What I don't like about this board...

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 23, 2015 6:06 AM GMT
    and I guess the "gay scene" in general is that we like to use things against people like ammunition. We have a brand spanking memory when it comes to disparaging details about others. BUT

    - many of us are racking up debt living “lavishly” while our bills go UNPAID! Or living off a “sugar daddy”, using our body and youth/beauty to keep a roof over our heads.
    - Have serious psychological and emotional issues - that haven't been addressed in therapy (yet we have money for the Black Party).
    - Are self medicating with alcohol, drugs, and rampant promiscuous sex.

    We’ve all got issues but we like to tear down another person, project all our frustrations with our own issues, shortcomings, and life circumstances onto someone we deem deserving of it. I think this is how we create the hierarchy in the gay world, trample on the weaker or less fortunate and reap the benefits.

    I hate to sound like such a Pollyanna, but being decent or kind shouldn't be seen as disingenuous. I think the way that we interact with each other is warped, all nice when we think we're getting some cock on a Friday night, but the moment things don't go our way, the claws are out. This is very un-masc behavior, gents. Most of time, you're not gonna agree with other people, but if you find yourself in a knock-down, drag-out or a duel with everyone, the problem is you, sweetie.

    All I'm saying is, you don't have to like someone, but to go out of your way to tear someone down is low and you may get your kiki's now but you will pay later. Guys like this become BITTER QUEENS slinging back their tenth cocktail and cruising 21 year olds on a Saturday night. No one is gonna want to stay with you once they realize how vile and black-hearted you are.

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    Mar 23, 2015 6:12 AM GMT
    Mulignan saidand I guess the "gay scene" in general is that we like to use things against people like ammunition. We have a brand spanking memory when it comes to disparaging details about others. BUT

    - many of us are racking up debt living “lavishly” while our bills go UNPAID! Or living off a “sugar daddy”, using our body and youth/beauty to keep a roof over our heads.
    - Have serious psychological and emotional issues - that haven't been addressed in therapy (yet we have money for the Black Party).
    - Are self medicating with alcohol, drugs, and rampant promiscuous sex.

    We’ve all got issues but we like to tear down another person, project all our frustrations with our own issues, shortcomings, and life circumstances onto someone we deem deserving of it. I think this is how we create the hierarchy in the gay world, trample on the weaker or less fortunate and reap the benefits.

    I hate to sound like such a Pollyanna, but being decent or kind shouldn't be seen as disingenuous. I think the way that we interact with each other is warped, all nice when we think we're getting some cock on a Friday night, but the moment things don't go our way, the claws are out. This is very un-masc behavior, gents. Most of time, you're not gonna agree with other people, but if you find yourself in a knock-down, drag-out or a duel with everyone, the problem is you, sweetie.

    All I'm saying is, you don't have to like someone, but to go out of your way to tear someone down is low and you may get your kiki's now but you will pay later. Guys like this become BITTER QUEENS slinging back their tenth cocktail and cruising 21 year olds on a Saturday night. No one is gonna want to stay with you once they realize how vile and black-hearted you are.


    The above observations are not limited to this site, or gays in general. Much of our society is self-destructive. There are far more important things going on in the world, yet most people only care about when the next iphone is coming out, or who's who in the gossip rags.
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    Mar 23, 2015 12:06 PM GMT
    On the other hand, the Black Party is kind of awesome. And, who doesn't love having great sex on ecstasy?
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    Mar 23, 2015 12:15 PM GMT
    tumblr_nix4sczlhF1t95h1uo1_400.gif

    You really need to make some new friends.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Mar 23, 2015 12:48 PM GMT
    It is hard not to agree with OP's keen observations.

    Yup. There are guys out there doing all he says they are doing.

    However, it is their life, and if this is how they want to live it, there is little anyone could do about this.

    We all need to understand that none of us is here to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. If you see the people you are close to, going the wrong way, try to help them within the limits of your power.

    The rest is in their hands. Freedom comes with a responsibility for it, too.

    SC
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    Mar 23, 2015 1:09 PM GMT
    Mulignan saidand I guess the "gay scene" in general is that we like to use things against people like ammunition. We have a brand spanking memory when it comes to disparaging details about others. BUT

    - many of us are racking up debt living “lavishly” while our bills go UNPAID! Or living off a “sugar daddy”, using our body and youth/beauty to keep a roof over our heads.
    - Have serious psychological and emotional issues - that haven't been addressed in therapy (yet we have money for the Black Party).
    - Are self medicating with alcohol, drugs, and rampant promiscuous sex.

    We’ve all got issues but we like to tear down another person, project all our frustrations with our own issues, shortcomings, and life circumstances onto someone we deem deserving of it. I think this is how we create the hierarchy in the gay world, trample on the weaker or less fortunate and reap the benefits.

    I hate to sound like such a Pollyanna, but being decent or kind shouldn't be seen as disingenuous. I think the way that we interact with each other is warped, all nice when we think we're getting some cock on a Friday night, but the moment things don't go our way, the claws are out. This is very un-masc behavior, gents. Most of time, you're not gonna agree with other people, but if you find yourself in a knock-down, drag-out or a duel with everyone, the problem is you, sweetie.

    All I'm saying is, you don't have to like someone, but to go out of your way to tear someone down is low and you may get your kiki's now but you will pay later. Guys like this become BITTER QUEENS slinging back their tenth cocktail and cruising 21 year olds on a Saturday night. No one is gonna want to stay with you once they realize how vile and black-hearted you are.



    Everything you said is true (if you want to generalize.) And yes, we all generalize at times because it's easy. Another word for generalizing is "stereotyping." There's really no difference.

    There are many popular generalizations about all groups of people....."Women are overly emotional", Asians can't drive", "Blacks are lazy", "Cops are brutal", "Lesbians are butch" and "Gay men are sex addicts." And while you can find truth in all of these statements, it's not fair to the other people who are part of these groups to label them all that way.

    You will never be able to control other people so why not just focus on the good people out there? Make friends with the kind of people who inspire and support you and ignore the rest. Once you start doing this you'll realize there are more positive people out there than you thought. Plus, It's really the only sensible option.
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    Mar 23, 2015 2:04 PM GMT
    The straight guys at bodybuilding.com are just as petty and mean-spirited. And, they have that reputation system with which you can "neg" someone and send a nasty comment along with it.

    The only boards on which I've seen people be relatively respectful of each other are small ones with a lot less activity.
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    Mar 23, 2015 2:16 PM GMT
    The best thing you can do sometimes is just ignore all of what other people are doing and just focus on yourself. Don't get jaded with the behaviors of other people. Get positive with your own.

    If you don't like certain actions that people are doing, then don't hang out with them. Don't be friends with them. surround yourself with those who share the same morals and ethics as you do.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 23, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    Very well said. I'd prefer to focus on positive events, providing assistance to others in a productive way.
    Expressing opinions are fine, even showing disagreement with others, but to make it personal with ugly drama or
    negativism really shows something. We have enough of it in this world.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Mar 23, 2015 4:14 PM GMT
    Why generalize the way you do here? The gay community looks a bit tawdry because we are few and the only identifiable "gay" public gatherings are clubs and Pride parades and, well, that's about it. The rest of society just doesn't appear as bizarre because it simply isn't based on sex. Though if you look around, there are 50 hetero strip or sex clubs for every gay club and you know well that straight guys obsess about sex, too. If not, open your ears in the locker room. Or in any all male setting. So it isn't a gay thing. It's a human thing. And it can be a bit of fun once in a while if you don't let it control your life (think Marti Gras in New Orleans).

    But you can also live a comfortable, sane life without all that. Look around this site. There are doctors and lawyers and bankers and PHD students and athletes and military guys and scientists and, well, you get the picture. The world they live in is the world you want. I guarantee most of them dip their toes in the "gay scene" every once and a while but it isn't their life. It's just a bit of crazy. So they're part of this "gay scene," too. Don't worry about the bad apples. They'll always be around and yes, they are unpleasant. But when you start labeling them, fantasizing on all the ways they're disreputable, and projecting an evil outcome to their lives, you're only hardening your own heart. Not to mention sinking to their level (you did get a bit ageist there).

    Just waive them off and keep on your own path. Just as in the hetero world, there are many paths to choose from. I read your family thread and know you can create your own. I admire you a great deal and enjoy reading what you write.
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    Mar 23, 2015 5:05 PM GMT
    Expanding on the OP's thread title, what I can't stand about these boards is that there are plenty of members, both past and present, who are very genuine by offering positivity and yet, they are ignored because they don't participate in spats and back & forth verbal fueds. They are the RJ good guys and they sit on the sidelines while some members continue their tireless efforts to insult, ridicule and verbally abuse other members.

    But I've learned to just go with it and continue to focus on the positivity shown. I've had the pleasure of meeting one of the RJ good guys here in Phoenix and what a genuine guy he is! So there is a plus to the "gay scene", you just have to be willing to search for it.
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    Mar 23, 2015 6:33 PM GMT
    Stop worrying about everyone else and focus on yourself. You just might be a more pleasant person.

    You expect the straight world to let you live as you see fit. Then let your gay brothers do the same.

    Remove the plank from your own eye before trying to remove the speck from your brothers.
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    Mar 23, 2015 9:19 PM GMT
    Hi OP. It can feel pretty lonely trying to immerse in the scene that you describe only to find again and again that its contrary to all your standards for ethics and healthy living. It's easier to try to find others who feel the way you do, gay and straight, and enjoy life with them.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Mar 23, 2015 11:58 PM GMT
    What I don't like is the speed with which almost any thread and suddenly explode into a bitch fight.
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    Mar 24, 2015 1:44 AM GMT
    The "gay scene" (whatever that is, to me is nothing but your social circle) and "being decent or kind shouldn't be seen as disingenuous" are not mutually exclusive.

    As for this site the problem is the stigmatizing, hypocritical, judgmental, people who knee jerk to hate with their opinions without any thought or research.
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    Mar 24, 2015 1:48 AM GMT
    tazzari saidWhat I don't like is the speed with which almost any thread and suddenly explode into a bitch fight.

    Watch out; you're tempting me to say something about race or politics in order to propel this one that way.   icon_twisted.gif
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Mar 24, 2015 2:40 AM GMT
    Yeah, you're not gonna change the way others act, no matter how much you rant and rave, lol. Best to just surround yourself with likeminded folks, but being a gay dude, you do kind of have to be a part of the "scene" in some way. I mean, what the feck else are you gonna do?

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    Mar 24, 2015 5:52 AM GMT
    It's so true what you said actually OP.
    The really sad thing though is I honestly don't believe that facet of the "gay community" (term used loosely as there isn't one really) will ever actually change.
    The only time the word "community" ever really applies to gay men is when it's a pride event which most commonly is a big, public slut-fest (sorry for the harshness but let's be honest lol).
    It's going to be the same and it's cyclical.
    You'd be wasting time expecting any change there.

    I agree in that if you do find yourself to be a gay guy who is actually appalled by such behaviour, you're better off surrounding yourself with people who aren't like that.
    The thing is though, since most gay men are found at the "scene", it's hard to avoid this type of behaviour because that's where most gay men are found (not all, but the majority tbh).

    So then you make straight friends, and hope that you eventually meet another gay guy through those friends who isn't into the scene, or you just end up falling in love with your straight friends and then become bitter when nothing comes of it.
    Then in your jadedness you join the scene and then end up just adding to it's vulgarity.
    Okay so that last part was exaggerated just for laughs lol but yeah the whole thing sucks really.

    I suppose all you can do is just decide to not feed into it and live differently and learn to be content with that.