Mar 25, 2015 2:12 AM GMT
ive been dealing with depression for a while now, but its gotten a lot worse over the past year. Last year i had constant panic attacks and night tremors for almost 3 months straight. I couldnt go to sleep i would lay in bed for hours or i would wake up in the middle of the night to tremors. i would constantly have random melt downs and cry out of no where through out the middle of the day. its exhausting and take so much out of you, i remember praying before bed every night that i wake up cured the next morning, i never would have imagine in my entire life I would ever go through something like this, i just want to make it go away, its gotten so severe that even the tiniest amount of time i have to think, i would start to have anxieties. I want to get professional medical help, but i have no insurance, i barely make enough for ends meet. ive hurt a lot of people because of this, and its driven them away, i depended on them so much, and i get they dont understand how to deal with this so they leave. Ive been pretending like im okay, putting on a smile or showing no emotions, so at least the people i do have left wont leave me. yes i have thought about committing suicide, ive tried to overdose taking lots of recreational substances and a lot of prescribed pills, even huffing to black out. there are still days where it gets unbearable, it went away for a short while but its full blown back for sure.