Moving on from someone?

  • bigfoot

    Posts: 1

    Mar 20, 2015 2:26 PM GMT
    Im really looking for advice/answers about something that i experienced with another guy, im sure anything will be useful. Im 21 and hadnt had that many gay experiences or at least nothing that lasted more than one time before I met this guy about two years ago. I was living in the city when I met him for the first time at a small party that he threw and ended up hooking up w him that night, we didnt have sex but did other stuff. I try really hard to be someone who doesn't fall in love quickly or really make it known when I do because when people do that to me it freaks me out and makes me uncomfortable, but that being said something about this guy just clicked w me and I juat wanted to get to know him more and really hoped for the possibility of a future relationship (which ive never been in before). For the next year and a half i saw him about once or twice a week, sometimes day sometimes night, but all he ever wanted to do was fuck or just mess around, which I did because I wanted to do what I though would make him happy. He was obviously way more experienced then I was and in no way was it a formal relationship in fact I think I only brought my feelings to his attention like three times and each Tim I tried he was just such a dick about it and made me feel like shit. I knew he was see I other people pretty much the entire time that I was seeing him, he was pretty open about it, and that obviously made me feel bad too, but I made sure that I didnt show that. For a long Lon time I never even stayed the night and when I did it took forever for him to even want to have our bodies touch when we slept, but like I said I just really liked him so I keep trying to forget how much being with him was hurting cuz I just didnt want to give up. Fast forward about a year and I was busy with my job and school and being in this situation was just adding too much emotional stress on top of everything else I had going on so I stopped replying to his messages. After I stopped replying it was crazy I would get like 20-30 txts at a time sometimes from him saying demeaning stuff like "sorry fuckbuddies was hard for you" or "why you not replying anymore?" Or just him calling me names like slut and stuff idk. I pretty much always ended up going back over to see him after a week or so and when I did he would be a little nicer but it wasnt any real change. That went on for a Long time too, the whole time i was seeing him i wasnt sleeping with anyone else even though i knew he was, i just didnt even want too idk it was weird. Long story short i eventually decided to move back to my hometown just cuz i was so stressed and unhappy all the time i fwlt like i needed a break or i would loose my mind. Obviously i dont see him anymore cuz we live in seperate places but im just so confused and sad right now i honestly feel like i might not like dick anymore just because that whole situation was so fucked up. No matter what i do i cant get anywhere close to having closure in my mind and i have no one to talk to about it. People have always told me that i was really attractive and i have modeled before so its not that im un attractive to him i dont think, i just dont understand why he kept messing with my head for so long like what was he getting out of it? I feel like i could just keep typing about it and ive left out a lot of details but im not tryong to write a book. Has anyone else ever had something like this happen? What should i do to move on or something?I guess I just feel like I Waited so long to let myself kinda fall for somebody and when I finally let myself i just feel like its my biggest regret.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4913

    Mar 20, 2015 4:29 PM GMT
    You should move on. You were in love with the idea of this guy. You kept hoping he and the relationship was something it never was. He sounds like he was pretty honest all along and you chose to not listen. I don't know about the 20-30 txts thing, but it really doesn't matter. Dating is something you get better at, just like everything else in life. Don't be embarrassed, don't be mad, don't give up on guys. Just shake it off and get back in the hunt. It hurts but you'll be OK. I promise. Next time, give your guy room to tell you who he is and instead of trying to make him into what you think you want, let him be surprising. Life is so much more fun if you give nice guys the respect of individuality.
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    Mar 20, 2015 4:50 PM GMT

    Don't let an ex control your future. This is what you're allowing at the moment. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 20, 2015 4:53 PM GMT
    you might be more open; if you decide to not text back tell them why like your busy with school & work etc.

    if you grow to like some one tell them. Dosnt work if they dont reciprocate.
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    Mar 20, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    Basing from your words, that is truly toxic. It's better to leave him, if you can't you can always ask the trusted people around you to help you with moving on.

    Best of luck.
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    Mar 21, 2015 10:44 PM GMT
    Just keep reminding yourself that: "...made me feel like shit."

    People who care for and respect you do not make you feel like shit.

    You were never more than a cum dump to him. Harsh? Yes, but sadly the truth. That fact alone should make it easy for you to move on.
  • glowstik

    Posts: 150

    Mar 22, 2015 6:25 AM GMT
    Just went out solo to the gay bar. Filling up your free time, meeting other people, having real conversations.

    Seriously fuck those bitches that aren't worth 60 seconds of your time. Just be better than them.
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    Mar 22, 2015 6:59 AM GMT
    Oh this is a "#byefelipé" moment. You gotta move on with your life and be happy.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11422

    Mar 22, 2015 7:43 AM GMT
    Write all the reason he is bad for you, then every time you start to feel all mopy, read the list off aloud. Keep adding to it if you think of more stuff. When you have finally memorized the list burn it and toss the ashes to the wind
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    Mar 22, 2015 7:55 AM GMT
    In life, we sometimes get what we fear we deserve. What I mean is that your experience sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy or narrative, the age old story of discovering what 'real love' is.

    You have just been through lesson#1 - what love is not. It is not your fault, and sure he is a manipulator ; most of us are, even if subconsciously?

    Meet more people, do more home parties and lust will soon reveal her 'lovely' head. A gentle hint from someone who has tried that route of socialisation countless times: 'partying' is a mutual delusion, and not a sound basis for a soul connection - irrespective of whether the chemical comes out of a bottle or a pipe.

    Relax and be yourself, wherever you are. He will come to you, and there are so many you can choose from.

  • williamgeo

    Posts: 19

    Apr 05, 2015 10:02 PM GMT
    Getting over someone is the longest most exhausting challenge. I've had to do it twice and I'd rather be set on fire than go through it again.

    There are times when you feel like you'll never be happy again, but one day you'll realize you haven't thought about him in a while. One day you'll remember him and feel absolutely nothing. Not even hate, just indifference.