Rules for an open relationship?

  • NinjaPandaUK

    Posts: 2

    Mar 21, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    Hi guys!

    Me and my bf have been together for 10 years now, I'm 27 and hes 32. We've been having threesomes for about 5 years and haven't had any issues come up - we get that love and sex can be separate things.

    The thing is, he tends to like younger skinny bottom guys and I'm more into older top guys (I'm bot). When we do meet up with an older top guy, my bf isn't into it very much which puts me off from just....going for it. I've also passed on a few younger guys that he was into.

    Recently I've been *really* wanting to have fun with older guys but I know hes not into them so much. I wouldn't mind him having some fun by himself and have suggested an open relationship which we are considering.

    What kind of rules do you set for these to make sure that your relationship doesn't suffer? Like are you completely open about it or is it more 'don't ask don't tell'?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 21, 2015 1:29 PM GMT
    I recommend taking pictures of some hot daddy with a giant cock fucking you bareback to show your boyfriend after the encounter. Send copies to your mama too.
  • Tooji

    Posts: 26

    Mar 21, 2015 2:30 PM GMT
    I have no experience about it but in my case if I would approach something like that I would rather the "don't ask don't tell" way...
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    Mar 21, 2015 3:30 PM GMT
    i'd rather keep things totally open. why go open just to be all secretive with 'don't ask, don't tell'? seems like it defeats the purpose.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4913

    Mar 21, 2015 3:52 PM GMT
    We've gone open a couple of times. The rules are: Never at home, home itself or hometown. Never when we could be together instead (the most important one). Safe, of course. Immediate full disclosure if you feel the safety was compromised in any way. Do not get in a habit of it. Do not develop an on-going relationship. Don't let it become more important than us. Either partner has the right to say Stop at any time without discussion. For us, this works but it is infrequent. Just knowing it is possible and that we trust each other that much usually relieves the pressure.

    Ignore the small minded people that will try to make you feel bad about considering this. They usually are single people who have never had a truly great love. Or people who can't think for themselves but still rely on what someone told them when they were children. The couples who are monogamous and solid don't feel the need to judge others' relationships. They know commitment is constantly being tested, revised and re-earned, that every couple is unique in how they make it work.
  • NinjaPandaUK

    Posts: 2

    Mar 22, 2015 11:12 AM GMT
    Thanks guys! You make a lot of sense Destinharbor - Im going to think about what you've said.
  • _whoop_

    Posts: 2

    Apr 07, 2015 4:08 AM GMT
    Well, there are a lot of different ways you could approach the situation, and ultimately, the rules you decide upon are rules that you both have to agree upon 100%, otherwise it's just not going to work.

    For myself, in my previous open relationships, the rules were as follows;
    1. Always play safe.
    2. Physical entanglement is fine, emotional is not.
    3. If we can share him, lets do that instead.
    4. Tell each other everything. It's hot to hear about it.
    5. Clean the sheets/towels after

    Other than that, it was a free for all. It worked for us, not because it allowed us to cheat, but because we couldn't be everything the other one wanted, and we both wanted each other to have everything. We found emotional, intimate, and physical completion with each other, but when I wanted to fuck a big black dude, my skinny Scottish boyfriend wasn't going to cut it.

    Other open couples I know had a strict DA/DT policy, which I just don't understand myself. If you're the jealous type who can't stand the thought of hearing about your man fucking someone else, then you shouldn't be in an open relationship.

    In my opinion, you two should both be able to find the guy you want to fill the roles you'd like filled. So perhaps, maybe the question isn't finding one guy to bring into your room, but finding two, and fucking them side by side. And then switching. And then switching again. And then everyone on one guy. And now I have a boner.

    At the end of the day, so long as you and your partner can be open, honest, and stick to your rules, there's no reason why it can't work. Compromise may be required on both sides, but so long as it's something everyone can live with, there's nothing wrong with that.