What is the psychology behind wanting a partner?

  • infinitefrien...

    Posts: 376

    Mar 19, 2015 9:50 AM GMT
    Why do I want a boyfriend so much? I want to understand my incessant desire from a psychological point of view.

    How do I start being less 'desperate' to be in a relationship?

  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Mar 19, 2015 12:15 PM GMT
    Look up codependency. Does that strike a chord?
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    Mar 19, 2015 12:18 PM GMT
    You can only do so much with a kitty.
  • Willingshy

    Posts: 13

    Mar 19, 2015 1:53 PM GMT
    Most people want a 'partner' because they are wanting the partner to give them something they are lacking in themselves -- usually love, support, confidence, or the feeling that they are 'good enough'.

    Now here is the irony...

    The partner is looking for them to do the same thing!!!

    Sadly, after the emotional high, the sex, and the 'newness' of the relationship goes away, both individuals will be disillusioned that none of those needs are fulfilled, but now there are TWO people's needs which are unfulfilled -- creating twice the amount of issues as they had before!

    In case you don't believe me, look at the divorce rate and the amount of relationships which don't end up being successful.

    A much better use of time is to work on your own issues so you don't 'need' a partner, but wouldn't 'mind' having one to share the experiences of life --- instead of needing something from them which they CAN NOT provide.

    Just my two cents...;-)
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    Mar 19, 2015 2:27 PM GMT
    Human beings are all built for interaction because it fuels expansion. We all exist to gain knowledge and contribute to our surroundings, survive, die etc. You're also safer if you have a partner or group of friends. Stop obsessing over a boyfriend and find love in more attainable ways.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Mar 19, 2015 3:25 PM GMT
    Evolution
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Mar 19, 2015 4:25 PM GMT
    - It is a societal norm

    - Having a partner is normally a mix of good and bad, as with many things in life. It is not a necessity, but can certainly be a benefit when done well. A partner should be someone that adds to your life, not one that makes you happy. Happiness/contentment comes from within. That is why I think it is healthier to be content/happy with oneself prior to seeking a journey with another.

    - In regards to your desperation. That is what Buddhists call dukkha (suffering). Suffering arises out of desire. Eliminate desire and you eliminate your suffering.

    The Four Noble Truths
    http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/buddhism/bs-s02.htm


    - Having said that, I think most cats just sleep around. I don't think that having a partner is important to most of them.
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    Mar 19, 2015 5:17 PM GMT
    I want love. If it comes in the form of a life partner all the better.
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    Mar 19, 2015 5:53 PM GMT
    Why do you want to eat? Why are you thirsty?

    I mean, come on, these are the questions of a 5-year-old.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Mar 19, 2015 5:53 PM GMT
    __morphic__ saidYou can only do so much with a kitty.

    Some straight guys do a lot with pussy! icon_razz.gif

    Seriously, though, 1) we're wired that way as human beings and 2) it's "the norm" so we pursue it. Frankly I gave up on it and stopped wanting it so much that when my fiancé came into my life and transcended from trick to boyfriend it was a hard thing for me to be open to. icon_eek.gif
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    Mar 19, 2015 7:42 PM GMT
    676_make-it-stop.gif
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    Mar 19, 2015 8:25 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]metta8 said[/cite
    - In regards to your desperation. That is what Buddhists call dukkha (suffering). Suffering arises out of desire. Eliminate desire and you eliminate your suffering.

    The Four Noble Truths
    http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/buddhism/bs-s02.htm
    [/quote]

    Eliminate desire and you eliminate the need for having a partner.
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    Mar 19, 2015 8:51 PM GMT
    Tritimium saidLook up codependency. Does that strike a chord?


    Nonsense...look up selfishness and inability to be in love...maybe thats what you are and think anyone who desires a relationship is a codependent loser?

    Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship....all living beings are meant to be with a partner...even animals and insects long for a partner...its normal...but some people are scared of being in a relationship, scared of getting hurt, scared of losing their freedom - those people have a problem not you.

    Dating is fun...finding a guy to be with and share special moments brings meaning to life...we are not meant to be alone.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Mar 19, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    Worst troll/fake sock account, ever.

    FAIL kitty, FAIL.
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Mar 20, 2015 5:02 AM GMT
    Ever considered that "love" may be a fleeting and false emotion. It may be more imporant to "like" someone in the end.
  • mwolverine

    Posts: 3385

    Mar 20, 2015 5:46 AM GMT
    Willingshy saidMost people want a 'partner' because they are wanting the partner to give them something they are lacking in themselves -- usually love, support, confidence, or the feeling that they are 'good enough'.

    Is that why you write in your profile: "I wouldn't mind finding a guy to hang out with especially one who is..."

    Or perhaps because you crave interaction (social or more) with like-minded people? Not because you yourself are lacking.


    Willingshy saidSadly, after the emotional high, the sex, and the 'newness' of the relationship goes away, both individuals will be disillusioned that none of those needs are fulfilled, but now there are TWO people's needs which are unfulfilled -- creating twice the amount of issues as they had before! In case you don't believe me, look at the divorce rate and the amount of relationships which don't end up being successful.

    I think those are two different things. There are what I call "honeymoon relationships". You meet someone, you start spending sometime together, having new/exciting sex... and then (after 2-3 weeks) it falls apart because there wasn't really that much there to begin with. This happens long before marriage and any resultant divorce. (Usually those who get married have a track record with each other of many months if not years. Marriages (legal or effectively) can fail for many different reasons.)

    Some people are loners (on a certain level) who value their independence, etc. Others want to share their life with someone (perhaps this parallels some people wanting kids while others value their freedom from such a responsibility).

    If you are one who wants a partner, great. Figure out what you need to do to facilitate that.
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Mar 20, 2015 5:50 AM GMT
    glowstik saidEver considered that "love" may be a fleeting and false emotion. It may be more imporant to "like" someone in the end.


    Love is not normally fleeting and is not a false emotion. It is possible to fall out of love with someone though.

    eg: A child's love of their parent or visa versa is not a false emotion.
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    Mar 20, 2015 6:15 AM GMT
    metta8 said
    glowstik saidEver considered that "love" may be a fleeting and false emotion. It may be more imporant to "like" someone in the end.

    Love is not normally fleeting and is not a false emotion. It is possible to fall out of love with someone though.

    eg: A child's love of their parent or visa versa is not a false emotion.

    I didn't know what real love was until my first gay partner.

    I thought I knew what love was before, a kind of affection & attraction. But that was with women, when I was still deluding myself that I was straight. It never really worked, and the women themselves told me it didn't, despite my best efforts. My heart just wasn't in it, I was merely copying the examples I saw around me, and not very convincingly.

    Then I lived with Tom. Finally I discovered what love can really be. I assume because it was my proper orientation, not something alien to my nature, forced upon me by family and career.

    Every day when I came home from the University I'd call out at the front door: "Hello, my love!" I'd never done anything like that before in my life, and here I was in my 50s. But it just came out of me spontaneously, I have no idea from where. My love for him was so great, I guess, I just thrilled to come home to him.

    Love is a powerful emotion. But most powerful with the right person, of the right sexual orientation to your own. I sadly learned the consequences of a mismatch.

    When you find your guy, you'll know it. You won't want to take your eyes off him. I actually got criticized for that on one occasion, for staring too much at him everywhere he went. Nor will you want to be separated from him, or do anything without him.

    When that happens, then you will have discovered love. icon_biggrin.gif
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Mar 20, 2015 6:41 AM GMT
    Whats ur sign? I love love eventhough theres a heartbreak gamble
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    Mar 20, 2015 9:58 AM GMT
    Svnw688 saidWorst troll/fake sock account, ever.

    FAIL kitty, FAIL.

    careful, kitty will call PETA
  • infinitefrien...

    Posts: 376

    Mar 22, 2015 11:29 AM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    Svnw688 saidWorst troll/fake sock account, ever.

    FAIL kitty, FAIL.

    careful, kitty will call PETA


    Already called
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    Mar 22, 2015 12:44 PM GMT
    You need some one to change your kitty litter and also you can't use a can opener with those paws.