icon_biggrin.gif

    I think i'm just gonna start being aggressive and hitting on every hot muscular guy I see and see how many times i get punched in the face and how many times i get hell laid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 5:43 AM GMT
    IRFire66 said
    polfsky said
    IRFire66 saidhow would you define approrpriate environment.


    Ummm, at gay clubs. icon_redface.gif


    LOLOL yea..i think the rules work a little different outside of there icon_biggrin.gif

    I think i'm just gonna start being aggressive and hitting on every hot muscular guy I see and see how many times i get punched in the face and how many times i get hell laid.


    Sometimes I do subtly approach older guys too though when I find them irresistible. I get closer to them, make eye contact, and give them hints. icon_redface.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 11, 2015 6:30 AM GMT
    While I have seen some very hot younger men, I would never hit on them because one I'm too old for them, two, they should be able to enjoy their youth and love with someone young like them and three I'm not good at playing daddy.
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    Mar 11, 2015 6:34 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidWhile I have seen some very hot younger men, I would never hit on them because one I'm too old for them, two, they should be able to enjoy their youth and love with someone young like them and three I'm not good at playing daddy.


    I love it when older guys hit on me....icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Mar 11, 2015 6:52 AM GMT
    Yes, above icon_cool.gif

    tumblr_nhouptOf3M1qzp4sqo1_500.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 11:53 AM GMT
    I find a little shyness and insecurity attractive in a younger guy. And they tend to be more fun. Cocky guys don't always deliver, they are too wrapped up in themselves. Appearance is important, but being a dick is a turnoff. Some younger guys will act disinterested when around friends, then follow me into the bathroom and hit on me, lol. Not into that shit. Ultimately, it is the guy's personality which shines through that makes him sexually attractive to me. I'll watch someone for a while and see if they seem genuine, then make a move and see what happens.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14345

    Mar 11, 2015 12:04 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidI agree with mindgarden. The overwhelming majority of young guys would not appreciate an older guy hitting on them.
    That is not necessarily true. There quite a few young guys who will hit on older guys. There are a significant number of young guys who prefer older men and don't mind getting hit on and vice versa.
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    Mar 11, 2015 12:57 PM GMT
    Maybe I can offer a few observations to this topic, since I've pretty much always had younger boyfriends, and they've almost always been somewhat smaller than I am. I'm not sure why this has always been the case, but it seems to be a pattern, although now I'm spoken for during these past several years (a guy I met right here on R.J. 7 years ago).

    As for a younger guy speaking up or showing interest. I'd say, "Bring it!". In a business or social setting (like the gym or a public place) just make appropriate eye contact, be friendly, normal, strike up a conversation. For instance, one example - at a water polo game, I met a guy who was at a game (I wasn't playing in this one - but in the stands watching). This guy was in the row right above & behind me. We began talking about the game. He made good comments and asked good questions about the action and points, etc. That started it. Next thing you know - game over - and we're headed to grab lunch together. We lasted for a couple of years, and he was about twelve years younger than me.

    In other public situations, I'd suggest either guy - younger or older - when he sees someone he's into - just think of something as an ice breaker or conversation point and go for it. You've got nothing to lose! Stand close; talk; keep your end of the conversation going. If the other party is interested, he'll totally appreciate what you're doing and you'll have a chance at a good start to something that could be amazing!
  • jeep334

    Posts: 408

    Mar 11, 2015 1:00 PM GMT
    IRFire66 saidMaybe if i wear a shirt that says 'I like older men"?


    This is a great idea and a time-saver for sure although it smacks of idea of the color of bandanna you hold in the appropriate pocket of your jeans. Bottom line is that real communication is probably the best way although that (communication) is probably the most difficult and scary. icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 11, 2015 1:12 PM GMT
    Such interesting responses. Thanks guys!

    I guess the expectation of an older guy taking the lead and showing interest and all that is not very likely since as a generalization, many of them seem to have the same amount of nerves about it as we do (albiet for different reasons). Even though i think a little guy striking up a conversation with a much bigger guy more masculine seeming guy is WAAAY more intense lol.

    Maybe i should just make a game of saying "hi there" to every attractive guy who catches my eye in the next few weeks and see what happens. Especially at the gym where none of those big muscley guys seem to notice me. (They are probably just average guys, but compared to me, everyone at the gym seems strong and huge LOL) This could be a fun game.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 11, 2015 1:31 PM GMT
    If you're in the gym ask for a spot, or ask to work in a set if the gym looks crowded. You could even ask for advice, like asking their workout routine. I usually don't talk much in the gym but I have had guys ask for help. I'm not a douche bag so I talk to them. I recently asked a younger guy to take a yoga class with me and he said yes.icon_cool.gif we talked several times and would say hi here and there. I normally wouldn't do this but there was something about him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2015 2:02 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidMaybe I can offer a few observations to this topic, since I've pretty much always had younger boyfriends, and they've almost always been somewhat smaller than I am. I'm not sure why this has always been the case, but it seems to be a pattern, although now I'm spoken for during these past several years (a guy I met right here on R.J. 7 years ago).

    As for a younger guy speaking up or showing interest. I'd say, "Bring it!". In a business or social setting (like the gym or a public place) just make appropriate eye contact, be friendly, normal, strike up a conversation. For instance, one example - at a water polo game, I met a guy who was at a game (I wasn't playing in this one - but in the stands watching). This guy was in the row right above & behind me. We began talking about the game. He made good comments and asked good questions about the action and points, etc. That started it. Next thing you know - game over - and we're headed to grab lunch together. We lasted for a couple of years, and he was about twelve years younger than me.

    In other public situations, I'd suggest either guy - younger or older - when he sees someone he's into - just think of something as an ice breaker or conversation point and go for it. You've got nothing to lose! Stand close; talk; keep your end of the conversation going. If the other party is interested, he'll totally appreciate what you're doing and you'll have a chance at a good start to something that could be amazing!


    great story!

    Regardless of younger into older or older into younger, just go for it. if someone gets "offended" or responds with negativity, then fine....whatever...brush it off and move on.

    I personally don't think there's anything wrong with "rejection". no one can make everyone in the world happy....you're bound to encounter folks in life that you 1) don't agree with on stuff; 2) aren't attracted to; or 3) would just rather avoid.

    So if it's inevitable, then why get all choked up about it and too scared/nervous to do anything?