When Love is one sided! When ur in love with someone who dosnt love you back

  • Deri245

    Posts: 239

    Mar 25, 2015 9:00 PM GMT
    Hey guys!

    So it has been a ruff couple of weeks for me and I wanna get everyones opinions on my problem

    Ok so about nearly eight months ago I met this guy at the time we kept what we had going on a secret like meeting up cuddling, watching movies, having sex etc.. anyway I was enjoying it and actually felt like I could see myself with this amazing guy. However in January he told me he started to date a girl however he couldnt stop seeing me once a week so I agreed and we kept seeing each other about 3 nights a week and the other nights he was with his so called girl he was talking too.

    Anyway in February I realized like I think I love this guy hes sweet kind etcc.. So I told him how I kinda had feelings for him and he said thats fine I think Im starting to like you too but he is not gay but he cares for me more as a friend.

    Anyway fast foward to march keep in mind we are still meeting up 3 times a week sometimes 4 I told him that these feelings are indeed real and Im in love with you.

    The problem is he didnt react he has distance himself from me like not responding to my texts,calls etc.. he did when I said that he kinda loves me too but is not gay however if we still feel the same way in a few months maybe he would consider it to be more.

    Anyway today I texted him from a friends phone cause its been two weeks since I said I loved u and he never responded to my texts.
    Anyway I start texting him from a friends phone he responds instanly and I just broke down and cried icon_sad.gif Its like I felt soo much love for this guy and even though he was afraid to admit his true feelings for me due to the stigma of being labeled gay hurt me dearly.

    Anyway I'm having a difficult time letting go what should I do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2015 11:34 PM GMT


    Listen to this song a few times


    I Can't Make You Love Me


    Song by Bonnie Raitt


    Turn down the lights
    Turn down the bed
    Turn down these voices inside my head
    Lay down with me
    Tell me no lies
    Just hold me close, don't patronize
    Don't patronize me

    'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
    You can't make your heart feel something it won't
    Here in the dark, in these final hours
    I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
    But you won't, no you won't
    'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

    I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
    The love you don't feel when you're holding me
    Morning will come and I'll do what's right
    Just give me till then to give up this fight
    And I will give up this fight

    'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
    You can't make your heart feel something it won't
    Here in the dark, in these final hours
    I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
    But you won't, no you won't
    'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 26, 2015 12:21 AM GMT
    Don't waste your time. You made your feelings known, but he is unsure of who he is and unresponsive, so you've got to put him out of your mind.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Mar 26, 2015 1:23 AM GMT
    He said he is not gay. You heard it, so you are not deaf. Sounds like you are a masochist. Move on. Forget him. There is nothing there.
  • Deri245

    Posts: 239

    Mar 27, 2015 3:26 AM GMT
    Yea easier said then done but I cant seem to let him go icon_sad.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Mar 27, 2015 7:09 PM GMT
    You really have two choices:

    #1
    Let him go. He is not gay, though he has enjoyed having sex with you, and probably other dudes on a few occasions, and he still may be looking for a NSA FB kinda relationship. Having a FB or FwB is a way for him to enjoy some sex down on the low while he can. Understand that this is a sideshow in his life. Not the main thing. He probably wants to date a girl, have a family and a str8 life, that may or may not include more of the DL NSA guys along the way. He is just one of the many such dudes...

    #2
    Get stuck here hopelessly while wasting your time over someone who is not available for anything meaningful in your terms.

    Your life. You are calling the shots.

    SC
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Mar 29, 2015 1:12 AM GMT
    Read my forum post.. Sounds identical. Just give him time if the friendship really meant something to him he'll be back. Ur only gonna scare him further away by being clingy and bitchy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2015 1:30 AM GMT
    Deri245 saidYea easier said then done but I cant seem to let him go icon_sad.gif


    Can't seem to let him go?
    Sometimes the pain of one-sided love becomes almost rewarding, in a strange way. You can tell yourself you've become the sensitive, brooding, soulful hero of your own little self-scripted tragic drama.

    Don't buy into this. Seek out new friends, new experiences, new places, and pretty soon you'll wonder why you ever wasted a particle of energy on someone who didn't care for you. Especially when you find someone who does care.
  • CX838

    Posts: 100

    Mar 29, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    Oops. Sounds like we've got the same issue.
    I've met this guy for a month. We live around 10 mins walk away. I knew him when I was walking to supermarket someday. He just came to me and ask for my number. I knew he wants to have fun but he is too cute to reject and my last sex was like 4-5 months ago. After that night, he texted me out again. And now we kinda meet every night. At least 3-4 nights a week. Sometimes go out or grab some food together. He starts talking about girls since Friday night. He went to drinks and he wants me after that. So he told me he didn't get any girls in the bar. And I told him that's why we were here together now. It is so weird but I know I will ruin this if saying I love him.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 29, 2015 2:47 AM GMT
    He wants his cake and different cake too. You fell for a fuck bud. Never make someone your priority that keeps you as an option!icon_idea.gif

    Easier said than done, but a good lesson learned.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Mar 29, 2015 1:55 PM GMT
    Can i just add that some dudes (especially if theyre new to the scene) have trouble expressing their feelings. Actions are louder than words. I would say hanging out 3-4x a week for months shows love. But u deserve better
  • Deri245

    Posts: 239

    Mar 29, 2015 9:45 PM GMT
    AnonymousNYC saidRead my forum post.. Sounds identical. Just give him time if the friendship really meant something to him he'll be back. Ur only gonna scare him further away by being clingy and bitchy.


    Yes that is true! I did hear back from him the other day he wants to discuss everything in person however I havent heard back since he said the icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2015 11:39 PM GMT
    It's just best to let him go. Holding on to someone who doesn't love you will just make you more and more distressed as time goes by and all of that time could have been interested into living your life or perhaps finding someone who can love you back. It's just not worth the pain and energy. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2015 8:32 AM GMT
    Why do some people love drama so much? Hell I run the other way from it. It's one thing to work on issues once you are in a relationship, but why ask for trouble from the start. It's like some women I know who constantly fall for guys who treat them like shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 30, 2015 1:18 PM GMT
    strongbull saidWhy do some people love drama so much? Hell I run the other way from it. It's one thing to work on issues once you are in a relationship, but why ask for trouble from the start. It's like some women I know who constantly fall for guys who treat them like shit.


    Because some people thrive on drama and they can't live without it. It's like high speed internet....you gotta have it!
  • Deri245

    Posts: 239

    Mar 31, 2015 6:11 AM GMT
    yea what everone is saying is true its just hard to come to the terms its ending icon_sad.gif I never had confidence in myself nor have I ever seen myself as attractive
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2015 1:32 AM GMT
    The pain comes from the void left behind from where that person used to be. And it hurts really bad during the first 2-3 days or more. You're out of your rhythm and you often find yourself with free time on your hands where before you might've spent it with that person. What helps? 3 sure things that are tried and true.

    1. Time helps. (You have little control over this and it takes longer to heal if you solely rely on this option)

    2. Find other things to do with your time helps even more. (You have way more control over this and it can help you quickly get out of the dumps because it breaks up your brainwaves and your routine)

    3. Find great people AND things to do together during your free time works best. (This is by far the best, quickest and gives you a foundation for your future. It's worth spending your effort here, even while still mourning your breakup/realization).

    Good luck man.
  • doraemonlei

    Posts: 14

    Jun 02, 2015 1:45 AM GMT
    i am so sorry for what u just experienced , actually inside the deep of your heart you know this relationship is not fair to you and you are just supposed to move on , but you just cant as you still wanna give it a try, generally speaking, if a person really cares for you no matter how busy he is or how shitty his day is . he will always text you back but when you find the person just stops texting you /texting you back like before it means something. I knw it is out of the question for you to move on from him at the momemnt ,yeah it is true because the same thing used to happen on me , and the ONLY way out is trying dating others and start a relationship again ,and let the new relationship districts ur attention from the person you loved, it worked on me . I just this is how relationship works sometimes, no matter how hard you try ,you still cant have someone love you back like U expect ,so just set it free and love someone else. X