Matthew, name meaning gift from God. You are going down a very negative path in your mind! Turn around go back in the opposite direction. One toward love, self acceptance and self esteem. You listed your body as average in your profile. It is athletic to muscular. Look at your ABs! Change that now
. Not sure how things are in the UK, I was only there once years ago and it was for work and only a week, But in the US I don't think you would feel this way unless you brought that negative self hating attitude with you.
Now turn it out stick it out even white boys gotta shout. Baby got back!!! Compliments of Sir Mix A Lot.
Its been said time and time again, if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to???
Rupauls favorite tag line!